Drama, Ugh!

[Victim]

Originally posted in my journal, and I decided I really want some advice on this after all, so I figured this would be the perfect place.. It is long I know..

Before we begin, the Schedule for where I work on Saturday, it will probably make this a little easier to understand as you read along...

Amanda 11 to 3

Hailey 11 to 3

Zach 2 to 6

Anna (but her name was scratched out, and so it read) Ashley 3 to 7

Phil 6 to 10

Suzy 6 to 10

Alright, so on Saturday, I was working 11 to 3, with my sister( Amanda).. And around 1, I get a call from Anna ( a girl I work with, and she is also someone my sister and I both are friends with, who we do stuff with outside of work), she calls and says that she is going take Ashley's shift today.. Meaning that she is taking back her original shift, the 3 to 7... Then she calls me back like 15 minutes later, and says that she is switching shifts with Zach.. So, my sister and I thought this meant that Anna was coming in at 2, and Zach would be coming in at 3, and Ashley, like Anna had said to me earlier, wasn't going to work. Anna also says while she is on the phone that she will be a little late, 2:30, at the latest.. and I am like, yeah thats cool, we are dead today anyways, as long as you are here by 3, so Amanda and I can leave..

So, 3 rolls around.. No one has shown up, and what you have to realize is, most workers will show up like 10 or 15 minutes early, so they can help out, or start clean up, or whatever. So my sister and I were like, well maybe they are on their way, blah blah blah.. 3:15, still no one.. So I start calling people.. I called Zach, no answer.. Anna, no answer, Ashley (who I knew Anna was with at the time), and no answer.. And then I try them all one more time, and still no answer.. So, I turn to my sister and I'm like, "Zach is never late, something has to be wrong", so another 5 or so minutes go by, and I'm like, this is weird, where are these people, why are they so late, they are never late.. So, I start calling house phones, and I call Zach and Anna's house (they are brother and sister), and their mom answers, and I ask her if Zach is there, and she tell me no, and I was like, 'Well, he hasn't shown up for work, and either has Anna, are they ok, is something wrong, Amanda and I are like freaking out".. Their mom was like, "Zach isn't home, but I know Anna had mentioned something about switching shifts, hold on lemme call Mr. Mike" ( my boss)

So, another 5 minutes pass, and then Zach shows up, and then about a minute later, Anna and Ashley show up.. Anna walks through the door first, and looks at me and says, "Don't say anything to Ashley about being late, please".. So I am like, ok? Ashley comes in the door, and I can tell she is ******.. Because I know Ashley, and I hang out with her ALL the time, she was like one of my closest friends.. and she sits down on the stool.. So, my sister and I finish the order we are doing, and then go to sign out, and I start looking for my stuff so I can leave (keys, wallet, phone, and tip money) and I find it all, but my tips, so I start looking around, and I am like, " Where are my tips?" Eventually I find them, under a basket, soaking wet.. Someone had hid them, and dumped them in water.. Real mature right? So as Amanda and I leave, Zach leaves too, and Anna and Ashley stay to work..

Now, I am walking out the door, and Anna's mom is waiting outside, and she is like, is Anna there? and I tell her yes, and that I didn't mean to call and worry her, or get anyone in trouble, I was just scared that something was wrong, and blah blah blah.. She tells me not to worry about it, then no one was in trouble, and that she thought it was rude that her daughter had shown up to work an hour and half late.. and that was not how she had raised her kids, so on and so forth.. So after like and 10 minute conversation with Anna's mom, I am going to get in my car, and my phone stars ringing and it is Ashley..Knowing she was ******, I just let the phone ring.. So like a minute later, I get a text, from Ashley and it says "Seriously Hailey, you better not ******* talk to me." and then before I have time to respond, she sends another that says, "It was bitchy what you did to Anna, and I'm about tired of your ****"

So, naturally, we get into it via text, and she is calling me dumb, and this and that, and I am trying to explain myself, but she is too stubborn to listen, and blah blah blah.. So, basically the last text I get from her, is " Haha. Babe, give it a rest. Fact of the matter: I just don't care." and I said back, "Obviously you do care, and if you really don't then I guess you didn't care much about me or our friendship in the first place... And if you didn't thanks kinda sad, because I did." and she never answered back..

