Please keep your clothes on.

I made this thread for us to discuss the times you couldn't wait to get in the sack with someone you really liked. Only to be utterly disappointed by what you received. Either the physical appearance under their clothing or their performance in bed.

 

I bring this up because of an encounter I had last week with a really hot girl I met at work about 4 weeks ago. Shes 5'0 tall and prolly about 105 pounds. Only 24 years old with a baby face. Mmmmm! I got her number awhile back and finally we hooked up and went out on a date last week. Things went well and I played the part of gentlemen and didn't make a move.

 

The next day she was calling me asking if I wanted to come over and watch a movie and hang out. Which as we all know is a sure thing in the making. I couldn't wait. Well to get to the point once I got her tight little pants off I was greeted by the most horrific stretch marks I have ever seen. Her entire belly looked as if it had been severely burned. I didn't even know she had kids, so this too was running through my mind. So here I am, erection struggling to maintain, thinking of how horrifying her belly looked at the same time I'm trying to think why the hell she never said anything about having kids.

 

So off come her panties and EWWWW! So much hair down there I couldn't see the glory pot. A major turn off for me is excessive pubic hair. This bitch looked like she had Lionel Richie's head in her lap.

 

To make things even worse she doesn't even give head. I didn't know they made girls that didn't suck dick anymore. What kind of woman doesn't blow? Pathetic.

 

Turns out she gave her kids up to her parents a few years back. Which was definitely a huge fucking turn off, relationship wise. So in closing, she had a physical hell hiding underneath her clothing and shes a shitty parent. Scratch that. Shes not even a good enough parent to even try and be a shitty parent. But damn she looked mighty good in them jeans.

I made this thread for us to discuss the times you couldn't wait to get in the sack with someone you really liked. Only to be utterly disappointed by what you received. Either the physical appearance under their clothing or their performance in bed.

 

Hm... I can count the amount of men I have been with on one hand and still have some fingers to spare. I don't remember being disappointed in anyone's physical appearance beneath their clothes but I have been disappointed in all of their performances.

 

The next day she was calling me asking if I wanted to come over and watch a movie and hang out. Which as we all know is a sure thing in the making.

 

Either you are a slut or you date sluts. lol An invite to watch a movie is nothing more to me than an invite to watch a movie.

 

I couldn't wait. Well to get to the point once I got her tight little pants off I was greeted by the most horrific stretch marks I have ever seen. Her entire belly looked as if it had been severely burned.

 

Sounds like the poor girl needs a vitamin K acid peel. Stretch marks are always unsightly, regardless of the cause.

 

So off come her panties and EWWWW! So much hair down there I couldn't see the glory pot. A major turn off for me is excessive pubic hair. This bitch looked like she had Lionel Richie's head in her lap.

 

Brazilian waxes are our friend.

 

To make things even worse she doesn't even give head. I didn't know they made girls that didn't suck dick anymore. What kind of woman doesn't blow? Pathetic.

 

Did she specifically say she didn't or did she just not do it? Big difference. Perhaps you grossed her out too once you got nakie!

 

Turns out she gave her kids up to her parents a few years back. Which was definitely a huge fucking turn off, relationship wise. So in closing, she had a physical hell hiding underneath her clothing and shes a shitty parent. Scratch that. Shes not even a good enough parent to even try and be a shitty parent. But damn she looked mighty good in them jeans.

 

Shitty parenting skills, loose, stretched skin, jungle pubes... Doesn't seem like there is any love lost there!

I personally, have had only one experience with someone who turned out to be completely different once we became intimate. But alas, love is blind.. I loved him for who he was, not what he looked like.. After we had sex, the whole 3 minute experience totally repulsed me.. I wish I could just completely wipe it from my mind.. I pray that when I am older, I will no longer be able to recall any of those events that transpired..

 

Besides my husband and the one I spoke of up there, those are the only two I have ever been with... So I really don't have much else to offer..

 

 

Well to get to the point once I got her tight little pants off I was greeted by the most horrific stretch marks I have ever seen. Her entire belly looked as if it had been severely burned. I didn't even know she had kids, so this too was running through my mind. So here I am, erection struggling to maintain, thinking of how horrifying her belly looked at the same time I'm trying to think why the hell she never said anything about having kids.

 

If she had told you before hand about having children, would you have still been repulsed?

 

So off come her panties and EWWWW! So much hair down there I couldn't see the glory pot. A major turn off for me is excessive pubic hair. This bitch looked like she had Lionel Richie's head in her lap.

 

That is just completely disgusting..And completely inexcusable.. Maybe she should have dragged a razor across it before she planned your movie/sex-escape date night.. lol

Next time screw her doggy style...unless she also has a saggy ass.

Posted by Phantom:

Either you are a slut or you date sluts. lol An invite to watch a movie is nothing more to me than an invite to watch a movie.

