I hate her.

[LPpinkfreak821]

This morning, I woke up and got dressed. Got into my mother's car & made a big mistake. My mistake? Getting into the car. The entire way to school I heard [in a screaming manor]
- You don't respect me
- Everything I've ever done with you was a mistake
- I'm your mother.
- You never ****ing talk to me anymore, it's like you live in a world that isn't real.
- Where did I go wrong?
- You spoiled brat
- I hate you
- I wish you'd ****ing talk to me. Stop being a little bitch and talk to me
- You do things without telling me. You act like your grown. WELL YOUR NOT! your only 16.
- Your probably thinking "shut up bitch" and I don't care if you are. Your my daughter and I love you.
- I wish you weren't born to hate me. It seems like you were. That's what you do. You hate me and you don't talk to me
- Do you hate me? Are you scared of me?

When we got to school, I just didn't know what to say. I tried to keep a straight face the entire time in the car. I was trying really hard not to cry. Everytime she gets mad, she completely unloads on me. Even if she's mad at someone else. When she pulled up in front of the school she said "go whine to your teacher about how I'm a bitch. Just get out" so I pulled my sunglasses on because now I was in tears, I got out, and kept walking. She tried to honk the horn and she tried calling my name so I'd turn around. . but I didn't want her to see that I was crying. . so I kept walking. I hate crying at school. I really don't like the attention it brings. So I bit my lip & tore skin while trying to get into a bathroom or an empty room where I could cry. I recieved a text message about twenty minutes saying "I love you and I'm sorry I made you cry" . . then I got a voicemail around 9. . . She was back to her ranting and raving. She said that she was right to yell at me and lay down the law. She wasn't sorry that she said all that stuff. She said that I need to grow up and learn to talk. In a fake kind of way she yelled "I LOVE YOU, BRITTANY SARA and I don't know why you hate me" .. Brittanysara is my middle name for those of you are like "isn't her name Krista." She made me cry an hour. People saw me crying and I hate that. I don't like when people see me cry. I dont like that "are you okay" and "what happened". I hate it. My teachers already think that I'm not completely in my right state of mind and I guess now they don't think it, they feel that they know it. I hate the constant staring that I get from people. I hate everything about it. Right now, I do hate her. She made me feel completely like **** right before I walk into school where everyone knows me with tears streaming down my face. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I really do. The things she said this morning really got to me and that never happens. She always chooses me to unload on when she's mad about something. in the voicemail she did admit something that is obviously is really good at "I can destroy people when I'm pissed. I know that" yea. . thanks mom. Your the best. I hate you.

She even got to me enough to write & I try not to write when I'm extremely upset, but. . . she pushed me over the limit.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a screw up
I'm sorry that I was never good enough
I'm sorry that I disapointed you
I'm sorry ta tI never said anything to you

I'm not sorry that you scream at me
I'm not sorry when you crush my dreams
I'm not sorry that you never shared out love
I'm not sorry and I never was.

I don't hate you when you yell
I didn't hate you when everything fell
I don't hate you, I don't think I ever did
I don't hate you and I never called you a bitch

I hate you for not loving me
I hate you for not seeing or knowing me
I hate you for everything that you do
Most of all, I hate you for you"

 

[Ektb_LP]

WoW. honestly I'm speechless at this.
things sound real ****ed up. and I'm sorry to hear.
I know that you prolly dont want sympathy from strangers and you posted on here to let out some rage / depression. so i really dont know what to say exceot that im sorry to hear about this, and that i hope your mom sees the light and leaves you alone.

 

[UnhingedMouse0]

Wow, thats really messed up. I mean, I too know how parents can be very stange and just dont understand how much what they do affects us. I think that its good that you can come on here express yourself though. I think that might be part of her problem. I could possibly be that she dosent express herself usually and that because she feels most confortable around you, she takes it out on you. Sometimes we end up hurting those that we love the most. The only advice that I can really give you is to try to talk to her when she is in a good mood. Be honest, be nice, be sincere. Tell her how much she really hurts you when she gets like that and that you really do love her and just want to feel appreciated. Ive learned from experience that you should always express your feelings, that even if it dosent change your situation, it helps you to deal with it rationally and just makes you feel better. I hope that works for you and I wish you the best of luck with your mother.

By the way, that is a very well written poem, extremely heartfelt I can tell.

 

[LP~Shinoda~FM]

That screws. Yes, i hate crying in front of people too, what other people are giving you is sympathy, not understanding--which is what you need the most at the moment. And as for your mother, well i wish she would actually think before she takes it out on her daughter. I mean everyone's mom gets PMS and screams at them from time to time, but i think saying stuff like "I hate you" then "I love you" the next moment is pretty screwed up.

And i think you should find her at a time when you could complete your side before she could say anything that would dramatize the scene again. Plan what you're gonna say before so you won't forget and get her to start again. She asked you those questions right? Well answer them. Tell her why you weren't talking to her, tell her what she's done wrong to you, tell her that at the age of 16 you can think like an adult, and tell her how much you hate how she makes you cry.

Tell her, either she understands or not, listens or not, cares or not. At least that way she wouldn't have this as a reason to start screaming at you again. And make it straight to her that you're not her personal punching bag and that you are her daughter, a human being. You're not just something she can scream at when she gets pissed and apologize to the next moment when she's just crushed your emotions and dignity.

 

[BlackHeart]

^ that was very well put, and I agree completely.

 

[LPpinkfreak821]

I would happily talk to her. But you don't know my mom. You can't finish a sentence without her blowing it out of proportion. She always cuts in no matter what your saying. She doesn't care about what I have to say. Like when she kept telling me to say something, half a second after she said it she'd start screaming again. She isn't the listening type. She's the "listen to what I have to say" kind. Even if she does stop to listen, you can never finish what your about to say. She either cuts in with "now stop right there" or she starts screaming again.

And with people around me and people I see everyday, I don't like attention at all. I don't like them seeing me upset or crying. I dont' like when people I don't even know come up to me and say "are you okay" or "what happened" or blah blah blah. It bothers me. I don't like to have the center stage and I don't like everyone needing to know what's going on with me.

 

[stupidsoul1]

my mum does the same thing to me.
*hugs* i am sorry to hear that, no one deserves to hear that from their mum.

 

[Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever]

Yes, i hate crying in front of people too, what other people are giving you is sympathy, not understanding--which is what you need the most at the moment.

Nobody can truly understand what another person is going through, even if they have been through similar situations.

And that truely sucks, she did choose the wrong time to rant at you. And then the sorry txt and then taking it back...harsh

 

[allieking]

omg!!!!! as a mother of a 12 year old girl i ahve to say that i couldn't belive what i was reading. the things your mother said to you should never be said to any child....EVER!!!!

sorry hun but its your mum that needs to learn some respect for you. there is no way i would ever say things like that to my kids, no matter what they do. mums are supposed to care for and love their kids not verbally abuse them. i think your mum should be ashamed of herself.

 

[LP~Shinoda~FM]

^very true.... it's a shame that some ppl don't care