Emotionless

[Pheonix791989]

its been a while since a thread or story has been created about the LPF family that everyone's come to love. I had this idea a while ago and decided to run with it. I've got about eleven chapters so far and I'm having so much fun writing this in my free time. Just drop me some comments and tell me what you think.

01

I sat on the beach in the back yard of my dad's estate. I was a month pregnant and about to get married to the most wonderful man in the history of the world. My mom and dad arn't happy at all about this whole situation, i mean when my twin sister sarah got pregnant...they flipped. But when David preposed to me and then I found out I was pregnant, there was the misscarrage first and now I'm pregnant with twins..... i though world war three erupted between Australians/Jews vs canadians. I used to be my fathers favorite. not any more. I felt the last rays of the sun soak into my face as the twilight scene over the water made me feel at ease. I was more then just daddy's little girl despite what everyone thought. Just because my dad is Rob Bourdon...I mean THE ROB BOURDON from Linkin Park...people think im some spoilt little prat. I played drums, bass thanks to my *** father Phoenix, and guitar. I surf and skateboard. I looked up as I heard the sound of someone approaching me. I smiled as David flopped down beside me.

"What are you thinking about Mon Cher?"

He asked with a goofy smile on his face. his smile made me smile.

"Rien...nothing in particular."

I replied with a smirk. He gave me a knowing look before wrapping his arm around me and kissing my temple.

"How's the things?"

he asked, placing a hand on my stomach. Untill our twins were born, we were gonna call them thing one and thing two.

"Being a pain as usuaul."

I said shrugging.

"Your mum was giving me an earful."

"No surprise."

I muttered.

"But seriously what were you thinking about?"

"Us....what we have...what we went through."

I said staring at the inky blackness that had taken over most of the sky.

*Flashback*

At ninteen i was still trying to keep my parents together and worry about school. My dad then decided that it would be in my best intrest that if I was going to be a drummer, I would have to learn what it was like to be on tour. So for my birthday all summer I was going to be on tour. I don't remember what it was for exactly, I think it was for the music for relief foundation. I was sitting in what I thought was a secluded area with one of my guitars, playing a gentle tune that my friends and I had come up with. I will admit that I missed my friends... CJ, Jimmy and Ed were three of the greatest people out there. I concentrated on my finger position, Just like how Uncle Brad taught me.

"That was pretty cool."

I looked up to see someone standing there. He was a bit on the skinny side, he had multiple pircings, black hair that flopped into his eyes, and a goofy look in his eyes. I kindda felt drawn to him, being he was the first guy who actually said something to me this entire time I was on tour who wasnt my father or uncle.

"Yeah...I guess. It still needs alot of work."

I said shrugging it off like it was nothing. To me the little song really was nothing because it wasn't perfect. my dad had driven perfection into my mind like how he played the drums. It was a relentless message.

"You know any other songs?"

He asked me as he sat down on an amp across from me in the little hall way of seclusion. He propped his bass up on his legs as he swung them back and forth, dangeling off the amp.

"I've been working on learning one, im still a bit fuzzy on it when playing drums and bass but i think i have it down on guitar..."

I said as I started to strum the chords of my favorite song that seemed to be the only one that fit my life at this time. When I played the song, i was in my own world. all my frustrations with my family seemed to come out. It was after the first verse that I realized that I was singing with the song.

"..Cuz we lost it all

nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."

I finished the song and the guy applauded me. I felt the heat rise into my ears.

"It was good. but can I ask you a personal question?"

"sure."

I said as I rested my hands on the guitar body.

"Why that song? I mean there are so many other simple plan songs...why that one?"

He asked in genuine curiosity. There was something about his big brown eyes that I felt like I could trust him. Trust dosen't come easy to me.

"From since before I can remember, my dad has been a perfectionist. He plays the drums and is so perfect because he has to be. He expects nothing less then that from me, nothing less then perfection. When I played that show in Santa Monica...I messed up. he was disapointed in me. I just cant be the perfect drummer he wants me to be...."

"Wait...you're being a bit harsh on yourself don't ya think? I saw you play that show and you were **** good from what I saw. Don't sell yourself short."

He said with a smile. He looked at his watch before hopping off the amp.

"My band's up in five, you and your old man should come and watch us"

He said with a wink. He started to leave before I called out to him.

"Hey! I'm Phoenix."

"I'm David."

He said waving good bye. I smiled as he dissapeared and I went to find my dad. We got good seats in the front thanks to the fact that my dad had passes and the bouncers pushed our way to the front. I watched as the guys on stage started to play. I couldn't help but smile, it was my favorite band at the time Simple Plan. I recognized David instantly. How could I have been so stupid to not realize who he was?!?

"Pay attention Phi, watch the drummer."

my dad said, making me roll my eyes.

"ugh..dad can't you just enjoy a show for once??"

I muttered under my breath.

"Phoenix Kenji... if you want to be a perfect drummer you have to pay attention to how other drummers are and learn from their mistakes.."

I started to ignore my dad after he used my first and middle name. I enjoied watching david durring the concert. David stole the mic from Pierre before telling everyone to pull their cell phones and lighters out.

"This song is for Phoenix... Don't try to be perfect, you're fine the way you are.."

David said smiling and winking at me. for the first time in my life, I felt good about myself as Simple Plan launched into their song "Perfect"

 

[Ravynlee]

OMG OMG OMG! Haha that was AWESOME!! Salivating - I want more damnit!!

I have to admit this flows well, it's just... **** it jaw-dropped at the notion that the LPF family is BACK! Oh *** how I've missed us - any version of us - you've honestly made my day for real!!

*does happy dance*

More! More!! More!!!

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

I want more as well Reading this story goes well with Mean Girls playing in the other window

 

[Pheonix791989]

glad u enjoied and just for you I'm gonna post another chapter. i know it seems a bit redundant to have another family story but the threads didn't feel right without one there. most of the family dosen't really come in untill about chapter 4 or so. but here's the next bit.

CH02

I managed to sneak away from my dad when all the bands were packing up. i found David sitting off to the side of his other friends. They were goofing off acting like me and my own friends did when we decided to wreak general mayhem and distruction on society. He waved at me before nodding his head in the direction of a chair beside him.

"You enjoy it?"

David asked the moment i sat down. I nodded my head

"I did. I was watching you and Pierre interact too.. that was cool to watch the two of you feed off of each other."

