Person's Journal

This is not a suicide letter...nor a runaway type of thing. My inner true feelings need to be let out, and what better way than to use it on my best friends, pen and paper. I've gone through multiple changes these past few years. Radical even. The world doesn't seem to smile upon me as it used to. All my friends ever do is bring problems, and frankly, I'm getting tired of it.

So OK! She left me...and I was depressed for a while. Big deal. That has already passed...let me move on! You all say you want me to move on, and that I should or whatever, but when you bring her up, when you make me remember her, when you lead me to believe that she was everything to me and that I still wish she was...it hurts. I wish you guys would make up your minds...the friendship between us torn...that hurts enough.

I don't know who my true friends are anymore. A year ago, I felt we were the closest thing ever. Then, me and my ex began going out and it all went to scraps. Even though we all knew each other, they made it seem as though we didn't hang out with them and we're building our own sort of group. Let to huge problems in everyone's friendships. Anyways, I suspect they had something to do with my ex leaving me. That personally hurts because I wouldn't jeopardize my own friends' happiness. I had gone through a lot of shit during elementary and middle school...and everything seemed to finally turn around last year. Then that happened and I feel as though I don't really have friends.

To the world: I hate you. I hate how you are able to make everyone's lives so miserable, mine in particular. I hate how you make fake friendships possible. But most importantly, I hate how you can make us hate.

She left you like died or broke up with you?

I know the feeling, but when people see you at your true self, they begin to love you for who you are.

Right now i have approx. 7 best friends, because i like to keep the close ones close, and the far ones, just a quick party, or school thing away.

But what i am saying is that at one point of my life, i had a fight with someone...and their truth about me was unravelled.

I was shattered and was going to kill myself, then i met the most awesome people ever.

They saved my life.

What i am trying to say is that, life wasn't meant to be easy.

The harder it is, the easier to enjoy the simple good things.

I know i sound so emo in my journal.

It's just at the time when i lost all my friends, my parents were the only people there.

Now when i want them to watch my band play,to go see my art in the school exhibition or to do something that i thought would make them proud they seem to not be there.

Long story short, this is your life..Make sure you are who you want to be.

People come and go, but it is you that should try your best to stay true to yourself even if no one else is in return.

It wasn't really a break up thing...her friends didn't want us going out because they felt they were losing her as a friend. After like spring break, she told me that "her brothers" told her that she couldn't talk to me or anything. Basically ignore me...and that's what she has done for like the past couple of months (around 10 to be exact). Sometime around March will be like a year since she hasn't talked to me.

She was like the only person who could really understand me and the fact that it all ended so abruptly just sucks. My future so far seems very clear to me though...I don't have a problem in the direction it is currently taking. There's one dude that I consider my true friend, just because he's been there for me since we met in 9th grade.

Ok so today was a cool day. initially, me and my two best friends decided to go to McDonalds to eat breakfast, then go back to school. Well, since we were late anyway, we decided to skip school entirely...we went to Juan's house and stayed there for a while. We watched Jackass 2 which was way better than part 1 (especially the wall/door with the heart that had the words getting smaller...that was hillarious). Anyways, we got hungry at the end...so we went to McDonalds yet again to buy some more food. We came back and guess what? ANOTHER MOVIE! We watched the Seed of Chucky...what a stupid movie =.=

Ummm....we also cruised around a bit. Im glad we got out early out of school...i couldn't wait to get home where my beautiful computer resides. Juan broke up with one of his two g/f cuz he didn't really like her, just because I urged him to be more human. She was crying but it saved her from the misery that would come in the future.

Yup yup...pretty rounded day

skipin skool is the shizz...

wow... he has 2 gf's

seed of chucky was dumb

wow hahahaha

2 girlfriends, he must have alot of time on his hands.

glad you had fun.

i like seed of chucky!

lol it is the worst in its series but meh.

lol Fiona...was fun...got my mind off a lot of things.

about the dude...its not that he had a lot of time in his hands...it was more of a "what the hell, i'll do it" sorta thing. he was going out with some other chick...and he initially rejected the one he just dumped...but people got on him and stuff and just decided to go out with her out of pity...sorta sad. but its over lol

seed of chucky sucked balls =/ it was based more on comedy than terror x.x i can't believe i wasted like an hour of my life on something so stupid lol

Ok so I haven't updated in a while...but I gots the best news I've had since last year. I dunno if I told anyone, but I wrote an e-mail to my ex...and well...she barely responded like 3 days ago. She basically told me that she still couldn't talk to me and stuff. Blah blah blah more of the same. But towards the end, she asked me if I had any questions for her...like, if there was anything still troubling my mind. I went ahead and asked her if our friend, Cristal, had anything to do with her decision (that chick is so messed up...she likes to mess with people's heads). After a day, she replied back with this really really long paragraph(s)...

