Hi, I'm a new person.

existential_james

existential_james

New member
Hello, everyone. I'm a new person. I haven't done this forum thing in a while, but I came by once and saw some familiar faces... and some that I had forgotten about and repressed. A lot of anger from some people that were once familiar parts of me... but a lot can and has changed in 8 months. Everything is different.

 


I introduce myself with a question: If you could go back one year and see yourself, would you like what you saw? What if that one year was the most profoundly impacting year of your life? Would you like what you saw? And, suppose, you had the ability to do this: would you go back and try to make amends with the people you've hurt?

 


And if so, would you expect those people to be patient?

 


If your whole philosophy and outlook on life has changed from a very bitter, loathing, pain-in-the-*** sarcastic douche to someone who represses those memories and hates everything that he once stood for... would you try to go back and patch things up?

 


Would you try to rebuild bridges on scorched terrain?

 


That, my friends... that's what I ask you.

This is the best abstract representation I can think of for myself right now....

 


The clown does many things. Clowns do many things. You see them at birthday parties, making balloon animals... making people laugh, letting them enjoy life. There's a clown! It's funny, he's got a big smile painted on his face as if he's got no care in the world except that others see the smile he has on.... and get caught by it. They go around smiling too. Of course, he doesn't always truly smile - that would be tiring, to be honest... and who likes someone who is happy constantly? Sometimes we all just want to find that person who smiles constantly, and hurt them. A lot.

 


But happiness... true happiness that doesn't define your "normal" personality... is contagious, I think.

 


But... also the clown is derogatory. Serious. Go call someone a clown, get their reaction, and come back to me. It's demeaning... what's a clown good for anyway? clowns are kind of pathetic, as well. Who wants to hang out with a clown? the clowns are the selfless servants of humanity... the emphatic murderers of melancholy.

 


I've come to a point in my life where I can say that I hate who I am. I hate the things that I say to some people, and I hate my reasons for it. I know what I want to be, and I hate the person I am now. This is not the source of any sadness, or depression of mine. I've examined my feelings toward myself and It's just a fact, now. I do hate myself - the sting has lost it's touch. I'm coming to the realization that I am "that guy." I am that guy that has many acquaintances, very few close friends (In fact, I have one close friend, and one girlfriend. I share everything with her, no holds barred, and almost everything with him, only when he's interested).... very few people that I can trust... though I force myself to trust everyone anyway - at least, with my words.

 


In no uncertain terms, I am a clown. I put myself out, for the sole purpose of being ridiculed. for the sole purpose that some may get some laughs from me. ***, if one exists, knows we need it. I sure do. I have no self-gratifying reason to put myself out here... sure, I'm a ***** for attention, but what clown isn't? I'm not an attention ***** for me. I'm an attention ***** for you.

 


To be that guy. I'm that guy.


you don't need to trust me, you don't need to listen to me. I'm just here for you to use.
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A lot has changed in 8 months. Are you interested in seeing for yourself?

 
L

LPNailz

New member
If I looked back one year I would see someone I'm glad not to be anymore. But I wouldn't want to change her. After all, she eventually turned into me, and everything that hurt her, I'm immune to now. I wouldn't try to fix the things I've broken, because I broke them for a reason; maybe some other day I'll see a reason to repair them, but for now I don't.

That's an attitude I've only recently discovered in myself. I hope I can keep it alive.

Welcome, James.

 
existential_james

existential_james

New member
Maybe it is better to not live a life of regret. But sometimes, there are things you regret. The best we can do is attempt to fix them.
 
J

Jonesy

New member
Well this is definitely an introduction unlike any other I've seen before. And you've made me think.

I've not changed much within the last year, just cut out certain parts of me that I should've a long time ago. There isn't anyone I would like to make amends with as I'm generally too nice to fall out with them in the first place - I'm a bit of a push-over like that, haha. Ehhh, the past nine months of my life have been the worst and the best ever. I wish I'd never done it but then again, I'm glad I have. Which is completely contradictory.

Hi there, James.

I'm feeling pretty nostalgic now.

 
existential_james

existential_james

New member
Well this is definitely an introduction unlike any other I've seen before. And you've made me think.
I've not changed much within the last year, just cut out certain parts of me that I should've a long time ago. There isn't anyone I would like to make amends with as I'm generally too nice to fall out with them in the first place - I'm a bit of a push-over like that, haha. Ehhh, the past nine months of my life have been the worst and the best ever. I wish I'd never done it but then again, I'm glad I have. Which is completely contradictory.

Hi there, James.

