Broken hearted...for nearly two years

[DarkShadow]

Sorry in advance if it seems like I'm rambling on and on...

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I still love my ex girlfriend from two years ago. I'd give anything to be with her again. I get over her sometimes, then fall right back into missing her more than anything else. I feel like a part of me is missing because she and I aren't together anymore. It's like when she left me, she took my heart with her. Now I find myself trying to change the way I do everything and change the way I look and act and everything, in hopes that I can get her back. I'm going this ******* far and taking such drastic measures, when I don't even know if the outcome will be what I want it to. I honestly doubt it will work out how I wish it would, but I just can't give up. She may not know that I still love her like that, because we talk casually as friends and stuff right now. I wanna bring up to her that I still feel that way, but then I'm afraid it'll be too awkward and she'll start to be distant from me again. Every once in awhile she does things that make me think that she still loves me too, but that's probably just me getting my hopes up like usual.

Like, the other night, I was at her house, and we were just hanging out, watching tv and playing with her 3 year old little brother. Then a bunch of our friends came over, one of which has been my friend since I was in 4th grade. Another of which I haven't known for very long, but still know him rather well. Ben and Stephen, by the way. Anyway, I watched how Ben talked to her and made her laugh and everything. He doesn't like her like that, but it still makes me jealous. Stephen is one of her friends, and she sat in his lap for a little while when we went onto her back porch. But I noticed how much Ben and Stephen made her laugh and smile. Just like I used to. And for some reason, I feel like I can't measure up to that. I feel like I'm not good enough for her. Obviously I was two years ago, when I was still pretty ******* stupid and into drugs and suicidal, you know the deal. Now I'm not like that, and I'm just a lot more mellow. I've thought that maybe if she and I got back together again then I'd be more outgoing because she'd boost my self confidence higher than it's ever been. And seeing as she took my heart with her when she left me two years ago, if we got back together, I'd have it back, and I'd be happier than ever. But I feel like I'm not good enough for her.

What really bothers me the most right now, though....is that last night I had a dream that she and I were dating, and I proposed to her. In the dream, of course she said yes, and it was all romantic and touching and all that. Then the dream like, fast forwarded and it was us cuddling in my bed, just whispering to eachother. I heard her say something like "Hey, baby...can I tell you something?" and then I woke up, and found myself saying "Yeah, baby you know you can tell me anything" only to open my eyes and see that I was laying alone in my bed. I don't know why it hit me so hard, but I just kinda laid there in shock for a minute. It started getting a little hard for me to breathe and I couldn't get back to sleep for another hour or two.

Anyway, my point is, I just wish that I could be with her again. And that we could be together forever. Get married, have one or two kids, and be happy for the rest of our lives, you know? But I just don't know what to do. I don't know what I could do to make that wish come true. And trust me, I'd be willing to do whatever it takes.

 

[DarknessLover]

*shrugs* Dude, I had the same problem for one week, tell her that you still feel that way. Just don't mention the 2 years thing...kinda creepy! lol, that's my two cents

 

[DarkShadow]

Well I wouldn't need to mention the "2 years thing" to her, because she was in the relationship too. So she's fully aware of how long it's been since she left me. And no, it's not "creepy". Trust me on that one. I've done some "creepy" things in my past. In fact, I was about your age. At least according to your LPF profile.

ANYWAY, not trying to be a total douchebag, but I'd like an opinion from someone who's a little older.

 

[DarknessLover]

Well, sorry if my age doesn't satisfy my comment. Most people think I am 16 or so when they first meet me That doesn't matter. If my comment doesn't fulfill your wishes, sorry.

 

[Person]

I went through nearly the same thing during my 10th grade year. Now I know... I'm not all that much older than the guy above me, but I'd like to give some advice if you'd take it.

Me and my ex broke up around a year and a half ago. We didn't talk for an entire year. Before summer break began this year, we started talking again and stuff. It's been about 3 months, and she's had a boyfriend and stuff. I was just there as a friend (because I preferred being friend to not talking). About a week ago, I was dedicated to telling her that I still had feelings for her. Her best friend actually talked to her about me, and got through to her somehow.

The next day, my ex and I got together and she tells me that she still has feelings for me. I was surprised, but happy at the same time. Then and there, I told her what I felt, and now we're going out again =O

Basically, you just need to let her know. Maybe if you talk to one of her best friends, poke her about it. Maybe she can help you like her friend helped me. Above all, don't lose hope. There's always a chance the chick still likes you. You just gotta keep believing in yourself. I don't think I have anything else to say so, uhh... good luck man.

 

[DarkShadow]

Thanks. I didn't mean to sound stubborn or anything before, but you know how things can be stressful.

I might try to get one of her friends to talk to her. Problem is, I'm not that good of friends with any of her best friends. A couple people I could talk to come to mind though. So maybe I'll try that. Another thing is, she has to know I still have feelings for her. We've talked about it many times in the past since we've split up, and I asked her about a year ago if there was any chance we'd ever get back together, and she pretty much said she doubts it. I mean, that was a year ago and things may change, but I'm not totally sure.

