lead injection for beginners

T

the land surfer

Guest
lead injection for beginners
+++

pull th trigger dickhead

+++

"think he comes from ****sticks are us"

+++


couldnt find th car
so i havent been to th pub

"too stoned"

+++

tomorrow's friday today

+++

migod
i saw a line on th newsreaders face

quick

chuck a half a brick at her paulo

+++

get th ****in hag off my screen

+++

music on:

+++
violent femmes
'blister in th sun'
+++

set th pointer to random

+++

dont want no ****in slapper
readin th news to me

+++

cut to th newsreader on sbs tonight
mary

bit um
in th middle of th piece hey mary

nice pout

+++
shakespears sister
'i dont care'
+++

..
..
..


sorry diary
i ****ed off and was out


at th pub

nice little can of bourbon


like th pretty lady said

hold my breath and swallow

+++

made it in th door and

sixpack safely in th room

barely two minutes before little brother got home

+++

ha

+++

has it REALLY been
two months since i



drank nine bourbons and
did slides on my unicycle past th nightclub doors

in the fortitude valley

+++
harvey danger
'flagpole sitta'
+++

if only they would change th place's name

+++

the valley of guts however
is infested with yuppies

and th clubs close their front doors at

three AM

if ya aint in by then


ya cant stay till five liek th rest



wow

pls change th place's name

+++

for ****s sake

th local council even

fined ME

for ridin a safety bicycle thru

the fortitude valley mall


it was a unicycle ****

a man;s bike


****in pussies

+++


any ****in idiot
can get a fine for ridin a bicycle

+++
butthole surfers
'pepper'
+++

where's my other wheel ?


up th arse of th last ****wit who asked
such a stupid ****in question


who's th ****in wizard here ?

+++

i dunnno
ya surf on a unicycle and


th dumb ****
is so scared of it
he stands there grinning inanely

but


too pussie to actually ride it

+++

i'll think of ya
next time i drop into a skatebowl on it
ya ****in podknocker
girls biek rider you

+++

dont think
\
my

character

the wizard of the fortitude valley

is appearing tonight


either

+++

more drugs over here


oh hang on

i havent run out yet

+++
nirvana
'polly'
+++

paulie is
sittin at home and gettin smashed

th wizard hat

with th
black pointer shark fin is

sittin in th car

+++

i wont be out at midnight

to greet


sprung


"spring jennifer"

+++


****em

+++

six months is too good for ya

ppl smile wherever th wheel goes

+++

finally got th little ****s in th skatebowl
to keep their ****in mouths shut


make it look too easy they

can ya do a backflip man

can i have a trick mister pls ?


no


go and get ****ed


this not hard enough for you ****




+++
oasis
'wonderwall'
+++


ok
i cop to it

i do listen to this

jumpin into skatebowls


on a 26 inch unicycle and

th mp3 player turned up


HIGH



pls


let no ****head's

MOUTH


engage

+++


no respect

+++

but last week

i was so drunk
and


evil eye glarin

when i hit th bowl



cop this withering stare ya ****s


not one
****in stupid comment

got past th headphones


course



liek i told tripper

first **** to do so is


gettin a can of bourbon chucked at em




be quiet ****s



man's bike droppin into th bowl



shut yr ****in hole

+++

if ya arrive too friendly

th poor dumb ****ers


are askin questions as


ya goin over th edge


kid you not

**** ppl are dumb

+++

worse than ridin a unicycle in th surf


i learned


dont smile at anyone



drop in and


this is my ****in bowl

+++


attitude is everything

+++

goin down is scarier than goin up

i dont muff th downs



huge impact when ya do

+++
cat empire
'hello'
+++


meet th ground

+++

hmm

concrete

+++

gotta catch that downhill slide

+++


goin over th top

six times in a row


i ****ed it up

stepped off th wheel


onto th top


little ****s squeeled when i finally

crested th wall

+++

****in girls bike riders and
wood pushers

and a couple of chicks of course

+++


as usual

you guessed it

a carload goin by


gave me a better

comment on what i was doin

than th folks in th bowl


went right off

+++

th audience
always
always wants more

+++

wot else ya got

do ME a trick


"why th **** would i wanna do that ?"

