January 1, 2010

About five years ago, I made a bet with a friend of mine that if neither one of us were married by January 1st, 2010, we would elope that day and marry eachother. Hahaha, right? The idea seemed funny and harmless enough at the time we struck the agreement...and it still is, don't get me wrong, but that day is approaching fast. It's not that big of a deal. It's just another day and I know it was all done in the spirit of jest!

But lately, the friend I made the bet with has been acting differently towards me. The rest of our group has noticed it, too, and have asked me about it. It seems like he talks about our pretend marriage a lot and really enjoys joking about me being his wife. He's been calling me more and wanting to do more things together, just the two of us. Last week while my best friend was home, we all went out and a man from a local charity group was selling raffle tickets at the bar.....the grand prize is a new Mustang. "D" bought three tickets and told me to put my name on the third one. I said, "but what if I win?" to which he replied, "the drawing is on New Year's Eve. If you win, then I win, too, honey!"

Now, I'm completely oblivious when a man is showing me interest. Honest! I'm surprisingly obtuse in that department and my friends tease me that the only way I would figure out if a guy is into me is if he beat me over the head with his club and drug me off to his cave. I think that he's still just being himself, but everyone else is insisting that there is a difference, and they all think that perhaps he will ask me to take our friendship to the next level before I move. He did ask me to go to a concert with him this weekend, so maybe the drive alone with him will give me the chance to feel things out. He's not exactly the lovey-dovey affectionate type, so I doubt he will express any grand declarations of love or anything, but perhaps I'll pick up on the vibe if there is, in fact, one there.

Here's the thing....the guy is AWESOME and he is a catch! He's tall, dark, very handsome, smart, has a good sense of humor, and is a bit more on the quiet side than I prefer but when I do get him talking I enjoy visiting with him. He's responsible, financially secure, got a great house, is a good farmer, patient, kind, well mannered, likes kids, wants a Harley, appreciates big boobs, knows I can be a pain in the ass but seems to like hanging out with me anyway, he's respectful toward me, he encourages me, he would never abuse me and his parents and three sisters love me. In fact, he tells me all the time that his mother says, "D...you need to marry that girl! She's a good girl!"

This coming from his Catholic mother who knows I am a Protestant whore.

He was part of the crew that went to Vegas with me and we had so much fun! He didn't complain once and even hauled my suitcase around for me!

He also loves my cooking.

He's everything I should want. Everything!

So why don't I want him?

What the hell is wrong with me?

Right now, I don't feel that overwhelming rush of euphoria I'm supposed to feel for the man I love when I'm with him. I feel genuine affection....but not that lightning bolt of shock I've felt in the past for another. If he asked me to explore the idea of being with him, would those feelings grow? Would this friendship develop into a different kind of love? Would it develop at all?

My head tells me it might. My head says, "Try it! He could offer you stability, safety and keep you close to your family. You know you need someone to keep you grounded, otherwise you'll float along aimlessly forever!"

My heart says, "You need to follow the call to move on. You need to see what's out there waiting for you! I can offer you no guarantees of security, and you'll be far away from your loved ones, but the rewards you discover could be all the answers you've been searching for. You would finally be 'home'."

So which do I listen to?

I'm really, really confused at the moment....so let me have it. I'm ready to hear it.

Why do I never choose the easy path????

I drive myself crazy.

Being in love is scary, sometimes we will blind ourselves to the possibility just to protect ourselves.

Let me ask you a question, if this great guy and you made the attempt for 'something more' and it failed, do you think that would hurt you more than not trying?

I don't know your heart, maybe you are even not sure of your heart, but I get the feeling you value friendships so much you might not want to ruin one.

Based on the limited knowledge I have of your situation I would say why not give it a try? Relationships built on mutual respect are usually the best kind and you certainly seem to have a great deal of respect for him. He seems to respect you too, that is a pretty strong ground to build on.

One thing, I don't know him but could he be feeling obligated even though you see the promise as just a joke? Us guys are very strange sometimes and we can get this crazy notion of "doing the right thing" and followhing our honor even if we don't really want to. Just a thought........

Well Ali my girl....you need to decide what you want.

I remember a while back...a person i knew would only date guys that gave her the "butterflies"...or a shock so to speak upon first meeting. Things ALWAYS went terribly wrong in her relationships though. She went to see a therapist and the therapist said that butterflies are just another word for fear....and specifically for her...a fear of losing them. She tried this for a bit...dating a few ho hum guys, but after awhile...the drudgery of it made her stop. Anyways...she finally met a guy...totally ambiguous....but great....the kind of guy that makes late nite runs for midol and sends supportive texts when she's nervous. Finally one night while singing some dumb song...I can't remember what....he chimed in and finished it off in some lame accent...and that was when she got her butterflies....but it was different....she felt secure.