I said with a huge grin. David nodded as he streatched his arms out.

"You're ninteen right?"

he asked me as if he was trying to confirm something. I nodded yes.

"What are you studying in school?"

"Basic stuff...I'm on the liberal arts track so I do history, art, music, literature and languages. I'm actually in french 4 and will be going AP next year."

I saw David's eyes light up to hear that I was learning french.

"It might be nice to have someone else to speak french to, other then Jeff, I'm the only fluent one. Pierre and Chuck's parents were lax on having them learn."

"My dad wanted me to learn either Japanese or Hebrew or korean or something weird like that. I like french better. its more beautiful then any of those languages."

David chuckled before getting pegged with a water balloon. He jumpped up and grabbed the bucket that was sitting next to him. He then grabbed my hand and pulled me up as well.

"Help me corner Pierre!"

"Gimme a leg up on top of the bus and I'll get him!"

David laced his fingers together and I sprinted up the side of the bus with no problem. I was then handed the bucket and pulled David up the rest of the way. we waited for pierre to run under and we dropped the bucket on top of him. David and I rolled with laughter.

"You know I'm surprised that daddy hasn't called you yet.."

David started to say but then was cut off by the sound of my ringtone saying "Hey what's up this is Simple Plan...Your phone's ringing..its probably your mom! Look at you.. No friends can't get laid..but hey your mom's calling so pick it up". I laughed with david as I answered it.

"Where are you?"

"Hanging out with some friends."

I said as I ducked while a wet pierre tried to shake water all over me.

"You can stay with us if you want."

David said in my other ear.

"David says that I can chill with them for the night..."

"No no way! you don't know these people. Phoenix Kenji Bourdon!"

"You let me stay with CJ, Ed and Jimmy!"

"alright alright... you better be ready to work hard tomorrow."

I hung my phone up and gave david a grin. The other buses were starting to roll out already. David lept off of the bus and called up to me that he would catch me. Like I said before, I felt like I could trust him. I felt like I knew he would catch me. I jumped and he did.

"for a drummer you're very light. I guess it must be something you and chuck going on. I mean come on, your old man is a giant of a drummer."

David said laughing as he set me down on my feet. We hurried onto the bus as the other guys looked at me with a look of questioning.

"This is Phoenix Bourdon...."

"You mean Rob's kid?"

Seb pipped up from the bunk area.

"yeah she's gonna be chilling with us tonight. She's the one chick I was telling you about."

David said with a grin. Pierre nodded, still soaking wet with a towel wrapped around his midsection.

"Well i don't know what he was saying but i can gaurentee that half of it isnt true."

I said with an airy voice. Chuck roared with laughter.

"don't sell yourself short kid. He was telling us about how good you were on guitar, drums and Bass. I've seen you playing drums myself...you're amazing."

Chuck said as he ruffled my hair, accepting me into their group of friends. I couldnt help but feel weird amongst my slightly older and far more skilled counterparts. they liked me though with out even accepting the fact that i had to be perfect.

"Look I learned a long time ago that trying to be perfect was stupid and that no matter how hard I tried...it was something that I couldnt be. don't go for perfect phi because you'll just drive yourself insane. Ask David there about perfect."

Pierre said with a shake of his wet head, finally shaking the last bit of water off on to me. I laughed before poking at Pierre with a random pen that I found.

"I think she'll fit in here perfect."

Jeff said with a laugh as I started to doodle on pierre's arm.

"She speaks french too so thats a plus."

David added. Jeff nodded with a look in his eyes that said mischeviousness.

"Well that will be nice. we can now have an even amount of people to conspire against pierre."

Jeff gave a small menical laugh. Pierre continued to shake his wet head like a dog trying to rid its ears of water.

"if she gives me trouble I'll get her..."

"Save me david!"

I laughed as pierre spun about like a mad zombie trying to catch me. David pulled me into his lap and covered my eyes with his hands. I felt safe in his arms and then realized that I was being stupid.

"Don' worry ma Cher...you got me ta protect ya."

He said in a cajun accent, making me giggle.

"Oh gambit..."

I said batting my eye lashes in a rediculous manner.

"Don' you worry Rogue. I battle the canadian zombies away!"

Chuck laughed as Pierre stumbled around. Pierre tripped and fell into chuck who in turn crashed agaisnt the cabinets and counter top in the bus. Chuck swore loudly as he landed on his arm funny. Both David and I jumped up as well as everyone else. Chuck had a pool of blood around him and I could see part of his shoulder sticking out of his shirt.

"****, its a break clean through. He's loosing blood fast. Get me some ductape, gauze, medical tape and towels."

I directed. Pierre ran off looking for the things that I asked for. Jeff told the driver to take the next exit to the hospital.

"How can you be so level headed?? Oh **** this is all my fault..."

Pierre started to ramble in a panic. I directed david to put some pressure on Chuck's shoulder but to be gentle as well. I grabbed Pierre and told him to calm down.

"Panicing isn't going to help anyone!! Go see how much more time till we're at the hospital."

Pierre scampered to the front of the bus. I grabbed chuck's hand and told him to focus on me and david while Seb tried to move out of the way so I could work.

"Chuck I'm gonna patch you up the best I can. when we get to the hospital they can do a better job then me, just stay with me ok?"

"ok..."

His skin was starting to loose color because david couldn't get the blood flow to stop. I cringed and knew how much pain that Chuck was in. He was a drummer and wouldnt be able to play drums for a bit. that was a **** I wouldnt want to wish on anyone.

 

[Ravynlee]

Well that's what he gets for acting the idiot huh? Naw poor guy just having fun - sounded freakin painful though! Jesus!

Loving this by the way. Know nothing about Simple Plan but all good so far. As for having another LPF Family story here, you know what, it's a staple isn't it? Maybe it's just familiarity or escapism or something but I really miss it. Addicted. It's sort of where some of us spent so much of our time - so it makes perfect sense to me to see another incantation of that familiarity back again. Must be the weather or something, before I started MS I considered writing more LPF family stuff... this really makes me miss the 'old days'

And great to see the old you (even with a new name - with three of the six band members names in some fashion I was wary for a second you might be Rob's adopted kid or something!) are your usual energetic self. Keen to see where the rest of the family are in life, and who, for that matter.

Really, really looking forward to more.