I just got out of bed after trying to sleep for an hour, and all I can think about is her. I thought maybe sometime I could pick her up and we could go somewhere and on the way there, maybe play 'our song' or something. Iunno if she'd remember it or not, or if it would even mean anything to her anymore. But I was thinking about that earlier. I guess I'll just have to sit down and talk to her sometime. Not sure when I will or what I'll say though. Thanks for the insight, though.

 

[Linkin_lp_park]

How long were you 2 together?

I don't know, but it could help with all the things you've been through with her, you know

It doesn't have to be major things, it doesn't matter if they're little things, it matters what that little things are and how much they meant to her.

Maybe if you're gonna talk to her, try to mention some nice things that you've done together, it's just a suggestion, but maybe it helps

 

[allieking]

never change yourself for anyone, even if you love them. if she can't love you for what you are then its not worht it. if you try to change to impress her you wont be relaxed with her because you will be constantly thinking of what your doing and if your doing it right. i have been in 2 relationships where i had to pretend to be someone else to impress the other person and they both ended in disaster and left me mentally worn out. now i'm with a man who loves me for me because i told myself i wasn't going to change for him. i'm more relaxed and i know he loves me for me, not what i'm trying to be.

 

[DarkShadow]

We were together for about 4 months. I know it isn't that long if you really think about it, but a lot can happen in that amount of time. There are a lot of little things that mattered to her, not sure if they still do though. A lot of little things mattered to me, I know that much. ****, I even enjoyed helping her babysit her little brother, and helping her clean up the house a little bit. Things that aren't necessarily "fun" so to speak, but allow time to be spent together, and it really made me happy.

I've thought about that when it comes to changing myself for her, and thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. But a lot of the things I'm changing will benefit me in the long run anyway. I've already lost nearly 20 pounds this past month, and I'm losing even more weight. I'm not saying everything that comes to mind, I'm not doing things that annoy the **** out of people, I'm going to be more mature in most situations, pay more attention in class, drive safer, start reading more, become more knowledgeable and respectable about things, and be an all around better person. And of course I'm trying to change a few things that will maybe grab her attention. But Iunno. I don't wanna change too much, but deep down, I feel that it's worth it to change who I am completely for her.

 

[DarknessLover]

I have a comment on the whole changing thing, but I won't say, not old enough

 

[XrockinfreakX]

I definitely agree with allie.

I had trouble about a year and a half ago with my first serious relationship, I had problems with my self-esteem, etc. Now there was this other guy that I went out with for like two weeks or three before we were just friends after but we got kinda really serious last winter. He wanted me to change[to how I was before, supposidly], and I was willing to because I really did love him a lot. I would always have to watch what I said, and when I said something wrong we would argue and then it always ended up with him not talking to me. A month or two ago I just realized that its not worth it to change for him, guys still liked me either way.

So, I think you shouldnt change for her. But, if you want to change for yourself thats a different story.

 

[DarkShadow]

So, I think you shouldnt change for her. But, if you want to change for yourself thats a different story.

Well I'm changing for her, and myself. Thing is, my main goal is to get her back.

 

[Person]

I forgot to point that out.

You shouldn't change just to be with her, man.

If someone can't like you for who you are, then they're not worth it.

In the end, changes will only lead to disaster. You won't be true to yourself and you'll eventually hurt both yourself and her. *nods*

 

[DarkShadow]

As much as that makes sense, and as much as I have to agree with you, it still isn't going to make me not want to keep trying. Maybe I won't change myself for HER, but continue changing myself to make ME happy, i.e. continue losing weight and becoming more respectable and all that. But I still can't just give up on her. **** you, determination...

 

[Linkin_lp_park]

I forgot to point that out.You shouldn't change just to be with her, man.

If someone can't like you for who you are, then they're not worth it.

In the end, changes will only lead to disaster. You won't be true to yourself and you'll eventually hurt both yourself and her. *nods*

I had that 2 with my ex-girlfriend (2 years together, broke up a month ago)

But in alot of things i changed, but in a good way, and i'm grateful for it, so maybe he means that the things he changed were good for him.

I agree with all of you that you shouldn't change your personality for someone else, doesn't matter how much you love her/him, but some things can be good to change

 

[DarkShadow]

I had that 2 with my ex-girlfriend (2 years together, broke up a month ago)But in alot of things i changed, but in a good way, and i'm grateful for it, so maybe he means that the things he changed were good for him.

I agree with all of you that you shouldn't change your personality for someone else, doesn't matter how much you love her/him, but some things can be good to change

Yes. That's basically what I meant. But what I'm thinking is that by improving and changing myself, that maybe the same things that will be good for me as far as changes, will be good in her eyes too. And then maybe things will work out. I might be a little too hopeful though.

 

[Linkin_lp_park]

Yes. That's basically what I meant. But what I'm thinking is that by improving and changing myself, that maybe the same things that will be good for me as far as changes, will be good in her eyes too. And then maybe things will work out. I might be a little too hopeful though.

I understand you, I kind was in the same situation, you really want to do everything for her, and do everthing good, but she still has to accept you as the person who you are, don't forget that.

Good luck with everthing, I hope all your work will get a reward by her:thumbsup:

 

[DarkShadow]

Yeah. haha

I'll keep all that in mind.

Thanks guys.