Re: WINNERS! USENET Kook Awards, August 2008

I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks, 24hoursupport.helpdesk,

rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email, and soc.singles, when The

Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply to Friendly Neighborhood Vote

Wrangler:

Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

> "20th Century Fox Fanfare"

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c

>

> The time has come to announce the winners of the August 2008 Usenet Kook

> Awards. Envelopes, please!

>

> JAYNE KULIKAUSKAS "CHUMP OF THE SUMMER" PIN

>

> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>

> 10 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

> 02 votes Raymond Karczewski

> 02 votes Richard "St00pid" Bullis

> 01 votes Andrew B. Chung

> 01 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran

> 01 votes Chuck Lysaght

> 01 votes David "Yads" Yaderlee AKA The Doctor of rec.arts.drwho

Er, "Yadallee"...

> 01 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter

> 01 votes Sharon "sharcast" Castigliego

>

> Congratulations, Lamie! In a write-in contest, you managed to get as

> many votes as the other eight nominees combined. Better yet, you now

> have won every award and office AUK gives out for idiocy, lameness, and

> cluelessness, except the Clueless Newbie of the Year. You really /are/

> a chump!

Too bad for Yads. Oh, well, there's always next year.

> RICHARD M. NIXON MEMORIAL "PATHOLOGICAL LIAR" AWARD

>

> The winner is...RAYMOND KARCZEWSKI!

>

> 11 votes Raymond Karczewski

> 10 votes Gunner Asch

> 03 votes Andrew B. Chung

> 03 votes Douglas "Doogie" Grant

> 00 votes None of the above

>

> Congratulations, Kazoo! Your years of mendacity have finally earned you

> this lifetime award for utter inability to tell the truth over someone

> who only avoids lying by accident, another who lies for Jesus, and yet

> another who couldn't tell the truth if it smacked him on the head with a

> clue by four. Eighth Circle of Hell, isn't it?

Oh, so near and yet so far!

> BOBO AWARD

>

> The winner is...KEVIN COGILL!

> Kevin Cogill

>

> 14 votes YES

> 04 votes NO

>

> Congratulations, Mr. Cogill! While it is unusual for AUK to award the

> Bobo to someone who has merely been charged, instead of convicted, your

> confession, global humiliation, and net-death of your website were

> enough to put you on the ballot and earn you this award. While "Talk

> Like a Pirate Day" was last Friday, it isn't too late to say "Arr! Walk

> the plank!" to you.

Arrrr, shiver me timbers!

> KOOK OF THE MONTH

>

> The winner is...THE STALKING OUTER FILTH FAN CLUB OF BOBBI SANCHEZ!

>

> 10 votes The Stalking Outer Filth Fanclub of Bobbi Sanchez

> 08 votes Bucky Breeder

> 03 votes GitRDunn

> 02 votes None of the above

>

> Congratulations, real-lifing scum! You have proven yourselves to be

> every bit as kooky in the aggregate as the object of your stalking is in

> the singular!

Well, I'm sure Bucky can keep his fr0th on through next month. In fact, I

don't believe anything can stop him...

> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

>

> The winner is...PLA OF ALT.RHODE_ISLAND!

>

> 09 votes pla of alt.rhode_island

> 07 votes Mehran Basti

> 01 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, pla! You have just demonstrated that what your home

> state lacks in size, it makes up in cluelessness!

AWL HALE PLA, F0RE SHEE HACE MUCHE CLOOLESS!!!!

> COWARD OF THE MONTH

>

> The winner is...THE STALKING OUTER FILTH FAN CLUB OF BOBBI SANCHEZ!

>

> 17 votes The Stalking Outer Filth Fanclub of Bobbi Sanchez

> 06 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

> 01 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, again, stalking filth! You've actually managed to

> stoop /below/ the level of the object of your obsession--imagine that!

Don't feel bad, Aggie. You could never have topped their cowardliness.

> LOONEY MAROON AWARD

>

> WE HACE A TIE!

>

> 13 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

> 13 votes Richard "The St00pid" Bullis

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, both of you! With this award, Aggy begins a sweep of

> all four awards for promulgating misinformation that AUK gives out--

> that's quite an accomplishment for a kook that was unknown to AUK until

> July. Also, with this award, St00pid wins the Looney Maroon for the

> first time since it was reinstated back in 2005. However, it will be

> the last time he wins this unless he comes up with something more award-

> worthy than simply insisting that the FNVW and many other kookologists

> are really Taylor Netscum. Free cl00, St00pid, I'm not Taylor, Taylor

> isn't Matthew Hennig, and neither of them have ever been FNVW.

I'm sure Aggie, at least, has many more LMA wins in his future. And hey,

he managed that Reality Bomb the Face of Po mentioned!

"I am not sexually attracted to cats. It's not my fault if a cat points

it's arse at me because it thinks I am the dominant male." -- Aggie

doesn't know that cats do that when they like someone. I'm worried about

the cat that actually did it. Message-ID:

<IYmdnQDV2qC0bEPanZ2dnUVZ8vidnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>

> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>

> 11 votes Tim Bruening

> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

> 01 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten by

someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million Puns

(which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

> JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

>

> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>

> 11 votes Bucky Breeder

> 10 votes Lady Veteran AKA Bobbi Sanchez

> 01 votes AB Patriot

> 00 votes Michael Glasser AKA Snit

> 00 votes None of the above

>

> Congratulations, Sucky! I knew you had a promising career as an award-

> winning kook, and you proved me right, as you were judged to be the most

> pathetic kook on USENET last month, one even more pathetic than someone

> who won all three top awards in the same month. BTW, stick around,

> there's more where that came from.

And it took only, what, three months, since a little bird first

suggested to me that I explain to him that he is in no way, shape, or

form a kookologist...

> PALMJOB PADDLE

>

> The winner is...MATTHEW MOULTON!

>

> 18 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter

> 06 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Farfoos! While you showed great promise as an aspiring

> net-legend in 2001, when you could terrorize the clueless xenophobes of

> RAMD just by threatening to outpost the froup's resident net-kook, you

> really have turned into quite the disappointment. By 2004, no one with

> a clue was scared of you anymore, and you had already developed a

> reputation as a spankard. The wonder is that it took four more years

> until you were recognized as the most spanked person on USENET.

Aggie never stood a chance.

> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

>

> WE HACE A TIE!

>

> 08 votes Catherine Burr

> 08 votes William Cmelak

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, both of you! In Catherine's case, this is the third

> time she's won this award, and all three have been in ties. "Real Drum

> Corps People" hate ties, don't they, Christmas Cake? In Bill's case,

> his ranting and raving on alt.nuke.the.usa and alt.gossip.celebrities

> finally got recognized for the first time. Now, both of you, threaten

> to leave USENET forever. You'll both be doing EVERYONE a big favor.

Only if they follow through.

> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

>

> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>

> 11 votes "Doctor Who Physics" by Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

> 07 votes "Mars Phoenix Lander Findings" by Lin Liangtai

> 02 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations again, Aggy! You went beyond mere fannish speculation

> into the realm of Mad Science! Didn't think that would ever happen, did

> you?

He didn't think anyone would notice. He didn't think, either, but that's

not unusual for him.

"The only kind of time travel that is possible in any universe is, if

you changed the past then the future changes too" -- In any universe,

Aggie? Message-ID: <QeKdncThzvwG8e_VnZ2dnUVZ8tbinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

> DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM

>

> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>

> 11 votes "All Folk music is modern Irish Pop" by Agamemnon of

> rec.arts.drwho

> 08 votes "Illuminati/Freemansons/Bohemian Grove" by

> Bloxy/Nukleus/Librarian

> 02 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations a third time, Aggy! Your ridiculous ideas about the

> history of folk music, and other musicological weirdness, managed to

> beat some of the oldest pseudohistorical conspiracy theories extant. Fly

> your freak flag high tonight!

"Bluegrass is African American. Actually its origin is French just like

Rap, but it has nothing to do with Folk. Folk is Irish pop music

concocted in the 50's and 60's which uses instruments that weren't

invented until the 30's." -- And rock, of course, was first made by

Greeks, as Agamemnon will assert. Message-ID:

<r7OdnREN64VSVBLVnZ2dnUVZ8qrinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

>

> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>

> 13 votes Bucky Breeder

> 07 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations a second time, Schmucky! Your crusade against the

> kookologists has earned you this fine prize to carry while you wear your

> Tinfoil Sombrero from last month. Pity Reynolds Wrap does such a poor

> job of protecting you from the musket fire coming from atop Cemetery

> Ridge.

You are the reason the South lost at Gettysburg, Bucky.;-{P}

> GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD

>

> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>

> Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>

> 18 votes YES

> 01 votes NO

>

> Congratulations, yet again, Aggy! So, the creator of Dr. Who and

> Torchwood really did make a cameo? In your dreams!

Victories such as these deserve appropriate accompaniment, particularly

for the month's two big w(h)inners, so, take it away, Freddie!

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=d3MvsnCxTqc

Queen -- "We Are the Champions"

"The fact that you are trying to defend the proselytisation of

homosexuality shows that RTG is making you turn gay step by step,

whereas I have been able to resist his sexual brainwashing. If you watch

series 2 of Torchwood you might even become a fully fledged mincer

yourself, complete with mashed potatoes and gravy." -- Yes, Aggie means

Russell T. "Gayvies". Message-ID:

<tO6dnYP81-E-cATYnZ2dneKdnZydnZ2d@pipex.net>

> SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

>

> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>

> 19 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

> 07 votes Bucky Breeder

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Lamie! Your attempt to deny that you ever told people

> to quit posting really blew up in your face, didn't it?

He never has been the fastest chip off the old block, that boy.