Now, I have talked to Anna, and she is cool.. Like she isn't mad that I talked to her mom, because she understood that I was just trying to get hold of her, and make sure she was ok.. But Ashley is like way ****** off, and I haven't talked to her since Saturday night, via text. I love Ashley to death, and I thought we were cool, and I am totally willing to just say **** this whole thing, and move on.. because I just didn't understand why she was ******** me out.. it should have been Anna right?

Oh, and another thing that Ashley did, that really did like honestly upset me, and hurt me real bad, is she text my sister, and said, " I'll talk to you again, after Hailey goes and smokes another blunt" and while it is true that I do smoke, I could never tell my sister, or my parents, because if they ever found out, they would go apeshit on me, and kill me.. And I often smoked with Ashley, but she like swore she would never tell my sister.. So my sister asked me about it, and I told her Ashley was lying, because she knew that was the one thing that we get me in deep ****, and luckily my sister believed me, and didn't say anything to my parents.. But I was just like, that was totally uncalled for, and why would she do that, so I asked her, and I was just like, "regardless of what is going on right now, I thought we were closer, and you were a better person than that" and she text me back and was like, "two wrongs don't make a right, *****, but is sure feels good, haha"

So, since then, I haven't talked to Ashley, and I have barely spoken to Anna.. On a normal day I would receive 10 phones calls from Ash, and we would hang out atleast for an hour..But nothing.. so its quite a change.. The only person I hang out with is my best friend, and she is kinda ticked with Ash, because she doesn't understand why Ashley freaked out on me either, but Ashley has been like leaving her messages on myspace, and is like, "oh kori I miss you and we need to hang" and she has gone and commented on all of Kori's pictures with me in them, but none of the others in the past few days..

Another thing is, when I first met Ash, I would have done anything for her, I basically ruined a relationship with my other best friend because she kept telling me what a ***** and bad person she was, so naturally I started believing it too.. I'm not blaming Ashley, because I make my own decisions, but I did let this girl come into my life, and change me..I like who I become, because I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I feel like I may have burned some bridges and made some stupid decisions in the process, and now I have to try and fix it as much as possible.I guess i just want to make things right, and just make sure we are cool.. but I don't want to call her, or text her, and make is sound like I am desperate or need her.. Because I don't, I just really enjoyed our friendship, and it is one I would hate to see slip away... Especially over something as stupid as this..

I dunno... Any advice?

 

[LPShinodaFM]

I don't think I really understand why Ashley was mad at you. And I don't see it as anything that you've done wrong. And that telling your sister about smoking part was not cool. If I were in your situation I wouldn't feel bad about the relationship with her right now, because really, it's not your fault. If she feels that if she's too ****** to have you as a friend, and if she won't feel sad enough without you in her life to do anything about it, then I wouldn't feel anything of the sort for her either. If she cools off and misses you and feels sorry for being mad at you then it's cool, i guess you guys can make up. But really I wouldn't chase after her asking her for friendship if she doesn't want that for something I don't even know why. I mean, it's a sad part of life, making friends, and losing them. In the process you'll encounter many, but not all will last forever. You might lose friends, but you'll make new ones. Life goes on, I mean if you want you might want to call her once or twice and try to sort things out, cuz obviously that would be the best, going back to the ways they were before. But if she's not willing to, or she ignores you, then really, i don't see a point making up with someone who's not going to commit that part of themselves to a friend.

That's just what I would do.

 

[Ravynlee]

^ Agreed.

I don't understand why she would react as extreme as she did. It almost sounds like this 'episode' was like a smoke screen for something else, I mean, something that's been building in her for a while and may not even be about you, and it's just come out and by the sounds of it in the wrong direction. I'm in no way excusing her actions, it's blatantly immature, thoughtless and cruel. You treat an enemy that way, not a friend. Friends you are by the very nature of your relationship someone you care about. There's give and take. If the balance shifts too far in either direction you've got problems. But sounds to me like she's using this insignificant thing to mask some deeper issue. Like I said might not even be an issue relating to you (though does seem weird she's being so nasty on a personal level if not) but she's made it your problem now too.

It reads to me like a schoolyard bully. She wants something from you. Obviously she's out to hurt you. If you givein to her tactics and try harder to make this 'friendship work you're sort of telling her that these kinds of outbursts are acceptible and they shouldn't be. If you try hard to work it out and not let her see the error of her ways then you're setting the ground rules for how your friendship will be from here on in. Extreme but look at it this way, if he was a guy and you were in a relationship and he treated you like this you'd more than likely tell him to sod off. If he cared about you he'd come to his senses and make amends. This chick sounds just nasty towards you. What are you really fighting for? What you had or what you hope to have in the future?

