lmao what a joke

A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to go for hours and hours." The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meet his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes passes and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious. " The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!!"

Another one :

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

LMAO....hahahhahahaa that was soooo funny

hahah Her dad was the pharmacist!! that was soo funny

 

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

haha

that ones funny too....hheh peacocks are awesome....but not to have sex with though

Another one :

 

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

 

The old man just stared.

 

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

 

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

 

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

its funny took me a few seconds to get it but funny

LMAO at the peacock one. ^_^ Here's one my friend made up. It's not really funny, but it still is:

Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead!

GotLinkinPark?']LMAO at the peacock one. ^_^ Here's one my friend made up. It's not really funny, but it still is:

 

Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead!

lmao...thats really really funny!!!!!!!! Stoopid koala

lol

hahha

ok heres one

One time a blond and her friend were going to Disney land. Well they were driving and on the side of the road they saw a sign that said "Disney Land Left". So they went home.

haha (no offense to blonds)lol

A driver is pulled over by a policeman:

Man: Is there a problem Officer?

Officer: Sir, you were speeding.

Man: Oh I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Man: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Man: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Man: Yes, and I killed the owner.

Officer: You what?

Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.

Man: Is there a problem sir?

Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Man: Murdered the owner?

Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer2: Is this your car sir?

Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car and murdered the owner.

Man: Bet you the lying Ba****** told you I was speeding, too!

here we go...

There's this little boy and he was brought up to say 'whistle' instead of 'pee'. One day he slept over his grandfathers house. His grandfather didn't know the magical importance of the word 'whistle'. So, it's in the middle of the night and the little boy hadda take a freak-a-leek, but he was scared to go by himself so he ran to the grandfathers bedroom and said "Grandpa, I gotta whistle." "Not now, you'll wake everyone up."the grandfather replied. "But I really really really have to whistle." the little boy said. "Okay fine, whistle in my ear..."

The ending is self explanatory

its kinda cheesy but i thought it was pretty funny

lol

Ive got one.

Some guy got pulled over. This is what happened.

"Son do you know why i'm stoppin' you for?"

Cause i'm young and i'm black and my hats real low

Do i look like a mind reader sir, i don't know

Am i under arrest or should i guess some mo'?

"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-four"

"Liscense and registration and step out of the car"

"Are you carryin' a weapon on you i know alot of you are"

I ain't steppin out of shit all my papers legit

"Well, do you mind if i look round the car a little bit?"

Well my glove compartment is locked so is the trunk and the back

And i know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that

"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?"

"Or somebody important or somethin'?"

Tah i ain't pass the bar but i know a little bit

Enough that you won't illegally search my shit

"We'll see how smart you are when the K-9 come"

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHE

lol

nice one Sniper

crazy dude

I know. BUt I fucked it up. Im sorry

please dont bite me lol

I know. BUt I fucked it up. Im sorry

 

please dont bite me lol

Grrrr!!! hahaha. You didn't fuck it up? Did he? O.o

One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgivness.

The first man went to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!"

Father: "What have you done?"

The first man:" I have lied!"

Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved."

And so the man drank the water and was "saved".

Then the second man went up to the Father and said:" Father, Father I have sinned!"

Father: "What have you done?"

The second man: " I have stolen from the jeweler's!"

Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved."

And so the man drank the holy water and was "saved".

The third man went up to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!"

Father: "What have you done?"

The third man: " I peed in the Holy water!"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"“He said you're going to die," she replied.

What would happen, if Earth starts rotating 30 times faster than it normally does?

Guess what ?

Scroll down to see the answer............

Wait

Wait

Wait

Wait

We would get salary everyday.

LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHA

those made me laugh so much, the pharmacist one was well good.

and SV's one.... LOL

I'm gonna tell the blonde one to some of my mates later on lol, we have a blonde friend who is really stupid sometimes (but we love her to bits )