> KLUCK LYSAGHT "TAR AND FEATHERS" AWARD

>

> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!

>

> 12 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran

> 08 votes Catherine Burr

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Lady Veteran! Your fellow posters on soc.singles and

> soc.support.fat-acceptance would be very happy to run you out of the

> newsgroup on a rail. As long as they don't real-life you in the

> process, many kookologists would agree.

The Battle of the Lady Crusaders was most mighty, though. Or "mity", as

the case may be.

> BUSTED URINAL AWARD

>

> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>

> 15 votes Bucky Breeder

> 05 votes Abbedd of rec.music.classical.recordings

> 02 votes Catherine Burr 00 votes None of the above

>

> Congratulations, Inbreeder! You think your flames, fr0gs, and morphs

> are so clever. Instead, they and you are really the lamest of the lame

> on USENET and stink the groups up like a backed up toilet. Peeyew!

He charges up Cemetery Ridge, with pathetic gabble as lames, to be pwned

by K-Man, most handily.

> UNABOMBER SURPRISE

>

> The winner is...AB PATRIOT!

>

> 09 votes AB Patriot

> 08 votes William Cmelak

> 01 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Alberta Patriot! Your screeds on behalf of your home

> province define the concept of Too Long; Didn't Read.

Only too well. I glanced at 'em long enough to be sure that I would never

willingly read them in full, mind. A few of them. Someone notify

edm.general, they deserve to know.

> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

>

> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>

> 13 votes Bucky Breeder

> 09 votes Steven P. Vanier

> 01 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Sucky! You may think your illucid screeds are good

> UPA. They're not; they're just illucid.

But entertaining as k00kscreed. Not so much when he spams them, though.

> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD

>

> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>

> 11 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

> 08 votes Damaeus

> 01 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations for the final time this month, Aggy! Your confusion

> about the history of Judaism and Christianity beat out someone whose

> thoughts on yaoi really do constitute a sincere religious belief.

I don't have any quotes from last month handy, so this will have to do

as an example. However, Ignis Fatuus has a far more extensive quotefile

than mine...

"You DON'T HAVE A CLUE what mythology is.

"Mythology IS the same thing as history and Gesta Danorum is purely

historical.

"Take your idiotic and ignorant conspiracy theories about the grand

falsification of European history and shove them up your arse where they

came from." -- Argyros Argyrou/Agamemnon, teh Rhodes Scholar, in

Message-ID: <MeidnSdouexwK1bV4p2dnAA@eclipse.net.uk>

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

>

> The winner is...MATTHEW MOULTON!

>

> 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter

> 11 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran

> 00 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations again, Farfoos! You may have started out with a lot of

> marbles and you may still have more marbles left than your competition,

> but the key measure is how many you've lost in the process. Over the

> past eight years, you've lost so many that no one is even bothering to

> keep count.

I read the occasional Hatterism, just to see if he's lost anymore. He

never fails to surprise me with how many he can lose...

> ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET

>

> The winner is...BLOXY!

>

> 11 votes Bloxy/Nukleus/Librarian

> 08 votes Bucky Breeder

> 02 votes Neither of the above

>

> Congratulations, Morphing Madman! Your having more socks in your

> virtual drawer than most people have in their real ones finally got the

> recognition it deserves. Too bad anyone who knows all four of your

> regular handles and your regular posting host knows to killfile them

> all.

One day, I might get my killfile working again...

> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD

>

> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER, TRAINED BY KADAITCHA MAN!

>

> Bucky Breeder, trained by Kadaitcha Man

>

> 20 votes YES

> 00 votes NO

>

> Congratulations, Kadaitcha Man! Bucky's a fine kook. Now, could you

> train him to do something that requires some intelligence? That would

> be a challenge!

I'm not sure Woodhouse herself would be up to it.

> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

>

> The winner is...KADAITCHA MAN FOR "COLIN MCKENZIE"!

>

> 11 votes "Colin McKenzie" by Kadaitcha Man

> 04 votes "Fake Earthlink Help Request" by Snuhwolf

> 03 votes "The Trolls Among Us" by Matthias Schwartz

> 01 votes None of the above

>

> Congratulations again, K-Man! You had some of the most clueful people

> on USENET hooked.

AWL HALE KADAITCHA MAN, FOUR HEE HACE MUCHE GRATENESS!!!1

> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

>

> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>

> 19 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

> 07 votes William Cmelak

>

> Congratulations, Lamie! Keep crying like that, and someone will ask

> Farfoos to dress you like the grown up baby you are.

It couldn't possibly be too soon.

> OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

>

> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>

> 19 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

> 07 votes Bucky Breeder

>

> Congratulations for the final time this month, Spamtard! Your idiocy

> has been such that the most pathetic kook this month couldn't dislodge

> you from this office.

His idiocy is legendary, indeed.

> KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

>

> The winner is...ALEXA CAMERON!

>

> 12 votes Alexa Cameron

> 10 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>

> Congratulations, Tequila Tits! You held onto your seat against a

> challenger who won every award for misinformation this month. Your

> legendary status for disseminating kooky bogus ideas seems quite secure.

She wasn't nominated for a thing, last month, barely foamed in AUK at

all,, and she actually managed a few moderately intelligent posts,

within the past day or two. Now, that's what I call a /rep/!

> MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

>

> The winner is...CHUCK LYSAGHT AND WILL DOCKERY!

>

> 11 votes Chuck Lysaght and Will Dockery

> 08 votes Big-8 Management Board

> 07 votes William Cmelak and Karen Anderson

>

> Congratulations, Kluck and Quack! Your defeat of the group of people

> who have held this office more than any other group shows the power of

> kooky birds of a feather who flock together.

Bawk bawk quack!

> OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS

>

> The winner is...JEFF RELF!

>

> 13 votes Jeff Relf

> 07 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>

> Congratulations, Glyphboi! You are still the most illucid person on

> USENET!

Well, dang. Only one set of new officeholders, this month...

> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the August 2008 Usenet

> Kook Awards. Thirty-seven entities submitted thirty-seven ballots. By

> the grace of the FNVW, none were shredded, although one of the voters

> posted the real-life information of one of the candidates after he

> posted his votes; he has since been disenfranchised until the Christmas

> ballot. Consequently, thirty-seven ballots were deemed valid and

> counted. Yet again, I had to spend money on cat litter this month. The

> COO Beer Cooler (TINCOOBC) will not get any La Fin du Monde /this/

> month!

>

> See you all later this week, when the September nominations come out.

> Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on your souls!

>

> And now, a special recessional in honor of both "Talk Like a Pirate Day"

> and this month's big winners and whiners, the kookologists and kooks of

> 24hoursupport.helpdesk!

>

> "Pirate tech support call"

>

LOL, I'll have to give that a listen...

--

________________________________________________________________________

Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!! Kallisti!!! mhm 29x21; MHUoAT #13

Pope Snarky Goodfella of the undulating cable, JM,

CK, POEE, KOTHASK, GGGHD, HCNB, IAC, MWFA; Lits Slut #16

Gutter Chix0r #17; BowTie's Spuriously Accused Pedo Photographer #4

COOSN-029-06-71069; Usenet Ruiner #5; Official Chung Demon

AUK Psycho & Felon #21; Parrot & Zombie #2; AUK Hate Machine Cog #19

Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18

"If it weren't for lawyers, I think we could have invented a universal

symbolic representation of reality."

"We do need not your type here." -- Yads lets his inner net.nazi out, in

what turns into an act of net.KKKopping on TopPoster (who rightly

identifies him as a "net-wacko"), in

Message-ID: <d0nslt$l5g$11@gallifrey.nk.ca>

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Yads

"I am not sexually attracted to cats. It's not my fault if a cat points

it's arse at me because it thinks I am the dominant male." -- Aggie

doesn't know that cats do that when they like someone. I'm worried about

the cat that actually did it. Message-ID:

<IYmdnQDV2qC0bEPanZ2dnUVZ8vidnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

"The only kind of time travel that is possible in any universe is, if

you changed the past then the future changes too" -- Agamemnon

-Skopianosfaktis: Renowned expert on quantum physics and time-travel in

fiction. Message-ID: <QeKdncThzvwG8e_VnZ2dnUVZ8tbinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Gay men deserve to die." -- John Wentzky, in Message-ID:

<RSR3f.23691$5l.19933@bignews1.bellsouth.net>

"Andrew Chung and I have a very special connection. Have you read his

writings on Usenet? He's a Usenet missionary, just like I am. I commend

him (and all of you gentle readers) to Christ's sweet love." -- The

"amoral" Atlanta Kane, on her meds (though she swears it wasn't her) in

MID: <45e766ed$0$69324$bb4e3ad8@newscene.com>

"I did not write this. It is illegal to forget someone's email address.

The person who mocked me like this needs to be brought to justice. This

is absolutely outrageous." -- Amoral AOK, regarding the previous quote,

in MID: <o65dg.s5l.17.7@news.alt.net>

I want a boyfriend who is sensitive and caring,

but they already have boyfriends.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cabal_of_the_Holy_Pretzel/join

"I hate explain $hit to tards. Especially illiterate tards." -- The

Monkey is very hard on irony meters, as in MID:

<Tc4xh.657$hH2.432@trnddc02>, and is also trained by moi, for the

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle

http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008

Hammer of Thor, July 2008

"email is not a private form of communication." -- Dustin Cook, in

Message-ID: <1157484607.556401.25070@h48g2000cwc.googlegroups.com>

"Dustin is FILTH in my opinion. And not for any reason other than

posting Rhonda's personal info." -- Respondant

"After the Swift Boat Veterans who served with Kerry in Vietnam claimed

that Kerry lied about his heroism, the Democrats wanted to make a

similar ad attacking Bush, but they couldn't find anyone who served with

him." -- Anonymous

"You would no longer be here if I were to stop praying for you." Andrew

B. Chung's delusions of grandeur are getting out of hand, in MID:

<1160653810.937331.31980@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.com>

You're fighting a Spam Witch

You look into this seductive creature's eyes and feel as if she can make

your sword longer, your bank account bigger, your waist smaller, and

show you the secret habits of barnyard animals. You fight to resist her

charms . . .