Long live the LPF Family - just a question, is the family as it was, I mean, usual crew, usual order, or are we 'different' - maybe new siblings or something??

Anyway awesome. And entertaining as always

Eagerly await more when you can manage it (you could always pm me the chappies? Eager enough?)

Thanks.

 

[Pheonix791989]

there are new sibblings, Sarah has two twin boys instead of a little girl. but for the most part the crew is intact. lol. I can PM you the unedited chappies lol. but yeah there are even more additions to the family plus other things that I'm not going to divulge at this particular time lol. I just hope you enjoy. but not only is simple plan in it but Good Charlotte, Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, and well other bands too. I just hope you enjoy really. But no I'm not an adoptive kid of rob's although the thought crossed my mind. I'll update tomorrow just for you lol

 

[Ravynlee]

there are new sibblings, Sarah has two twin boys instead of a little girl. but for the most part the crew is intact. lol. I can PM you the unedited chappies lol. but yeah there are even more additions to the family plus other things that I'm not going to divulge at this particular time lol. I just hope you enjoy. but not only is simple plan in it but Good Charlotte, Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, and well other bands too. I just hope you enjoy really. But no I'm not an adoptive kid of rob's although the thought crossed my mind. I'll update tomorrow just for you lol

Disturbed?! *cheers* Can I have first dibs at Mr Draiman? Mmm-mm. That'd be nice. (Though Foxxy may hate me for that, sorry Foxxy). Can he be my other half now? A change from the on/off with Rob - not that I mind, I live for the thrill of that pairing! Be still my beating heart! My old flame for Mr Bourdon rages on still. Haha - but yeah, wondering where I am in all this of course. And the new family dynamic. My lord what an awesome vibe. It's like new life! Sooo excited! And between you and me glad you're not adopted. I'm still your mum right? And Good Charlotte will please sis too. And you of course with your Benji fixation Lots of loving going on in this family I see. Haha. Oh wow the more I read yours and Sarah's the more I see things in my head too damnit...

And can you post me the unedited chappies? I'm curious is all. And perhaps a bit too excited. Had a bit too much drama at work and need to wind down, that'd be the ticket Great if you can. If not guess I'll have to wait like everyone else huh? *pouts*

Always all good

 

[Pheonix791989]

well i cant post the unedited chapters, LPF rules wont allow me to post pornographic words or visuals *shameful lool* eh what can you do? but as far as that, Fox gets mr Draiman. I'm not telling you who you get but ur sis might not be too happy with me for it ><* oh well. c'est la vive. im just so bored im watching old school disney movies while I type up chapter 12. makes for something interesting

 

[Greyfoxx]

Great so far! keep it up!!!

And Draiman is mine mom...back off. lol

Anywho. GREAT So far, and i said i'd post a reply so here i am. MORE DAMNIT!!! n.n

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

I have to get used to the idea that there's a LPF family story out and about in the writer's corner. I think I am so used to going off that basic ideal (as demonstrated by MS and DS) that I forgot what it felt like to be in a LPF family story again ("again" means first there's Foxx's and now this), but nonetheless, again, good, I can't wait to see what happens. And what the ****? I have twins? Yay, I'm going to get done for murder, two counts now. At least with this one I ain't the only one pregnant. I have no idea who these Disturbed guys are, I really don't listen to them (only on roadtrips with a friend back and forward between Wagga and Bathurst and that's only cos she's got a shitload of Disturbed stuff and she usually plays it along with Nightwish and Korn).

I couldn't help but to laugh at the "Canadian Zombies" part. Resident Evil link? Maybe because I've been watching Resident Evil trilogies too much lately and it strongly reminded me of Mila and her role in Resident Evil. More so reminded me of the part in Extinction where they are driving along and they hit a zombie and the guy is like "That was a juicy one!" Lmao. Weird connection there, but meh *shrugs*

Remember what I told you on AIM. Don't put me with that Jesse guy I forgot his last name, but all I remember from him is that he's vomit material. Be a good girl, make Dani Filth six foot and make him mine

Anyway, good update. Can't wait for more.

 

[Pheonix791989]

CH03

All of us waited in the ER for Chuck to come out. Everyone else was hopeful that he would be out soon. I knew better. It would take them a while to replentish his blood and a bit longer after they stitched him up and got the cast on him. I let out a sigh. it reminded me of when my sister was rushed to the hospital. Sarah was pregnant and to top it off malnourished because she wasnt eating enough. I had to drag my family to my stupid skateboarding Demo and because of the heat Sarah fainted. Her baby was lucky to survive. I knew this wasn't my fault but this setback would make my dad even angrier when he found out a drummer had been injured and to top it all off I was there and couldnt be perfect enough to prevent it. I shook my head as I felt my eyes start to water from not blinking. I blinked as I felt a squeeze on my hand. David gave me an encouraging smile.

"We're gonna need a drummer if you feel up to the job."

David said. The other guys nodded solmenly.

"You're our best choice right now. Our only and best choice."

Pierre said in a shaky voice. I nodded. After all the times I needed someone who could voice the problems that I had, that gave me comfort when no one else seemed to know what was going on, they were there in their music. They gave me so much when I had so little hopes, expectations, and sense of self. It was the least that I could do. I knew the songs, and above all, i knew they needed me.

"I'll do it."

I stated. it was as if a wave of relief washed over the group of boys. I started to say something but at the time, Chuck was wheeled out, still pale but looking better. I felt so relieved that he was alright. His doctor patted his other shoulder before asking the group a question.

"Which one of you is Phoenix Bourdon?"

I raised my hand, scared that something I did while patching him up was wrong. The doctor asked to speak with me before Pierre rolled chuck to Medical Discharge. The doctor spoke with a slightly french accent

"You're a smart girl. Where did you learn first aid like that?"

"I'm a skater and surfer sir. I have to know first aid in that type of field."

"There was little I had left to do thanks to you. I'd suggest a career in the medical field with the way you seem to be able to keep a cool head."

"Thank you sir."

"His bandages will need dressing and changing, and he'll have to be careful with his hip so keep an eye on him will you?"

"No problem sir he's safe with me."

Chuck rolled back around with pierre as david snuck up behind me.

"Hey dad you arn't giving her a hard time are you?"

"no just asking her to keep an eye on my son. You and pierre always seem to be getting in trouble."

I blinked, shocked and surprised. I didn't know that parents could act like this towards their children. It was something that was new to me.

