eleonor

Still alive:)

The best I've ever seen is Ice Age (the first part, I mean... I totally dislike the soundtrack of the second - it spoils it all!!!) There is a sweet poor little squirrel that makes this movie No.1! It's love for acorns is funny, tragic, eternal, epic:) I love this squirrel!!!

3635 I'm back:-P

...trivial... ...improbable...

To GEEKO: Cutting not a solution, though it may seem so. I'm still cutting, but I wish I could stop. Last time I was 18 days SI-free (my personal best so far) and I consider it a great achievement. Anyway I failed again in stopping... Resisting the urges is much easier if you haven't done it before. Now it's like hell - resisting the temptation to cut is nearly impossible. Most people do it with pills but I would never even try - I find such pills disgusting, I want to be myself whatever happens! - that's the reason why I lost my two therapists, by the way... My advice: Do not cut! For many reasons... The main of which is YOU! If you need someone to share with, you can always PM me:)

I want to post here a link I found very useful: http://buslist.org/phpBB/ That's BUS (bodies under siege) WEB BOARD - everyone there either SIs (self-injures) or has done it in the past, there is also a place for parents and friends of people who SI... If somebody is looking for help, or just needs to share - you are welcome! It's the best forum of that kind I've ever seen... Everybody there is very supportive and friendly - a nice place to be. A lot of LP-fans by the way:) WARNING: If you're looking for a place to post pictures of your SI or you just want to boast around about how deep you cut last night or something - that's definitely not the right place. One of the basic rules: Do not link to or post pictures of self-inflicted wounds or pictures of things you wouldn't be allowed to post about -- no blood, no porn, etc. Do not link to pro-si or pro-ed sites, including journals and journal communities. This is a precaution - so that everyone is safe. Now I have a T (therapist) and I haven't cut for 12 days...My BUS friends help me a lot! I'm trying to cope. I'll try for a month...but it's quite hard, you know...Wish me luck! Cutting really isn't nice... We should just break the habit...

Unreal... Not quite happy, though all exams are over. I was waiting for this moment for some 4-5 months... Now I simply don't care. I feel empty and everything seems meaningless.... I'm tired too... but I cannot sleep - it's too hot here - t - 41C Hate the summer!!! By the way - 12 days SI free!

An exam today, an exam tomorrow... How should I feel?

Not only the growth of tumors by the way...

Perhaps I'll also join:) I'm generally speaking a lonely heart, but the truth is I never let anyone too close. Even close... I had wonderful friends, mostly among the boys at school, but I haven't even kissed. It was just excellent pure friendship. I don't feel miserable for being a lonely heart. I just feel safe and a little bit sad...

Taking drugs is just stupid and irresponsible! My best friend at school started smoking marijuanna when we were 15, then she started skipping classes or it often happened that she was missing from school for some 2 or 3 weeks. Anyway, school doesn't matter, but she changed so much! She was always somehow confused, the look in her eyes was so vacant, she would start a sentence and forget what she's been talking about, then have a fit of loud hysterical laughter... I tried to speak with her but she wouldn't listen. Something just happened to her brain I guess, that was not to be undone... She's not the girl I used to know - she's not herself anymore and that is the greatest danger with drugs.

I wish I could help somehow... I know exactly how you feel - I tried to kill myself once and now I'm ashamed of my cowardness. Life is an unique chance for all of us - a chance to feel, to dream, to be happy and even to be sad. I believe life was given to us and taking it away, even from ourselves is just like deliberately breaking apart a small present your parents gave you, a present they have bought with their last money because they love you, just to make you happy, just to make you smile... It's unfair! Any problem has a solution and it's never self-injury. Aggression is hard to suppress, and it's useless. That's why you'd better find some hobby, better sport. Find something or someone to love - people are most miserable when they don't love, not when they are not loved by anyone... Life definitely has a meaning, even though it might be hard to find. Don't do anything on the spur of the moment, you might be sorry for it one day. The sun shines and although you might not appreciate it now, you know somewhere deep inside that it makes you happy.

I agree on this one - cutting is like drugs... a kind of euphoria I guess, and without it I just feel like dying... It may sound a bit perverted but I like the wounds and I got used to the scars... Scars can be startling, you know, sometimes when I see my arms I don't believe these scars are real. Not that I cut so bad, but for some of them... I can't remember why or when or how... they are just there. A part of me:) that won't go away. Listen, you everybody out there who has never done it but feel somehow tempted or just too much interested or attracted by it - Never cut yourself, neither scratch or whatever! It's not a way to challenge or test yourself, it's not a way to solve your problems, it's not another pleasant feeling! It's just pain! Addictive pain.

.....3885.....

METEORA is definitely my fav. album!!! HT is also a great album! And well... Personally, I'll need some 2 or 3 weeks to get used to MTM:)