She gets the jump on you.

She shows you a picture of her pet goat. "This is my goat, see?" she

says. Dear god, the horror. Ooh! Ugh! Ouch! Oof! Oof!

You lose 17 hit points. (bad spelling damage) -- The Kingdom of Loathing

TransWench wrote:

> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks, 24hoursupport.helpdesk,

> rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email, and soc.singles, when The

> Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply to Friendly Neighborhood Vote

> Wrangler:

>

> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>

>> "20th Century Fox Fanfare"

>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c

>>

>> The time has come to announce the winners of the August 2008 Usenet Kook

>> Awards. Envelopes, please!

>>

>> JAYNE KULIKAUSKAS "CHUMP OF THE SUMMER" PIN

>>

>> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>>

>> 10 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

>> 02 votes Raymond Karczewski

>> 02 votes Richard "St00pid" Bullis

>> 01 votes Andrew B. Chung

>> 01 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran

>

>> 01 votes Chuck Lysaght

>

>> 01 votes David "Yads" Yaderlee AKA The Doctor of rec.arts.drwho

>

> Er, "Yadallee"...

>

>> 01 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter

>

>> 01 votes Sharon "sharcast" Castigliego

>>

>> Congratulations, Lamie! In a write-in contest, you managed to get as

>> many votes as the other eight nominees combined. Better yet, you now

>> have won every award and office AUK gives out for idiocy, lameness, and

>> cluelessness, except the Clueless Newbie of the Year. You really /are/

>> a chump!

>

> Too bad for Yads. Oh, well, there's always next year.

>

>> RICHARD M. NIXON MEMORIAL "PATHOLOGICAL LIAR" AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...RAYMOND KARCZEWSKI!

>>

>> 11 votes Raymond Karczewski

>> 10 votes Gunner Asch

>> 03 votes Andrew B. Chung

>> 03 votes Douglas "Doogie" Grant

>> 00 votes None of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Kazoo! Your years of mendacity have finally earned you

>> this lifetime award for utter inability to tell the truth over someone

>> who only avoids lying by accident, another who lies for Jesus, and yet

>> another who couldn't tell the truth if it smacked him on the head with a

>> clue by four. Eighth Circle of Hell, isn't it?

>

> Oh, so near and yet so far!

>

>> BOBO AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...KEVIN COGILL!

>> Kevin Cogill

>>

>> 14 votes YES

>> 04 votes NO

>>

>> Congratulations, Mr. Cogill! While it is unusual for AUK to award the

>> Bobo to someone who has merely been charged, instead of convicted, your

>> confession, global humiliation, and net-death of your website were

>> enough to put you on the ballot and earn you this award. While "Talk

>> Like a Pirate Day" was last Friday, it isn't too late to say "Arr! Walk

>> the plank!" to you.

>

> Arrrr, shiver me timbers!

>

>> KOOK OF THE MONTH

>>

>> The winner is...THE STALKING OUTER FILTH FAN CLUB OF BOBBI SANCHEZ!

>>

>> 10 votes The Stalking Outer Filth Fanclub of Bobbi Sanchez

>> 08 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 03 votes GitRDunn

>> 02 votes None of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, real-lifing scum! You have proven yourselves to be

>> every bit as kooky in the aggregate as the object of your stalking is in

>> the singular!

>

> Well, I'm sure Bucky can keep his fr0th on through next month. In fact, I

> don't believe anything can stop him...

>

>> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

>>

>> The winner is...PLA OF ALT.RHODE_ISLAND!

>>

>> 09 votes pla of alt.rhode_island

>> 07 votes Mehran Basti

>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, pla! You have just demonstrated that what your home

>> state lacks in size, it makes up in cluelessness!

>

> AWL HALE PLA, F0RE SHEE HACE MUCHE CLOOLESS!!!!

>

>> COWARD OF THE MONTH

>>

>> The winner is...THE STALKING OUTER FILTH FAN CLUB OF BOBBI SANCHEZ!

>>

>> 17 votes The Stalking Outer Filth Fanclub of Bobbi Sanchez

>

>> 06 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, again, stalking filth! You've actually managed to

>> stoop /below/ the level of the object of your obsession--imagine that!

>

> Don't feel bad, Aggie. You could never have topped their cowardliness.

>

>> LOONEY MAROON AWARD

>>

>> WE HACE A TIE!

>>

>> 13 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>> 13 votes Richard "The St00pid" Bullis

>

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, both of you! With this award, Aggy begins a sweep of

>> all four awards for promulgating misinformation that AUK gives out--

>> that's quite an accomplishment for a kook that was unknown to AUK until

>> July. Also, with this award, St00pid wins the Looney Maroon for the

>> first time since it was reinstated back in 2005. However, it will be

>> the last time he wins this unless he comes up with something more award-

>> worthy than simply insisting that the FNVW and many other kookologists

>> are really Taylor Netscum. Free cl00, St00pid, I'm not Taylor, Taylor

>> isn't Matthew Hennig, and neither of them have ever been FNVW.

>

> I'm sure Aggie, at least, has many more LMA wins in his future. And hey,

> he managed that Reality Bomb the Face of Po mentioned!

>

> "I am not sexually attracted to cats. It's not my fault if a cat points

> it's arse at me because it thinks I am the dominant male." -- Aggie

> doesn't know that cats do that when they like someone. I'm worried about

> the cat that actually did it. Message-ID:

> <IYmdnQDV2qC0bEPanZ2dnUVZ8vidnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

> http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

>

>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>

>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>

>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>

>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>

> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten by

> someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million Puns

> (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

Hear! Hear!

>

>> JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>>

>> 11 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 10 votes Lady Veteran AKA Bobbi Sanchez

>

>> 01 votes AB Patriot

>

>> 00 votes Michael Glasser AKA Snit

>> 00 votes None of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Sucky! I knew you had a promising career as an award-

>> winning kook, and you proved me right, as you were judged to be the most

>> pathetic kook on USENET last month, one even more pathetic than someone

>> who won all three top awards in the same month. BTW, stick around,

>> there's more where that came from.

>

> And it took only, what, three months, since a little bird first

> suggested to me that I explain to him that he is in no way, shape, or

> form a kookologist...

>

>> PALMJOB PADDLE

>>

>> The winner is...MATTHEW MOULTON!

>>

>> 18 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter

>> 06 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Farfoos! While you showed great promise as an aspiring

>> net-legend in 2001, when you could terrorize the clueless xenophobes of

>> RAMD just by threatening to outpost the froup's resident net-kook, you

>> really have turned into quite the disappointment. By 2004, no one with

>> a clue was scared of you anymore, and you had already developed a

>> reputation as a spankard. The wonder is that it took four more years

>> until you were recognized as the most spanked person on USENET.

>

> Aggie never stood a chance.

>

>> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

>>

>> WE HACE A TIE!

>>

>> 08 votes Catherine Burr

>> 08 votes William Cmelak

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, both of you! In Catherine's case, this is the third

>> time she's won this award, and all three have been in ties. "Real Drum

>> Corps People" hate ties, don't they, Christmas Cake? In Bill's case,

>> his ranting and raving on alt.nuke.the.usa and alt.gossip.celebrities

>> finally got recognized for the first time. Now, both of you, threaten

>> to leave USENET forever. You'll both be doing EVERYONE a big favor.

>

> Only if they follow through.

>

>> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>>

>> 11 votes "Doctor Who Physics" by Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>

>> 07 votes "Mars Phoenix Lander Findings" by Lin Liangtai

>

>> 02 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations again, Aggy! You went beyond mere fannish speculation

>> into the realm of Mad Science! Didn't think that would ever happen, did

>> you?

>

> He didn't think anyone would notice. He didn't think, either, but that's

> not unusual for him.

>

> "The only kind of time travel that is possible in any universe is, if

> you changed the past then the future changes too" -- In any universe,

> Aggie? Message-ID: <QeKdncThzvwG8e_VnZ2dnUVZ8tbinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

>

>> DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM

>>

>> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>>

>> 11 votes "All Folk music is modern Irish Pop" by Agamemnon of

>> rec.arts.drwho

>> 08 votes "Illuminati/Freemansons/Bohemian Grove" by

>> Bloxy/Nukleus/Librarian

>> 02 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations a third time, Aggy! Your ridiculous ideas about the

>> history of folk music, and other musicological weirdness, managed to

>> beat some of the oldest pseudohistorical conspiracy theories extant. Fly

>> your freak flag high tonight!

>

> "Bluegrass is African American. Actually its origin is French just like

> Rap, but it has nothing to do with Folk. Folk is Irish pop music

> concocted in the 50's and 60's which uses instruments that weren't

> invented until the 30's." -- And rock, of course, was first made by

> Greeks, as Agamemnon will assert. Message-ID:

> <r7OdnREN64VSVBLVnZ2dnUVZ8qrinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

>

>> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

>>

>> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>>

>> 13 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 07 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations a second time, Schmucky! Your crusade against the

>> kookologists has earned you this fine prize to carry while you wear your

>> Tinfoil Sombrero from last month. Pity Reynolds Wrap does such a poor

>> job of protecting you from the musket fire coming from atop Cemetery

>> Ridge.

>

> You are the reason the South lost at Gettysburg, Bucky.;-{P}

>

>> GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>>

>> Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>>

>> 18 votes YES

>> 01 votes NO

>>

>> Congratulations, yet again, Aggy! So, the creator of Dr. Who and

>> Torchwood really did make a cameo? In your dreams!

