SANTA GRANTS RARE HOSPITAL BEDSIDE INTERVIEW

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FARGO, ND (Rueters) -- Santa
Claus is fighting for his life in a
Fargo hospital after developing
lead poisoning delivering his sleigh
full of toys Christmas Eve.
Santa's wife, Sandy, who flew
down from the North Pole, was at
his bedside.
"Before he left, we figured out
that 88 percent of the toys he
was taking with him were made
in China," she said. "I really
don't know if there's a connection."
Santa's last serious illness
occurred in 1337 when he caught
a touch of the Black Plague while
making a delivery to Naples.
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MORE MORE MORE
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< AN EVEN LATER BULLETIN
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The New York Timex
FARGO, ND -- Kids around the
world are disappointed to learn that
this past Christmas may be their
very last.
Santa Claus, in bad shape in a
Fargo hospital with lead poisoning,
whispered that he'll probably no
longer make worldwide deliveries
on Christmas Eve "because it's
getting too damn dangerous.
"The pollution at 2,500 feet is just
terrible," he said. "Besides, almost
every toy me and the reindeer carry
is contaminated with lead.
"As far as I'm concerned, I still
love the kiddies but I'll be damned
if I'm going to ruin my health,"
Mrs. Sandra Claus, his wife,
said the Christmas toy manufacturing
business hasn't been doing well
since toy production was offshored
to China by our corrupt politiicians,
both Repubican and Democrat..
"Hell, many of our unemployed
elf workers can't find a job and,
for a few, their unemployment
checks have run out," she said.
"Then, when you consider they
have to cope with gasoline at $3
a gallon and Marlboro at more than
$4 a pack..."
Santa, whose weight has dropped
to 275 pounds and has had his
beard shaved off, blamed the major
media for the current crisis.
"Assh le O'Reilly, for one, is on
my **** list," he said. "I'm just glad
I put a chunk of Ed Conrad's anthracite
coal in his stocking. I just hope it
didn't have a valuable human fossil
inside."
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Seymore Hershey contributed to this article.
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< MORE MORE MORE
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Ed Conrad
htpp://www.edconrad.com
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WORLD'S MOST SUCCESSFUL THIEVES
Ranking of the world's most successful thieves by name, home country
or state, age where known, wealth in billions of dollars and source of
their stealing.
<
1. William Gates III, Washington, 50, $50 Billion, Microsoft
2. Warren Buffett, Nebraska, 75, $42 Billion, Berkshire Hathaway
3. Carlos Slim Helu, Mexico, 66, $30 Billion, telecom
4. Ingvar Kamprad, Sweden, 79, $28 Biilion, Ikea
5. Lakshmi Mittal, India, 55, $23.5 Billion, steel
6. Paul Allen, Washington, 53, $22, Microsoft, investments
7. Bernard Arnault, France, 57, $21.5, LVMH
8. Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud, Saudi Arabia, 49, $20,
investments
9. Kenneth Thomson and family, Canada, 82, $19.6, publishing
10. Li Ka-shing, Hong Kong, 77, $18.8, diversified
11. Roman Abramovich, Russia, 39, $18.2, oil
12. Michael Dell, Texas, 41, $17.1, Dell
13. Karl Albrecht, Germany, 86, $17, supermarkets
14. Sheldon Adelson, Nevada, 72, $16.1, casinos, hotels
15. Liliane Bettencourt, France, 83, $16, L'Oreal
15. Lawrence Ellison, California, 61, $16, Oracle
17. Christy Walton, Wyoming, 51, $15.9, Wal-Mart inheritance
17. Jim Walton, Arkansas, 58, $15.9, Wal-Mart
19. S. Robson Walton, Arkansas, 62, $15.8, Wal-Mart
20. Alice Walton, Texas, 56, $15.7, Wal-Mart
21. Helen Walton, Arkansas, 86, $15.6, Wal-Mart
22. Theo Albrecht, Germany, 83, $15.2, supermarkets
23. Amancio Ortega, Spain, 70, $14.8, Zara
24. Steven Ballmer, Washington, 50, $13.6, Microsoft
25. Azim Premji, India, 60, $13.3, software
26. Sergey Brin, California, 32, $12.9, Google
27. Larry Page, California, 33, $12.8, Google
28. Abigail Johnson, Massachusetts, 44, $12.5, Fidelity
29. Nasser Al-Kharafi and family, Kuwait, 62, $12.4, construction
29. Barbara Cox Anthony, Hawaii, 82, $12.4, Cox Enterprises
29. Anne Cox Chambers, Georgia, 86, $12.4, Cox Enterprises
32. Stefan Persson, Sweden, 58, $12.3, Hennes & Mauritz
33. Charles Koch, Kansas, 70, $12, oil, commodities
33. David Koch, Kansas, 65, $12, oil, commodities
35. Raymond, Thomas and Walter Kwok, Hong Kong, $11.6, real estate
36. Adolf Merckle, Germany, 71, $11.5, drugs
37. Sulaiman Bin Abdul Al Rajhi, Saudi Arabia, 86, $11, banking
37. Vagit Alekperov, Russia, 55, $11, oil
37. Silvio Berlusconi, Italy, 69, $11, media
37. Lee Shau Kee, Hong Kong, 78, $11, real estate
41. Vladimir Lisin, Russia, 49, $10.7, steel
42. Michael Otto and family, Germany, 62, $10.4, retail
43. Pierre Omidyar, Nevada, 38, $10.1, eBay
44. Leonardo Del Vecchio, Italy, 70, $10, eyewear
44. Michele Ferrero and family, Italy, 79, $10, chocolates
44. Forrest Mars Jr., Virginia, 74, $10, candy
44. Jacqueline Mars, New Jersey, 66, $10, candy
44. John Mars, Virginia, 69, $10, candy
44. Viktor Vekselberg, Russia, 48, $10, oil, metals
50. Mikhail Fridman, Russia, 41, $9.7, oil, banking
51. Spiro Latsis and family, Greece, 59, $9.1, banking
52. John Kluge, Florida, 91, $9, Metromedia
53. Carl Icahn, New York, 70, $8.7, leveraged buyouts
53. Kirk Kerkorian, California, 88, $8.7, investments, casinos
55. Birgit Rausing and family, Sweden, 82, $8.6, packaging
56. Mukesh Ambani, India, 48, $8.5, petrochemicals
56. Serge Dassault and family, France, 80, $8.5, aviation
56. Hans Rausing, Sweden, 80, $8.5, packaging
59. Galen Weston and family, Canada, 65, $8.4, retail
60. Susanne Klatten, Germany, 43, $8.1, BMW
61. Rudolf August Oetker and family, Germany, 89, $8, food
62. Oleg Deripaska, Russia, 37, $7.8, aluminum
63. Sumner Redstone, California, 82, $7.7, Viacom
64. Alexei Mordashov, Russia, 40, $7.6, steel
65. Donald Newhouse, New Jersey, 76, $7.5, publishing
65. Samuel Newhouse Jr., New York, 78, $7.5, publishing
65. Alain and Gerard Wertheimer, France, $7.5, Chanel
65. Reinhold Wurth, Germany, 70, $7.5, manufacturing
69. Joseph and Moise Safra, Brazil, $7.4, banking
70. Philip Knight, Oregon, 68, $7.3, Nike
71. George Soros, New York, 75, $7.2, hedge funds
72. Ernesto Bertarelli, Switzerland, 40, $7.1, biotech
72. Suleiman Kerimov, Russia, 40, $7.1, stocks
74. Philip and Cristina Green, Britain, $7, retail
74. Francois Pinault, France, 69, $7, retail
74. August von Finck, Germany, 76, $7, investments
77. Mohammed Al Amoudi, Saudi Arabia, 60, $6.9, oil
77. Abdul Aziz Al Ghurair and family, United Arab Emirates, 52, $6.9,
banking
79. Maria-Elisabeth and Georg Schaeffler, Germany, $6.8, ball bearings
80. Charles Ergen, Colorado, 53, $6.7, EchoStar
80. Edward Johnson III, Massachusetts, 75, $6.7, Fidelity
82. Kun-Hee Lee and family, South Korea, 64, $6.6, Samsung
82. Stefan Quandt, Germany, 40, $6.6, BMW
84. Saleh Bin Abdul Aziz Al Rajhi, Saudi Arabia, 94, $6.5, banking
84. Rafael del Pino and family, Spain, 85, $6.5, construction
84. Stanley Ho, Hong Kong, 84, $6.5, gaming
84. Maersk Mc-Kinney Moller, Denmark, 92, $6.5, shipping
84. Keith Rupert Murdoch, New York, 75, $6.5, News Corp.
89. Philip Anschutz, Colorado, 66, $6.4, investments
89. Hasso Plattner, Germany, 62, $6.4, SAP
89. Vladimir Potanin, Russia, 45, $6.4, metals
89. Mikhail Prokhorov, Russia, 40, $6.4, metals
93. Vladimir Yevtushenkov, Russia, 57, $6.3, telecom
94. Micky Arison, Florida, 56, $6.1, Carnival Cruises
94. Curt Engelhorn, Germany, 79, $6.1, drugs
94. Friedrich Flick Jr., Germany, 79, $6.1, investments
94. German Khan, Russia, 44, $6.1, oil, banking
94. Ronald Perelman, New York, 63, $6.1, leveraged buyouts
94. Johanna Quandt, Germany, 78, $6.1, BMW
100. Dan Duncan, Texas, 73, $6, energy
100. Gerald Cavendish Grosvenor and family, Britain, 54, $6, real
estate
100. Jack Taylor, Missouri, 83, $6, Enterprise Rent-A-Car
103. Eli Broad, California, 72, $5.9, investments
104. Anil Ambani, India, 46, $5.7, diversified
104. Donald Bren, California, 73, $5.7, real estate
106. James, Arthur and John Irving, Canada, $5.5, oil
107. Yasuo Takei and family, Japan, 76, $5.4, credit
107. Y.C. Wang, Taiwan, 89, $5.4, chemicals
109. Shari Arison, Israel, 48, $5.2, inheritance, cruise ships
109. Kunio Busujima and family, Japan, 80, $5.2, gaming
109. Nikolai Tsvetkov, Russia, 45, $5.2, oil, banking
112. Michael Bloomberg, New York, 63, $5.1, Bloomberg L.P.
112. Cheng Yu-tung, Hong Kong, 80, $5.1, real estate
114. Leonard Blavatnik, United States, 48, $5, Access Industries
114. Gustavo Cisneros and family, Venezuela, 60, $5, media
114. Charlene de Carvalho-Heineken, Netherlands, 51, $5, Heineken
114. John Fredriksen, Norway, 61, $5, shipping
114. Saleh Kamel, Saudi Arabia, 64, $5, diversified
114. Karl-Heinz Kipp, Germany, 82, $5, retail
114. Robert Kuok, Malaysia, 82, $5, diversified
114. John Menard Jr., Wisconsin, 66, $5, home improvement stores
114. James Packer, Australia, 38, $5, inheritance
114. Kushal Pal Singh, India, 74, $5, real estate
114. Jeffrey Skoll, Canada, 41, $5, eBay
125. Alexander Abramov, Russia, 47, $4.9, steel, mining
125. Erivan Haub and family, Germany, 73, $4.9, retail
125. Lorenzo Mendoza and family, Venezuela, 40, $4.9, beverages
125. Sunil Mittal, India, 48, $4.9, telecom
129. Alexei Kuzmichov, Russia, 43, $4.8, oil, banking
129. Robert Rowling, Texas, 52, $4.8, oil and gas, investments
129. Onsi Sawiris, Egypt, 76, $4.8, Orascom Telecom
129. Eric Schmidt, California, 50, $4.8, Google
133. Nobutada Saji and family, Japan, 60, $4.7, beverages
134. Jeronimo Arango, Mexico, 80, $4.6, retail
134. Nicky Oppenheimer and family, South Africa, 60, $4.6, De Beers
136. Iskander Makhmudov, Russia, 43, $4.5, mining, metals
136. Akira Mori and family, Japan, 68, $4.5, real estate
136. Julio Mario Santo Domingo, Colombia, 82, $4.5, beer, diversified
136. Shin Kyuk-Ho and family, South Korea, 83, $4.5, candy
140. Kumar Birla, India, 38, $4.4, commodities
140. David Geffen, California, 63, $4.4, DreamWorks
140. Steven Jobs, California, 51, $4.4, Apple Computer, Pixar
140. George Kaiser, Oklahoma, 63, $4.4, oil and gas, banking
140. Luis Carlos Sarmiento, Colombia, 73, $4.4, banking
140. Thomas Schmidheiny, Switzerland, 60, $4.4, cement
140. H. Ty Warner, Illinois, 62, $4.4, Beanie Babies
147. Jeffrey Bezos, Washington, 42, $4.3, Amazon
147. Terry Gou, Taiwan, 55, $4.3, technology
147. Walter Haefner, Switzerland, 95, $4.3, software
147. Charles Johnson, California, 73, $4.3, Franklin Resources
147. Ananda Krishnan, Malaysia, 67, $4.3, diversified
147. Reinhard Mohn and family, Germany, 84, $4.3, media
<
U.S. PROFESSIONAL SCIENTIFIC SOCIETES
American Association for the Advancement of Science
American Association of Physical Anthropology
Acoustical Society of America
American Anthropological Association
American Association of Colleges of Pharmacy
American Association of Cereal Chemists
American Association of Engineering Societies
American Association of Physics Teachers
American Association of University Professors
American Association of University Women
American Astronautical Society
American Astronomical Society
American Chemical Society
American College of Dentists
American Dental Association
American Economic Association
American Educational Research Association
American Ethnological Society
American Fisheries Society
American Geological Institute
American Geophysical Union
American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics
American Institute of Biological Sciences
American Institute of Chemical Engineers
American Institute of Chemists
American Mathematical Society
American Medical Association
American Meteorological Society
American Nuclear Society
American Oil Chemists' Society
American Physical Society
American Physiological Society
American Phytopathological Society
American Psychiatric Association
American Psychological Association
American Society for Cell Biology
American Society for Engineering Education
American Society for Horticultural Science
American Society for Information Science
ASM International
American Society for Microbiology
American Society for Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics
American Society for Quality Control
American Society of Aesthetics
American Society of Agricultural Engineers
American Society of Agronomy
American Society of Animal Science
American Society of Civil Engineers
American Society of Mechanical Engineers
American Society of Plant Physiologists
American Society of Zoologists
American Speech-Language-Hearing Association
American Statistical Association
American Vacuum Society
Association of American Geographers
Association of Research Libraries
Association of Southeastern Biologists
Association for Women in Science
Astronomical Society of the Pacific
Biophysical Society
Crop Science Society of America
Ecological Society of America
Entomological Society of America
FASEB (Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology)
Geological Society of America
History of Science Society
Industrial Research Institute
Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, Inc.(IEEE)
Institute of Industrial Engineers
Institute of Navigation
Instrument Society of America
International Association for Impact Assessment
International Communication Association
International Society for Measurement and Control
International Society for Systems Sciences
Marine Technology Society
Mathematical Association of America
Medical Library Association, Inc.
Microscopy Society of America
National Association for Research in Science Teaching
National Association of Biology Teachers
National Council of Teachers of Mathematics
National Geographic Society
National Science Teachers Association
National Society of Black Engineers
National Society of Professional Engineers
National Speleological Society
Optical Society of America
Planetary Society
Rural Sociological Society
School Science and Mathematics Association
Sigma Delta Epsilon/Graduate Women in Science, Inc.
Sigma Xi, The Scientific Research Society
Society of American Foresters
Society for Applied Anthropology
Society for Economic Botany
Society for Industrial Microbiology
Society for Social Studies of Science
Society of Women Engineers
Soil Science Society of America
Speech Communication Association
Volunteers in Technical Assistance (VITA)
The Wildlife Conservation Society
<
WORLD'S NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUMS
Academy of Natural Sciences of Philadelphia
Alaska Museum of Natural History
Alaska State Museums, Juneau, Alaska
Albany Museum, Rhodes University, Grahamston, South Africa
The Raymond M. Alf Museum of Paleontology, Claremont, Calif
American Museum of Natural History, New York City, New York
Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum
Australian Museum Online
Australian National Botanical Garden
Berkeley Natural History Museums consortium, Berkeley, California
Bernice Bishop Museum, Honolulu, Hawaii
Bob Campbell Geology Museum, Clemson University
Buena Vista Museum of Natural History
Burke Museum, University of Washington, Seattle
The California Academy of Sciences
Canadian Museum of Nature
Carnegie Museum of Natural History, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Centennial Museum, University of Texas at El Paso
The Notebaert Nature Museum, Chicago, Illinois
Chula Vista Nature Center, Chula Vista, California
Cincinnati Museum Center, Cincinnati, Ohio
City of Santa Cruz Museum of Natural History
Cleveland Museum of Natural History, Cleveland, Ohio
College of Eastern Utah Prehistoric Museum
Connecticut State Museum of Natural History
Cumberland Lodge, Museum, and Center for Leadership Studies,
Williamsburg, Kentucky
Dallas Museum of Natural History
Denver Museum of Nature & Science, Denver, Colorado
Johnston Geology Museum, Emporia, Kansas
Essig Museum of Entomology, University of California, Berkeley
Fernbank Museum of Natural History, Atlanta, Georgia
Fick Fossil and History Museum, Oakley, Kansas
The Field Museum of Natural History, Chicago
Finnish Museum of Natural History: Botanical Museum
The Florida Museum of Natural History
Georgia Museum of Natural History
Harvard Museum of Natural History
Haus der Natur, Cismar, Germany
Haus der Natur, Salzburg, Austria
The High Desert Museum, Bend, Oregon
Honolulu Community College Dinosaur Exhibit, Honolulu, Hawaii
Hooper Virtual Paleontological Museum, Canada
Houston Museum of Natural Science
Humboldt State University Natural History Museum, Humboldt, California
Hunterian Museum and Art Gallery, Glasgow, Scotland
Illinois Natural History Survey
Illinois State Museum
Institute of Systematics, Evolution of Animals, Polish Academy of
Sciences
Kansas University Natural History Museum, Lawrence, Kansas
Los Angeles County Museum of Natural History
Louisiana State University Museum of Natural Science
Manchester Museum, University of Manchester, England
Massachusetts Museum of Natural History, University of Massachusetts
Milwaukee Public Museum, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Missouri Botanical Garden
Monterey Bay Aquarium, Monterey, California
Montshire Museum of Science, Norwich, Vermont
Mus
 
<copernicus123@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:bfde95d7-c6ea-4030-8576-372728080c26@s48g2000hss.googlegroups.com...
<
=======================
< BULLETIN
=======================
<
FARGO, ND (Rueters) -- Santa
Claus is fighting for his life in a
Fargo hospital after developing
lead poisoning delivering his sleigh
full of toys Christmas Eve.
Santa's wife, Sandy, who flew
down from the North Pole, was at
his bedside.
"Before he left, we figured out
that 88 percent of the toys he
was taking with him were made
in China," she said. "I really
don't know if there's a connection."
Santa's last serious illness
occurred in 1337 when he caught
a touch of the Black Plague while
making a delivery to Naples.


Please get well, Santa! Nobody should ever have to die in Fargo!
 
"Tazmanian Devil" <myob@biteme.com> wrote in news:i7Qcj.20091$AG4.1612
@fe199.usenetserver.com:

>
> <copernicus123@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:bfde95d7-c6ea-4030-8576-372728080c26

@s48g2000hss.googlegroups.com...
> <
> =======================
> < BULLETIN
> =======================
> <
> FARGO, ND (Rueters) -- Santa
> Claus is fighting for his life in a
> Fargo hospital after developing
> lead poisoning delivering his sleigh
> full of toys Christmas Eve.
> Santa's wife, Sandy, who flew
> down from the North Pole, was at
> his bedside.
> "Before he left, we figured out
> that 88 percent of the toys he
> was taking with him were made
> in China," she said. "I really
> don't know if there's a connection."
> Santa's last serious illness
> occurred in 1337 when he caught
> a touch of the Black Plague while
> making a delivery to Naples.
>
>
> Please get well, Santa! Nobody should ever have to die in Fargo!


Now this is clever. :)
 
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