+++
kevin bloody wilson
'sunday morning'
+++

i do find though
that little boys


always respect a unicycle
goin sideways


i leave a foot long black slide on th bottom of th bowl and
well that one wont be ****in talkin for a while

jaw hangin

+++

[deleted]

+++


erratta

my last post



contained a factual error

was 125 thousand
ppl


in one blow

+++
jimmy barnes
'i;d die to be with you tonight'
+++

hey i gave warnings

+++

heard this
aussie guy today sayin he

gunna recant on his deathbed
and convert to muslim

so one of us wouldnt be dead ya dig

+++

ah dude
i dint have th heart to tell ya

most of my

quarter million


confirmed kadaitcha man kills are

muslim


cause i dont think of it that way


+++


they were strikes in retaliation for

terrorist bombings


we think we're special

in oz

+++
pulp fiction urge overkill
'girl you'll be a woman soon'
+++

i'm not fussy
you kill australians

i kill you

+++

i still
stand by my apology
i only gave

one nights notice


last time i killed more than fifty thousand ppl


i showed prejudice


****in rude of me

+++
jet
'look what you've done'
+++


look

all i did was
publicly point th bone of death

after th last kuta beach attacks
and was a bit general


this chick got right into me

in real life


said i whacked 85 odd thousand ppl


think it's more than that




her thought was
maybe it wouldnt have happened


it i wasnt throwin clues to it



cant change it dear

+++

lucky i didnt tell her

i asked for th big wave

"tsunami"


like a year and a half before th

terrorist atttack
that made me ask for it


and all


online and



checkable

+++
U2
'angel of harlem'
+++

she woulda had a spack

+++

it was only 125 000 ppl man
get over it

+++

we didnt know babe

th religion of kuta was


the church of the cult of the dot

back then


just surfin synchronicity

+++


th tv journos still

drive over my kutaman tag
with a date on th road beside it


two weeks before the
first kuta beach attacks

and see nothing local

+++

me and th girls still call it our religion

kuta


neither me
kutaman

or th kuta ladies

had ever heard of kuta beach

+++
tiesto
'adagio for strings'
+++

wot puppet master got me ?

"kuta"

+++

to ride over th whole ****in mountain of kuta

on a 27 inch unicycle
without brakes and

no drugs



no painkilling drugs for my
savages testicles
ache every day ****s

i'll NEVER
apologise for askin for that wave

+++

i rang a bunch of
gummint departments

in th last two months

lookin for sum ****

+++

but no
not one
psychic researcher amongst em

dont th *****s watch tv

+++
dire straights
'romeo and juliet'
+++

wish i didnt watch penn and teller th other night

bullshit special

+++

can i whack th **** paulie ?

"can ya be that specific still ?"



i got dr death
dr azahari

twelve days before he got his

"yeah but"

"we specialize in mass death"

ah **** off


we only got six hundred th other week

+++

"did that one in th mobile phone network"


well thc unt ont h telly made a wish


a six foot wave to

clean all them fishin boats outta here


"was it seven days later dear ?"

close enough


but um
i did leave a message on womble's phone

a week before it

goin

look man
i can move tectonic plates

"and"


he read it as planets

"wot a dork"

+++
tv rock
'flaunt it'
+++

600 up

doesnt change my
quarter of a million paulie

+++

"u should work harder"

+++

why did ya write in our
solipsist bible that

i can grant wishes ya ****

+++

"well"

+++

he got his six foot wave

+++

and within a week

+++

dont mean ****
the oracle of kuta
was ravin about tectonic plates durin that week hey paulie

+++

"not a bit of it babe"

least it wasnt online

and tracable

+++
the black eyed peas
'let's get retarded'
+++

work yr way back and
find me
and


i used to knock on doors
that had shotguns attached to em

collectin money


minder in a showground

seventeen yrs as a carnie

+++


how many ways can ya get rid of a body ?

+++

paulo ?

+++

my twin brother

th man whose head i share



wont talk

+++

jane's still got th wizard's shovel

+++

we're identical twins
he's more identical than i am

+++
tool
'hooker with a penis'
+++

"strawberry"

+++

oh i said jane

this song is


strawberry's song

nother mad redhead



****ed that one up didnt we

?



why u smiling **** ?

+++

"here smoke this"


..
..
..

