eisanbt
New member
Form was slow so I figured a good rant would do for now.
Ramble # Unknown:
An explosion of stomach acids ripped my innards from the rest of my body. I could only speculate as to why this occurred so suddenly, without warning and during my grand-mother's wake no less. The rest of the gather were quite taken aback so I was hasty to make my unnoticed escape by drawing their attention away from myself and towards my aunt who was now suffering severe gastric pains following a pile of burritos which had leap into her mouth at my command. After slipping out the door I was faced with the problem of not having any abdominal muscles which I could use for general mobility or to show off to any voluptuous creatures who might pass by. I had been told once by a chinaman that the surest remedy for a absent midsection was to swallow a dragonfly who'd been bathed in the blood of 1000 Irish potato farmers.
Me: "Sifu, what is the best remedy for an absent midsection?"
Old Chinaman: "Why that would be a dragonfly bathed in the blood of a 1000 Irish potato farmers my son."
It was not hard to find the large quantity of blood needed for this procedure because, as any heavy drinker will tell you, the blood of all Irishmen is 99% Guinness and 1% Vigor (Which can be easily gotten by starting a football riot). The dragonfly on the other hand was a hard thing to come by in North Eastern New Brunswick in the midst of autumn, and a dragonfly is no easy thing to when you upper body is limper than some commonly dirty object of comparison.
I was upset, discouraged and without a friend in the world. There seemed no escape form this pain but I decided to go on through life just the same. I did my best; made the winning touchdown at the Superbowl, discovered how to power a city with no more than a grain of sand and married the long single (and sought after) Statue of Liberty. Sadly, none of this could fill the gap in my life. I had tried surrendering my life to drugs and booze but none of it worked due to my impairment, until one day I found a plausible option. I hopped the nearest tortoise and road the ****** to Sudan where I shouted from the rooftops every offensive religious comment I could think of in front of as many people as possible.
It may not have cured me, but by-gum; it felt good to be stoned.
Not my finest work....
Ramble # Unknown:
An explosion of stomach acids ripped my innards from the rest of my body. I could only speculate as to why this occurred so suddenly, without warning and during my grand-mother's wake no less. The rest of the gather were quite taken aback so I was hasty to make my unnoticed escape by drawing their attention away from myself and towards my aunt who was now suffering severe gastric pains following a pile of burritos which had leap into her mouth at my command. After slipping out the door I was faced with the problem of not having any abdominal muscles which I could use for general mobility or to show off to any voluptuous creatures who might pass by. I had been told once by a chinaman that the surest remedy for a absent midsection was to swallow a dragonfly who'd been bathed in the blood of 1000 Irish potato farmers.
Me: "Sifu, what is the best remedy for an absent midsection?"
Old Chinaman: "Why that would be a dragonfly bathed in the blood of a 1000 Irish potato farmers my son."
It was not hard to find the large quantity of blood needed for this procedure because, as any heavy drinker will tell you, the blood of all Irishmen is 99% Guinness and 1% Vigor (Which can be easily gotten by starting a football riot). The dragonfly on the other hand was a hard thing to come by in North Eastern New Brunswick in the midst of autumn, and a dragonfly is no easy thing to when you upper body is limper than some commonly dirty object of comparison.
I was upset, discouraged and without a friend in the world. There seemed no escape form this pain but I decided to go on through life just the same. I did my best; made the winning touchdown at the Superbowl, discovered how to power a city with no more than a grain of sand and married the long single (and sought after) Statue of Liberty. Sadly, none of this could fill the gap in my life. I had tried surrendering my life to drugs and booze but none of it worked due to my impairment, until one day I found a plausible option. I hopped the nearest tortoise and road the ****** to Sudan where I shouted from the rooftops every offensive religious comment I could think of in front of as many people as possible.
It may not have cured me, but by-gum; it felt good to be stoned.
Not my finest work....