As to what was said above friends come and go. This might have run its course. Doesn't necessarily HAVE to end, but you've already done what you needed to to try and keep this ship afloat by being civil where you could in the face of adversity. Now SHE needs to try too and by the sounds of it she might be the type that needs to see something good slip away before she can trully appreciate it.

If you want my advice, as cold as it sounds, ignore her as best you can. Be civil where appropriate but be firm. You don't have to take the abuse but if she continues chronicle it. It may come in handy down the track when she needs a reminder on how badly she treated you and what warranted your pulling away from her.

You don't need to fight for this. If she is any sort of friend she'll snap out of it. Let her stew on it for a while and try and avoid her as best you can. I don't mean dodge her, just go in in life like you aren't fazed. You're not a doormat to her emotions and you shouldn't feel guilty or defensive when it comes to living your life. You were in the right and if anything she really needs to apologize to yo, big time. If she can't see that, even when things have cooled down, then let it go. You don't need that kind of person in your life.

She may have been a great friend once but people change. Sounds cliche but its so true. The things that brought you together might be running out of substence. If all you have holding your friendship together is memories on times that were good and not much else then really think about moving on. You'll meet other people. She will too. Naturally none of this accounts for the awkwardness of working with her (did I read that right?) but seriously, if you take a step back and look at her actions not her as a person and weigh it all up, base your decisions whatever they are, even your words when you talk or text and actions without this emotional baggage.

Anyway I could be waaaay off course but just wanted to say something. I had something similar with a once dear friend, we didn't really fight, we just grew apart, because our lives had taken us down different paths and caused tension. I admit I miss her still but I miss what we had in those good days just hanging out, and not what we had actually grown to be as people. Friendships shape who you are as a person as much as a spouse or parent etc does. Not overdramaticisng it but it's true on a socialogical level. Look at it that way - do you really want to be around someone who can turn on you so suddenly and viciously and personally like that? You'd be wondering what else she might use against you later and be waiting for that next fall out to happen... that's not a friendship.

Man. Drama is right!

Anway, sorry for the longwinded rant but just wanted to contribute something. And I guess I could have said it in less words and in a more consise way, but really when it all comes down to it, if you're not happy then move on. You deserve to be happy and a true friend would want that for you

Best of luck with whatever happens

 

[Victim]

^ Thanks for the advice you two.. yall made me see things I refused to realize my self.. and for that I owe you..

Alright, updates:

Its been about 2 weeks.. And I went like a week without even seeing Ashley, and I made absolutely not attempts to contact her.. Because, I just didn't care.. and I told myself that if she cared at all, she would be the one to call or text me, and I stuck to that reasoning.. and then I had to go to work, and she would leave, when I came in, and thats what happened.. I came in, she left.. No words were exchanged.. and that was the first and last time I saw her till Wednesday night..

On Wednesday, Anna text me, and asked me to take Ashely's shift.. Normally, I would have said no, but I reaaaaalllly need the money and the extra shift.. so I agreed to take it... Then like 30 minutes later, and about 20 minutes till I would leave for work, Anna texts me again, and asks me to pick her up from Ashley's and bring her to work.. And seeing as Anna has been nice to me, I agreed.. So, I had to go over to Ashley's just to pick up Anna, and it was really awkward, but I just held my head high, and said hello to Ash, and left...

Then, later that night, Ashley shows up to the stand.. And I was just like, "Whhha? You needed the night off, yet you are up here?" naturally I thought this to myself, and didn't voice my opinions. So she just sat there for like 2 hours, and talked to Anna, ignoring me.. Well, not completely.. There were little comments here and there.. They weren't friendly, nor where the mean.. So, I was just like whatever..

Also, last night, I worked with Suzy.. and Anna and Ashley show up, muddy as **** at 9:58 (2 minutes before we can close and leave) and Suzy and I had been cleaning for an hour, because we were dead last night, and really wanted to get out of there as soon as we could...Well, when they pulled up, I was like, yall are dumb if you think you are coming in here, but you know I was just kidding around.. and then Anna was like, I really have to pee, so I was like, ok if thats all.. So I let them both in.. and then Anna does go pee, but Ashley proceeds to stomp around the stand tracking mud everywhere..