+++


"they know yr dr death"
keh

"strawberry and pistol"

"she put a charmed symbol on her butt babe"


yeah pistol did

and barbie girl

and kaz but



wot about strawberry


"dont sweat it"


+++

"she never been taken to a party like u did it babe"


+++

so pretty redhead

complainin

she wants to run int h
right hand lane

in oz


it's th smother


th trucks **** th left lane

"sore ****"


<<<smile >>>



so when we go ton th

two way road


and hit th black spot

black


my brother

"me"
+++
hunters and collectors
'the slab'
+++


hits th indicator and

drops into th right side of th road



oncoming

b double


seventy odd feet of truck


comin straight at us and


black aint even noticed it


pistol screamin and


th truck driver automatics cut back ina nd


we hit left blinker and



come back to our side of th road


strawberry got mouthy


dont you know my old man is


she cried


"dont you know who i am she cried"



half hour later at th fire


i tell her

i've met her old man before

drank bourbons with him

and smoked hooch with him
watchin tranny movies

out th back of his

big tough motorcycle shop



first boy in a while

u havent been able to cow


not even a little bit

+++

yeah ok paulo

i dig it man

+++
kevin bloody wilson
'stack the fridge'
+++

****in pretty though

+++


was dead funny
was crackin jokes with senior

who;d be dumb enough

to fall backwards into


th 44 gallon drum fire

and get burned to death


****in near had to save strawberry



she tripped

went arse backwards in th dark and


****in near went in it
+++


same fire


me

dr death

with th two stacked redheads
and a fellow toecutter


we're all sittin at th fire at three am

and this song




had somethin abou tth devil

and


this guy asked me a question and i said

+++
yothu yindi
'romance at garma'
+++

yeah man i am the devil
but dont tell anyone ok

and he did a double take and
asked again

incredulously

yeah man i am the devil
but dont tell anyone ok

and he backed away from me at th fire

+++

then strawberry called me over

no


she waved at me

hello there


and her and i and

th big fella


had this huge convo

umm


underworld convo


th three of us
kinda grew up in it

found we all had mutual friends


which is good right

+++

we arrived at th party


just before three Am

didnt leave brisbane
till after twelve

+++
the offspring
'pay the man'
+++

dawn


found me drivin th three of em home

thru th mist and


coldest morning of th winter

up gympie way


and me singin

misty morning


from bob marleys back catalogue

to myself cause


th car radio was keepin th girls awake

+++

he'd had some toes amputated


it's a sign my kiwi dark brother


means yr a toecutter


like her dad

or me


pistol
hot redhead in th back


has too


+++

two weeks later

i was at a table where


five of us

all put our feet up for inspection


mangled feet for th most part

wish they'd put my toe back on straight


is offset

+++

tryin to figure out

at what point in my life


did my online psychic blog

disappear


was just before th weekend where dr death took over again

+++


**** man

+++

i'm ****in still
dr death

i'm still


vice president

of that bundaberg motorcycle club



i dunno man
i got all these


personalities

multi faceted


and
th club never let me resign

ah **** little brother



i'm in trouble



****uk



i pointed th bone of death at


dr death and




said straigth afterwards in this here psychic blog

but there are two dr deaths

and i got th wrong one


was supposed to be

dr death from bundaberg

th bungling doctor



killed so many of my bundaberg brothers and sisters



but


stead of sevend ays it took


12 days and

dr azahari


bomb maker for kuta beach mark 1

got bumped by indo pigs


so bringin true

dr death hitman hit from religion of kuta

+++


ah little brother you got no idea

you never been in a bike club

+++

****s'll pay out on me

+++

i said maureen was biggest mouth in club

you watch and



and th other

week

u hit me up to


check my blog for last contact from me first ex wife cause

u talkin to a

maureen from


bundaberg


a different one but


this woman chased me before to help her in fight against

daughter in law



my ex




chill wnt up my spine



but not cause of my ex

gay lady nightclub bouncer though she was


th club

my old bike club




i owe ****in dues man

+++


never let ya go

worse than a union

+++


double jeapordy

i cant point at him again


if th club still exists


how th **** do i front em

ah look guys


i developed this gift


like i was supposed to and

was sittin here and


did my duty and


pointed th bone of death at dr death and


th **** got off

+++


and it got
th doctor