"Phoenix is gonna take over drumming for me till I'm better. Where are you heading now dad?"

"Texas, then florida, and then back to quebec for a while untill the summer."

"thanks dad."

David gave me a push towards the sliding doors while we waited for the bus to come around. I was still a bit shocked by how chuck acted with his dad. it really trew me for a loop. David and I helped chuck on the bus while pierre returned the wheel chair to the ER. We set chuck up in the back room where he would be more comfortable on the pull out bed then his bunk. David grabbed his pillows and helped him prop up. Chuck started moaning and making a big production out of being hurt. David shot him a look of pure venom.

"If you don't stop chuck so help me ***.... I'm gonna tell Tonia when she gets on the bus tomorrow."

"oh please *** no. She scares me more then my mom!"

Chuck begged. I couldn't help but laugh at that comment.

"Tonia is his girlfriend."

David explained as I continued to giggle. When we got out of the parking lot Pierre called the Tour manager, aka my uncle mike, to explain the situation to him. Pierre then passed the phone to me to talk to my uncle mike.

"Your dad isn't going to be happy about this you know that right lil phi?"

"I know uncle Mike, but they need me."

"but phi..."

"No Uncle Mike. They NEED ME! I'm the only one who can do this. Daddy always told me that if there was something worth fighting for then I should do it with both arms. These guys are my friends, daddy said they were important. Its important to me and like I said I'm the only one, its got to be me."

I could hear Uncle Mike give an exasperated sigh but i could tell he was smiling as well.

"You're just like your old man, you know that lil phi? I'll tell him. and just so you know, I'm proud of you for doing this."

I handed pierre his phone back.

"Thanks for doing this for us Phi. We really appreciate it."

David said as the other guys started to head to their bunks and slide the curtins close. I dipped my head and smiled sheepishly in the same bashful manner that my dad normally smiled, when he ever dared to smile. I started to say something but stopped before I even said it.

"What's up Ma Cher?"

David asked as he put a protective arm around me.

"my dad is going to have a riot and give birth to a ******* wire brush when he hears that I'm doing this but I don't care. He thinks that Just because he's rob ******* bourdon that he can do anything...I just....urgh"

I gripped my hair and gave a frustrated tug. David raised an eyebrow in question.

"Then why did you agree to do it?"

"Because this is my chance to give you guys help, to thank you for what you did for me."

"What exactly...."

I gave a slow breath and recounted why it was my responsibility to thank him. I told him about the hard times of going to school, about how people thought I was too good for them just because my dad was in a famous band. I told him about my parent's seperation and divorce, my twin's pregnancy, my brother going to england to study, me going in circles. About the hope that Simple plan gave me. About how after all of what I had been through, they had been the ones who voiced my unspoken problems.

"I mean you probably get that alot but... that's why."

David was silent although I could practically hear the gears in his brain whirling away.

"Its different to hear that from someone who is a friend and fan. I had no idea what its like and I can't pretend to know. But I can be here for you. Just like friends should be."

"like I said I owe you guys this and you can't change my mind about it. I have a feeling that my dad is gonna come close to disowning me for it but this is his life lesson backfiring on him. Its what I believe and nothing can change that. He taught me that lesson too well. You don't know how many times I played 'Perfect' in the recording studio with my band, or how many times we played it when the volume was up at 11. He expects me to be this perfect little adult. I'm not ready for it, I'm still just a kid. I'm just a kid...."

My voice wavered as I felt myself break down. I didn't realize untill david caught one of my tears that I was crying.

"You're a kid, you got alot of growing up to do. We all do still. I cant tell you what I'd give to be normal, to just be David the artist who isn't in a band. But then I look at our fans and realize how much I love yo...them."

He said turning red. But I caught his mistake.

"Spill."

"I know this is gonna sound creepy but.....when you first came on the tour, I watched you because i didnt think it was a good idea for you to be here at such a young age. but the more I noticed, the more you seemed to be at ease here on tour. You remind me more of like the wind and sea. Two things I love most in the world. And I didn't mean to interupt you yesterday. I was just looking for somewhere quiet to think."

David finished. He looked like CJ when he still had something that he wanted to say but refused to.

"That's not everything thats on your mind is it?"

"No but maybe in good time you'll learn Ma Cher"

He said kissing my forehead.

 

[Pheonix791989]

CH04

"*** **** it Phoenix! Why can't you just listen to me?"

"You're the one who always told me that loyality is important! My friends need me and I'm going to help them!"

"That's not what I meant..."

"Look I'm not your little girl any more! Deal with it! I'm not you! I will never be you! I'm sorry I'm not perfect!"

"Phoenix Kenji...."

"Screw you dad! I'm not backing down from this."

I knew that the guys could hear me arguing with my dad, I wasn't afraid to show it this time.

"You know what... You are not my daughter... I dont know what happened to my little girl but you're not her."

My dad said in a dissapointed voice before walking away from me. I walked back towards David and the guys feeling like my emotions were swimming in six billion directions.

"You can stay with us if you want."

David said as he planted a kiss on the top of my head. I smiled and thanked him.

"Well we better go get warmed up, we're on soon."

"I know Uncle Big Bad told me when we would be playing. I'm so stoked that you guys want me to do this."

"Are your uncles gonna come and watch?"

"My *** father is, Uncle Phoenix. I know that Uncle Joe and Uncle Brad will be there. Chaz and Mike not sure"

I shrugged as I grabbed my bag of crushed chalk and gymnast tape. We gathered in a huddle, I could tell by the looks on the faces of the others that it was weird for them to be there without chuck.

"There's been a change up in the plans, instead of doing Crazy, we're going to be doing the Click with the good charlotte guys. You do know that song right Phi?"

"of course."

I said not fazed by it in the least.

"Ok guys its gonna be weird but just treat her like you would chuck alright? we gotta keep things up for his sake and for the sake of our fans."

I nodded as we broke and were directed on stage by the MC. I could see my uncles out there and I wasn't about to let David, the simple plan boys, or my uncles down. I already let my dad down so I had to redeem myself. This was my chance. I made it through the first three songs without any problems. I grabbed my bottle of water and took a big swig from it to replentish the sweat. It was a hot and humid heat, the kind I hated.

"You guys might notice that Chuck isn't up there tonight. Our good friend Phoenix is playing for him since he busted his shoulder. She's amazing on the drums give her a hand!"