>

> Victories such as these deserve appropriate accompaniment, particularly

> for the month's two big w(h)inners, so, take it away, Freddie!

>

> http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=d3MvsnCxTqc

> Queen -- "We Are the Champions"

>

> "The fact that you are trying to defend the proselytisation of

> homosexuality shows that RTG is making you turn gay step by step,

> whereas I have been able to resist his sexual brainwashing. If you watch

> series 2 of Torchwood you might even become a fully fledged mincer

> yourself, complete with mashed potatoes and gravy." -- Yes, Aggie means

> Russell T. "Gayvies". Message-ID:

> <tO6dnYP81-E-cATYnZ2dneKdnZydnZ2d@pipex.net>

>

>> SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

>>

>> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>>

>> 19 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

>> 07 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Lamie! Your attempt to deny that you ever told people

>> to quit posting really blew up in your face, didn't it?

>

> He never has been the fastest chip off the old block, that boy.

>

>> KLUCK LYSAGHT "TAR AND FEATHERS" AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!

>>

>> 12 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran

>

>> 08 votes Catherine Burr

>

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Lady Veteran! Your fellow posters on soc.singles and

>> soc.support.fat-acceptance would be very happy to run you out of the

>> newsgroup on a rail. As long as they don't real-life you in the

>> process, many kookologists would agree.

>

> The Battle of the Lady Crusaders was most mighty, though. Or "mity", as

> the case may be.

>

>> BUSTED URINAL AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>>

>> 15 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 05 votes Abbedd of rec.music.classical.recordings

>> 02 votes Catherine Burr 00 votes None of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Inbreeder! You think your flames, fr0gs, and morphs

>> are so clever. Instead, they and you are really the lamest of the lame

>> on USENET and stink the groups up like a backed up toilet. Peeyew!

>

> He charges up Cemetery Ridge, with pathetic gabble as lames, to be pwned

> by K-Man, most handily.

>

>> UNABOMBER SURPRISE

>>

>> The winner is...AB PATRIOT!

>>

>> 09 votes AB Patriot

>> 08 votes William Cmelak

>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Alberta Patriot! Your screeds on behalf of your home

>> province define the concept of Too Long; Didn't Read.

>

> Only too well. I glanced at 'em long enough to be sure that I would never

> willingly read them in full, mind. A few of them. Someone notify

> edm.general, they deserve to know.

>

>> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

>>

>> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

>>

>> 13 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 09 votes Steven P. Vanier

>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Sucky! You may think your illucid screeds are good

>> UPA. They're not; they're just illucid.

>

> But entertaining as k00kscreed. Not so much when he spams them, though.

>

>> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!

>>

>> 11 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>> 08 votes Damaeus

>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations for the final time this month, Aggy! Your confusion

>> about the history of Judaism and Christianity beat out someone whose

>> thoughts on yaoi really do constitute a sincere religious belief.

>

> I don't have any quotes from last month handy, so this will have to do

> as an example. However, Ignis Fatuus has a far more extensive quotefile

> than mine...

>

> "You DON'T HAVE A CLUE what mythology is.

>

> "Mythology IS the same thing as history and Gesta Danorum is purely

> historical.

>

> "Take your idiotic and ignorant conspiracy theories about the grand

> falsification of European history and shove them up your arse where they

> came from." -- Argyros Argyrou/Agamemnon, teh Rhodes Scholar, in

> Message-ID: <MeidnSdouexwK1bV4p2dnAA@eclipse.net.uk>

> http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

>

>> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

>>

>> The winner is...MATTHEW MOULTON!

>>

>> 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter

>

>> 11 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran

>

>> 00 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations again, Farfoos! You may have started out with a lot of

>> marbles and you may still have more marbles left than your competition,

>> but the key measure is how many you've lost in the process. Over the

>> past eight years, you've lost so many that no one is even bothering to

>> keep count.

>

> I read the occasional Hatterism, just to see if he's lost anymore. He

> never fails to surprise me with how many he can lose...

>

>> ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET

>>

>> The winner is...BLOXY!

>>

>> 11 votes Bloxy/Nukleus/Librarian

>> 08 votes Bucky Breeder

>> 02 votes Neither of the above

>>

>> Congratulations, Morphing Madman! Your having more socks in your

>> virtual drawer than most people have in their real ones finally got the

>> recognition it deserves. Too bad anyone who knows all four of your

>> regular handles and your regular posting host knows to killfile them

>> all.

>

> One day, I might get my killfile working again...

>

>> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD

>>

>> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER, TRAINED BY KADAITCHA MAN!

>>

>> Bucky Breeder, trained by Kadaitcha Man

>>

>> 20 votes YES

>> 00 votes NO

>>

>> Congratulations, Kadaitcha Man! Bucky's a fine kook. Now, could you

>> train him to do something that requires some intelligence? That would

>> be a challenge!

>

> I'm not sure Woodhouse herself would be up to it.

>

>> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

>>

>> The winner is...KADAITCHA MAN FOR "COLIN MCKENZIE"!

>>

>> 11 votes "Colin McKenzie" by Kadaitcha Man

>

>> 04 votes "Fake Earthlink Help Request" by Snuhwolf

>

>> 03 votes "The Trolls Among Us" by Matthias Schwartz

>

>> 01 votes None of the above

>>

>> Congratulations again, K-Man! You had some of the most clueful people

>> on USENET hooked.

>

> AWL HALE KADAITCHA MAN, FOUR HEE HACE MUCHE GRATENESS!!!1

>

>> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

>>

>> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>>

>> 19 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

>> 07 votes William Cmelak

>>

>> Congratulations, Lamie! Keep crying like that, and someone will ask

>> Farfoos to dress you like the grown up baby you are.

>

> It couldn't possibly be too soon.

>

>> OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

>>

>> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!

>>

>> 19 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie

>> 07 votes Bucky Breeder

>>

>> Congratulations for the final time this month, Spamtard! Your idiocy

>> has been such that the most pathetic kook this month couldn't dislodge

>> you from this office.

>

> His idiocy is legendary, indeed.

>

>> KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

>>

>> The winner is...ALEXA CAMERON!

>>

>> 12 votes Alexa Cameron

>> 10 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>>

>> Congratulations, Tequila Tits! You held onto your seat against a

>> challenger who won every award for misinformation this month. Your

>> legendary status for disseminating kooky bogus ideas seems quite secure.

>

> She wasn't nominated for a thing, last month, barely foamed in AUK at

> all,, and she actually managed a few moderately intelligent posts,

> within the past day or two. Now, that's what I call a /rep/!

>

>> MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

>>

>> The winner is...CHUCK LYSAGHT AND WILL DOCKERY!

>>

>> 11 votes Chuck Lysaght and Will Dockery

>> 08 votes Big-8 Management Board

>> 07 votes William Cmelak and Karen Anderson

>>

>> Congratulations, Kluck and Quack! Your defeat of the group of people

>> who have held this office more than any other group shows the power of

>> kooky birds of a feather who flock together.

>

> Bawk bawk quack!

>

>> OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS

>>

>> The winner is...JEFF RELF!

>>

>> 13 votes Jeff Relf

>> 07 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho

>>

>> Congratulations, Glyphboi! You are still the most illucid person on

>> USENET!

>

> Well, dang. Only one set of new officeholders, this month...

>

>> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the August 2008 Usenet

>> Kook Awards. Thirty-seven entities submitted thirty-seven ballots. By

>> the grace of the FNVW, none were shredded, although one of the voters

>> posted the real-life information of one of the candidates after he

>> posted his votes; he has since been disenfranchised until the Christmas

>> ballot. Consequently, thirty-seven ballots were deemed valid and

>> counted. Yet again, I had to spend money on cat litter this month. The

>> COO Beer Cooler (TINCOOBC) will not get any La Fin du Monde /this/

>> month!

>>

>> See you all later this week, when the September nominations come out.

>> Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on your souls!

>>

>> And now, a special recessional in honor of both "Talk Like a Pirate Day"

>> and this month's big winners and whiners, the kookologists and kooks of

>> 24hoursupport.helpdesk!

>>

>> "Pirate tech support call"

>>

>

> LOL, I'll have to give that a listen...

>

--

ah

Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were a Deep

One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody, bloody,

blub...", and then randomly typed out:

> TransWench wrote:

>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks, 24hoursupport.helpdesk,

>> rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email, and soc.singles, when The

>> Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply to Friendly Neighborhood

>> Vote Wrangler:

>>

>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>>

>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>>

>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>>

>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>>

>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>>

>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>>

>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

>> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten

>> by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million

>> Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

>

> Hear! Hear!

<snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is about,

but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

--

________________________________________________________________________

Hail Eris! mhm 29x21; TM#5; Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18

TEH USENETS BULLIE

http://www.runescape.com/

Join my RuneScape clan!

http://z11.invisionfree.com/Holy_Pretzel_Cabal/index.php

Full name of clan: Cabal of the Holy International Discordian Internet

And Usenet Terrorist Pretzel

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle

Trainer of PorchMonkey4Life

http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008

Hammer of Thor, July 2008

Hey, Aggie! Does this sound familiar?

Message-ID: <nursc4tjdsh8tpsdpqqhi5lrefr6js0qvb@4ax.com>

"Marcella proves once again that she's an ignorant racist bigot." -- OK,

what race are Greeks, again? Aggie's so much more knowledgeable than I

about that sort of thing. Message-ID:

<O-ednWCl9cDEQFvVRVnyjgA@eclipse.net.uk>

"It could be several." -- Aggie answers marc_CH's question about which

drugs Jamaican athletes such as Powell and Bolt have been taking.

