Secrets and Lies
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Ravynlee
New member
You know what's amusing about this question is the perspectives between not just different people but beween men and women. When friend of mine decided to be unfaithful to his girlfriend his justification was 'What she doesn't know won't hurt her.' To me that I classed as both a lie and a secret. He knew it was wrong and didn't want to hurt said other half but not enough to stop playing around in the first place. Of course now those around him know and we have to lie for him when she asks if we know of him with other women, and it gets messy. I hate it when other people's lies and secrets spill over and effect others uneccessarily. But yes secrets almost always have a way of coming out in the long run. And as for lies, well depends on the degree doesn't it?
We all lie often, 'no your **** doesn't look big in that', 'yes I think you have a wonderful singing voice', 'yes of course you two will be perfect together', etc, but real lies, I mean big lies are like secrets - they'll catch up with you eventually
We all lie often, 'no your **** doesn't look big in that', 'yes I think you have a wonderful singing voice', 'yes of course you two will be perfect together', etc, but real lies, I mean big lies are like secrets - they'll catch up with you eventually
FireHawk
New member
Secrets: Not bad until they become lies.
Lies: These little things have ****** up my life so bad in the past. I use to build friends with lies. I use to keep people happy with lies. Then guess what...guilt finally caught me I abandoned all my friends. I didn't want to face them anymore. So then I tried being me and when they found out I had lied they hated me. I went into high school with 1 friend. I consider myself lucky I mended my mistakes, but 4 years later I really miss some of those people (which I know I should move on). I also lost the girl I loved. She even told me to my face. If me and her would kept talking (or even starting talking again a year earlier) she wouldn't be in the relationship she was in now, and we could be together cause she said she loved me but can't forget him, and love him. There are to many good memories of them toghether, while all she can remember is last 8 months and middle school of us. Its kinda sad. I knew I would lose most friends once high school is over, but when you lose them going into high school its worse. **** tell you the truth I lie constantly to my parents still. Pretty sad I am 18 and when I talk to my parents sometimes I can't even see what real and whats pretend.. I spent my teen years telling them I wasn't on drugs that now they are so easy to lie to with no regret. Its hard to change. Thats why the first stanza of the song "In Between" and the song "My December" mean so much to me. Its kinda funny I look at what I typed and I always get mad at people who have lied and hurt me, when I use to do it to everybody I knew. **** is ****** up like that I guess though...
Lies: These little things have ****** up my life so bad in the past. I use to build friends with lies. I use to keep people happy with lies. Then guess what...guilt finally caught me I abandoned all my friends. I didn't want to face them anymore. So then I tried being me and when they found out I had lied they hated me. I went into high school with 1 friend. I consider myself lucky I mended my mistakes, but 4 years later I really miss some of those people (which I know I should move on). I also lost the girl I loved. She even told me to my face. If me and her would kept talking (or even starting talking again a year earlier) she wouldn't be in the relationship she was in now, and we could be together cause she said she loved me but can't forget him, and love him. There are to many good memories of them toghether, while all she can remember is last 8 months and middle school of us. Its kinda sad. I knew I would lose most friends once high school is over, but when you lose them going into high school its worse. **** tell you the truth I lie constantly to my parents still. Pretty sad I am 18 and when I talk to my parents sometimes I can't even see what real and whats pretend.. I spent my teen years telling them I wasn't on drugs that now they are so easy to lie to with no regret. Its hard to change. Thats why the first stanza of the song "In Between" and the song "My December" mean so much to me. Its kinda funny I look at what I typed and I always get mad at people who have lied and hurt me, when I use to do it to everybody I knew. **** is ****** up like that I guess though...
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When I was younger I lied a lot, I think to get a attention because my older brother was sort of my parent's favorite. And it was stupid, because it didn't work. But I was so young, no one really cared if I lied, I guess they figured I was too young to know better. But then when I became a teenager, I still lied like crazy. I justified it to myself by saying I only lied to get myself out of hot water, but is that really an improvement from just lying? Isn't it worse? I lied to my mother for two years to conceal something important, and I would have kept at it but it just became too big to hide. That's finally out, but I lied then so she wouldn't know I had been lying for the last two years. I've been hiding my writing from my entire family (except my brother) for as long as I've BEEN writng, which is practically my whole life. Most recently, I've gotten interested in manga and anime, two things my mom absolutely despises, and when we went to Barnes and Noble the other day, I wanted to look at the manga section; but I couldn't without looking over my shoulder every three seconds to make ym mom wasn't around. I realized then, it's just gotten too far. I want out of it, but I'm too scared to just come out and say I lied. I'm not martyr enough to accept my punishment gracefully. But lying to solve my problems would just be hypocrisy.
