Speak up or avoid & destroy

[atlantic]

Long story short. I have a neighbor whose son is in my son's class (only for recess and lunch - he's way behind and trust me it's because of his abusive home). I always try to include this child in any activities even though his mother does whatever she can to not let this kid outside or have anything. So I invite him to my son's birthday party at a really fun kid's gym place. She never responded, so the other day I asked her is your son coming. Her reply, "ya, but I'm not bringing a gift". To make matters worse, my son's friends in class hate this kid (he's mean to them) yet I invited him anyways so he wouldn't be left out. Then the ***** pinned my son down last week and put snow in his face and neck because he threw a snowball at her accidentally. He meant to hit a tree next to her, hit her foot. Yet her son hits me all the time - wtf. I spoke with her about it, and she basically says she doesn't care if she manhandles other peoples kids. She also brags that she has always beat her kids. Ok, now I know you all are thinking wow, Atlantic didn't kill her. Trust me, paybacks a coming. I don't leave evidence , and when I'm finished with her she will be wondering where the good ole days went. Now, however I am left with the birthday party. I am tempted to tell her I don't agree with your opinions, views, and if you touch my child again I'll call the police, and please do not show up at the party either. Problem is we have to see each other everyday. How would you guys handle this?

 

[atlantic]

She also leaves her 8 year old son alone to watch his demented grandmother sometimes while she is out at the auction. I don't know how often this happens because her 20 year daughter also lives there. So there are 4 people in a small apt. Her daughter hates her so much, she had her tubes tied to avoid having children and repeating the same mistakes of abuse her mother did to her. She's a hoarder and a gambling addict, collects ssi for faking an illness imo. She makes rude sexual comments in front of little kids sometimes. It's just fricken crazy. The worse thing I have witness so far other than the constant screaming at her son is her telling him one day that if he didn't come with her right away *** would punish him. He looked at me and said, "We better listen, I don't know why but ***'s been punishing me for years". If I don't do something soon. I'm gonna hurt this ***** bad. Help!

 

[timesjoke]

Wow.

That sounds like such a mess. I understand your desire to include this child in the party and if there was a way to still help him in other ways you should do that because it is the right thing to do, but it is also not your fault the mother is an azz. The first thing is your own children and you need to set that woman straight about putting her hands on your child. Let her know if your child does something wrong that you are the person who needs to set your child straight, not her.

I believe you are right about why the child is acting poorly and if there was some solid actions of abuse you might be able to get something done but you can't change the environment he is living in. You can let him know that he is invited to hang out with you guys as long as he behaves but is not welcome when he is being bad and maybe that can help him in the long run. One thing I have been famous for with my kid's friends is asking for their report cards and letting them know that if they want to hang out with my kids they have to get good grades.

My oldest son's best friend was also from a less than savory household. He was a mixed kid and his step-father would call him the "N" word from time to time and I wanted to go over there and beat him senseless for it but I knew that would only get me and my family in a mess so I did everything I could to be there for this child. He came with us on family vacations and outings all the time. He started calling me dad and now he is 22 and doing well. Things could have turned out so differently for this kid but I believe it was my involvement that gave him a view of how things could be instead of the view he saw in his own home.

You could try to do this as well, but you have to maintain your own standards and show him you are unwilling to lower your homes standards to fit him, he must step up, even if it is just when he is around you.

Unfortunately it is always children who pay the price for what the so called "Adults" do.

 

[atlantic]

You're right Times. I have felt, since I got to know them, that someone needs to show this kid that life can be fun. I have ignored so many of his mom's inappropriate comments that it is not funny. I even risked telling him that "*** doesn't punish kids" in her presence under my breath. I thought let her fight me on this, and there will be a fight.

The school is already on to her. I could tell by some of the things they told her that she actually told me. Her doctors have for years been asking her to get leg braces for this kid because he walks on his tippy toes, and she was finally either guilted into it or forced. I swear I hate her selfishness.

I have told her son that if he ever needs help and he's home alone with demented grandma, he can get me.

I don't want him to suffer for her actions. All the other mother's in the neighborhood can't stand her, and avoid them. I just can't do that to him. He looks so happy when he's playing with my son.

