Hi.
I know I dont come here very often, and its a terrible feeling to be gone for awhile and come back and feel like youve missed out on a whole lot of things. I hope anyone who reads this is doing well, but because of the currant situation I shall update; despite my lack of caring for this journal.
The last 2 weeks havent been the best for all of us. Yeah schools out whoo hoo, but whats the point when something terrible has happened. Kris and I are like siblings; despite our diffrent racial backgrounds. Along with that bond we've had a little tribe thingy with someone else- Andrew. Just thinking about everything thats happened makes me wanna curl up in a ball and just cry. A brother like I've never had. Cared for us, and didnt try to burn things. He understood the both of us when ever we need were going through stuff, but now hes no longer here to do it. If you havent gotten the picture, let me show you in black and white. HES DEAD. Yes, its finnaly happened.
Everyone will experiance one or two in a lifetime, and have to learn how to get over it. But I cant. I know its my fault, and I know it isnt.All I had to do was stay on the phone with him, it would have saved him, it would have. I paniced, thought he was joking, thought he was just drunk. We all did, had a tendancy to. I lauged told him to go take a nap. Why'd he take me so seriously??? Part of me wanted to beat the shit of of him when we found him in the tub, while the other wanted me to finish the bottle of vodka that sat on the sink counter top.
Leading to the currant situation, I sit here in a soiled outfit that reaks if sweat, smoke, traces of scotch, and 2 year old candy. Maybe baracading myself is a little irrational, but its smart. I am not needed out there, where I can mess up again.
-nS