I date sluts.

 

I unfortunately also marry sluts.

 

I like sluts.

 

Did she specifically say she didn't or did she just not do it? Big difference. Perhaps you grossed her out too once you got nakie!

Just specifically said she didn't in a joking but seriously "I ain't sucking dick" kinda way.

 

No, I'm one of those fellas that looks better with my clothes off. No hair on this chest. Booyaka booyaka.

 

Brazilian waxes are our friend.

Industrial strength would have been in order.

 

Sounds like the poor girl needs a vitamin K acid peel. Stretch marks are always unsightly, regardless of the cause.

I've seen all manner of stretch marks from mild to severe, and this girl looked like she gave birth to an alien. I cannot stress this enough. It was horrible. Purplish in color and about the circumference of a football.

 

Shitty parenting skills, loose, stretched skin, jungle pubes... Doesn't seem like there is any love lost there!

FUCK THAT! I was just looking for a blowjob with the lights on. Neither of those were in order.

 

Posted by KathyA:

Besides my husband and the one I spoke of up there, those are the only two I have ever been with...

Whats the rule here Hugo, I forgot? Like multiply that by 5? Or is it 3?

 

If she had told you before hand about having children, would you have still been repulsed?

By what? The fact that she had children? No. I'm 34 years old so dating girls/women with kids isn't foreign to me. The only time I get put off by women with children is if I know they have multiple children by different fathers. That often seems to put up a red flag as to their personality.

 

That is just completely disgusting..And completely inexcusable.. Maybe she should have dragged a razor across it before she planned your movie/sex-escape date night.. lol

What bothers me about this and what led me to posting this thread is the fact that this girl is very pretty and well groomed. Attractive by anyones standard. Shes doesn't look like a tore up ghetto ho with the peroxide hair and an elongated forehead. Her body has a great little brick shit house build. Call me superficial but those two things, the stretch marks and the puzzy fur, turned me off to her physically. The thing with giving up her children to her parents turned me off in other ways.

 

Next time screw her doggy style...unless she also has a saggy ass.

She has a tight ass. But with that puzzy hair, from behind it woulda looked like she was giving birth to Don King, head first.

Whats the rule here Hugo, I forgot? Like multiply that by 5? Or is it 3?

 

lol... Wishful thinking, on your part. I have been with the guy I call my husband, since I was 15..

 

The other guy came into play, when I was at my weakest, freshly split with guy #1..

 

By what? The fact that she had children? No. I'm 34 years old so dating girls/women with kids isn't foreign to me. The only time I get put off by women with children is if I know they have multiple children by different fathers. That often seems to put up a red flag as to their personality.

 

What I meant was.. You were completely thrown off by her stretch marks.. If you had know prior, that she had been pregnant before, would you have still been repulsed? If she had shared that fact with you, you probably wouldn't have been so thrown back by them when you actually saw them.

 

I've seen all manner of stretch marks from mild to severe, and this girl looked like she gave birth to an alien. I cannot stress this enough. It was horrible. Purplish in color and about the circumference of a football.

 

Ahhhh nevermind, it appears that she is beyond repair.. lol

Whats the rule here Hugo, I forgot? Like multiply that by 5? Or is it 3?

 

lol... Wishful thinking, on your part. I have been with the guy I call my husband, since I was 15..

 

The other guy came into play, when I was at my weakest, freshly split with guy #1..

 

By what? The fact that she had children? No. I'm 34 years old so dating girls/women with kids isn't foreign to me. The only time I get put off by women with children is if I know they have multiple children by different fathers. That often seems to put up a red flag as to their personality.

 

What I meant was.. You were completely thrown off by her stretch marks.. If you had know prior, that she had been pregnant before, would you have still been repulsed? If she had shared that fact with you, you probably wouldn't have been so thrown back by them when you actually saw them.

Alright, this is going to be something every single woman who has ever lost her virginity can relate to. The cold hard truth is that men fucking SUCK when it comes to taking a woman's virginity.

 

TIP FOR THE MEN: When or if you ever take a woman's virginity, you better make it count! The sexual experience the two of you share will be remembered for the rest of her life. Fucking IDIOTS. You need to make it count for her.

 

When women imagine their first time, we think flowers, candles, music, flowing gowns, being swept off to bed in the arms of the man we love. We are NOT interested in your clumsy fingers poking and prodding us all over the place, puncturing our septum when you can't seem to figure out where your penis is actually supposed to go, and climaxing after 30 fucking seconds.

 

I haven't talked to a single woman who wasn't thoroughly disgusted with the loss of her virginity.

 

TIP FOR MEN: Stop envisioning sex as just another method of sticking your dick in something. Sex SHOULD be body worship. Almost spiritual. You're not just fucking a woman's body- you are making love to her heart and mind.

