thehermit

start over.... well ignoring lsutiggers (sorry tigers) attempt to get me to kill myself today i am moving on. i have a backpack a wallett and a few items of sentmental value but everything else i am leaving behind.it occurred to me the reason i have been so depressed for so long is because ive been in the same place for so long, so i figured what the hell i mean its not like i have anything to lose here if my fiance loves me then he will understand and if he doesnt well then i guess i found the answer i was looking for.dark angel if your there hun reading this, i just wanna say thanks for everything and i wish you all the best and to everyone else who has taken the time to speak to me ahehee. im off to find my roots blessed be x

lsutiger really quite bored of you now....

LSUtiger... well thankyou for your amazingly witty and intellectual response heres a few things i picked up on while checking your profile ;-) 1-clearly your a self demonising pervert who spends all his time masterbating and critizising other people 2-your about as intellectual as paris hilton on a bad hair day and just because you own a dictionary does not make you a self confessed genius. 2-your a diva-styled frustrated male chauvenist who seems to think that he is the only spokesperson representing his country with all the glory and the glamour that it entails and you would jump of the roof of the empire state building if bush told you too. 4-shock me, shock me, with your oh so deviant behaviour and highly controversial statements whats the matter sweety, is no-one giving you the attention you feel you so rightfully deserve. btw for you attention if my grammer is so offensive then dont read my journal. go supersize your ego somewhere else. have a nice day ;-)

dont make me laugh.. his mum is broke as well her spare cash goes on vodka and if she needs anything else she gets the money from my fiance who in turn gets it from me cause he takes after his mum and cant hold on cash despite the fact he earns the same amount of money a fortnight that i take home in a month!!! i know im a fool right.......

ah ha and you thought you had seen the last of me... yes i have a jornal as boring and insiginificant it might be. right now im struggling to find people on my wave length that i can relate too so i figured what the hell..put myself out there and at least no-one can shot me down for not trying,, thanks for the hugz i could reallly use them right now

the hard lesson.. when i transfered schools mid year ( i had to leave my previous school as a close friend had died and i had a bit of a mini breakdown ) imagine my surprise when within a week of being assigned a new class every single one of my so called class mates had signed a petition and actually staged a protest to have me removed from the class...not cause they didnt like me they hadnt even had a chance to get to know me, but because i was the new girl and they didnt feel that i should be able to partipate in their classes if i hadnt been there from the get go, and the worst thing was, they got everyone to sign the petition while i was sat there, :thumbsup: in fact the petition got passed to me so i could pass it to the person next to me.....these people dont even register with me anymore hell learn the hard way dont worry about it .

i have a big interest in what makes peoples minds work this is a confessional thread something you wanna confess im your girl.... so let me be the first to contribute..... i love my family but i dont like them. end of. so whos next??? you brave enough to step up??

looking up?... well its been a while but im back i have taken a week off work and although ive done absolutly nothing and have hardly spoken to anyone i kinda feel better for it, or at least i did untill this morning my fiance asked me to lend his sister 200 pounds i said no 1 because she doesnt like me and has relished proving that point everytime i see her 2 because shes constantly tapping me for cash and im tired of being her personnal atm machine 3 because she cant be trusted ( long story but trust me i know this ) so anyway i get a phonecall from my fiance saying that him and his mum had a blazing row about me because i wouldnt lend his sister 200 pound and apparently she was slagging me off which of coarse upset my fiance so they started arguing just as my fiance was working out the door she picked up his work bag and threw it in his face so now he has a nice lump above his eye long story short hes coming to stay with me for the rest of the week so much for my nice peacefull week at home.....and it was all going so well....

blue?green?red?yellow im compleatly lost? what do all these colours mean and does it really make any difference? i know im not here as often as most of you but i do try to keep on top of things but this has got me compleatly baffled?????

laughing...... thump,thump,thump...her heart pounding in her ears, her palms sweaty and throat oh so dry, hand on the door handle she turns in anticipation of what she might see next, slowly she takes a step forward fist clenched, stomach churning she hesitates for a second, before crashing through the door with such rage and fury, her whole life has just been changed...... what has she just witnessed?

random.... what size are your cement shoes and where can i find a pair??? get well soon x

unknown..... i cant wait to move outa here. im tired of living in a box room. just a few more months then itll be ok. one day im gonna find me a little cabin in the mountains of arizona and hide myself away from the outside world, no phones, no internet, no doorbell, just me and my cat and the outstanding views.im feeling kinda shitty today but then ive only just woken up so maybe it will pass. wish i didnt have to work tonight im so tempted to call in sick but that would be irresponsible wouldnt it?? god my life is so boring.............

a thousand words spoken with the look on your face, i dont belong here, this isnt my place, how dare i live and breathe your fresh air, how dare i be here, and why should you care? i work in your building you pay me my wage, while you stand there scowling with me in my cage, come tell me how gratefull for this i should be? to work in this hell hole for a nominal fee? i have no rights to question your orders, you with your fake smile and imposing borders, you break every law that protects my wellbeing, but it doesnt matter cause its never seen, why worry bout me when im just a name, i suffer in silence but who takes the blame? you swan around in your colourfull suits, your exspensive cars and designer boots, im issued a shirt that wont even fit, your ideas are worthless and your ethics are shit, you have no idea how this place really works, yet you talk like you own me and treat me like dirt, i put in long hours and work day and night, i do things you cant to make everything right, i take your complaints with a smile on my face, i cover your errors that vanish without trace, its all running smoothly while you stand on the side, you steal my thunder and take all my pride, if i approach you im told that you dont have time, cause your so very busy commiting your crime, how dare you assume your better than me, when you couldnt care less so how can that be? i may answer your calls and cover your tracks, but i know more than you think and ill never crack, right here,right now im just biding my time, my observence your problem,my treatment your crime. this isnt one of my best but is my most recent if you like it let me know and ill consider putting the others on. blessed bex the hermit.

i normally stay pretty quite, but its time for change. today is monday 11/07/2005 my name is kerri im 25 tears old and female i live in a city that is almost as emotionless as my soul. i am not angry or bitter just kinda numb. i work 70 hours a week in a job that ive come to hate surrounded by people i dont really care for. for someone at a young age i have had alot of experiences in life some good some bad,very very bad. i dont claim to be anything other than me, i believe in honesty above all else, i may possibly have a drinking problem not in terms that i drink constantly ( my job makes me responsible for thousands of peoples lives and could not even contemplete taking that risk ) but in the sense that i use alcohol as a means of escape, to find a little 'oblivion'.yet despite my more negitive aspects i call myself a spiritualist. i believe in ghosts,life after death,reincarnation,dream analisis,tarot cards etc etc,,,,.am i boring you yet? sorry if this isnt particularly exciting but its me. i struggle to find a place in life, i always have, i dont 'belong' anywhere, i have always been and have even enjoyed being the outsider. leave the world to its own devices and eventually it will self destruct. this is the start of my journal, this is me. thankyou for taking the time to read this and blessed bexxx

kinda lost right now but still determind. so much destruction......