David said making me blush. The good charlotte guys came out on the stage and Benji looked at me before putting a head set on me and tuned it to the frequency of the other mics.

"We're gonna need your help with this song so I wanna hear you singing!"

I sang and played the drums as best I could. My arms were glistening with sweat and my shoulders ached from the muscles and energy that I put into playing, giving it my all and more. I grabbed a gulp of water right before our last song. David jumpped up on to the drum risers and gave me a wink with a grin. I made a face at him, watching him laugh, unable to hear him over the loud roar of the crowd. out of the corner of my eye, I saw my dad. I gave a visible shiver before turning back to david and giving him a smile. Jeff and Seb started to play the intro to the song I'm Just a Kid. I saw david mouth the words 'you'll be ok. I promise ma cher' and I couldn't help but grin back at him. 'I know I will, now that I've got you guys.' I mouthed back. Pierre grinned as he looked back at me and david.

"And give it up for our replacement drummer Phoenix! She's amazing isn't she?"

There was another roar from the crowd. I felt a rush as the crowd was cheering for me. This must have been what it was about, I knew what my uncles were talking about, the feeling you get when there are thousands of people cheering you on, for you to play more. I looked up to see the clouds overhead gathering. I smiled as my favorite type of weather started up. I loved thunderstorms. we were heading off the stage as the thunder rolled in the distance. It was a good thing that we were the last one's to play. We all cipped in at getting the equipment packed up so the rain wouldn't mess with it. We had just finished packing up the last of the amps when the bottom fell out of the clouds. I giggled as I jumpped up and down in the rain. David ran up behind me and caught me in a tickle. I gasped for air as I squirmed under his finger tips. I tripped over my shoe laces and crashed into a puddle, bringing David toppeling down on top of me. He continued to tickle me and I splashed water all around.

"Come on you two! we're gonna be late for our hotel!"

Pierre shouted at us. We were going to a hotel and staying for a few days before we would fly out to europe and tour there for a few days before coming back to the US to do the east coast. everyone was back in the back room to poke at chuck while we were on our way to our seattle hotel. I grinned as I mopped my face with a towel that David had tossed me.

"Ok so here are the room assignments....we got me, Chuck and Jeff in one room so we can take care of him, Pierre and Seb, and then David and the new kid."

I frowned at Pat before giving him a rat tail.

"Alright alright you can room with pierre if you feel that strongly about it...."

"No...don't call me kid."

I said giving him a dark and brooding look that reminded me strongly of my dad. I shivered as water ran off my hair and down my back. The way david wrapped a towel around my shoulders reminded me of the guy I was seeing. I didn't know how to break it to David. I was seeing a guy by the name of Roux. He had been ignoring me for the last month and a half. I knew the end was coming soon. I just didn't know how soon it would be. Its like watching a train wreck, I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. I jumped as my cell phone rang and I fished it out of my soaked pocket.

"Hello?"

"Phi...its Roux."

I suddenly felt bad for putting my phone on speaker.

"hey you finally decided to return my call huh roux?"

"Yeah about that..... I don't think we should see each other any more."

"When did you decide this? before or after you started to ignore me?"

"Look don't get smart with me..."

"**** you Roux! Just because I have morals dosent mean that you can sleep with every thing that has a ***** at school!"

"How did you know?"

"Because you ****** Errin and that ***** cant keep her mouth closed! I hate you so much right now Roux, you better feel lucky that I'm in seattle right now."

I gave a growl and snapped the phone shut.I hung my head and supported it on my hands. I gave a grunt before I broke down in to tears. The guys poked their head out and looked at david as if he had done something to upset me.

"You want me to kill him? This Roux kid?"

David asked as he shut the door to the back room.

"I should have known.... that this was coming. I could feel it. That ******* lying cheating no good *******..."

I growled into David's chest. He shushed me and pulled me into an even tighter hug.

"You are too good for him. Oh and your uncle called."

"Which one?"

"Brad I think... he said there's a surprise for you at the hotel when you get there."

"Ok. David i think you would like my other family, the non famous ones I mean."

I said with a laugh. David gave it some thought before the bus came to a halt. I couldnt believe that we were already at the hotel. David grabbed his bag of clothes that was for the two of us to share. I clambered off the bus after helping Pat and Jeff get Chuck off the bus. I heard two loud screeches.

"Phi!!"

I was tackeled on my legs by my two little nephews, Justin and Preston. I smiled as I stooped down to pick them both up in my arms. Sarah came over to me and gave me a hug.

"Phi where's Poppy?"

Justin asked. I handed the twins back to sarah.

"Dad disowned me because I'd rather help out my friends then sit around the bus and do nothing."

"Figures... I can't believe that you just now figured out he was a *****."

"Where's matt at? Or is Mom and Alyssa here with you?"

Alyssa was our four year old sister that mom and dad had after the divorce papers were finalized.

"They came with me. We got to see you play with Simple Plan. Nice. Not my choice for a band but still alright I guess."

Sarah said shrugging. I frowned as I watched my half sister Fox walk by with Shawn Morgan, giving me a smug look. I felt my eye twitch as sarah put a hand on my shoulder.

"You'd think that Chester would have more control over that half-breed."

Sarah said shaking her head. I smirked and whispered something close to her ear.

"Roux broke up with me."

"You ok?"

"Yeah David's been a big help."

"And david is....?"

"David this is my twin sarah and her two boys Justin and Preston."

I said introducing her to the guy beside me. David smiled before shaking her hand.

"well mom wants you to come for dinner. we're meeting down here in an hour or so. You can come too David. we're celebrating for little phi phi here....hey you better get going looks like someone wants you."

Both David and I turned to see Pat waving our room keys in the air.

"I'll expect to see you at dinner David..."

Sarah said with a menical laugh. I rolled my eyes. David and I grabbed our keys and went up to the room as fast as possible. Unfortunantly there was only one shower and one bed but I think I could have managed. The only problem was that David and I were both soaked and we needed to get a shower before heading back downstairs to meet up with my mum. David sat the bag on the bed.

"How is this gonna work? we both need a shower and it cant be done in fourty-five minutes with the two of us..."

"We could just shower together. Its big enough for two people."

I said looking at the shower. David raised an eyebrow at me.

"You sure you're ok with that? What about feminine modesty?"