Ravynlee
New member
I can't really give advice either as we are different people coming from different places in life etc, so what I say I'd do in your situation would be of no help to you.
When I was younger, actually three quarters of my life I was shy, painfully awkward, a doormat, barely rasied my voice to speak, never looked anyone in the eye, always hid behind my hair and baggy clothes and felt more intuned with black clothes, loud angry music and self mutilation and so on. I don't really know what changed it. I woke up one day and just snapped, I mean mentally told myself 'enough! I can't take this **** anymore!' I felt like the whole world was dumping on me and had just sort of accepted it to the point of exhaustion. I was angry, mostly at myself for allowing myself to be such a doormat all my life and never standing up for what I wanted or believed in. I grew up in a broken violent environment where children were seen and not heard and women were subservient to men - As the oldest (technically) I was always held in highest esteem. I had to be the achiever, I had to be the best, and academically for the most part I was. But I never got the acclaim for it, so to get attention and being to shy to speak up for myself and demand it, I would do things I knew were wrong in some attempt to get noticed. My brother and I would steal, a lot. It was something he took to extremes in teenage years. We would beat each other up and lie about it. I'd get picked on at school but wouldn't tell anyone about it - I had to be tougher I thought, so I kept sucking it up, taking the abuse at home and at school, getting ridiculed by kids on the playground and being ignored most of my life by those of the opposite *** (unless they were pathetically drunk) and with no true friends to vent to.
I didn't and still dont trust many people, and the few close friends I have even here on LPF I don't tell everything, I can't. Life is easier in secret, well not easier, but you learn to adapt. I tell people what they need to hear, I smile when I have to and when things get too much I vent, outwards now rather than inwards. It took me some 30 years to learn to do that but even now I feel like I am still somehow incomplete, unbalanced, that I am not who and what I should and could be. If someone I know oversteps the mark with me they'll soon know, if it's someone that doesn't they'll know eventually.
As a kid all I ever wanted to do was write, or be an artist. My ignorant father would often scoff and tell me to get a real job, that art wouldn't get me anywhere, etc, and my mum, bless her, all she wanted was for me to settle down and I guess be like her. I studied art anyway. I dropped out of school as much as it caused irrepairable damage between my father and myself and I eventually studied art for several years. In my adult life I have had several experiences like holding my own art exhibitions, painting commissioned works for shows, even running a newsletter for youth outback where I grew up, I even won several hundred dollars out of it, and I was happy. I got the attention I wanted. Granted I am not famous but I experienced something I wanted, that my father never had or ever would, and something I could draw upon in other ways as I go through life. I still want to be a writer but the older I get the more I am conceding it's not going to be the way I planned it in my head. Right now I am okay with where I am at. It cost a lot, and my father and I are no longer in contact (over many reasons) but I am living my own life and for that I am happy.
Bottom line is everyone, I don't care who they are, lives their lives to some degree in secret, you have to, you'd be too vulnerable if you were always out there honest and revealing yourself for all the world to see. The world is cruel and some aren't happy unless they're making others miserable by dictating, by hurting, and yes by their own secrets and lies. Some lies and secrets are 'necessary evils' by keeping others blissfully ignorant you can get on with what you need to do. Others are painful, it's a matter of principle, and conscience. If you are happier pleasing others then go head, by all means, knock yourself out, but I am not advocating complete and utter selfishness. As a member of society you learn to read people, to forge relationships, to know what's acceptable and what's not. It's up to you to decide where you go in life, but just be aware the more lies you tell or secrets you keep the more they will entangle you - and you'll pay a price in some way for it eventually.
So bottom line is you have to decide what you want out of life - to live your life for you or be a doormat until you're pushing up daisies. And while I know it's easier said than done, trust me, if you don't stand up for yourself now you will regret it when you're older and are looking back on the times you wasted doing the things you really wanted instead of doing what everyone else seemed to want of you (and even now my mum is still repeatedly asking have I met anyone and will settle down before she passes on Mothers!). No one will just give you what you want in life (especially without high cost or consequence) and if you can't take a stand now you'll lose the ability to take a stand later with future relationships, careers, oppertunities, or even publishers who need to see your level of comitment to succeed. Just my two cents.
