Monday Night Rant

I'm haunted!!!!

By the ghosts of old paramours past! Seriously.

And it sucks.

An old boyfriend came to town for a wedding this weekend (he's the one I lost my virginity to, actually) and called me up to see if I wanted to get together. I thanked him for the offer but declined because: A) I was working. B) I just plain old didn't care to see him. So out of spite he slept with one of my employees knowing she would tell me about it and hoping it would make me jealous, which it didn't. I just hope for her sake he improved his technique over the years...haha.

Last night I got a text from an old flame out of the blue and he asked if he could call to chit-chat for awhile. I said fine, and we actually engaged in a very pleasant conversation. He did the old "I miss you" and "you always had the prettiest green eyes" and "I really want to get together and see where things go with us" routine which I took with a grain of salt because I never did fully trust him. This morning I get another text from him asking for a favor...."could I borrow $5000? There is a new truck I want and I PROMISE to pay you back at the end of the month." I said, "No. I don't have that kind of cash" (well....I do, but I'm not borrowing it to him!!!!) to which he texted...."I see. How about $3000?"

Obviously, I didn't reply back.

I'm done. I am D-U-N, Done!!!! I'm sick to death of men using me and treating me like I'm a moron and/or a pile of sh!t. I do not want a relationship. I do not want a man in my life. I do not need the headache or the drama from the jerks that I always seem to attract. Since I can't seem to figure out how to go about finding someone properly, I am done.

I'm still going to move and still going to have a good life. I see no reason why I can't go out and do everything I've always wanted to do on my own. This is my destiny.

Today I was excited because I actually got the evening off so I went to town to go shopping. I stopped at Barnes&Noble to get my geek on and found myself strolling past the "Relationships" aisle. As I pondered the selections there, it dawned on me that I have spent too much money on such drivel. I am embarrassed to say, I even purchased Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" believing it would help me in my single life quandry...but none of the books I've read about love have done an ounce of good. I noticed the volumes of books geared to help hopeless, pathetic, insecure people like me find a mate and I vowed right then and there never to spend another red cent on that garbage again. I only attract jerks!!! Why in the hell should I invest time helping him find his core being when he's just going to try to destroy mine? Why would I want to read up on ways to please him when my own needs are just going to be viewed as insignificant? Why invest in stock that yields no return and only causes heartache?

No more. I don't care what society, the Bible, or millions of years of evolution and genetic conditioning say....I'm going it alone from this point on.

Does my new inner awakening affect anyone here at this site? Absolutely not. Should any of you care? No. You don't need to.

But it felt good to rant and get this off my chest. So feel free to use this post to rant about whatever you want.

It's too bad because there are so many great guys here at BS. Unfortunately, in the end you'd all just break my heart:

eddo - Would demand that every day of the week be naked. Aren't naked Wednesdays enough????

OS - Sure, he promises a great night of drinking exotic liquors but when he sticks me with the $15,472.88 tab...suddenly the party is over.

RO - He would just crab that I don't make his sandwiches right and go on and on about how grueling his job at the Thumbtack factory is. They're just thumbtacks, for crying out loud! Get a real job making something useful like support bras or Sharpies and then I'll be impressed.

snafu - Would kick me out of the house after he wins a lifesize Kelly Clarkson cardboard cut-out for correctly answering a nipple sensitivity question on K-MOOS radio.

Bender - Would cook up some really fantastic food and then expect me to do the dishes. As if!

wez - Oh things would start out good but then soon he'll be bugging me to buy him a new mini-van and golf clubs.

Cloaked - Would pretend every day was his birthday and expect gifts, spankings, a huge party and emkay and Chi to jump naked out of a giant cake.

IWS - Would soon tire of my nymphomania and make me handcuff myself to the bed and call myself a dirty, wanton whore while he drinks beer and watches tv in the other room.

hugo - Will certainly leave me for a woolier piece of tail...

I <3 Ali, but no, Wednesday's aren't enough...

major kudo's for not replying to the POS who was just after money. What a schmuck...

OS - Sure, he promises a great night of drinking exotic liquors but when he sticks me with the $15,472.88 tab...suddenly the party is over.

First off, I'm very disappointed to hear that you aren't a virgin.

Second, you wouldn't happen to have a reddish tint to your hair to go with those pretty green eyes, would you?

Lastly, the whole, leaving you in the bedroom alone, cuffed to the bed while I drink beer and watch tv would depend on what sport season it is. Besides, that's why vibrators were invented.

Oh wait, one more thing. Can I borrow $3,000? I found this awesome new gun that would be perfect for hunting baby polar bears.

kelly... kelly.... KELLY!!...OOOoooooo...

No I wouldn't

First off, I'm very disappointed to hear that you aren't a virgin.

Sorry. Does born again count for anything?

Second, you wouldn't happen to have a reddish tint to your hair to go with those pretty green eyes, would you?

I DO!

Lastly, the whole, leaving you in the bedroom alone, cuffed to the bed while I drink beer and watch tv would depend on what sport season it is. Besides, that's why vibrators were invented.

