Hickabee announces his running mate -- and it's NOT Chuck Norris

In a bold move that could dramatically alter the playing field of the

2008 GOP presidential race, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee today

named Jesus Christ as his vice presidential running mate and personal

savior.

While Huckabee, a former Southern Baptist preacher, has grown bolder

in recent days touting his personal relationship with Jesus, most

Republicans figured he was just blowing holier-than-thou smoke. Cult

presidential candidates Mitt Romney, a Mormon and Rudy Giuliani, a

Catholic, were said to be especially dismayed.

Their spokespersons referred all media inquiries to Connecticut

Senator Christopher Dodd, a Democrat who recently withdrew from the

race. Dodd, a Catholic who is married to a Mormon, said: "Believe

me, I feel their pain acutely as I am the head of a two cult family."

"This could be huge for Huckabee," said Stenson Partridge, a veteran

GOP consultant. "Among Republican voters, Jesus Christ is even more

popular than Ronald Reagan."

The Rev. Pat Robertson, a supporter of former New York Mayor Rudolph

Giuliani, said he was "blindsided" by the announcement: "I don't know

about this alignment, just the other night I asked Jesus about this

and He said He'd get right back to me. So this is how He treats me

after all these years? This has got to be result of that sneaky

charlatan Jerry Falwell's recent lobbying effort with God."

At a raucous rally in his hometown of Hope, Arkansas, which also gave

us the lip-quivering William Jefferson Clinton, Huckabee supporters

could be seen holding signs reading HONK IF YOU LOVE HUCK & JESUS in

'08 and singing What A Friend I Have in Jesus.

It is "highly unorthodox" for a presidential candidate to select a

vice presidential running mate this early in the campaign, especially

a prominent figure in the Holy Bible, says Davis Logsdon, dean of the

School of Dubious Divinity at the University of Minnesota.

However, Logsdon warned that as divine as the Huckabee-Jesus alliance

seems at first glance, it will likely turn problematic eventually.

"Sooner or later it will dawn on people that if Huckabee is elected

and dies in office, America would be looking at it's first Jewish

President. Oi vey!"

In a late breaking development, Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey

advised Huckabee that his choice of runningmates "once again

underscores your ignorance of basic constitutional law."

Mukasey's advisory, copies of which were released to reporters,

explained: "Candidates for President and Vice President must be born

on U.S. soil or to U.S. citizens living elsewhere. You may claim that

God is your co-pilot, but Jesus can not be your running mate.

Moreover, we have convincing evidence to support the charge that in

fact, Jesus may be an illegal immigrant.

Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names wrote:

> Mukasey's advisory, copies of which were released to reporters,

> explained: "Candidates for President and Vice President must be born

> on U.S. soil or to U.S. citizens living elsewhere. You may claim that

> God is your co-pilot, but Jesus can not be your running mate.

> Moreover, we have convincing evidence to support the charge that in

> fact, Jesus may be an illegal immigrant.

Well, that's what the Mormons believe too.

They say that after Jesus was Resurrected, He came to America to preach

the gospel to the Native Americans, who are therefore one of the lost

tribes of Israel.

Betcha didn't know that the Native Americans were converted JEWS, huh?

--

Steven L.

Email: sdlitvin@earthlinkNOSPAM.net

Remove the NOSPAM before replying to me.