(Kuristaru is Cristal by the way)

('the thing' is Cristal's ex-boyfriend)

You know...the same thing seems to be happening this year...with Kuristaru. I have a feeling (well, it's more like I KNOW) that Anacaren had nothing to do in anything that happened last year. Before I begin with this year's "Kuristaru's Return of her F-ing Spoildness," I'll tell you what I think went on on last year's Kuristaru's acts.

She certainly had no trouble distancing herself away from me (who she'd known for about two years at the time) when she started going out with that gay thing (which I believe was in 9th grade?) that almost took advantage of her. She confessed everything (according to her) that was bothering her about "me and my B-yness" (I add quotes because I believe I was just an excuse). That same night she also told me and Anacaren what happened between her and that thing. I was, of course, mad and upset, but not just with that thing, also with Kuristaru. Now that I think about it, if she knew that that thing liked me, why did she let go of ME instead of getting rid of him (was I not that important to her that she could easily toss me away and stay with someone who she knew liked someone else?)? Another excuse I believe she added was my truthful advice (you should know by now about me and my straightforwardness, well I was very direct and truthful while giving her advice before and after that thing came along)... After, what?, almost three damn years that were friends and she tells Anacaren and Marisol that I was too harsh to her, why didn't she tell me (I doubt she cried over it like she said she did even though she a god damn cry baby)? I think what was driving her crazy last year was pure jealousy (since she did also tell us that she was distancing herself from me because she knew that thing liked me). I think after she knew about it (the thing liking someone else...) she started disliking me, and she didn't want to make it entirely obvious, so she had to find a way to make it that way. So she found, yet, another excuse, you. She said "I" started distancing myself from her and Anacaren after you came into the picture, which is complete bull poop. I didn't change one bit and you knew it too, but she was trying to make everyone believe otherwise. So she put things into Anacaren's head that somehow turned her against me (in 9th grade she told me that she liked toying with people's minds, and those that taught her that was Marisol and that gay thing). She has obviously been playing with mine... She ultimately made you, and MYSELF as well, think that I HAD indeed changed. She added Carlos as an excuse too (whom I was never exactly close to) by saying that I chose you over him, and how could I have been so heartless, blah blah blah. Eventually, she made me believe you may have been the cause of the so called "distancing," so I was telling myself that I was lying to myself all along (about liking you, yes sorry I had a doubt at that point because she made me going into a different state of mind) and so I confessed to Yvonne why I wasn't telling her about us. That's how Yvonne got involved. Kuristaru started poking her mind too. She was spouting all this crap about how I was being a bad friend and how when she does something wrong I should just go along with it as to not to put her down. I was feeling more and more guilty, until I finally broke and said, ok I did change, sorry, blah blah blah. Because I cared about Kuristaru, I thought about it and yes she was one of the big reasons why I had to back off and stop talking to you... Even though she told me we made a cute couple, I know she was jealous about us (wow, does that sound stuck-up or what, ahaha...but it's the truth). If she wasn't happy with that thing I guess she didn't want to see us happy (and she does complain too, about the dramas and animes and whatnot, because the couples seem so happy that she feels sad, "I want somebody like that" blah blah blah).

