J
Jack Meoph
Guest
25 More Ways to be a Good Republican
1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are
millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and
needs our prayers for your recovery.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.
3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that
our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's
lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the
wrong gender.
5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a
profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray
to Allah or Buddha.
7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving
their
jobs to India.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions
about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and
that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary
Clinton.
10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed
it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale
is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.
12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that
can only be purged by running for governor of California as a
Republican.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools,
because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have
sex.
14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.
15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that
HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.
16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is
sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is
socialism personified.
17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are
"junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.
18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong
in Vietnam but right in Iraq.
19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed
him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.
20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the
powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages
and censoring the internet.
21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a
private matter.
22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28
pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle
the truth.
23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally assed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.
24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and
irrelevant.
25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is
communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy
--
http://www.exilenet.org/
irc.exilenet.org
#american_politics
Just-net-Stuff
1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are
millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and
needs our prayers for your recovery.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.
3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that
our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's
lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the
wrong gender.
5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a
profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray
to Allah or Buddha.
7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving
their
jobs to India.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions
about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and
that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary
Clinton.
10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed
it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale
is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.
12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that
can only be purged by running for governor of California as a
Republican.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools,
because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have
sex.
14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.
15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that
HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.
16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is
sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is
socialism personified.
17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are
"junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.
18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong
in Vietnam but right in Iraq.
19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed
him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.
20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the
powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages
and censoring the internet.
21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a
private matter.
22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28
pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle
the truth.
23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally assed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.
24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and
irrelevant.
25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is
communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy
--
http://www.exilenet.org/
irc.exilenet.org
#american_politics
Just-net-Stuff