Message-ID: <aKydne4RQpoPFFnVnZ2dnUVZ8s_inZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Only athletes on drugs win meddles. [...]

"And the funny thing is the Greek weightlifters were not winning meddles

even while on drugs. Clearly every single weightlifter that beat a Greek

weightlifter was taking more drugs than they were." -- Yeah, that's the

ticket, Aggie! Message-ID:

<c_2dnTTpk7xBa17VnZ2dnUVZ8tHinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Do Usenet posters on drugs not know how to spell 'medals'?" -- They

really don't, marc_CH. Message-ID:

<6iifvaFqlv6kU1@mid.individual.net>

"Not supporting me is equivalent to forfeiting your own rights." --

John D. Wentzky: Warrior For Your Freedumb! Message-ID:

<33km2419sg6fnq3shtbatqa602eagfbskl@4ax.com>

"You cognatatively challenged fool!" -- According to Agamemnon, Stephen

Wilson is, apparently, highly ignorant about cognates, and so is anyone

who dares to disagree with him, in Message-ID:

<Jvidnfyewe883sjVnZ2dnUVZ8rOdnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious?" -- Owen Harper, "Dead Man

Walking", Torchwood (20/207)

The Demon of Mockery & Silliness, Chas. E. Pemberton wrote:

> Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were a Deep

> One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody, bloody,

> blub...", and then randomly typed out:

>> TransWench wrote:

>>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks, 24hoursupport.helpdesk,

>>> rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email, and soc.singles, when The

>>> Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply to Friendly Neighborhood

>>> Vote Wrangler:

>>>

>>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>>>

>>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>>>

>>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>>>

>>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>>>

>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>>>

>>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>>>

>>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

>>> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten

>>> by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million

>>> Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

>>

>> Hear! Hear!

>

> <snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is about,

> but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

Oh. My. God.

Did you stop smoking?

--

ah

On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:10:18 -0400, ah wrote these lies, denials, arrogant

assertions, erroneous presuppositions, and/or obfuscations:

> The Demon of Mockery & Silliness, Chas. E. Pemberton wrote:

>> Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were a

>> Deep One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody,

>> bloody, blub...", and then randomly typed out:

>>> TransWench wrote:

>>>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks,

>>>> 24hoursupport.helpdesk, rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email,

>>>> and soc.singles, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply

>>>> to Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler:

>>>>

>>>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>>>>

>>>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>>>>

>>>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>>>>

>>>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>>>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>>>>

>>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>>>>

>>>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>>>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>>>>

>>>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

>>>> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten

>>>> by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million

>>>> Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

>>>

>>> Hear! Hear!

>>

>> <snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is about,

>> but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

>

> Oh. My. God.

>

> Did you stop smoking?

Right before I stopped beating the wife I don't have.

--

________________________________________________________________________

Hail Eris! mhm 29x21; TM#5; Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18

TEH USENETS BULLIE

http://www.runescape.com/

Join my RuneScape clan!

http://z11.invisionfree.com/Holy_Pretzel_Cabal/index.php

Full name of clan: Cabal of the Holy International Discordian Internet

And Usenet Terrorist Pretzel

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle

Trainer of PorchMonkey4Life

http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008

Hammer of Thor, July 2008

Hey, Aggie! Does this sound familiar?

Message-ID: <nursc4tjdsh8tpsdpqqhi5lrefr6js0qvb@4ax.com>

"Marcella proves once again that she's an ignorant racist bigot." -- OK,

what race are Greeks, again? Aggie's so much more knowledgeable than I

about that sort of thing. Message-ID:

<O-ednWCl9cDEQFvVRVnyjgA@eclipse.net.uk>

"It could be several." -- Aggie answers marc_CH's question about which

drugs Jamaican athletes such as Powell and Bolt have been taking.

Message-ID: <aKydne4RQpoPFFnVnZ2dnUVZ8s_inZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Only athletes on drugs win meddles. [...]

"And the funny thing is the Greek weightlifters were not winning meddles

even while on drugs. Clearly every single weightlifter that beat a Greek

weightlifter was taking more drugs than they were." -- Yeah, that's the

ticket, Aggie! Message-ID:

<c_2dnTTpk7xBa17VnZ2dnUVZ8tHinZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Do Usenet posters on drugs not know how to spell 'medals'?" -- They

really don't, marc_CH. Message-ID:

<6iifvaFqlv6kU1@mid.individual.net>

"Not supporting me is equivalent to forfeiting your own rights." --

John D. Wentzky: Warrior For Your Freedumb! Message-ID:

<33km2419sg6fnq3shtbatqa602eagfbskl@4ax.com>

"You cognatatively challenged fool!" -- According to Agamemnon, Stephen

Wilson is, apparently, highly ignorant about cognates, and so is anyone

who dares to disagree with him, in Message-ID:

<Jvidnfyewe883sjVnZ2dnUVZ8rOdnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious?" -- Owen Harper, "Dead Man

Walking", Torchwood (20/207)

"Snarky" <popesnarky@caballista.organ> wrote in message

news:pan.2008.09.25.06.31.07.618685@jm.ck.poee.kothask.dsocpl.eothidiautp.hcnb.ggghd.bcb.cem.fi...

> On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:10:18 -0400, ah wrote these lies, denials,

arrogant

> assertions, erroneous presuppositions, and/or obfuscations:

> > The Demon of Mockery & Silliness, Chas. E. Pemberton wrote:

> >> Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were

a

> >> Deep One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody,

> >> bloody, blub...", and then randomly typed out:

> >>> TransWench wrote:

> >>>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks,

> >>>> 24hoursupport.helpdesk, rec.arts.drwho,

news.admin.net-abuse.email,

> >>>> and soc.singles, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me

reply

> >>>> to Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler:

> >>>>

> >>>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

> >>>>

> >>>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

> >>>>>

> >>>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

> >>>>>

> >>>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

> >>>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

> >>>>

> >>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

> >>>>>

> >>>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even

worth

> >>>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

> >>>>

> >>>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting

"HEAR,

> >>>> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been

beaten

> >>>> by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A

Million

> >>>> Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or

not).

> >>>

> >>> Hear! Hear!

> >>

> >> <snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is

about,

> >> but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

> >

> > Oh. My. God.

> >

> > Did you stop smoking?

>

> Right before I stopped beating the wife I don't have.

>

You named your dick "the wife" ?!?

John C.

Snarky wrote:

> On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:10:18 -0400, ah wrote these lies, denials, arrogant

> assertions, erroneous presuppositions, and/or obfuscations:

>> The Demon of Mockery & Silliness, Chas. E. Pemberton wrote:

>>> Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were a

>>> Deep One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody,

>>> bloody, blub...", and then randomly typed out:

>>>> TransWench wrote:

>>>>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks,

>>>>> 24hoursupport.helpdesk, rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email,

>>>>> and soc.singles, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply

>>>>> to Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler:

>>>>>

>>>>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>>>>>

>>>>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>>>>>

>>>>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>>>>>

>>>>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>>>>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>>>>>

>>>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>>>>>

>>>>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>>>>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>>>>>

>>>>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

>>>>> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten

>>>>> by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million

>>>>> Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

>>>>

>>>> Hear! Hear!

>>>

>>> <snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is about,

>>> but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

>>

>> Oh. My. God.

>>

>> Did you stop smoking?

>

> Right before I stopped beating the wife I don't have.

I've been seeing a girl for about six months, now . . . she doesn't know it, yet.

--

ah

In article <48dcbca0$0$33704$892e0abb@auth.newsreader.octanews.com>,

ah <splifingate@gmail.com> wrote:

>Snarky wrote:

>> On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:10:18 -0400, ah wrote these lies, denials, arrogant

>> assertions, erroneous presuppositions, and/or obfuscations:

>>> The Demon of Mockery & Silliness, Chas. E. Pemberton wrote:

>>>> Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were a

>>>> Deep One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody,

>>>> bloody, blub...", and then randomly typed out:

>>>>> TransWench wrote:

>>>>>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks,

>>>>>> 24hoursupport.helpdesk, rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email,

>>>>>> and soc.singles, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply

>>>>>> to Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler:

>>>>>>

>>>>>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>>>>>>

>>>>>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>>>>>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>>>>>>

>>>>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>>>>>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>>>>>>

>>>>>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting "HEAR,

>>>>>> HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month been beaten

>>>>>> by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man of A Million

>>>>>> Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want him to or not).

>>>>>

>>>>> Hear! Hear!

>>>>

>>>> <snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is about,

>>>> but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

>>>

>>> Oh. My. God.

>>>

>>> Did you stop smoking?

>>

>> Right before I stopped beating the wife I don't have.

>

>I've been seeing a girl for about six months, now . . . she doesn't know

>it, yet.

>--

>ah

Snarky needs a wife and not to beat on her.

--

Member - Liberal International

This is doctor@nl2k.ab.ca Ici doctor@nl2k.ab.ca

God, Queen and country! Beware Anti-Christ rising! Canada vote anything but

Conservative on 14 OCt 2008, join us at http://www.harpocrit.ca .

On Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:44:40 +0000, The Doctor attempted to confuse the

issue further by squeaking:

> ah wrote:

>>Snarky wrote:

>>> On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:10:18 -0400, ah wrote these lies, denials,

>>> arrogant assertions, erroneous presuppositions, and/or obfuscations:

>>>> The Demon of Mockery & Silliness, Chas. E. Pemberton wrote:

>>>>> Hail Eris! On Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:12:07 -0400, ah sang, "If I were a

>>>>> Deep One...blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, bloody,

>>>>> bloody, blub...", and then randomly typed out:

>>>>>> TransWench wrote:

>>>>>>> I was busily flonking away in alt.usenet.kooks,

>>>>>>> 24hoursupport.helpdesk, rec.arts.drwho, news.admin.net-abuse.email,

>>>>>>> and soc.singles, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me

>>>>>>> reply to Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler:

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>> Note to alt.callahans: There's a surprise for ya, guys...!