I am just kinda confused by this.. Because Anna lives right down the road from the stand, so I don't understand why she came there.. I dunno if she didn't want her mom to see her like that (all muddy and her jeep a mess), but even so, why the stand.. If not to cause trouble? But then I tell my self that Ashley, and Anna would never let her, come to the stand to cause trouble, especially with Suzy there.. Because if they came up there to mess with me, they would inturn screw Suzy over, too, because she has to clean, just as I do.

And I didn't say anything.. Because, I am still not out to start ****.. and I don't really want to.. I mean Ashley made little comments and talked to me a bit.. but she wasn't overly friendly, like she was towards Suzy. And Suzy and I just kind of looked at each other, and I could tell Suzy was aggravated, but she is too nice to ever say anything.

Ashely and I are scheduled to work together on Sunday for like 4 hours.. So i am just interested to see if she keeps teh shift, for takes it off.. I am hoping she will take it, because I think that if we are forced to work together, we will be able to work things out.. or atleast come to talking terms

 

[Ravynlee]

Will be interesting to see if she works it or not - and especially what transpires if she does.

You know what, I think you've just matured in this relationship. I'm not saying you're any better or worse than her, just that by what she is doing and by you getting annoyed by it sorta says to me you're in a different head space than her. That's fine, you're two different people, so be it, but I'm erring on the side of caution when I think out loud she's acting like a brat, like a child. She's using you, especially by getting you to take her shift then sort of parading it in front of you. Sounds manipulative to me. Could be wrong. You know the situation far better than I.

That thing with the mud really gets me. I just find that really... just can't get my head around it. IF she was really there sincerely to clean off so as not to rock up to her parents like that you'd think she would seem more apologetic about it. Reminds me of that old adage 'you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar' meaning, if she really so badly was using the stand because she had no alternative and was sincerely appreciative of your help she would be almost uncharacteristically nice to you (not just suzy), even if it was forced or fake or something given current circumstances. I don't know. I could be reading this whole thing wrong, I know there's two sides to every story and all but she just strikes me, especially in this last update, as a real ambivalent self-serving personality. By singling you out in a way it's like she's trying to prove a point or something, maybe treading down on you to make herself feel better somehow (and by acting 'civil' to you in front of others rather than flat out ignoring you reinforces this idea. Gives people a reason to look at her then in a better light, like 'see, she's not mad at you, you're just reading too much into it/being a drama queen' and in essence making you feel bad for her treating you not as a friend or an enemy but something... in between. A great way to send you mad and make you question your own judgement!).

I got the notion from your first post when you 'gave up' a previous friendship to initiate one with Ashley that there's an element of control in this for her. Not master/slave control of course, but she sort of 'feeds' off you and your association some way to gratify/define herself. She probably doesn't even realise it herself - or is very astute at 'reading people.' Is she a popular person always surrounded by others and then with you picks at everyone's little flaws? Or is she really comitted to her friends, confiding deep with you and building a rapport? I ask because I am trying to understand her to some degree. Without knowing her she just seems to resonate with this underlying sense of insecurity and this need to control - consider this effect it's had suddenly pushing you away, it's no wonder you felt a need in her absence, when you rely on friends and really feel close and a familiar bond with them no matter who they are of course it's going to hurt/effect you when they all of a sudden cut you off. I think it was MEANT to. I wonder if maybe she has found another friend in the same way you two met and has adopted your previous role, I mean maybe she has come into contact or been influenced by gossip or something that makes her think you're not worth it and sees your flaws, and thinks this other person is more trustworthy and honest and fun and blah-blah etc. For that matter have you started associating independantly away from her realm of influence? Just reaching for reasons here. There might not be any. Then again I may be overanalysing things. I do that far too much about everything - can you tell at all?

Anyway I don't want to make it sound like she's some crazy psycho and you two were more than just friends, I know there's always more to it, there's underlying factors we don't know about as outsiders and maybe other things you haven't thought of yet that might tie in to this drama some how, I don't know. Bottom line seriously though it really just sounds like you've grown apart. Sudden sure but there has to be some external or internal influence for her behaving the way she has been towards you. It's not even a hissy fit any more this has been going on too long, a sudden fit of anger or outburst can arguably be 'justified' on a biochemical level, but prolonged and apparently conscious behavior suggests it's more a grudge than even anger and as they tell me 'anger is a choice.' It could be good old gossip that's just gotten out of control that ticked her off, never know. But if she acts as cold as she has been for no real solid reason then really she's probably looking for any little thing to get at you with and push you away. Might be a test of loyalty. Never know, we women are a crazy lot

And having said all that am happy you've managed to stick to your guns and been civil and such. At least when all this is said and done and one day behind you, you will be able to look back with a relatively clear conscience. You're behaving 'right' (if there is a right way to react to this) but I think with a clear head and trying not to let emotion cloud your judgement (as I'm sure is hard), you'll come away from this feeling stronger and more resilient. Hope so anyway. You sound like a logical down to earth person. Really hope she gets her **** together so you two can really sit down and work it out, which ever direction your lives' paths take you both.

Good luck, yeah?

 

[Victim]

Will be interesting to see if she works it or not - and especially what transpires if she does. You know what, I think you've just matured in this relationship. I'm not saying you're any better or worse than her, just that by what she is doing and by you getting annoyed by it sorta says to me you're in a different head space than her. That's fine, you're two different people, so be it, but I'm erring on the side of caution when I think out loud she's acting like a brat, like a child. She's using you, especially by getting you to take her shift then sort of parading it in front of you. Sounds manipulative to me. Could be wrong. You know the situation far better than I.

You understand the situation as best you can.. And you have the right idea.. My best friends is basically saying everything you are.. She is terribly angry that I took that shift, and then Ashley came in. Mind you, Kori (my best friend) like(ed) Ashley just as much as I did.. and then when this all happeded, Kori took more offence then I ever did.. And I have come to realize, while Ashley is 19, and I am only 16 (almost 17!!), I still feel like the older and more responsible person.. Like I am more mature emotionally, and mentally..

I got the notion from your first post when you 'gave up' a previous friendship to initiate one with Ashley that there's an element of control in this for her. Not master/slave control of course, but she sort of 'feeds' off you and your association some way to gratify/define herself. She probably doesn't even realise it herself - or is very astute at 'reading people.'

Actually she is this kind of person.. She does control people.. And the person under the control doesn't realize it, or atleast I didn't until all this happened.. But I think she knows exactly what she is doing, and she does all she can to keep it that way.

Is she a popular person always surrounded by others and then with you picks at everyone's little flaws? Or is she really comitted to her friends, confiding deep with you and building a rapport?

She is defiantly the first.. Like, she only ever picked out all my flaws.. She never teased anyone else, and in turn, caused everyone else to do the same as her, so I was constantly being teased.. I never minded, because I understood she was just kidding.. But looking back now, I took a lot of ****, that did kind of hurt my feelings though I never said anything.. And, the thing that kills me, is she picked out all my flaws, but mainly focused on the ones she suffers from, too.. Like she used to call me a drama queen like 15 times ever hour.. But she has to be the biggest drama queen I have ever know..

Well, the beginnings of our friendship, basically went down like this.. There was Her, Anna, and I.. And we hang out, and did things the three of us.. And then she gradually started hanging out with me more, and when I tried to invite Anna, she was like, "no, lets just call Kori".. So she basically hung out with Kori all the time.. and we occasionally hung with Anna.. Like, I started all my drinking and smoking with Ashley.. Not that I regret any of that, because since I tried those things, i realized how much i DON'T need them, and I can comfortably and knowingly live with out them... And I have never been happier, even with this little feud going on.

But looking back, i think she only choose me over Anna, because she knew through me, (me knowing who I know) she knew she could get drugs and alcohol through the people I knew.. And she succeeded.. When kori would get ****, and I would pay for half or whatever, I would allow Ashley to share part of my half of whatever we had, because I only would pay half because Kori need the help paying and I didn't really smoke or drink and she had forced it into my brain that she was poor and was a struggling college student.. Mind you, she really kinda is... She hasn't had the best bringing up, and her dad kicked her out, but she always told me that made her stronger, and wasn't going to let that bring her down, and she wasn't going to use that as an excuse.. But, she did, and I see now, that that little fact, allowed, and still does through Anna, get whatever she wants.

As for Anna, when it comes to Ashley she scares me.. Anna went to New York for a week.. And during that week, Kori, Ashely, and I were basically inseparable. Wherever Kori was, i was, and so was Ashely. And so while Anna was in New York, Ashley basically ignored her.. She wouldn't call her back, and she wouldn't text her.. So Anna, isn't dumb, she knew Ashley was with me.. So she would call me, and text me to find out what Ashley was doing.. I mean constant calls and texts, and they were always like, " where is Ashley, what is she doing, is she ok, how is school going for her, when does she work, who does she work with, what did yall do today, did you smoke, did you drink?" and on the rare occasion where we would smoke or drink, she would get mad at ME for letting Ashley do these things.. and i was like, " Kid, Ashley is an adult, and older then me, she makes her own decisions"

Then Anna got back, and Ashley still continued to hang out with Kori and I, just not as much, she started balancing her time with Anna.. Which I was ok with, because I was tired of Anna brothering me about Ashley... So, this is when Anna basically started never leaving Ashley's side.. Like on Anna's birthday, Anna hung out with Ashley ALL day.. Even going to work, and just sitting there while Ashley worked.. Ashley couldn't even escape to get Anna a gift.. and I tired my hardest to get anna to come hang with me, so Ashley could shop.. But it was useless.. luckily the next day was Anna's brother's birthday, so Ashley got a break and called me up, and asked me to go shopping with her, and I did.. I have also learned, Ashley keeps people around just so she won't have to be alone, because she hates going place by herself...

Dang, completely off topic, but then again not really.. Because, I think knowing that she had Anna to fall back on, it was easier for Ashley to drop me completely, because she knew she would have Anna to follow her where ever she went, with no questions asked.. Anna will do anything and everything to keep Ashley happy, something that I wouldn't even do... I am more worried that Ashley is going to do something cruel to Anna.. Even though I was hurt, I know that if Ashley does to Anna what she did to me, Anna is going to die..Well maybe not die, but I know its not going to a pretty site..

 

[Clogz]

Ashley has issues.

I would stop talking to her. Don't reconcile, and don't entertain the thought. Also, this may be difficult but it would do you worlds of good to quit that job. The more out of contact you get with this girl the better.

As for Anna, you can't help her...like you said, Ashley has her completely under her thumb. Nothing you say or do will help. Just drop her as equally as Ashley.

Ashley has control issues, and probably alot of emotional problems.

Real friends don't put collars on thier friends, ya know?

 

[Victim]

Yeah, I know.. I guess I am just naturally drawn to these types of people due to some **** that when down when I was a little younger, and some how I always get sucked in, and never see them for who they are until its too late... You would think I would know by now, right?

As for the job, quitting it is on my list of things to do.. The reason I haven't yet is lack of a fall back.. I can't afford to quit right now.. I have to pay some bills to help my parents, and this is my only form of income.. I have been job hunting, and have filled many applications out, but no luck yet.. As soon as I get another job offer though, I will be on my way out..

Fortunately enough though, if I don't find that other job, Ashley will be leaving in a month for school, so I have little contact with her now, so if worse comes to worse, I should be able to stick it out.

I know I shouldn't bother myself with even thinking about reconciling with her.. But its hard.. I mean, she knows how to play the game well.. When we were first friends, she was amazing.. I was having a lot of family issues, and she was always there for me.. and she gained my trust easily, due to her always having a shoulder for me to cry on.. But as the days and weeks when on, thats when she started to show her colors.. But i was too blind by her first impressions to see her real self.. And that is the Ashley that I still am trying to find, but I guess she is gone..

 

[Ravynlee]

Yeah, I know.. I guess I am just naturally drawn to these types of people due to some **** that when down when I was a little younger, and some how I always get sucked in, and never see them for who they are until its too late... You would think I would know by now, right?

Not necessarily. Don't forget she's as you say 'good at playing the game', if her true colours were that obvious from the start you'd have run for the hills from the get-go. Manipulators by their very nature will go out of their way at the start to win yu over etc so later down the track when they move on to the next target you're left feeling torn, like you've done something wrong, like you must be at fault, and through their sudden dissassociation makes you try harder to 'fix the problem' even if you don't know what it is because they had always been nice/right/kind/supportive/there for you, or were in enough amounts to keep your freindship.

Don't take it to heart, just try and keep your eyes open in the future. Not saying you should turn into a suspicious maniacal bitter woman but look for a pattern and if need be set the ground rules at the start of new associations that you've been hurt by friends before and aren't willing to go there again. Generally if a manipulative personality suspects you are on to them they get defensive and give up. Honesty IS the best policy, but it's all in how you address it. You sound pretty switched on, I reckon you'll know what to say or do next time, or at least know enough to listen to that nagging little voice in the back of your head if you find yourself being caught up in this situation again

As for the job, quitting it is on my list of things to do.. The reason I haven't yet is lack of a fall back.. I can't afford to quit right now.. I have to pay some bills to help my parents, and this is my only form of income.. I have been job hunting, and have filled many applications out, but no luck yet.. As soon as I get another job offer though, I will be on my way out.. Fortunately enough though, if I don't find that other job, Ashley will be leaving in a month for school, so I have little contact with her now, so if worse comes to worse, I should be able to stick it out.

I'm with Clogz on that one. But yes realistically it's not so easy to just walk out of one job and into another thesedays, it's a competative market. But sticking it out, being civil, trying to get on with blinkers on to her behaviour I think is the best way to cope until she or you leave.

I know I shouldn't bother myself with even thinking about reconciling with her.. But its hard.. I mean, she knows how to play the game well.. When we were first friends, she was amazing.. I was having a lot of family issues, and she was always there for me.. and she gained my trust easily, due to her always having a shoulder for me to cry on.. But as the days and weeks when on, thats when she started to show her colors.. But i was too blind by her first impressions to see her real self.. And that is the Ashley that I still am trying to find, but I guess she is gone..

Yes by the sounds of it she is. As was said before you probably 'mourn' (for want of a better word) what you had not what you actually have. Maybe you thought you were so close you'd be friends forever. Sounds like she's moved on without you. Harsh because by the sounds of it she wouldn't know a good friend if it bit her on the backside, but that's her loss. Keep your chin up and lean on the others around you that you can for support. Let Ashely move on to the next fool and don't bow to her games anymore. She's going to be someone else's problem soon enough and you will be better for it. Maybe now with her out of the picture that will pave the way for more suitable friends and oppertunities to come into your life that she might have been subconsciously or deliberately blocking. One door closes another opens.

Good luck

 

[Victim]

Thanks for all the advice guys.. I guess when everyone you know is telling you to just forget her, it is the best thing to do.. Its hard, because I have an impeccable memory, which sucks in times like these... Its just hard, because every memory that I have of something fun I have done recently, involves her for the most part.. So if I am telling a funny story or something, I am forced to atleast think about her..I guess time heals all... at any rate, school starts up again in a little over a month, for Ashley and myself.. and with her leaving and me starting my senior year, it will be really easy to put her out of my mind..

I talked to Phil tonight, when I went up to the stand, and he says he is pretty sure Ashley switch shifts with someone tomorrow.. So we will see.. I will keep you updated.

 

[Ravynlee]

Cool, let us know what happens

 

[Victim]

****, so here we go again..

My sister called me this morning, and told me Zach (Anna's brother) hadn't shown up for work.. And she tried to call him, and had no luck.. So then she tried Anna.. And Anna is being a complete *****.. she is like.. " well I haven't been home all week, I've been at Ashley's. I don't know where he is, but when you find out, can you let me know?"

Whhhaa? You haven't been home, and you don't even know where your bother is.. For goodness sakes.. Anna lives maybe 2 miles away from Ashley's.. How hard is it to go home, or for that matter, to give your own brother a call? What a dumb *****.. I am just done..

And to make matters worse.. My boss(the owner of the stand) has a son ,Mike, and he is our manager, and his girlfriend is also our manager, and she is Ashley's older sister.. Ashley, lives with her sister, and her sister lives with Mike, and guess who Mike lives with? Dear old Mommy and Daddy.. So basically, Ashley (well we can only assume) has been telling our bosses (Mike's mom and dad) the **** that has been going down, and who knows what else.. Because my sister told me that when Mrs. Mary ( our boss) came in this morning, she was nice, but in a cold way...

So, the sooner I get a new job, the better.. This is a ******* mess.

and I am pretty sure this is the final straw for my sister.. She has 2 other jobs, and was just staying for the people we work with, because besides anna and ashley, they are amazing.. But she can afford to quit, so I think today will be one of her last days.

Edit:

Well, Zach finally showed up to work.. An hour late and a half late.. He said the thought he worked at 6, he was looking at next week's schedule.. We all make mistakes, so we can't be mad at him.. But even though he didn't show up, I wasn't mad at him.. I was angry because of the way Anna was acting..

 

[Ravynlee]

Holy ****... well you getting out sounds more important than ever. I know financially it's tough but really you don't need the stress. And if she's turning the tide so-to-speak against you, then you're fighting an uphill battle if you stick around. Sad that the boss and co can't see through whatever they've been obviously told and judge you independantly on your merits but we all know real life isn't like that. The sooner you remove yourself from that kind of lunacy the better it is for you. Ashley and Anna etc will get caught out in the end, the biggest threat to a manipulator is another manipulator, and unfortunately it will probably take her misfortune for her and everyone else around her to wake up and see the **** she's caused.

And shame too your sister's leaving coworkers she likes for the enivronment that others have tainted. We can only hope the business realises you guys are valuable and by the sounds of it (picking up others' shifts and being there on time etc unlike the others) and maybe gets rid of the unconstructive ones but in all liklihood they probably won't. Shame that. But look at it this way, at least by moving on you don't have to carry that stress with you anymore. Financial stress is hard, I know, but how much stress are you putting up with at work? Anyway, will be good for you when the trouble makers or you are just not there.

As for Zach, I could understand his mistake to a degree, but it doesn't sound like he's new to the job and should have doublechecked it before he went home previous shift (if the roster was available). Seems almost too coincidental. If it happens again we'll KNOW it's more than coincidental. At least you're doing the right thing. When all of this is said and done and you finally put all this mess behind you, at least you know your conscience will be clear. In the end that's the only voice you should be listening to - your own

 

[Victim]

Well, work was fine.. Zach apologized big time for being late.. And I believe him for now, unless unlike you said it happens again, but he doesn't even like his own sister that much, so I don't think he was late on this whole mess's account.. I believe it was an honest mistake.. While, you are right, he isn't a new employee, he is ditsy and forgetful.

As for Ashley, like I thought, she switched shifts.. Suzy and I worked together, which I was ok with, because I love Suzy, and it is good fun.. Its people like her that are going to make leaving this job hard.. I am going to continue the job hunt tomorrow with some friends.. So, hopefully all goes well with that.. Although, at this point, I am sure my mom would let me quit, but I don't want to do that to her, until I know I have another one, so I can continue to help pay my car insurance and other bills that I help her with..

Fortunately I won't work with Ashley or Anna for the next week, so things should be ok.. and I am just going to continue doing what I am doing, and not let Ashley or Anna bother me anymore.. If they call, or ask for favors, like shift changes, despite the fact that I need the money, I am going to say no.. Because I will not continue to let them use me..

 

[Ravynlee]

Fortunately I won't work with Ashley or Anna for the next week, so things should be ok.. and I am just going to continue doing what I am doing, and not let Ashley or Anna bother me anymore.. If they call, or ask for favors, like shift changes, despite the fact that I need the money, I am going to say no.. Because I will not continue to let them use me..

That's the most encouraging thing I've heard you say so far, and am glad you're finally strong within yourself to do it on your own terms / come to this conclusion yourself. Awesome. Sincerely wish you all the best with that, and the job hunt, sounds like you've had a **** of a ride past few weeks, maybe not for the better but at least in an enlightening sort of way.

As for Zach well he does seem like a nice enough person, and maybe my previous judgement was a tad harsh, but he's obviously sorry and like you said prone as we all are to make mistakes. At least he was apologetic, that's something. Wonder what he's going to do when you're not around to cover his shifts? hmm... not your problem anyway, you've got enough on your plate to worry about.

And kudos for being mature-minded enough to stick it out knowing the financial implications of just up and quitting like a more emotionally charged and more selfish person might do. Smart. Again, best of luck with landing a new job.

 

[Victim]

I am so angry right now, that I am at a complete loss for words..

Ashley text Amanda and I, asking if we wanted to work tomorrow.. And Amanda said she couldn't because she was babysitting, and to ask me.. and Ashley told my sister that, if she called me or text me then, I wouldn't understand because I was at Kori's smoking..

Kori and I were at ******* walmart.. And so my sister calls me freaking out, asking me what Ashley is talking about, and saying that Ashley has pictues and **** of me smoking..

I can't believe she is doing this..

I can't even function right now.

Ok, I need your help:

1. Should I tell my sister, i tired it, and only have done it once?.. That way, if Ashley does have proof ( which she really might).. I have told her..

 


2. My mom call tell there is more going on that what she overhears and we have told her.. should I tell her as well?

 

[Victim]

I told my sister.. And she was ******.. But understood, they i fell under pressure, as she has and we all do.. but I am glad to get that off my chest.. i am less angry, and i feel a million times better now that she knows.

 

[Ravynlee]

So... you've sorted it out now or...?

 

[Victim]

Well, I told my sister.. but I didn't tell my mom.. I do feel better.. But I am still extremely angry at Ashley.. What she did this time was wrong, and extremely ****** up.. and I will never ever forgive her or Anna for this one..