"I lost all sense of modesty while dating Roux and living with Uncle Chaz and Uncle Mike."

I said thinking of all the times that Mike had uncerimoniously pulled the underwear from out of his **** after my dad had launched a surprise wedgie attack on him. I removed my soaking wet shirt and wrung it out in the shower before turning it on and hanging it over the door.

"Come on slow poke!"

I said as steam poured from the shower. David looked at me as if I was crazy but i just stuck my tongue out at him before grabbing his hand and pulling him in with me. We were both naked in the shower, yeah I felt a tiny tiny bit embarrassed about it but I really liked him. He turned to face me, covering up his package with his hands.

"You think this is wise? I mean its not that I don't like you...."

"Stop whining and I'll wash your back. just do it ok?"

I said as David laughed at me. I started to soap his back up and gently massage it. He was alot different in body stature then Roux was. David let out a small moan of pleasure.

"That feels good"

he said. I smiled as I massaged his shoulders.

"You're tense David. you need to relax."

He turned to face me and he smiled as he then kissed me passionantly. I was taken by surprise and then kissed him back. His hands started to wander down my stomach to my leg and I let him. I was enjoying it myself. HIs mouth left my lips and traveled their way down to my neck. He gently bit down on me, it was one of the most plesurable things in the world other then playing up on stage. He towered over me kissing me more passionately then he did the first time, **** and love present in his gaze.

"*** damned self control..."

He muttered close to my ear. I wanted it just as much as he did so I whispered back,

"**** self control."

David seemed to agree with me.

"Now I know what they mean by saying that *** is a ciggarette moment."

David cut the shower off and wrapped a towel around me as we started to dry off. I quickly blow dried my hair and got dressed. We were gonna be late if we didn't hurry up. David put the finishing touches on his eyeliner before he said he was ready.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

Hmm...Justin and Preston...I now am never going to call my kids that. Goku and Gohan, DBZ touch to my kids. Lol. Let them suffer. They gave me pain I give them horrible Japanese names I got off an anime show.

Good work. Btw. I'm kinda getting up you on AIM right now for the little things that I notice and they start to annoy me. But still great story line to it and I can't wait for more

 

[Pheonix791989]

CH05

I was a bit unsteady on how my mom would take to me. I mean figuretively I walked out on her and my sisters to live with my dad. I deserted her and my family to chase my dream and now that I was doing something with my dream, my dad had disowned me. I felt like **** and whatever my mom said to me, I deserved. I frowned as David and I stepped into the elevator.

"If your mom asks we're dating ok?"

David said, answering one of the questions that had yet to surface in my mind.

"Are you sure? I mean she'll grill you like nothing else."

"I'm sure. Phoenix trust me on this, don't you like me?"

David said, pretending to be hurt. I laughed and punched him in the arm.

"You have no idea David."

I said with a laugh. He draped his arm around me and led me out of the elevator where I saw my mom with my four year old sister. I smiled as I saw a much shorter woman holding my little sister, standing beside my short mom. Alyssa, my sister spotted me across the room and fought tooth and nail to be put down so she could run to me. My Aunt Kayla put Alyssa down and the four year old ran strait into my arms.

"Phi guess what?"

She declared as I picked her up and put her on my shoulders.

"What?"

I asked as she put her hands on the top of my head.

"A boy at preschool yesterday said that I was a dummy and he hit me. I pushed him into the tireswing and he fell over and knocked a tooth out."

She said giggeling. I couldn't help but smile.

"That's my little sister. Where's mum?"

"Over dere"

she said pointing. She then looked at David and turned her head to the side.

"Are you David?"

"Yes I am."

David said smiling, following behind Alyssa and I.

"Phi likes you. She has your pictures on her computer. She said she wants to marry you one day and she thinks you have a nice ****."

I laughed at my little sister and felt my ears turn pink.

"Gotta love how cute little kids can be. Hey mum"

I said greeting my mum with a kiss on the cheek. Mum smiled and took Alyssa from my shoulders.

"Oh sweetie you know that little kids are just honest. You can't fault them for that. This must be the guy Sarah was telling me about. David isn't it? Thank you for taking care of my little girl."

I felt the heat creep up the back of my neck. I was just waiting for her to say something to embarrass me.

"we're just waiting for your brother, uncles, and father to come down and we'll all be off."

"Dad's comming?"

I asked with a groan. David gave me a sympathetic pat on the back before whispering that it would be alright.

"Atleast Vi's here. Is Fox gonna come with us?"

"Unfortunantly I have to."

I turned to see my half sister standing there in her trench coat with the signature flames standing out on her pale skin. My hand tightened around David's as I heard my father's low voice from a corner.

"Hi Ravyn..."

He grunted as Sarah came up with her two boys.

"Poppy!"

Justin and Preston both exclaimed as they ran towards their grandfather.

"Hey dipshit."

Sarah said in greeting to fox.

"Bite me **************."

"Grow up half-breed."

"Hey that's Ms. Half-breed to you."

David looked confused for a moment before I explained to him that this was just playful banter amongst my sisters. It was their way of saying hello.

"wow weird family."

David said. I s******ed as Fox sauntered up.

"Dude this family puts the Funk in Dysfunctional."

I rolled my eyes at her. She was so stupid sometimes. My Uncles and brother finally joined up with us, my brother with his other half who was like a good friend to me and actually cared about me, Amber. Amber, David, Shawn, and Aunt Kayla loked a bit uncomfortable around the family. Chester let out a loud audible fart. I gave a sigh as I waved my hand in front of my face. My mum looked like she was about to kill him where he stood ten times over.

"What?"

Chester asked as he looked around at all of us.

"I for one am for being myself."

he said letting out a loud belch.

"Yeah come on... we all need to loosen up."

Joe said as he hijacked a luggage cart and went down the stairs in it. I shook my head and hear my Uncle Dave mutter under his breath,

"Yeah I'll relax if they let us back in the hotel tonight."

I agreed with my godfather on that one. the last time the Linkin Park guys wanted to relax, it involved returning chicken fricasse to the kitchen via skylight from six floors up. I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Don't worry, I got a special surprise for you later tonight once we get away from your family."

We ended up going to some little mexican place that was nesteled between six different starbucks. I swear i hate all the captialisim in these cities. comunist pigs. Dinner ended up in a food fight again, David and I ducked out, I wasn't about to get food all over David's favorite pink shirt. we walked back to the hotel before david pulled the keys out of a car. it was good detroit steel type of car, a nice red dodge charger, about 1980 at the oldest.