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE

>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> The winner is...TIM BRUENING!

>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> 11 votes Tim Bruening

>>>>>>>> 08 votes Mark Morgan Fan Club of rec.radio.amateur.policy

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> 01 votes Neither of the above

>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> Congratulations, Tim! You're so boring that you're not even worth

>>>>>>>> another award. Into the Galactic Killfile you go!

>>>>>>>

>>>>>>> And across usenet, there is a rising chorus of voices, shouting

>>>>>>> "HEAR, HEAR!" Never has my candidate for this award in any month

>>>>>>> been beaten by someone who so deserved to win as the above, the Man

>>>>>>> of A Million Puns (which he will share with you, whether you want

>>>>>>> him to or not).

>>>>>>

>>>>>> Hear! Hear!

>>>>>

>>>>> <snipping for the sake of all who are wondering what the fuss is

>>>>> about, but don't want to read a really long post to see one award>

>>>>

>>>> Oh. My. God.

>>>>

>>>> Did you stop smoking?

>>>

>>> Right before I stopped beating the wife I don't have.

>>

>>I've been seeing a girl for about six months, now . . . she doesn't know

>>it, yet.

>

> Snarky needs a wife and not to beat on her.

No, I don't. AAMOF, given that I'm 39 years old and still single (not a

virgin), I'm quite likely to remain unmarried on a permanent basis.

Well, unless I get my sex change. Then I might marry my girlfriend...

--

________________________________________________________________________

Hail Eris! mhm 29x21; TM#5; COOSN-029-06-71069; Usenet Ruiner #5

The God of Odd Statements, the Ugliest Pigfucker In The Universe

Stupidity Takes Its Toll. Please Have Exact Change.

Most Hated Usenetizen of All Time #13; Lits Slut #16

Gutter Chix0r #17; BowTie's Spuriously Accused Pedo Photographer #4

AUK Psycho & Felon #21; Parrot & Zombie #2; AUK Hate Machine Cog #19

Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18

Remove all the confusion and k00ks from my posting addy to send me your

sekrit messages.

"The most useful tool for dealing with management types is, of course,

an automatic weapon."

"these trolls are frustrated youngsters with serious psychic problems."

-- a web version of Alexa Cameron, named Adrian.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/6z5zym

"The fact that you are trying to defend the proselytisation of

homosexuality shows that RTG is making you turn gay step by step,

whereas I have been able to resist his sexual brainwashing. If you watch

series 2 of Torchwood you might even become a fully fledged mincer

yourself, complete with mashed potatoes and gravy." -- Yes, Aggie means

Russell T. "Gayvies". Message-ID:

<tO6dnYP81-E-cATYnZ2dneKdnZydnZ2d@pipex.net>

Official Chung Demon

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle

Trainer of PorchMonkey4Life

http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008

Hammer of Thor, July 2008

"You are the GOD-DAMNED, IGNORANT LIAR here.

Now, that is not me taking the Lord's name in vain."

-- John Wentzky: Living proof of the Death of Irony, in Message-ID:

<jljOe.5348$ZD4.3223@bignews3.bellsouth.net>

I mourned:

> The Mop Jockey did most oddly state:

>> DUDE, YOU WIN TEH INTERNETS!!!

>>

>> the oversized check is in the mail.

>

> Alas, all I get for my trouble is a Monkey that's trained to hurl shit

> under several of my nyms.

"DevMcKinHole, you also get the pleasure of sucking off my doggy and

cleaning out his butthole with your tongue." -- He's not so much a

Porch Monkey as a _Fire_Monkey, as in one who's on fire due to his

own tendency to mess with lighter fluid while standing beside a hot

stove. Message-ID: <77Uxh.1996$384.1135@trnddc05>

Said I:

> You, Monkey-man, are quite possibly the only usenetter in existence

> who does not and cannot own Hatter.

"[...] What's the matter fagboi, am I beating your as$ so badly that

you're no seeking an alliance with the diaperboi?...YOu really don't

know how dumb you are, do ya?" -- I guess I don't, Monkey.

Message-ID: <gHVIh.1760$Bi2.1639@trnddc01>

"Ok, but I am not stalking Teh Mop Jockey, I seem to be building a

relationship with him. Remember, I am a Christian so the secular rules

do not apply to me. I strive to be amoral, which I think applies to this

situation. Keep this in mind, please. Since I am currently mentally ill

and since I can not nominate, that is what I am doing at this time." --

Olympiada: Teh amoral "Christian", in Message-ID:

<45e625dd$0$16280$88260bb3@free.teranews.com>

"You're like some kind of rabid attack-gerbil." -- Lionel Lauer to Joxer

in MID: <oorbs2pt3dc6b8t4aps7a68k0s9stn2e4i@4ax.com>

"I say you are out of your fucking mind." -- Ying Guo, posting as

"SameAsB4" <exebuyola@yanospamhoo.com>, tells PorchMonkey4Life, posting

as the same nick but a slightly different morph, the score, in MID:

<ka4lo.338.19.1@news.alt.net>

"in the holy spirit i know you would satisfy every single person in a

room if you were the only person present." -- ~tanya, to Crazy Andy II,

in MID: <1167007805.998087.289050@a3g2000cwd.googlegroups.com>

If you never read anything else in any of my sigs, read this:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15321167/

http://borealin.livejournal.com/15104.html

Or watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqxmPjB0WSs

Then, if you manage to read/watch all that, try this:

http://www.newamericancentury.org/RebuildingAmericasDefenses.pdf

And Molly Ivins had a few choice words to say about it, weeks before:

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/092906B.shtml

Here's Chris Floyd: Fatal Vision: The Deeper Evil Behind the Detainee

Bill: http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/100206A.shtml

"Q: What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?

A: George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War." -- Anon.

Thread where outing begins: http://tinyurl.com/hojf8

George Pickett Memorial Trophy, Special Ops Cody Memorial Purple Heart,

and the Order of the Holey Sockpuppet winner <wfh_jr@hotmail.com> on

outing personal contact info in x-poasted subject lines:

"Plenty of people post under their real names and do not attempt to hide

their contact info. You are scared of being 'outed' because you are a

pathological abuser of usenet, and people rightly despise you for it.

You're afraid of being reported to the authorities or, better, visited

by a couple of guys with baseball bats. Other people don't have this

obsessive fear. Ward Hardman himself has posted plenty of personal

information - nothing that anyone else added was hidden in any way.

You're so fucking scared you've built up this whole sick mythology about

different categories of bad dudes who 'out' scum like you.

"Meanwhile you are the ugliest pigfucker in the universe. You are the

coward without ethics. You call me a 'newbie' - ha! what an asshole you

are. Those who want to remain anonymous do so. There is absolutely no

way you could identify me, not unless you had the sort of subpoena power

that only gets turned on for big-time terrorists. That's because I chose

to be anonymous. Some people don't. Only really stupid dicks like you

choose the sort of semi-anonymity which leaves you in constant fear.

"What a dickless wonder you are 'Snarky' you fat asshole."

-- in MID: <1156587081.123977.43800@m79g2000cwm.googlegroups.com>

"I am the only one who has outer filthed Ward" -- James C. "Crackhead"

Cracked voluntarily self-immolates, in MID:

1159678991.838385.310840@m7g2000cwm.googlegroups.com

"When I told Abbie Hoffman that he was the first one who made me laugh

since Lenny Bruce died, Hoffman said, "Really? He was my god." The

combination of satirical irreverence and sense of justice that Bruce and

Hoffman shared was the real spirit behind the Yippies--a term I coined

to describe a phenomenon that already existed: an organic coalition of

stoned hippies and political activists who engaged in such actions as

throwing money on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, then

explaining to reporters the meaning of that symbolism. Folksinger Phil

Ochs summed it up: "A demonstration should turn you on, not turn you

off." So when journalists link the Yippies with misleading bedfellows,

at best it's careless shorthand; at worst it's deliberate demonization.

Osama bin Laden wanted an aircraft to crash into the Pentagon. Abbie

Hoffman merely wanted to levitate it." -- Paul Krassner,

http://tinyurl.com/ehu3v

Demon Lord Benedict Snodgrass Jr of Confusion, ye slow-witted contagious

cloud, thou art melancholy without cause, ye poured out:

> I'm 39 years old

> my sex change.

You'll look a bit odd unless your tits are made to bypass the pert & firm

stage and go straight to scraggy, mate.

--

alt.usenet.kooks

"We are arrant knaves all, believe none of us."

Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1 [129]

Hammer of Thor: February 2007.

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker:

September 2005, April 2006, January 2007, August 2008.

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle, Official owner

and trainer of Bucky Breeder, August 2008.

Official Member: Cabal Obsidian Order COOSN-124-07-06660

Official Overseer of Kooks & Trolls in 24hoursupport.helpdesk

Member of:

Usenet Ruiner List

Top Assholes on the Net List

Most hated usenetizens of all time List

Cog in the AUK Hate Machine List

Find me on Google Maps: 24?39'47.13"S, 134?4'20.18"E

Join me for dinner. I'm cooking ugly sheep excrescence with apple

conserve next to buggered vole abdomen smothered in barbarous ears of

corn and turnip vinegar, arranged in a splashing mug brimming with

medium to well done salsa, bleached scraps of lobster and bologna, fresh

blood, a side of salamander salivary gland and a teacup of saliva.

On Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:18:43 -1200, Kadaitcha Man fixed me with a beady

eye, and foamed wildly:

> Demon Lord Benedict Snodgrass Jr of Confusion, ye slow-witted contagious

> cloud, thou art melancholy without cause, ye poured out:

>

>> I'm 39 years old

>

>> my sex change.

>

> You'll look a bit odd unless your tits are made to bypass the pert & firm

> stage and go straight to scraggy, mate.

Yes, well, unless SRS and hormones, etc, go back to being covered by

medicare, it's a moot point...Mind you, if, as I suspect, I have high

blood pressure, or just too much stress, it may be a moot point anyway.

--

________________________________________________________________________

Hail Eris! Cthulhu fhtagn! mhm 29x21; Top Asshole #3; Lits Slut #16

Chas. E. Pemberton; Most Hated Usenetizen of All Time #13

Gutter Chix0r #17; BowTie's Spuriously Accused Pedo Photographer #4

COOSN-029-06-71069; Usenet Ruiner #5; Official Chung Demon

AUK Psycho & Felon #21; Parrot & Zombie #2

Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008

Hammer of Thor, July 2008

"Life size models of Cthulhu, on sale now!"

"Who in their right mind would believe the totally unsubstantiated and

unsupported proposition that all ancient and mediaeval European

historians made everything all up in collusion with each other as part

of a grand pan-European conspiracy spanning nearly 3,000 years to fake

its history when it had none before." -- Naturally, there is no possible

way they could simply have misinterpreted events and old folk tales, and

passed on their misinterpretations, because ancient and mediaeval

historians had insight into advanced physics, chemistry, and many

related disciplines. Right, Aggie? Message-ID:

<AfmdnY9d_rF3ukzVRVnytQA@eclipse.net.uk>

"I got my degree from on of the top 3 universities in the UK and top 10

in the world.

"You don't have a clue about science. Biology is not a true science.

Personal opinions are not science." -- Aggie teh cyuntist, in Message

-ID: <SYydncOQTP9sjUzVnZ2dnUVZ8q_inZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"IMBECILE! There is NO in-between. Read the original French. Nostradamus

was an early French psychiatrist. What you think are prophecies are his

case notes." -- Why didn't I see it before, Aggie? Of course! And

Paracelsus was an early physicist, too, right? Message-ID:

<j56dnXNOgNeeO1zVnZ2dnUVZ8vGdnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Archaeology is NOT history you FOOL!" -- Aggie Teh Scholar. Message-ID:

<v8CdnSOj3ufRP1DVnZ2dnUVZ8h-dnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"You DON'T HAVE A CLUE what mythology is.

"Mythology IS the same thing as history and Gesta Danorum is purely

historical.

"Take your idiotic and ignorant conspiracy theories about the grand

falsification of European history and shove them up your arse where they

came from." -- Argyros Argyrou/Agamemnon, teh Rhodes Scholar, in

Message-ID: <MeidnSdouexwK1bV4p2dnAA@eclipse.net.uk>

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

"Folklore is a 19th century Romanticist movement based on

contemporary popular northern European music."

"The entire concept was concocted by the Brothers Grimm during the

Romanticist literary period and entered the discipline of music in the

following century with the Romanticist musical period after Beethoven."

-- Please send medical bills for any damage to your health caused by the

above two quotes to Agamemnon-Skopianosfaktis. Message-ID:

<UNGdnZVRnLb0fwXVRVnyigA@eclipse.net.uk>

"Kolofilia between a human and another human is as depraved as fucking

animals." -- Agamemnon, poutso kelftis, just plain doesn't like sex,

apparently. Message-ID:

<asqdneLCt_DZ6e_VnZ2dnUVZ8rednZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

"Roe V Wade has zero bearing on my existence other than it affects it

adversely."

-- Johnny Wentzky never had much truck with "logic". Message-ID:

<V6xNe.27650$XM3.20042@bignews5.bellsouth.net>

"You are the GOD-DAMNED, IGNORANT LIAR here.

Now, that is not me taking the Lord's name in vain."

-- John Wentzky: Living proof of the Death of Irony, in Message-ID:

<jljOe.5348$ZD4.3223@bignews3.bellsouth.net>

"For the most part, morality is universal." -- John "Easily" Shocked

"The whining has just begun." -- John Wentzky, in Message-ID:

<Ie2Qe.8199$wb5.1083@bignews1.bellsouth.net>

"Gay men deserve to die." -- John Wentzky, in Message-ID:

<RSR3f.23691$5l.19933@bignews1.bellsouth.net>

"Laws count, the US Constitution count more, and we need to have judges

on the bench who are going to Carry Out those laws, not Make Law or

Interpret Law." -- John "Easily" Shocked contradicts his own words on

the overriding importance of society's reluctance to accept

homosexuality, in Message-ID: <brIDe.67062$Qo.12613@fed1read01>

"I heard that you are still trespassing in the USA. If it's black, it

refuses to work and it accuses whites of racism. What a joke.

Look at a map and see where Africa is, bitchboy. What is this GOD DAMNED

NIGGERISH ALLEGIANCE YOU HAVE TO TRYING TO GET WHITE PEOPLE TO HAND OFF

OTHER WHITE PEOPLE TO SOMEONE YOU THINK IS NOT AGAINST YOUR CRIMINAL

ALLEGIANCE??????

Too afraid to tell the truth?

WIMPS!

COWARDS!

LIARS!

MILITANT ASSPRICKS!

LOSERS!

FAILED BULLSHITBOYS WHOSE CANDY HAS NO RED ON IT! YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE!

I LICKED THE RED OFF YOUR CANDY BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUR ILK HAVEN'T GOT ANY

FURY!

THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T BEAT ME VIA ANY LAWFUL MEANS WHATSOEVER! YOU'RE A

NAMBY PAMBY ANTI-USA ASSPRICK!" -- Huge pools of MOLTEN WENTZKY are

being found all over the Carolinas, after his reply to Panama Floyd, in

Message-ID: <qiA3k.2556$Xe.1871@bignews1.bellsouth.net>

http://www.screedbomb.info/coosn/

Q: Who is eligible for a COOSN?

A: Kookologists with 10 or more verifiable UV points may exchange these

points for a Cabal Obsidian Order Sombrero Number.

Q: Who is not eligible for a COOSN?

A: Certified net.kooks; notorious net.cretins; terminally clueless

fuckwits; previous winners of kook-awards, unless an official pardon has

been granted by the FNVW.

Q: How do I apply for a COOSN?

A: Make a Usenet post to alt.usenet.kooks (crossposting to your favourite

newsgroups is acceptable); to ensure that the FNVW actually sees your

request, try to use either of the following formats for the subject line:

[COOSN Application] Your name (or best known handle) here

[COOSN Request] Your name (or best known handle) here

Please provide a list of 10 UV points - along with verifiable evidence for

each point wherever possible.

Q: Can one Kookologist nominate another Kookologist for a COOSN?

A: Yes, but the proposer should supply a verifiable list of 10 UV points

for the nominee at the time of the nomination. Also, the nominee must

accept the nomination before a COOSN is issued.

Q: What happens if my Sombrero Number application is refused by the FNVW?

A: The Office of Darth Bawl is always looking for new candidates. Nuff

said.

Q: What are "UV points"?

1. Threats of violence, especially death. (one point per kook)

2. Lists, i.e. real lists, not just mentions of two or three names in

the same post. One list per kook, unless the lists are clearly meant to

serve different purposes.

3. Fanboi sites (one point per kook, not one point per site. Minimum

qualification is a whole page about you; pages containing lists don't

score extra if the list also appears on Usenet).

4. Fanboi newsgroups (one point per kook, not one point per group)

5. Attempts at real-life contact (e.g. posting phone numbers)

6. Fake awards, revenge nominations etc. (one point per kook)

7. Mentions in a newsgroup FAQ (e.g. soc.men).

8. Being the target of a Kooksuit (one point per kook).

Gerald C. Newton is a wife-beating fuckhead.

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/G-Dolf

The Black Goat With A Thousand Young, ye toad-spotted nincompoop, this

is the foul fiend Flibbertigibbet, ye chirruped:

> On Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:18:43 -1200, Kadaitcha Man fixed me with a beady

> eye, and foamed wildly:

>> Demon Lord Benedict Snodgrass Jr of Confusion, ye slow-witted contagious

>> cloud, thou art melancholy without cause, ye poured out:

>>

>>> I'm 39 years old

>>

>>> my sex change.

>>

>> You'll look a bit odd unless your tits are made to bypass the pert & firm

>> stage and go straight to scraggy, mate.

>

> Yes, well, unless SRS and hormones,

<absurd mind-image mode on>

Dual SRS...

http://www.perodua-car.com/Pictures/myvi_safety.JPG

> etc, go back to being covered by

> medicare, it's a moot point...Mind you, if, as I suspect, I have high

> blood pressure, or just too much stress, it may be a moot point anyway.

Good point. Avoid tits. With high blood pressure there's a risk that the

temples on either side of your head will simultaenously blow out if your

tits are squeezed too hard from behind.

<absurd mind-image mode off>

<absurd mind-image mode off>

<absurd mind-image mode off>

DAMN! It's stuck.

--

alt.usenet.kooks

"We are arrant knaves all, believe none of us."

Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1 [129]

Hammer of Thor: February 2007.

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker:

September 2005, April 2006, January 2007, August 2008.

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle, Official owner

and trainer of Bucky Breeder, August 2008.

Official Member: Cabal Obsidian Order COOSN-124-07-06660

Official Overseer of Kooks & Trolls in 24hoursupport.helpdesk

Member of:

Usenet Ruiner List

Top Assholes on the Net List

Most hated usenetizens of all time List

Cog in the AUK Hate Machine List

Find me on Google Maps: 24?39'47.13"S, 134?4'20.18"E

Join me for dinner. I'm cooking monstrous aborted feotus and echidna

abdomen marinade complemented by direful flamingo carbuncle with bladder

vinaigrette, dished up in a congealing skillet containing medium cooked

spinach, exotic bits of veal and oyster with pieces of kidney, an

unidentifiable organ gravy, a side of walrus salivary gland and a glass

of water hog vomit.

