dazedandconfused84

HOW TO POOP AT WORK > > <><><><><><><><><><> > > > > We've all been there but don't like to admit it. > > We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something > > brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves > > otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate >pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at >work. > > > > CROP DUSTING > > When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell > > is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't > > know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop > > until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to > make > > sure the smell has left your pants. > > > > FLY BY > > The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and > > check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, > leave > > and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. > > People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going > into > > the bathroom. > > > > ESCAPEE > > A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in > > a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of > > embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge > > it. Pretend it did nothappen. If you are a man and are standing > > next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No > > one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. > > Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. > > > > JAILBREAK > > When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun > > pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If > > this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until > everyone > > has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what > > just occurred. > > > > COURTESY FLUSH > > The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the > > water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink > up > > the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK > > OF SHAME. > > > > WALK OF SHAME > > Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have > > just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable > moment > > if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to > > pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use > of > > the COURTESY FLUSH. > > > > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER > > A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You > > will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with > > a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the > > office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. > > > > THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) > > A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency > > pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to > monitor > > the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE > > HAVENS. > > > > SAFE HAVENS > > A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can > > least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the >opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex >entering > > the bathroom. > > > > TURD BURGLAR > > Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries > > to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and > > vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If > this > > occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way >you > > will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. > > > > CAMO-COUGH > > A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that > > you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or > > to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in > > conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE. > > > > SHIRLEY TEMPLE > > A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd >Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt >that > > the stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the > > bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. > > > > WATERMELON > > A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. > > This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon > coming > > on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. > > > > HAVANAOMELET > > A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in > > the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a > > CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE. > > > > AUNT BETTY > > A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever...Could > > spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting > on > > the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the > > crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. > > This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees > > > > <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> > > SOME VARIETIES > > > > The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. > > It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple > > from straining so hard. > > > > Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs. > > > > Cement Block or Oh God Poop = You wish you'd gotten a spinal > > block before you poop. > > > > Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third > > flush, it's still floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it? > > This poop usually happens at someone else's house. > > > > The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your > > rear before it falls into the water. > > > > The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the > > toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down. > > > > The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you > > when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam. > > > > The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when > > you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to > > rise.

hahahha thank you tow, i may be young but RaE is 12 days younger than i am

from what i understand, first contractions started on the first. go figure. but i was known as the tornado baby around my family in kentucky. i was born the day of the 10 year anniversary that a f5 tornado hit louisville and most of the state.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE GOOD WISHES!

see that is what you dont get. you dont know that i didnt try or that i am lazy. i will have you know that i dieted and exercised a lot. in fact, i went as far as getting a personal trainer at the gym a year before my wedding and yet it had no effect. so dont play stalker and tell me what i am and what i am not. i know exactly what i am getting myself into. i love interenet research. first thing i did was research Phentermine. as far as harmful to my baby, it is just as risky as fertility drugs, which i have also taken in the past but did not work. get over it. and fyi, my user name is based on the movie. i am actully a smart person. but then again you are so one sided, you wouldnt know that.

actully thanks to one person, it has become personal. i was all well and good until they took it upon themselves to imply that they know me. Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine Phentermine

Just for the record, I could only get it 30 pills at a time. For every refill, i had to have go see the doctor, get my blood pressure and other stuff checked out. some people can take Phentermine without any problems and others cant. get over it

you dont fucking know me! you dont know what my real problem is, what i have or have not tried so dont fucking pretend you know me, my problems and everything else. i will have you know that i took it for 3 months. i did not become addicted to it. in fact not only did i lose weight (and have maintained that weight) but it has regulated me and helpped me get pregnant asshole. i went off of it the moment i found out i was pregnant without any side effects or anything. that was over a month ago. since then, i have gained a pound. dumbass

i thought that catholics worship Mary. That is why a lot of hispanics name their sons Jesus. They dont look at it like christians do, disrepectful.

ok then mr "Smart" guy! what about me huh? I have been it all. i went through my goth phase, punk phase, skater phase and i guess know i would be considered kind of preppy and you have seen me through all of it so you wanna smacked too? huh huh huh?

ok i mean seriously? no wonder i havent be worried about posting before this... I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM TAKING PHENTERMINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT LAZY, EAT TOO MUCH OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I TRIED TO EXERCISE AND DIET BUT THAT DID NOT HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT! TURNS OUT I HAVE A FEMALE MEDICAL PROBLEM (PCOS) THAT PREVENTS WOMEN FROM LOSING WEIGHT. I HAVE BEEN ON IT FOR 3 MONTHS AND HAVE LOST 30ISH POUNDS. I DONT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECTS. GET A LIFE PEOPLE:mad: