reiterated

[Friðbjörn]

this thread will be for my poetry. oh btw, I really hate that word.

it would be kind of cool if people could post here, the words for "poetry" in their own languages or other random ones if they know. there are probably many words for poetry that sound better than the English word. the Icelandic word is ljóð. (lyowth - the Y is not a vowel, ow as in "grow", th as in "that")

now translating poems is obviously a problem, but I think I can't really capture anything great in English, so I'll translate what I've written in Islandese.

alright first one.

I went out this morning

and met fog

which disappeared but came back

fortunately

but such fog

is not to be expected

in this creek of smoke and exhaust

it was as if the fog

had turned off the haste

that dominates the creek

most mornings

and happily I peddled on

in the stillness

with So Quiet in my ears

 

[MrsBennington-Delson]

sounds intressting

I actually never saw that kinda poetry on here... wow... nice :thumbsup:

 

[Friðbjörn]

thank you Jos

now, some more.

Butterfly

 


there is a dead butterfly on my floor

I don't know its story

I only know that it came to halt in my room

I haven't gotten myself to do it

but some day I'll have to dispose of the corpse

vacuum it

but icelandic butterflies are neither beautiful nor dangerous

unlike some things

little things

 


you said the little pointless things were enough for you

that's good

I feel that way too

I can sit seemingly endlessly and

look out the window

and listen to the night-rain

I want to live the adventure with you

melancholy

 


the melancholy

surrounding everything

the world of sound, lost

and silenced

only a distant tone

but alone you would suffice me

you fragile melody

but like an elf you escaped me

the glass is not half-empty

it's empty

before I know it

I will have forgotten you

you powerless melody

and your last tone

will come to me

like faint sunshine through a crack

into the dark and deep cave

where no sunshine or melodies live

I'd rather play you til my last breath

and fade away like yesterday's water

than linger

and split in halves in a thousand years

 

[MrsBennington-Delson]

I like them all :thumbsup: the form of it reminds me kinda of the japanese Haiku but it's like your own style since you translated your poems I like that a lot! not so cliche :thumbsup:

 

[azemkamikaze03]

impressive

thats actually how I write my real poetry. I do a lot of rap so people don't get to see it, but when i sit down and just write straight feels no rhymes included I try to challenge conventional poetry and what everyone else writes.

good stuff.

 

[Friðbjörn]

thanks, I appreciate the more intricate feedback. you know, stuff that goes beyond "that's c00l" lol

but yeah new one

I decided what the **** I might as well write in english, rids me of a few problems in posting...

untitled

there is a certain magic

to the ultimate solution

to the problems that plague our time

and as we know

there is nothing

that does not give way

first we must lose the boarders

of this existence

let it blur into the unknown

and the silvery moon shall caress you

transfer your being into the highest existence

it is not as difficult as they say

put on your gloves

so that your head doesn't explode

in the eruption of fire and cloud

that transports your everything

into oblivion

 

[Jeezy]

your stuff goes deep...

I like it...especially the last one.

you could probably write some very good songs.

btw...we say "Poesie" for poetry...which is basically exactly the same...lol

or you could say "Gedichte"

 

[MrsBennington-Delson]

your stuff goes deep...

yeah I agree with that :thumbsup:

you really kinda get into the poems and think about it and not just like "ah yeh ok cool" at least thats what happens with me lol

 

[Ravynlee]

You know what grabs me most about your writing? Well I could mention a few things, but at the risk of sounding repetitive I really appreciate the lack of conformity with your writing. When you write to a flow you convey a different kind of mood than something with the exact same lyrics but without the repetitive structure - sort of like comparing a rap to a 'conventional' poem anyway. It frees it up more I think. You can get lost to the rap but with these I actually see the words as if they were independent thoughts and sentences. Its almost introspective. Like looking at a universe inside a universe inside a universe type feel... Funny way of describing it but that's exactly what I get when I read your writing. Especially believe it or not about the butterfly. I don't know why it stands out but to me it does. I could get philosophical but really I think, whether symbolic, artistic, literal or imaginative it really said something. Fragility maybe? I don't know.

A rant and a half but you know what, I adore your style because it's free. It flows like thoughts and thoughts don't always make logical sense or structure. Would it be too much to say 'that was cool' now? haha

Seriously, love it.

Know you're busy but look forward to reading more when you get around to it.

 

[Friðbjörn]

thanks you guys =)

maybe I say it too much or something, I dunno, but I appreciate the comments that go beyond "hey that's cool" so much.

it's that much better to write something in here knowing that you're gonna get intelligent comments

now, this is a translated one, but this is an image that came to me one night, and was so strong and vivid that I think it can hold up to being translated

personal war

your eyes are mirrors

I see darkness and death in them

I see your parents, and Bostjan

and everyone else who died

I am a soldier

you are young

too young

but people never grow old enough to die like this

forgive me

I make the sign of the cross on you

before I put a bullet through your little head

I carry you icecold and lifeless

wiping away my tears

and toss you into the mass grave

I write the last letter to mum

take my gun

and do good to the world:

I get rid of one soldier

(just a note, in icelandic, adjectives signify which gender you're talking about, and so while it doesn't say that in english, the young person in this is a little girl)

another one, untitled

I hear the water grow hotter

and little by little the icequeen melts

and it's spring again

but not until I have rung the thawed bell

of the dreamfreer

but there is a scent in the air

of something not yet come

which never goes out

the giantess awaits on the bank

and buildup starts again

in blue dawn

and the ice has gone black in my eyes

and solstice is still far away

 

[L-Redshift-L]

thank you Jos

now, some more.

Butterfly

 


there is a dead butterfly on my floor

I don't know its story

I only know that it came to halt in my room

I haven't gotten myself to do it

but some day I'll have to dispose of the corpse

vacuum it

but icelandic butterflies are neither beautiful nor dangerous

unlike some things

Wow, i quite like this one, I know its probably not the desired effect but it made me laugh and put a smile on my face. Actully I bursted out laughing. Good Work Keep it up :thumbsup:

 

[Friðbjörn]

lol

well when I write I don't write something with a special intention, I just write what comes to mind

so if it made you laugh that's cool