my religion would most liek to see killed



jeez it's ****ed

+++
george
'chemical dreams'
+++

i asked for an interesting life



or like i said to my psychologist


i asked for an interesting life
i musta killed a chinese


or maybe a million of em
and it just hasnt happened yet


<<<smiel >>>

+++

it was funnier in th flesh

he laughed

+++


next time we find
a 1000 chinese spies amongst us

we drop em out of a plane ok
they got plenty more

+++

always check under th ute
before we discuss our

underthrow of th world

+++
bob marley
'no woman no cry'
+++


now i dont wanna be a **** about this

but we were here first so


we're writin

TOP


upside down



across th great australian desert

in two hundred mile high letters


and a huge arrow



pointing to th south pole


we are not

****ING

down under



egotistical ****s

+++

have to turn yr atlas

upside down

or top wont read write


"right"


looking good matters

+++

i gotta admit

when she thought i;d whacked

a coupel hundred thousand ppl

th look in her eyes was


delicious

+++
city high
'city high anthem'
+++

oh and she let down

+++

not much of a psychic if ya cant feel yr woman let down

+++

i like that


a week before

the last kuta beach bombing


i was squeelin
in my psychic blog


is it gunna kill me this time


when they do it again

like th last tiem they bombed th joint


and it dragged me over th mountain

+++

but penn and teller are right


it's all bullshit right




i mean


just cause i



told my little brother i wanna divorce and i'm movin out

december 23

and


he put 20 punches in my head


and then

two weeks later

th guy next door


leaves his wife

divorces her


on th 23 rd


leavin her with a premmie baby

still in hospital


i dunno man

+++


i still got testicles


might call myself jennie sometimes but

i still got balls and i



not in th habit of tellin my younger brother i wanna divorce

+++
city high
'three way'
+++


<<<smiel >>>

+++

th witchdoctor is

in

+++

contact information is nill

no correspondence will be entered into


all decisions are

final

+++

findin zen
is not about


squeelin in yr blog

pls give me worth give me


comment

+++
machine gun fellatio
'the girl of my dreams is giving me nigthmares'
+++



why a blog in th underground


in th newsgroups

cause it's not wot th other ****heads do

+++

my savages testicles are squeeling

more drugs over here

..
..
..

****in little terrorists

"careful"


"last time ya got mouthy"
"85000 ppl died th next day"

hmm

+++

so who would you kill man
if you had my ability

+++

mostly
i find

when they believe in th flesh

they always give ya a list

+++

wot makes ya think that **** runs things

i can see u dont watch th news

+++
the black eyed peas
'sexy'
+++


how's removing him gunna do anything ?


+++

that's just a figurehead man


easily replaceable

+++

think

+++

paulo's gone back to

apologisin to his biek club


he even washed his club t shirt

+++

i saw my brother

black

alive again


bout six weeks ago


beatin **** out of th pub door

for daring to be shut after opening time



**** he was mouthy


on purpose tourettes syndrome

+++

if an aussie says he had an purpose


means he had an accident


well


kinda



sometimes they're on purpose

+++

i knew this bus driver
in brizzie

who used t have

on purposes

+++
kristin hersh and michael stipe
'your ghost'
+++

my apologies michael

last time i wrote this track listing down

i gave u her last name

+++

the stoners bible is flawed



the stoners bible


+++


****

+++

thought u were dead ya ****

never quite goes away

+++

like my twin brother

black


my male personality

+++

is so funny

pll dont quite get


ya meet jenny and

do **** to er and


next time round

black shits on ya

+++


i had two girlfriends


th sex went under one day in two

my twin brother sacked both of em


in one week

+++
phill collins
'in the air tonight'
+++

sorry
if th sex slips under fifty percent


th boy in me

turns into a ****


i got sore nuts
wot can i say


"**** off"

+++



"next birthday"
"i aint havin three ex girlfriends ringin me ok"

we'll see
<<<smile >>>

+++

havin a bit of a break
i chew threw em


girls are weak as piss

you know


+++

"dont marry one for sex anyway"

+++
bananarama
'venus'
+++


i'm off


watchin

9/11
the falling man

+++

Knock Knock


"yeah man"


"yeah i'll turn my telly on"


"watchinth first plane goint o th twoe rand"

"look down and i'm readin"
"tom wolfe"

"the right stuff"
"page three"


"about wot it's liek to be burned alive in avgas"

"later"

..
..
..

"the devil"

the land surfer dude
+++

p.s.

U2
'the unforgettable fire'
 
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