All I'm saying is a chance can't hurt. You can always leave Ali...but give relationships a chance. This guy sounds great. The chemistry may never build...but at least you won't always wonder. I don't agree that getting married is an option just yet though lol...but why not explore it. It sounds like if it works...it could be everything you ever needed. I firmly believe that a relationships beginning with friendship is best. Sex just sort of pops the balloon. They never got a chance to really know you before the sex part...and afterwards the magic is gone. He knows you as a friend and seems to love you without the sex...so that part just means he finally gets to know all of you.

Ya know...right now you don't have a choice to make...because you can do both. Try it for the time being...if it doesn't seem to work at all...you can go. No worries. As far as ruining a friendship....well...that may happen....but what if it doesn't? What if things just get better and better? Go for it!

The RUSH doesn't last with anyone. True love is geniune and not fleeting. Moving isn't the answer either. Think long and hard before you leave your family. This man sounds perfect and is at least a gentlemen (which is hard to find these days).

I will say however, you need to want the same things in life or forget it. How much do you have in common?

Do you at least know people where you are moving to or did you pick a spot in the country just because of weather, job source, what?

You need to do what your heart tells you is right.

Last week while my best friend was home, we all went out and a man from a local charity group was selling raffle tickets at the bar.....the grand prize is a new Mustang. "D" bought three tickets and told me to put my name on the third one. I said, "but what if I win?" to which he replied, "the drawing is on New Year's Eve. If you win, then I win, too, honey!"

Now with that said, "What the deuce?"

There's another raffle for a vehicle and you didn't offer to sell me one!

Move to AZ in Dec and marry me.

You are so sweet!!!! I really should.

The RUSH doesn't last with anyone. True love is geniune and not fleeting. Moving isn't the answer either. Think long and hard before you leave your family. This man sounds perfect and is at least a gentlemen (which is hard to find these days).

 

I will say however, you need to want the same things in life or forget it. How much do you have in common?

 

Do you at least know people where you are moving to or did you pick a spot in the country just because of weather, job source, what?

We have a lot in common, but there are a lot of differences, too. I'm a lot more "out there" than he is...lol. He's definitely more grounded than me.

I haven't officially decided yet. I'm just waiting for my business to sell, first.

Now with that said, "What the deuce?"

 

There's another raffle for a vehicle and you didn't offer to sell me one!

Joe!!!! I totally thought of you! We were at that one bar out in the boonies so I couldn't get internet reception on my phone otherwise I would have messaged you here right away. I really should have programmed your cell # in my phone when I had the chance....lol.

Thanks all for the great advice. I think I will just see how things feel this weekend and go from there.

I think I will just see how things feel this weekend and go from there.

exactly, and hey! Free Concert!

I know you are Aquarius, what's his sign? If it's Pisces, I say run away fast

Nah, he's a Taurus.

So Ali, how did the "date" go? I hope it went well.

Well, this is what I discovered about myself this weekend....

We didn't go to the concert alone because there was a DUI checkpoint set up, so a group of us went with one designated driver to be on the safe side. I wore something nice but a bit sexy to see if I could intrigue him, and even flirted with him a little! I wasn't rebuffed, but my efforts weren't met with the enthusiasm I'm used to getting in such a situation, either.

He was a gentleman the entire time. We all joked and had fun and one of the guys even told him that he was crazy if he didn't follow through with the bet, and if D didn't then HE would marry me....lol.

The next day we all went to a Dakota market and then to dinner and a movie. He and I sat together at the movie.

Here's the thing - he's a good man but he didn't make a single effort to flirt with me all weekend. There were no stolen glances, no attempts at his hand brushing mine...not even when we shared a bag of popcorn, no placing of his hand on the small of my back when we were walking through a crowd for him so he could keep me closeby, no attempts to woo me at all.

And I want that.

I may be cool and aloof on outside appearances, but deep down I am a passionate person and I need someone who will come home once in awhile and screw me in the foyer just because he missed me that much and desires me that badly. They say passion is fleeting, but apparently it is something that I need.

I guess the best thing to do is continue my plans to leave and if he decides to step up his game in the 4th quarter, then I'll take his efforts into consideration at that point. Other than that, I think the best thing he and I could do is preserve our friendship by simply remaining friends.

awww, no hugo's popcorn box trick?

Or did you not dig deep enough in the popcorn?

It seems like you really went foward with an open mind and heart, too bad he didn't seem to either pick up on it or was not receptive to it.

Maybe you both value your friendship above all else and if you have been more like buddies and you "one of the guys" then possibly it would be hard for him to see you in that kind of head over heels kind of passionate love. A mutual respect kind maybe, but you seem to need more than just that.

And there is nothing wrong with that Ali. I know I would not settle for less than my definition of "real" love. Selling out your ideas could end up with you resenting the fact that he does not fit your ideas, and that would not be his fault. He sounds like a really good person.

I don't know about your moving away though, to me being close to my family is a must. There have been times in my life that if I was not near them, very bad things would have happened. I hope your not just looking for "change" for the sake of "change" itself (we see how that turned out for American Presidents).

Be true to yourself and when your not really looking for it or expecting it, love will show up Ali, sometimes from a direction you never expected. I wish you luck.