And yes, aside from the ranting aspect, I think this probably could have gone in confessions, but no matter, my life is an open book anyway... sort of
When I was younger, actually three quarters of my life I was shy, painfully awkward, a doormat, barely rasied my voice to speak, never looked anyone in the eye, always hid behind my hair and baggy clothes and felt more intuned with black clothes, loud angry music and self mutilation and so on. I don't really know what changed it. I woke up one day and just snapped, I mean mentally told myself 'enough! I can't take this **** anymore!' I felt like the whole world was dumping on me and had just sort of accepted it to the point of exhaustion. I was angry, mostly at myself for allowing myself to be such a doormat all my life and never standing up for what I wanted or believed in. I grew up in a broken violent environment where children were seen and not heard and women were subservient to men - As the oldest (technically) I was always held in highest esteem. I had to be the achiever, I had to be the best, and academically for the most part I was. But I never got the acclaim for it, so to get attention and being to shy to speak up for myself and demand it, I would do things I knew were wrong in some attempt to get noticed. My brother and I would steal, a lot. It was something he took to extremes in teenage years. We would beat each other up and lie about it. I'd get picked on at school but wouldn't tell anyone about it - I had to be tougher I thought, so I kept sucking it up, taking the abuse at home and at school, getting ridiculed by kids on the playground and being ignored most of my life by those of the opposite *** (unless they were pathetically drunk) and with no true friends to vent to.
I didn't and still dont trust many people, and the few close friends I have even here on LPF I don't tell everything, I can't. Life is easier in secret, well not easier, but you learn to adapt. I tell people what they need to hear, I smile when I have to and when things get too much I vent, outwards now rather than inwards. It took me some 30 years to learn to do that but even now I feel like I am still somehow incomplete, unbalanced, that I am not who and what I should and could be. If someone I know oversteps the mark with me they'll soon know, if it's someone that doesn't they'll know eventually.
As a kid all I ever wanted to do was write, or be an artist. My ignorant father would often scoff and tell me to get a real job, that art wouldn't get me anywhere, etc, and my mum, bless her, all she wanted was for me to settle down and I guess be like her. I studied art anyway. I dropped out of school as much as it caused irrepairable damage between my father and myself and I eventually studied art for several years. In my adult life I have had several experiences like holding my own art exhibitions, painting commissioned works for shows, even running a newsletter for youth outback where I grew up, I even won several hundred dollars out of it, and I was happy. I got the attention I wanted. Granted I am not famous but I experienced something I wanted, that my father never had or ever would, and something I could draw upon in other ways as I go through life. I still want to be a writer but the older I get the more I am conceding it's not going to be the way I planned it in my head. Right now I am okay with where I am at. It cost a lot, and my father and I are no longer in contact (over many reasons) but I am living my own life and for that I am happy.
Bottom line is everyone, I don't care who they are, lives their lives to some degree in secret, you have to, you'd be too vulnerable if you were always out there honest and revealing yourself for all the world to see. The world is cruel and some aren't happy unless they're making others miserable by dictating, by hurting, and yes by their own secrets and lies. Some lies and secrets are 'necessary evils' by keeping others blissfully ignorant you can get on with what you need to do. Others are painful, it's a matter of principle, and conscience. If you are happier pleasing others then go head, by all means, knock yourself out, but I am not advocating complete and utter selfishness. As a member of society you learn to read people, to forge relationships, to know what's acceptable and what's not. It's up to you to decide where you go in life, but just be aware the more lies you tell or secrets you keep the more they will entangle you - and you'll pay a price in some way for it eventually.
So bottom line is you have to decide what you want out of life - to live your life for you or be a doormat until you're pushing up daisies. And while I know it's easier said than done, trust me, if you don't stand up for yourself now you will regret it when you're older and are looking back on the times you wasted doing the things you really wanted instead of doing what everyone else seemed to want of you (and even now my mum is still repeatedly asking have I met anyone and will settle down before she passes on
Mothers!). No one will just give you what you want in life (especially without high cost or consequence) and if you can't take a stand now you'll lose the ability to take a stand later with future relationships, careers, oppertunities, or even publishers who need to see your level of comitment to succeed. Just my two cents.And yes, aside from the ranting aspect, I think this probably could have gone in confessions, but no matter, my life is an open book anyway... sort of
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