 

This site is Off Topic Forum, right? Well, I'm fucking pissed off! 99.9% of men are downright AWFUL in bed. I'm starting to think good sex is just a myth created by men to trick women into giving it up.

 

DON'T GET MAD: GET BETTER! Instead of going into a fucking bitch fit because of this comment- think about how you are in bed. If you can actually handle taking this advice, your wives will love you and gasp maybe give it up to your pathetic ass more often!

 

NEWS FLASH: Women don't hate SEX. Women hate BAD SEX. HUGE difference. When a man does it right, we will be all over them. When you do it wrong (and you ALL do it wrong) don't expect your wife to be a little horny sex bunny. YOU FUCKING SUCK IN BED. Read the Kama Sutra. Buy some videos. Fuck, take a sex therapy course. Whatever you do, improve yourselves.

 

Holy shit. Men SUCK in bed!

Just thought of something else...

 

MEN: When a woman says, "Oh my Gosh, Honey. JUST like that!" she doesn't mean softer or harder, faster or slower, a little to the left, a little to the right. She means JUST LIKE THAT. Take the instruction and keep doing what you're doing. If not, be prepared for your wife to call you a big fat pig, tell you to get off of her, and ask you to hand her the dictionary. She would rather be reading a dictionary instead of putting up with your pathetic ass!

We don't seem to have any trouble at all getting ourselves off, why should we be responsible for getting you off too? Handle your shit woman.

 

I know I'm good in bed. I ALWAYS finish.

OMG, lol @ Phantom . My first time was great, and I've never had an actual bad sexual experience - but that doesn't mean I haven't done some fuglies; I can't stand the types who brag about how great they are afterwards though, it takes two you know, that is a huge turnoff, and I pretty much lose interest if they brag.

We don't seem to have any trouble at all getting ourselves off, why should we be responsible for getting you off too? Handle your shit woman.

 

I can make myself climax in less than a minute, thank you very much. The previous instructions were a general statement.

 

I know I'm good in bed. I ALWAYS finish.

 

I will one-up you yet again. Most people can make themselves climax. The trick is being able to please both partners at the same time.

I can make myself climax in less than a minute, thank you very much. The previous instructions were a general statement.

 

Why make a general statement about something you have no experience with, from the position of being on the receiving end so as to presume authority on the subject. You have some nerve telling all men that they are horrible in bed.

 

 

I will one-up you yet again. Most people can make themselves climax. The trick is being able to please both partners at the same time.

 

Yes... my reply was to be taken tongue and cheek, but since we are one upping... it is a double standard that you are setting. If you are capable of making yourself climax, why is it that men tend to be the ones who do? If you accept that we are capable of making ourselves climax, why do you presume that HIS climaxing has anything to do with YOUR prowess? I can climax humping a honey dew mellon. High standard you set there.

I can make myself climax in a minute too. It is a talent that tends to piss the wife off.

Yes... my reply was to be taken tongue and cheek, but since we are one upping... it is a double standard that you are setting. If you are capable of making yourself climax, why is it that men tend to be the ones who do? If you accept that we are capable of making ourselves climax, why do you presume that HIS climaxing has anything to do with YOUR prowess? I can climax humping a honey dew mellon. High standard you set there.

 

 

Your an angry little man aren't you?

 

And the fact that you admit to humping a honeydew and getting off, tells me your lonely too..

Why make a general statement about something you have no experience with, from the position of being on the receiving end so as to presume authority on the subject. You have some nerve telling all men that they are horrible in bed.

 

Another satisfied customer! I love making new friends. And you bet your happy ass I have some nerve! I'm not an authority on the subject but my first time was awful and so was every other woman's I have ever talked to. You don't like it? Tell all your friends to take a class.

 

Yes... my reply was to be taken tongue and cheek

 

So was mine, now promptly fuck off.

 

it is a double standard that you are setting. If you are capable of making yourself climax, why is it that men tend to be the ones who do? If you accept that we are capable of making ourselves climax, why do you presume that HIS climaxing has anything to do with YOUR prowess? I can climax humping a honey dew mellon. High standard you set there.

 

You have a lot to learn, My Dear. Sex and foreplay is so much more than blowing a wad or climaxing. Unless I cannot feel my legs for 30 minutes after sexual activity, It sucked. That's the meter I use, anyways.

I love making new friends. Your fingers have been busy following me around from thread to thread.

 

Delusions of grandeur. I am posting on the most popular threads yes... but I don't think I have addressed you personally anywhere else. If I did... well... that's how much you stood out.

 

And you bet your happy ass I have some nerve! I'm not authority on the subject but my first time was awful and so was every other woman's I have ever talked to. You don't like it? Tell all your friends to take a class.