I'm feeling pretty nostalgic now.
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I've become a bit of a pushover, too. well, I'm not a pushover. I still have some ideas that I feel strongly about, but... maybe I've just discovered a more productive way to communicate them. I've changed so much within the last year that it's not even funny. No pun intended, by the way. And the change is way overdue... just like you said. :)

 
J

Jonesy

New member
I've become a bit of a pushover, too. well, I'm not a pushover. I still have some ideas that I feel strongly about, but... maybe I've just discovered a more productive way to communicate them. I've changed so much within the last year that it's not even funny. No pun intended, by the way. And the change is way overdue... just like you said. :)
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Yeah, I can understand that. Maybe broadened your mind to accommodate others' views as well as your own? I'm glad for you, you seem happy about the change. Can I ask how you went about it? Or am I imposing too much now, haha.

 
existential_james

existential_james

New member
Yeah, I can understand that. Maybe broadened your mind to accommodate others' views as well as your own? I'm glad for you, you seem happy about the change. Can I ask how you went about it? Or am I imposing too much now, haha.
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Long process of self-reflection. ;-)

I had kind of a big experience a year ago, and it really shook me and made me question a lot of things about myself. I started studying philosophy in my free time and came to a lot of realizations about people and how we interact with each other... but most importantly, that the conclusions that I reach about people don't exclude me.

I spent a lot of time studying and writing about a lot of things - you can see that all if you go click on my name down there at the top of my sig... I wasn't happy with some of my own views, and it took a long time to realize that my views can be changed, I can be compelled to do something different... I'm not immovable. And, from that came a realization that the fact that we have certain views doesn't make those views true, and we have no room at all to give any objective truth-value to literally anything.

I have my beliefs, and you have yours. I may not agree with yours, but I cannot say that they are false, nor can I say that mine is true. We can weigh everything against each other... but... what good is that, in the long run? People are concerned with other things. Perhaps I should be too.

 
J

Jonesy

New member
Long process of self-reflection. ;-)
I had kind of a big experience a year ago, and it really shook me and made me question a lot of things about myself. I started studying philosophy in my free time and came to a lot of realizations about people and how we interact with each other... but most importantly, that the conclusions that I reach about people don't exclude me.

I spent a lot of time studying and writing about a lot of things - you can see that all if you go click on my name down there at the top of my sig... I wasn't happy with some of my own views, and it took a long time to realize that my views can be changed, I can be compelled to do something different... I'm not immovable. And, from that came a realization that the fact that we have certain views doesn't make those views true, and we have no room at all to give any objective truth-value to literally anything.

I have my beliefs, and you have yours. I may not agree with yours, but I cannot say that they are false, nor can I say that mine is true. We can weigh everything against each other... but... what good is that, in the long run? People are concerned with other things. Perhaps I should be too.
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That sounds all very interesting, I might just look into philosophy myself. I always like to look at things from everyone's point of view, but then I always have certain topics I'm immovable on I'm afraid. I s'pose it's stupid now I think of it when I snap at people for disagreeing with me on those certain topics, and I can't say I can't help it as it's ingrained into my skull ...

Not sure where I'm going with this anymore, haha.

Well anyway, that was a nice enlightening talk.

You really have made me think.

:)

 
existential_james

existential_james

New member
That sounds all very interesting, I might just look into philosophy myself. I always like to look at things from everyone's point of view, but then I always have certain topics I'm immovable on I'm afraid. I s'pose it's stupid now I think of it when I snap at people for disagreeing with me on those certain topics, and I can't say I can't help it as it's ingrained into my skull ...Not sure where I'm going with this anymore, haha.

Well anyway, that was a nice enlightening talk.

You really have made me think.

:)
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Well, I'm glad.

 
woodyloveslinkin

woodyloveslinkin

New member
I know someone off LPA with the same gif in their avatar as to yours in your signature. Me? I'm Woody and I'm not from England or America or some place in Europe I actually come from Australia. :)
 
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LPShinodaFM

New member
Hello, and welcome (back?) to LPF. It does seem you are a new person. I can tell a lot has happened within you. For your question. Yes I would go back and make amendments. Life isn't about just walking forward. Sometimes you knock things over and you'll have to go back to pick it back up. You have to be responsible for the things you do, and the things you did. No matter what kind of things you've done in the past, you'll have to go back and fix the things up. Because it was still you who've done it. A person can change completely their exterior or their interior, they can change their name, their identity, their everything. But in the end, it's still that one person. We cannot erase our past. Therefore we must go back to rebuild what we've taken down.

 
crazy robster

crazy robster

New member
Welcome James, I like your introspection, you seem like a pretty interesting person. And to answer your question briefly. I believe that it's good to look back and acknowledge our mistakes and yes, if there IS something we can do to make amends to people we've hurt then we sure should do it! Some of them will still be willing to forgive, some of them won't. It's ok, whatever we gain out of this effort will still be good. In the end, it's all a matter of having a clear conscience and knowing that you've done your best. By the way, I DO have an idea about who you might be... lots of things ring a bell, like the face in your avatar which is so familiar, the joker smile, your name James, which has the same root as the name of that older member I remember, the title existential, which is similar to some other older one...but I'm not 100% sure so...yeah, I'll just say good for you for thinking so maturely and welcome once again. :)
 
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