"Come on lets go."

He said as we started to drive away from the city.

"Where are we headed David?"

"Aberdeen. Someplace important to the both of us as musicians."

he stated as we drove.

"Are you taking me to Gray's Harbour?"

I asked in a joking manner. I was surprised when he nodded.

"A place that was the pinacle of the late eighties and early ninties."

We walked around Gray's Harbour for a good couple of hours before we got back to our hotel

"So what do you think of my family?"

I asked as we checked back into the room. I flopped down on the single bed with a sigh. Today had been one **** of a day and it was exhausting to say the least.

"Thanks David... you really made my day ten times better."

I said as I pulled on my pajamas. David gave a smile as he brushed some strands of hair out of his eyes. I let out a sigh of content as I heard the sounds of the city around me. I love the city, i also love some of the more rural areas but the things that are inbetween... don't like them as much.

"Your family is interesting. its different from my family but I guess its kindda the same in other ways."

"Its like a mafia I guess. not to the same extent but still kindda the same. what's your family like?"

I asked david as I rolled over under the covers to face him. he did the same to face me.

"My mom's a sweetheart. takes care of everyone as if they were her own kids. I got a little brother and a little sister, they're half sibblings about five or six. I got a step dad... we don't get along too much but I don't really have to put up with him. My dad lives in France with his new wife and their new baby. I don't talk to my dad at all."

David said shaking his head. I could hear the ruckus several floors above me, listening to people being drunk, stupid and partying.

"David you are a strange guy but I like you just the same."

I said with a smile.

 

[Ravynlee]

Wow, this is progressing so well! I have to admit that Chester just makes me laugh. He's the natural comedian without having to so much as open his mouth... gotta love that. Rob's antithesis really. But Phoenix's life seems to have progressed so much as a person. In a handful of chapters she's already shown so many sides to her persona, her painful past, her dys*funk*tional family, her blossoming emotions for David, she's really coming into her own. And Fox makes me smile too. So much like me, dry, sarcastic, brooding, sorry Fox with parents like that you were doomed from the start! Haha Can't tell you how much I am enjoying this. I keep catching glimpses of the old AATM, even the other family stories, and get nostalgic. The way you set it up, Mel looking back on her wedding day, keeps playing at me, making me wonder what else is in store - keeps me guessing. I'm hooked. Then again, when it comes to stories about our 'family' in whatever guise you know I'm bound to be.



Awesome as usual - always wanting more when you can manage it.

 

[Pheonix791989]

CH06

I awoke to the sound of pounding on my door. David moaned in his sleep as I got up and shivered as my feet hit the cool carpet. I could tell by the heavy handed hits on the door that it was a guy about six foot plus tall, built like a brick **** house. I would bet anything that it was my dad. I gave a groan as I opened up the door and looked through the small slit in the door to see my fathers furious face.

"What dad?"

I mumbled as I looked over at the clock. The glowing red numbers showed that it was just a couple of minutes after three AM.

"Phoenix Kenji...."

"Don't even bother to lecture me dad. I'm done with this."

I said looking him strait in the eye.

"You think this is a game? You think this is something you can just do because you feel like it? Did you even think that...."

"I don't wanna hear it."

I grumbled.

"looks like your plan on having the perfect kid backfired on you didn't it? I'm not perfect daddy. No one is. My friends accept me perfect or not."

"Phoenix Kenji..."

"Good night dad."

I grunted before shutting the door in his face. I knew that there was little that I could do to actually shut him out. Of all the times that he walked out of the house after a fight with my mom, of all the times that he left me and my sibblings on our own, all the times he broke my mom's heart... I don't know why I didn't see it before. He still thinks I'm some four year old pinning for him to come home. I'm not that any more. I felt restless after the conversation with my dad. I pulled on one of David's wifebeaters that I was borrowning from him. For a change, my tattoos were shown all down my back. All of them were hand drawn by me. I made sure that I didn't show them around my dad. My upper arms were still a work in progress and I had an idea for my lower arms as well. I walked out on to the balcony, for once in Seattle it wasn't raining. I let out a sigh as I stared over the city skyline. slowly but surely the sound of an acustic guitar drifted towards me. I cocked my head to the side and looked to see benji sitting outside playing his guitar softly. I recognized the song and started to hum along with it. Benji noticed me but continued to play. The song made me think. I pulled out a notebook and pencil and started to write. I wrote untill my words ran dry and my mind was almost blank. I wrote about everything that made me mad, about my dad. all of the anger and frustration went into the eleven pages that I wrote. Tears stained the paper and i looked up to see the stars in a clear sky. in the background Benji contiued to play his guitar. I gave a tired sigh before I looked up to benji and closed my notebook.

"Thanks Benji."

I called up to him.

"For what?"

"For being an inspiration."

I said before heading back inside. The next day was tiring. I played the set with as much energy as I could muster but the coming and goings of my uncles and seeing my dad from time to time made me uneasy. The lack of sleep was also no help. I think that out of all my new friends on the tour, Benji was the only one who seemed to know even if we didnt say anything. I helped push the simple plan amps up a ram and into a U-Haul truck that was labeled for the simple plan equipment. I wiped the sweat off my forehead before I turned to hear David and Pierre calling my name.

"There's a problem with one of the drum risers and none of the techs can figure out what's going on!"

Pierre shouted in my ear as I hurried to help the Good Charlotte guys. On the other side of the stage I could see my dad and I immedeatly turned around untill Pierre and David pushed me out on the stage. I slid across it and into Benji's arms. He then sat me down on a stool and handed me a guitar.

"This is my good friend Phoenix. She's been helping my friends in Simple Plan out by playing drums for them..."

I looked up to see all my uncles keeping my dad from doing the same thing that I tried to do.

"I know you know this song phi. Alright guys its time to get a little emotional, a little emo!"

Benji said with a laugh as he tuned up his acustic guitar.

"Its time to cry... seriously its ok to cry. Get out your lighters and cell phones and the little glowey thingys. Ready phi?"

Benji looked at me and nodded as he started to go into the intro of a song that I knew well and that gave me a reason to write what I did last night. Joel sang along with us in the first verse but it was all me and benji in the second one. I felt my own tears mixed with sweat on my face, thank *** for sweat. i felt something swell up in my chest and for a moment I thought I wouldnt be able to play or sing. I took a quick glance at my dad before swallowing and contiuing on to play.