I like sports. Can't I watch with you? I'll keep the vibrator on "quiet" mode.

Oh wait, one more thing. Can I borrow $3,000? I found this awesome new gun that would be perfect for hunting baby polar bears.

Definite deal breaker.

That's why you should just become strictly lesbian with Em and I, Ali.

Okay!!!!!!!!

It's too bad because there are so many great guys here at BS. Unfortunately, in the end you'd all just break my heart:

 

 

 

wez ...he'll be bugging me to buy him a new mini-van and golf clubs.

 

Don't forget about the $500 "escorts" for those lonely times when I'm on my ass eating bon bon's whilst you're working 16 hour days..

Oh Ali.. some of us really are nice guys who just wanna love.. and be loved..

.....

 

Oh Ali.. some of us really are nice guys who just wanna love.. and be loved..

 

 

Amen brother. I think some women are just attracted to assholes and that's why they can't find a good one.

Sorry. Does born again count for anything?

I wasn't really that concerned, so yea.

I DO!

Hmmm!

I like sports. Can't I watch with you? I'll keep the vibrator on "quiet" mode.

Works for me.

Definite deal breaker.

I was just asking.

Oh Ali.. some of us really are nice guys who just wanna love.. and be loved..

Oh yea. What wez said.

Don't forget about the $500 "escorts" for those lonely times when I'm on my ass eating bon bon's whilst you're working 16 hour days..

 

 

Oh Ali.. some of us really are nice guys who just wanna love.. and be loved..

Amen brother. I think some women are just attracted to assholes and that's why they can't find a good one.

Oh yea. What wez said.

Have I taken interest in the quintessential "bad boy" before? Yes, but when I get burned, I accept full responsibility for having been stupid.

I've also dated several nice guys who turned out to be jerks, too. Sure, they might not start out that way but eventually their inner jerkitude shines through and things have to end.

I'm not implying that all men are slime. Not at all! Perhaps it's me who brings out the worst in people when I get involved with them? Obviously I am the common denominator here. I can admit that. I'm difficult, aggressive, unsettled and cannot be tamed by conventional means.

I really think I'm meant to fly solo. I really do. It's just that simple.

Have I taken interest in the quintessential "bad boy" before? Yes, but when I get burned, I accept full responsibility for having been stupid.

 

I've also dated several nice guys who turned out to be jerks, too. Sure, they might not start out that way but eventually their inner jerkitude shines through and things have to end.

 

I'm not implying that all men are slime. Not at all! Perhaps it's me who brings out the worst in people when I get involved with them? Obviously I am the common denominator here. I can admit that. I'm difficult, aggressive, unsettled and cannot be tamed by conventional means.

 

I really think I'm meant to fly solo. I really do. It's just that simple.

Don't get me wrong, I'm an asshole. In fact if I were in the military I'd be Major Asshole.

I always tell people that so if I do something jerky, people say oh well, as advertised. If I do something nice, it's a pleasant surprise.

Being alone with options isn't a bad thing. It could be way worse; you could have had a child with one of those jerks and been stuck with them for 18 or more years. Whether they were there or not doesn't even matter.

Too bad they didn't have wifeswap for single ladies to scare them straight

Trust me Ali, you're the lucky one.

Being alone with options isn't a bad thing. It could be way worse; you could have had a child with one of those jerks and been stuck with them for 18 or more years. Whether they were there or not doesn't even matter.

 

Too bad they didn't have wifeswap for single ladies to scare them straight

 

Trust me Ali, you're the lucky one.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm lamenting about my choice. I'm not. I like knowing what path lies before me and this one will suit me just fine.

After living in this area so long, the daily deluge of "when are you going to settle down and get married and have a family already?" started to wear on me and I began to doubt myself. I was beginning to feel bad about being single, but after a recent personal epiphany, I now realize that I shouldn't at all.

Once I move and am involved in civilization again, I'll know I've made the right decision. Besides, it's nice knowing I can do what I want, when I want, where I want and who I want. Thank God for FWB's!

Don't get me wrong, I'm an asshole. In fact if I were in the military I'd be Major Asshole.

I'm not very motivated, so I'd likely never make it past Private Asshole.

but I think I'd be ok with that.

Private Asshole is exactly the way God intended it. That's something that should NOT be shared.

Except with that special someone whom you grant access.

Except with that special someone whom you grant access.

Oh yeah? Who, praytell, is the special someone you grant yours access to?

Except with that special someone whom you grant access.

not even then.

I was just thinking the same thing, Ali... but ya know if it's a hole on a female, it's something to stick a dick in, right?

not even then.

 

I was just thinking the same thing, Ali... but ya know if it's a hole on a female, it's something to stick a dick in, right?

Yep.

Cootch, rear, nose, ear.....it don't matter as long as they get off.

Yep.

 

Cootch, rear, nose, ear.....it don't matter as long as they get off.

I think I'm in love.

Nothing like a good night of playing, "Wheel of Orifaces"

I think I'm in love.

 

Nothing like a good night of playing, "Wheel of Orifaces"

NO LOVE! Sex only!

How many times do I have to tell you? Sheesh.