On Sat, 27 Sep 2008 10:06:09 -1200, Kadaitcha Man did most oddly state:

> The Black Goat With A Thousand Young, ye toad-spotted nincompoop, this is

> the foul fiend Flibbertigibbet, ye chirruped:

>> On Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:18:43 -1200, Kadaitcha Man fixed me with a beady

>> eye, and foamed wildly:

>>> Demon Lord Benedict Snodgrass Jr of Confusion, ye slow-witted

>>> contagious cloud, thou art melancholy without cause, ye poured out:

>>>

>>>> I'm 39 years old

>>>

>>>> my sex change.

>>>

>>> You'll look a bit odd unless your tits are made to bypass the pert &

>>> firm stage and go straight to scraggy, mate.

>>

>> Yes, well, unless SRS and hormones,

>

> <absurd mind-image mode on>

>

> Dual SRS...

>

> http://www.perodua-car.com/Pictures/myvi_safety.JPG

>

>> etc, go back to being covered by

>> medicare, it's a moot point...Mind you, if, as I suspect, I have high

>> blood pressure, or just too much stress, it may be a moot point anyway.

>

> Good point. Avoid tits. With high blood pressure there's a risk that the

> temples on either side of your head will simultaenously blow out if your

> tits are squeezed too hard from behind.

>

> <absurd mind-image mode off>

> <absurd mind-image mode off>

> <absurd mind-image mode off>

>

> DAMN! It's stuck.

<poke>

--

________________________________________________________________________

Hail Eris! mhm 29x21; TM#5; Chung Convict #28; Usenet Ruiner #5

Demon Lord of Confusion; Official Chung Demon; Top Asshole #3

Superfaggot; Wingnut's #1 World Class Coward (next to the French)

COOSN-029-06-71069; Most Hated Usenetizen of All Time #13; Lits Slut #16

Gutter Chix0r #17; BowTie's Spuriously Accused Pedo Photographer #4

AUK Psycho & Felon #21; Parrot & Zombie #2; AUK Hate Machine Cog #19

Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18

The posting nym is best removed from my posting address if your goal is

to speak with me in private.

Supreme High Overlord of rec.radio.

"Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support"

Join my RuneScape clan!

http://z11.invisionfree.com/Holy_Pretzel_Cabal/index.php

Full name of clan: Cabal of the Holy International Discordian Internet

And Usenet Terrorist Pretzel

"A dog in the video I watched fucked a human woman. The dog consented to

it and the woman consented to it. That is like one gay man consenting to

having sex with another. Do you approve of it?" -- Agamemnon watches

bestiality porn and compares it to gay sex. Message-ID:

<A7adnV1ksaSyY_LbnZ2dnUVZ8q-rnZ2d@eclipse.net.uk>

http://www.kookpedia.net/index.php/Agamemnon

"I know how you special busboys are.

You're crazy." -- John "special busboy" Wentzky, in Message-ID:

<HMb3k.2413$bh5.2204@bignews4.bellsouth.net>

"Roe V Wade has zero bearing on my existence other than it affects it

adversely."

-- Johnny Wentzky never had much truck with "logic". Message-ID:

<V6xNe.27650$XM3.20042@bignews5.bellsouth.net>

"F!ck moderation, free speech is a masculinist proverb and that's what

feminist manvagina's like yourself." -- connor_a@hotmail.com posted

before finishing a thought, in MID:

<1158480805.528028.220320@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.com>

"Fredbot == SameAsB4 == TGOOS

"You are stalking me, even after I thrashed ya." -- PorchMonkey4Life,

a veritable combination of Sherlock Holmes and Doc Savage for the 21st

Century. No, really. Would I lie? MID: <zaUqh.2972$E35.415@trnddc02>

"He unleashes a fecal explosion he time he posts. He uses so many nyms

because he gets beaten so easily and so convincingly in flame wars and

tries to hide behind nyms in the hopes of getting a fresh start. To bad

for him that his lameness keep shining through like a beacon for all

tards (e.g., SameAs$B4, Demon Spawn, Barbara's Pus$y, FredBot,

TGOOS, ......, etc)" -- Monkey-man identifies <jitter> as me, among

others, in broken English, in MID: <Z_Xqh.3167$E35.215@trnddc02>

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle

Trainer of the above k00k

http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/

Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008

Hammer of Thor, July 2008

"Q: What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, caring,

and well-read?

A: A tourist." -- Anonymous

"It would be offly hard for any of you to abuse me on usenet. Really. I

have the advantage. I could easily turn alt.usenet.kooks into a cesspool

of encoded posts. Bringing the noise ratio up so high as to make the

group worthless. Anybody who can code could do this, why nobody has

bothered before now is beyond me. The ultimate spamming engine..

'BAWAHAHA'" -- Dustbin "Outer Filth" K00k's delusions of grandeur

reached new heights, in Message-ID:

<Xns98355D29419B9HHI2948AJD832@69.28.186.121>

"Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time." -- H.

L. Mencken

"Consider that language a moment. 'Purposefully and materially

supported hostilities against the United States' is in the eye of the

beholder, and this administration has proven itself to be astonishingly

impatient with criticism of any kind. The broad powers given to Bush by

this legislation allow him to capture, indefinitely detain, and refuse a

hearing to any American citizen who speaks out against Iraq or any other

part of the so-called 'War on Terror.'

"If you write a letter to the editor attacking Bush, you could be

deemed as purposefully and materially supporting hostilities against the

United States. If you organize or join a public demonstration against

Iraq, or against the administration, the same designation could befall

you. One dark-comedy aspect of the legislation is that senators or House

members who publicly disagree with Bush, criticize him, or organize

investigations into his dealings could be placed under the same

designation. In effect, Congress just gave Bush the power to lock them

up." -- William Rivers Pitt

"It has become clear in recent months that a critical mass of the American

people have seen through the lies of the Bush administration; with the

president's polls at an historic low, growing resistance to the war Iraq,

and the Democrats likely to take back the Congress in mid-term elections,

the Bush administration is on the ropes. And so it is particularly

worrying that President Bush has seen fit, at this juncture to, in effect,

declare himself dictator." -- Frank Morales

http://www.uruknet.biz/?p=m27769&hd=0&size=1&l=e&fark

"Right you are correct. Someone hooked me. I do believe in building

relationships. That is what Christians are required to do. I am amoral.

I am sure you know what that means. So are Scorpios. I am being

'protected' by the Formosa Rule because of my 'mental illness'. I am not

targeting 'teh Mop Jockey'. You are and you are using me as a bait.

Please stop. I have my own fish to reel in. Leave me alone. It is my hope

that I will be able to catch a fish and reel it in for you. Once my

retired bishop thought I was fishing for him and he took the bait, alas

it wasn't me and that spelled the demise of our relationship. Have a

little bit more faith in me. An Eastern Orthodox bishop thought I was

fishing for him and willingly, proudly and defiantly took the bait on

public record, and it wasn't even me. Give me a break." -- Atlanta

Olympiada "Erica" Kane yammered in

Message-ID: <ochc3.ag0.17.1@news.alt.net>

"It does to a certain extant physically and theoretically

it holds even into the quantum but there observational confirmation is

limited or non existent. That's the problem and the major stumbling

block to field unification. For Dr. Einstein held out that a physical

based field theory should be sought out and not left to quantum

uncertainty of how the universe primly base works. Man made coordinate

systems are fine without knowing from where or what is the base essence

of what the space as deduced field is composed of, but not totally

satisfactory. Anomalies keep space cropping up and scientists have to

keep adjusting for these unexpected events. It's like a blind man that

has memorized his physical surroundings to a point he feels very

comfortable until that one new or unexpected event pops up and he's lost

and fumbling." -- nightbat, in one of his more lucid moments.

Message-ID: <b27b0$45ed14a7$46e3a646$6618@COMTECK.COM>

The God of Odd Statements, Henry Schmidt wrote:

> On Sat, 27 Sep 2008 10:06:09 -1200, Kadaitcha Man did most oddly state:

>> The Black Goat With A Thousand Young, ye toad-spotted nincompoop, this is

>> the foul fiend Flibbertigibbet, ye chirruped:

>>> On Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:18:43 -1200, Kadaitcha Man fixed me with a beady

>>> eye, and foamed wildly:

>>>> Demon Lord Benedict Snodgrass Jr of Confusion, ye slow-witted

>>>> contagious cloud, thou art melancholy without cause, ye poured out:

>>>>

>>>>> I'm 39 years old

>>>>

>>>>> my sex change.

>>>>

>>>> You'll look a bit odd unless your tits are made to bypass the pert &

>>>> firm stage and go straight to scraggy, mate.

>>>

>>> Yes, well, unless SRS and hormones,

>>

>> <absurd mind-image mode on>

>>

>> Dual SRS...

>>

>> http://www.perodua-car.com/Pictures/myvi_safety.JPG

>>

>>> etc, go back to being covered by

>>> medicare, it's a moot point...Mind you, if, as I suspect, I have high

>>> blood pressure, or just too much stress, it may be a moot point anyway.

>>

>> Good point. Avoid tits. With high blood pressure there's a risk that the

>> temples on either side of your head will simultaenously blow out if your

>> tits are squeezed too hard from behind.

>>

>> <absurd mind-image mode off>

>> <absurd mind-image mode off>

>> <absurd mind-image mode off>

>>

>> DAMN! It's stuck.

>

> <poke>

<poke>

--

ah