"Hey Dad, I'm writing to you..

Not to tell you that I still hate you

Just to ask you how you feel

How we fell apart, how this fell apart.

Are you happy out there in this great wide world

Do you think about your son? Do you miss your little girls?

When you lay your head down

How do you sleep at night

Do you even wonder if we're alright?

if we're alright....

if we're alright....

Its been a long hard road without you by my side

why wern't you there all the nights that we cried

You broke my mothers heart

you broke your children for life

its not okay but we're alright

I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes

but those are just a long lost memory of mine

I spent so many years learning how to survive

Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive

The days I spent so cold so hungry

were full of hate I was so angry

The scars run deep inside this tattooed body

There's things I'll take to my grave

But I'm okay, I'm okay

Its been a long hard road without you by my side

why wern't you there all the nights that we cried

You broke my mothers heart

you broke your children for life

its not okay but we're alright

I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes

but those are just a long lost memory of mine

I spent so many years learning how to survive

Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive

And sometimes I forgive

yeah, and this time I'll admit

That I miss you, Said I miss you

Its been a long hard road without you by my side

why wern't you there all the nights that we cried

You broke my mothers heart

you broke your children for life

its not okay but we're alright

I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes

but those are just a long lost memory of mine

I spent so many years learning how to survive

Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive

And sometimes I forgive

yeah, and this time I'll admit

That I miss you, Said I miss you

Hey dad...."

My mind went back to the times when he walked out on my family. All the times I wanted to have him back. Benji and I shared a hug on stage and he whispered into my ear that things would work out for the better. I wanted to believe him with my whole heart but something in deep said otherwise. It was as if I was doomed to deal with such a weird family. I mean I wanted just a tiny bit of the leave it to beever style family, just any sense of normalicy. I looked up to see my dad's face, but he was Rob Bourdon, the ever stone faced drummer. there was no emotion, there never was. I couldn't even get him to smile by playing the drums as perfectly as he wanted me to. When I needed him most for assurance that chasing my dreams was the right thing.... he wasn't there for me, David, Pierre, Uncle Mike, Uncle Dave...they were the ones there for me. I walked off stage into my godfathers arms of congradulations. It just wasn't the same. Good Charlotte went on playing their set, but as of this moment I was just trying to get away from everything. I didn't want to be here.

 

[Ravynlee]

That last chapter almost makes me cry. Maybe its because I know this family and all it's associated pain so well, maybe it struck a chord in me with my own real life absentee father. But I could feel the pain there, her loss, her feelings of failure and inadequacy, that no matter what she had done or would do was ever going to be enough. Made me want to reach through the screen and just hold her, poor kid. And the fact he (Rob) just sat there and did nothing, I mean no emotion, nothing... wow, that's cold. Not even cold, I still can't fault him in his most dissociative state, in part I understand why he is the way he is, in spite of everything. His heart's in the right place but his delivery is way off... and by his own admission he's not father-of-the-year material considering he's always held Mel up to a higher standard than the rest. Problem with being put on a podium is inevitably you won't stay there - if you even manage to make it to the top. Perfection is ultimately unobtainable and him channeling his inability as a parent into being an A-grade musician only exemplifies what's wrong with this whole scenario/family in general. But you know seeing her make that connection with Benji who knows on some level what she's going through was great. Silver lining on one very dark cloud I gather.

It's funny though, on a side note, I think (I hope to some degree) cause we've all been into this for so many years now you can't help but attune to the characters huh? I hear myself sounding like a mother here sometimes and just laugh. Wow. The best part though is that I have since developed such empathy for the characters more than others, that's what makes it so appealing. We know these guys, even if a few things are new/different - the basic premise is still the same, and basically the same old angst is still there, and you know what, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Love it.

As always look forward to more when you get around to it.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

I could help but to laugh at one bit through this sad update (we must be related to pain or something) but it was the line where it said "it was Rob Bourdon the stone faced drummer" and I thought it read "it was Rob Bourdon the stoned faced drummer" oh man that cracked me up big time and then I realised it didn't make sense so I re-read it and it made sense. Oh the thought of Rob on weed cracked me up. I need my eyes checked. Nevertheless, *** **** we are a family full of dramas. I'm still astonished that I haven't been arrested for two counts of murder, cos I'll ******* kill those twin boys of mine someday, and I thought one was a handful and he ain't even my son (I get to play mother to my Nephew sometimes and he's three!). ***.

* still faints at the thought of me having twins*

Well. Thank *** we have Rav to mother us all, hey ma?

 

[Ravynlee]

Rob on weed? WTF? The man doesn't even drink, get tattoos or swear so far as we know... (adorable as that may be also somewhat dubious, man can't be THAT perfect in his industry, pull the other one Bobert) - but admittedly would be freakin funny to see considering he already IS so laid back, if he got smashed he'd likely slip into a coma... that's mellow!

As for murder, well I am a ***** as much as you are a mother, see that? In every tale we have to be consistent or it wouldn't be us. So for that I say you and twins makes sense. You're the 'older' twin anyway and it's... what are the odds of twins having twins? Dunno the actual stats but obviously high. Considering Mel said at the start she's pregnant with twins (thing 1 and thing 2 ) and you have the horrors, and I have you two, and then there's Benj and Joel (again, on a side note, the most appealing thing about Joel is his tats, maybe his whole 'settle down and have a family' vibe/being a family man whereas Rob in this story is his opposite, so in that instance, I can handle being with Mr Madden... wow, sounds weird even to me! haha) anyway, twins everywhere! Celebrate the insanity!

As for my little girl going out with my boyfriend's twin *ahem* um... we'll sit down and have that mother-daughter chat at a later date I think haha - and omg if Robbie didn't know yet about that 4-some from **** he's probably gonna wig out or completely slip into 'ambivalent'/stone faced mode.

Probably a bit of both I reckon. Considering the only love in our marriage was the love of disagreeing *shrugs*

Man's in love with his drumkit anyway *grumbles*

haha

Well. Thank *** we have Rav to mother us all, hey ma?

Maybe. Don't consider yourself too fortunate on that score. Not a bonus so far as I can see, given the angst, drama and heartache in all these stories But hey, we, well I try...