It was after her spoiled self this year that I realized all this. Recently Kuristaru is jealous, or so Anacaren told me, because I am talking to Evelin more than I am talking to her (good jeebuz, this girl doesn't know when to quit). She started avoiding me and Evelin, after telling Marisol that WE are avoiding her, which I say is BULL POOP again! We try to talk to her and she completely blows us off (ugh...talk about being gay). Well, I walked away from her after school on Friday, because I really don't want anymore of this. It hurt when I walked away, but if she's going to secrete her thoughts from us (if she even thinks of us as real friends) then that's it between us... =( I've put up with her brattyness quite enough already and I really do wonder if she really considers me trash. To think she was one of the causes of our not talking anymore. *sigh* She's using excuses like me and Evelin watching a drama without her...and Evelin going to my house without her (after I invited BOTH of them and it was entirely up to her whether she would come or not...idiot...SHE chose not to, yet she's blaming us). I really don't know if it's the right thing for ME to let go of HER this time. She helped me let go of you...and I'm still curious about what she told you that day in the cafeteria, if they were lies or the truth. Even if she finds me as an eyesore, she probably wants to keep me, and everyone connected to me, by her side to ruin me completely...

I'd ask for your help, but in the condition things are, I doubt that can happen. So please, just keep me on my feet. If you have any advice, I guess that could do a bit of help. Anything else that's unclear?

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I give kudos to anyone who actually took the time to read it...that's how she feels...I feel like an idiot for still being friends with Cristal...we both feel the same way about her...

Now that I found out that she was the main purpose of me and my ex not talking, I hate her...I hate her with all my soul...I hate her for what she's doing to Veronica's mind...I just hate her...

thanx alot man... =.= very helpful comment you just left me...

at least you read it

well you have a reason to hate that bitch.... cant you go talk to her and tell her that she fucked up and you want her to backoff?

idk man...I probably will just ignore her and then whenever she starts bitching about it, i'll let it out. I can't make it too obvious that me and Veronica are talking because she begged me not to tell anyone. Posting it here is no big deal because I don't know anyone like in real life. but yea dude...that shit fucking sucks...i swear if she fucks around with her head one last time, something WILL happen.

To Petey: stfu lol I know she writes like way too smart...but that's what I like about her...we can use our superior intellect to confound others

So school was canceled today. Apparently, there was too much ice on the roads that it made it 'too dangerous'. I'm sorta glad they canceled it though...I got sick from yesterday =/

Yesterday I went to school under 20 degree weather (it's different here because we never get this type of temperature in Houston) and I didn't really take a big jacket. Just a light one...like a warm-up one. Well, I made a mistake. Some effing classrooms had the A/C blowing while others heater's didn't work. I suffered throughout most of the day but towards the end, the classes began to have heaters. Almost no one came to school though...it looked like a ghost town, and I guess most people didn't go because people had canceled the schools around our district and not ours. During lunch, I spoke to Cristal (even though I said I wasn't going to anymore). It's just hard to let go of someone that you've spoken with since like middle school. I spoke to my ex yesterday as well. She told me to stop complementing her...and then complemented me back lol. We also straightened out some more issues...and now, it should be smooth sailing from then on. Talking to each other physically will be inevitable soon enough (as she seems to be talking to me the same way she used to when we were going out). I think she doesn't feel the guilt anymore for what she believes she did to me. Hopefully though we become great friends as we used to be.

Person...signing off >.>

lucky u its freckin freezzin here all da time lol

 

Person...signing off >.>

dude ur still on

hahahaha yes i am...i meant like, "I'm stopping writing" or something >.>

where do you live that is freezing all the time???

lol okie i get it

i lives in michigan

its super cold but in the summer its hot and that like the only time is warm

lol it's always warm over here....hot even.

it had been like 80 degrees during the winter...it was that crazy. Michigan is up there...in the upness of up XD and I understand why it's cold. Gah! It shouldn't be this cold over here =( lol

lol kool

wash it first!!

hahaha thanx guys

Today I saw my ex in school. She was looking really beautiful today. Anyways, normally she would eat outside with the rest of her friends, but seeing as it was both raining and cold, she came inside to eat. Her friends sit in the table next to ours during lunch...so I saw her there. I went to go get food with that bitch (Cristal) even though I said that I wouldn't talk to her anymore. When we came back with our food, I saw Veronica sitting at the other table. She looked up at me and she smiled. That was enough to make my day. Uhhh as I was saying, I sat down in my table and ate. Me and Cristal were fighting for food...it was funny (I guess I'm not going to be able to stop talking to her =/).

As I already said, it was cold and rainy...and I thought it was a wonderful day With my newly aqcuired LP t-shirt, I strolled into school...and everyone seemed to like it. Overall, it was an awesome day....just a little boring.