 

Seems like you are suffering some sort of trauma echos and are venting. Make better choices, then you don't have to relive them in public forums.

 

 

So was mine, now promptly fuck off.

 

Oooh look.. Kitty has claws. No need to get narsty. I am just arguing presumption.

 

 

You have a lot to learn, My Dear. Sex and foreplay is so much more than blowing a wad or climaxing. Unless I cannot feel my legs for 30 minutes after sexual activity, It sucked. That's the meter I use, anyways.

 

Again with the presumption. You know not what I know, only how I reply tongue and cheek. If you can't feel your legs for half an hour, please refer your mate to the "fat people" thread. Sound advice in there. What I do, and how I do it has nothing to do with what I have said. You should work more on your own satisfaction rather than requiring that "extra effort" from your partner while lying there like a honey dew mellon. Kisses.

Your an angry little man aren't you?

 

And the fact that you admit to humping a honeydew and getting off, tells me your lonely too..

 

 

That was funny. Nah.. not angry. Picking fights with strangers where I can. Nice to meet you.

I see Phanny has made a friend..

Delusions of gradeur. I am posting on the most popular threads yes... but I don't think I have addressed you personally anywhere else. If I did... well... that's how much you stood out.

 

No, actually I was wrong. Someone told me you were doing this but once I looked for myself, I corrected them and edited my previous comment. I don't mess up often but when I do, I admit it.

 

Seems like you are suffering some sort of trauma echos and are venting. Make better choices, then you don't have to relive them in public forums.

 

Trauma? Nope. Venting? Hell ya! Is this country-cooking.com? Is this help-orphans.org? Nope, it's WHAT PISSES YOU OFF, and damn it, I'm pissed off tonight. Deal with it. My comments were a response to the original author's questions.

 

Oooh look.. Kitty has claws. No need to get narsty. I am just arguing presumption.

 

Hence, the wink. Boy are you dense.

 

You should work more on your own satisfaction rather than requiring that "extra effort" from your partner while lying there like a honey dew mellon.

 

Then what is the point of having sex with another person when all you are doing is taking care of yourself? Hell, in that case, just make your partner and you go to separate sides of the bed and masturbate.

 

Kisses.

 

BJ's.

First of all, your a picky bastard Johny, pussy is pussy, your fucking the hole, not the hair, and not the stretch marks.

 

If the bitch had kids and she gave them up, that tells me she is probably irresponsible and ... oh.. what's the word I want... FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE ??

 

So IMHO, she is probably nothing but a semen receptacle, do yourself a favor and make sure you pull out and squirt it all over her stomach, least you add to her colection of illigitimate bastards.

 

Don't call her damaged goods though, she may give you head at a later time.. Most bitches like to "CLAIM" they don't give head, but given the right mood they'll suck that popsicle like a wild bitch.

 

.

.

Posted by Phreak:

So IMHO, she is probably nothing but a semen receptacle, do yourself a favor and make sure you pull out and squirt it all over her stomach, least you add to her colection of illigitimate bastards.

I thought about standing up for my climax and pissing on that sluts chest and proclaiming myself as Prince of Piss. Maybe donkey punch my cock right up her dry asshole and claim I couldn't tell which hole was pee-pee and which one was poo-poo.

 

First of all, your a picky bastard Johny, pussy is pussy, your fucking the hole, not the hair, and not the stretch marks.

 

 

Ya well I didn't want them to touch me. They were touching me. Now I'm gonna catch stretch marks. Fuck that. I don't want stretch marks.

 

Posted by Phantom:

I will one-up you yet again. Most people can make themselves climax. The trick is being able to please both partners at the same time.

So....uhhhh....your into threesomes aye? So how do you do that? You like blow one dude while the other dude/dudes drive it home from behind? Or is it a girl and a guy? Ohhhh two girls huh? Its very noble of you too come out and admit your philandering lesbianism and drunken orgies. Its always nice to get that off your chest.

So....uhhhh....your into threesomes aye? So how do you do that? You like blow one dude while the other dude/dudes drive it home from behind? Or is it a girl and a guy? Ohhhh two girls huh? Its very noble of you too come out and admit your philandering lesbianism and drunken orgies. Its always nice to get that off your chest.

 

Oops. That came out wrong. I meant please your partner and yourself at the same time. Threesomes are Satanic.

TIP FOR THE MEN: Whatever you do, improve yourselves.

 

Holy shit. Men SUCK in bed!

 

Teach me the way of the woman. Please. please...

 

 

 

 

please? [/ploy for pity sex]

Oops. That came out wrong. I meant please your partner and yourself at the same time. Threesomes are Satanic.

Pfffft. So let me get this straight. You don't do threesomes AND you don't worship Satan. How fucking boring can a chick get? I suppose you don't mainline heroin either?

 

 

 

Square!