i hate being me...it really sucks

I hate it...

 

I hate the periods of normality followed by bouts of paranoia.i dont like the fact that i dont seem to be getting better from my depression, infact i seem worse and worse.

 

The mornings when i wake up and feel sick and have pains from my stomach ulcers. my migranes and problems with my spine!

 

Not being sure if ive done stuff. this morning at 4.00am i was convinced that i had already had a bath and eaten breakfast when i was stiing up in my bed in my night shirty thingy.

 

Working really hard at school and being so well behaved and never getting an recongition at home or at school of it.

 

Having a phyically and emotionally abusive father who hasnt paid my child support for the last 2 months meaning that i dont even have enough money to pay for my books at school.

 

Having an emotionally abusive mother who makes me apologize for being born and who rips up my sstuff. then the next moment is as nice as sugar, so you never know were you stand.

 

freinds who dont actually give a fuck about me dont call me or come visit me even though they know that i move far away. Im not saying that they should be here 24/7 and constantly texting me but would it hurt for them to visit me here. i mean i have been here for 3 months, its just plain rude.

 

gaaaahhh, actually wishing that im dead in the morning.most of my bus rides are know me just thinkinh about various ways to do myself in.

 

 

 

 

 

sigh, btw, there isnt much point to this thread, suppose im just venting or looking for pity or attention seeking, or whatever ppl deem my behaviour as...meh, maybe bc im pissed off at my mum for another of her rants bout how much hates me and i wants to kick me out...haha, ill probably regret this thread in the morning but i dot care at the moment..just too pissed off.hmm, this thread probably doesnt even make sense.

 

meh

 

sorry

Hey... don't apologise honey it's what the Dark Room is for, for people to vent their anger and have their LPF buddies who really and always care to support and help them. I have to tell you though you are to be admired. You get such a shit attitude from both your parents and you still try to be as best as you can I mean, you are trying and I know you are trying because it shows! If I tell you to hold on cause it will get better you will probably think I'm just trying to sound nice but I mean it. Don't give up ok? And you can tell us everything!! *hugs*

Man life does suck sometimes doesn't it. :no:I've had points in my life where I've wanted to give up, because just couldn't be fucked trying, I bet we all have. But things change, we grow up, mature, and decide our own paths. I know how you feel about the friends thing too, cause I hardly have any friends near me to go see. But like robster said, don't give up. Its not worth it, once your life really begins.

Hey, just remember you always have us LPF buddies to comfort you

I get pissed off sometimes, too. People say lifes a peace of shit, they're right; most of the time it's crap. But I believe it's about being happy and enjoying yourself during the small good parts of it

ok sygy for starters don't say sorry, thats wat were here for.

 

your dad is an ass and he doesn't deserve you, he can't see that he has a talented, studious daughter who has a great personality and who works extremely hard for everything she gets. your mum does't have anyone else to vent her anger on so she chooses you, when she says things she proberbly spends the next few hours regretting it but wont say sorry because she doesn't want you thinking shes soft. as for not getting any recognition for anything sod them all, you know how great you are and so do we. tell your so called friends to fuck off, if they can't be arsed calling you to see how you are they are not worth it, go and find some new real friends. get to the doctor about your ulcers hun, hes the only one who can help.

 

oh and remember we love you for who you are and think your an amazing person who will make a success of her life and when she does she will say to everyone that doubted her to fuck off.

yes, thanks allie, i know what you mant about my friends i hardly talk to them anymore,meh. who needs em eh?

i used to phone my friends all the time and keep in touch, then i thought why should it always be me so i sopped calling everyday, they stopped being my friends. just shows who your real friends are.

i used to phone my friends all the time and keep in touch, then i thought why should it always be me so i sopped calling everyday, they stopped being my friends. just shows who your real friends are.

 

thats true, i did the same, and now that i dont its true i see who and what they are! i mean im not going to cut them off but i think one of the reasons they went off me is that i dont have the money to pay for all the cigs, booze and hash...meh

Well i clearly understand why ure feeling so down and pissed. I also think you're strong enough to manage it. Dont hate being you love yourself, you have the balls to expose your problemes here and be proud of you for all the lil things you achieve, believe in yourself its all you have. Besides virtual friends like us are here no matter what

Stay safe !!!

the faith is not written... Just trust in yourself and you'll pass through it.

ive been somewhat in your position before, not going to lie, i didnt have it as bad as you, but i can relate to the migraines, paranoia, depression, etc, etc.

 

what ive learned is that friends are never "friends" unless they are like family. Most of them don't even know the half of what you're going though, and I know my friends just want people to "fuck off" when they are upset about something. just get out of the house, with me it was to the point i was basically inviting myself over to my friends house, they never seemed to mind, we aways had fun and it really helped me though that period.

I agree with what was said.

 

Despite what people may say you know how to appreciate life when the time is right.

 

By facing a tough beginning in life, you are ready for the real world.

where as your friends aren't and don't realise how valuble you could be.

Hiii!

hey come on man. don't worry...everything is eventually going to turn up good. There is always a bright side to everything.....you just have to look that out deep inside you! If you ask me my life isn't that "happy go jolly" either...but all i do is suppress it all in, try it and hopefully you'll find someone really meant for you who will help you get through everything, in the mean time we're all here to help you out through any problem. Oh and try to take some medicine for the pain!