How bad is this...

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LPNailz

New member
Is it incredibly bad to hate someone in your own family enough to be thinking seriously about ways you can kill them and make it look like suicide\self-defense on your part? I don't mean fleetingly; I mean seriously, every time you hear their voice or just know they're on the other end of the phone. Deep inside me I know how ****** up that is, but I can't help what I think.

This person is my cousin. He's retarded, and don't get me wrong, I got nothing against mentally impaired people. But he drives me ******* crazy. I'm not a wishy-washy person, but when I'm forced to put up with him I'm constantly on the verge of tears. He's just so annoying. He DOTES on me. I mean, he's like three times my age, but he treats me like I'm his girlfriend or something.

So he stays at my grandparents' house when he comes here, and I stay at home. It's frustrating to have to stay away from my granparents, but I just can't put up with him. The truly ****** up bit of this is he always manages to be in the area around my birthday. No one ASKS me - even though they know I don't like him - if I'd prefer he wasn't at my house on my 'special day.' Having him there screws up my whole day.

But I mean, what can I do? Everyone else in the family absolutely adores him. They respect that I want to keep away from him, but that doesn't extend to my own birthday? How do I tell them I want him ******* GONE?

 
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Acezorz

New member
That sounds quite irritating, just be straight with them and tell them you don't want him there because he's a bit of a creep towards you and it's your birthday.
 
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LPNailz

New member
true but wanting to kill him is wrong...
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I know, it freaks me out that I do. Guess that's why I wanted to get it off my chest...and if I had tried confessing to someone in my family... :eek:

See, I've put up with him this long because I know how much everyone else - my grandma especially, and she's so easily hurt - adores him, and I don't want to hurt anyone. Don't give a **** if I hurt him, no, just mainly my grandma. I think the others would understand. But I want to handle this as delicately as I can, and just busting out and saying I don't want him there isn't exactly subtle. I was thinking maybe I could just act glum about my birthday in general and wait for someone to ask what the problem is, but my parent can be incredibly unperceptive sometimes. Bah, I don't know what makes that less hurtful than any other way, I just can't figure out how to handle this at all...

 
nefieslab

nefieslab

New member
you're just letting your rage get the better of you Nailz. I know exactly how you feel, knowing someone (second cousin who lives nearby) like that. But even though he manages to **** everything up, **** he even cut the strings off my first/fav acoustic, I love the silly little *******. I know I should hate him for all the stuff he's done, especially the guitar, but I still get on with him. Because it ain't his fault. You just take a deep breath, tell his parents or carers that you'd like to have him visit before you birthday instead of on it but you never let it show to him. I did that once and I did almost a year of appologising for it. trust me. They love people till it hurts but when they hate you it's worse. much worse. Just relax Nailz. Now I got to go burn off some steam for thinking about my acoustic.
 
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LPNailz

New member
I am letting my anger get the best of me, but I have the right to be mad. Blame it on hormones...but I can't help but be thinking, The only guy interested in me is a retared cousin 2, 3 times my age? That combined with the way he's all over me if I let him be - I mean, he's not doing anything 'inappropriate', per se, so I can't really complain to my parents, just invading my personal space more than he has any right to.

At my grandparents, he's sitting next to me unless I sandwich myself between my brother and the wall. At my house, he's always in my room, unless I close the door in his face (whish I did once and procceeded to get chewed out for.) That's a high sin in my book. My room is my place.

And on my birthday, he's going to get himself as close as he can, as always. I can't stand people being too near me on a good day - I have some personal space issues, I know - and someone I don't like being too close is about enough to send me over the edge. Forget 'don't like'; I used to not like him. But it wears on me and wears on me, and it's to the point that I hate him. And when he's around, I hate everyone for babying him, I hate myself for that, and that's not good.

It's not really him, it's a combonation of a lot of things, I guess. Maybe that's why I can't deal with it, I don't know where to start.

 
BextheHex

BextheHex

New member
i totally understand ...what your going through......well morely with my older brother whom has bi polar i am so tired of him .....there has been times i thought bout killing him i even once told him to his face that ...he should commite suicide cause no one cares bout him......but yea...

i know what your sorta going through....

i suggest that you calmly sit down with your parents and grandparents and just nicely tell them straight out what you want....

 
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