Thanks Times. I needed to vent, and your advice helped alot. I will make sure also, now that I am calmed down to advise his mother that hands on my son will NOT be tolerated.

 

[timesjoke]

You are welcome, as I said I know how hard it is, I still today would love to get my hads on his step-father but I know that is not something I can ever do.

You are a strong lady, you can be a strong enough mother to show this other kid how it should be too.

 

[atlantic]

I know Times. I would never let someone like this make me break the law and not be there for my child. Let's just say however, I sit back when I meet people, make a mental note of all illegalities in their' lives, and if they should cross a line too far (which would take alot) then let's just say. I can be the nails that seal the coffins they already built

 

[atlantic]

The party went really well. I assigned my sister to damage control, and there were no problems

 

[timesjoke]

Excellent, so much for Murphy's Law, glad it went well.

 

[atlantic]

She did try to take some plates of cake away from a couple of little girls while they were eatting it, until my sister saw this and told me, I just told her that's my job silly go sit down. She's one of those people who cannot understand boundaries. I couldn't let my sister handle it. She would've taken her down swat style - lol

 

[timesjoke]

She did try to take some plates of cake away from a couple of little girls while they were eatting it, until my sister saw this and told me, I just told her that's my job silly go sit down. She's one of those people who cannot understand boundaries. I couldn't let my sister handle it. She would've taken her down swat style - lol

Most likely she was raised poorly as well. You might have to play mommie for her too and teach her a few things like these boundries she keeps crossing.

All the women in my life and my growing up were very strong women, they ruled their homes like a king rules their Country and nobody crossed the lines for longer than a few seconds, my mother had a look that a complete stranger would pick up on and back down when she gave it out, the "mother bear" look is what we called it back then, lol.

Maybe you can have more events like cookouts and superbowl parties so even the mother can see and learn how things are supposed to be, maybe this woman needs some positive role models in her life too?

 

[atlantic]

I thought that way at first as well Times. She only gets worse with time. Her inappropriatness continues to grow to extremes. Her nickname at school is Bi-Polar. She does rule with an iron fist, and her child is afraid of her. I am my son's best friend. There is nothing he can't tell me. I am his #1 protector. She is her son's jail warden. What mother doesn't buy gifts for her son on his birthday, christmas, yet spends at least 20.00 a day on scratch tickets and goes to auctions all the time to buy more junk to clutter his shared room. He sleeps on a blow up mattress, and has one toy. I talked her into going to a halloween party at the school. It only cost 3.00 to get in, she screamed at him the whole time. Sit here do this craft now, hurry up. You have 10 minutes. Sledding is the same thing. If he falls off his sled, she screams get up now or you're going home, and we are talking seconds after he falls off. He is afraid to move around her. I hate her, she's a piece of sh t, and I am not going to hang out with this biotch. She'll be lucky if I don't punch her in the face before the end of the school year. <_<

 

[timesjoke]

I did not know it was so bad, don't they have some sort of child protection group you could talk to? There may not be much they can do other than document all these smaller issues so one day when she eventually does something worse they can drop the hammer down on her.

I agree, you need to isolate her away from your home and life if she is that bad, but maybe there are small ways to include the boy and help him see what is happeneing is not his fault and there is a better way.

I feel so bad for kids in bad situations like this, they grow up blaming themselves as if their mother would have treated them better if they had been more "perfect" or something. Sad.

 

[atlantic]

I have tried to include him in activities, but she either won't let him. Or shows up and hangs at my place to ,I assume, to make sure he isn't telling me anything he shouldn't.

Her son is also starting to act out and do very inappropriate things now as well. My son doesn't want to hang out with him, so I'm not going to force him to.

Unless there is physical violence witnessesed there isn't much you can do. From what she has told me the principal at the school, and some of her son's doctors have said to her, they already have her number. I know they are required by law to report any suspected neglect or abuse, and I am confident they will be keeping a good eye on this child's situation.

 

[atlantic]

I feel bad for kids like this too Times. People need to remember what you do to others, especially the innocent who cannot protect themselves will come back to you. If not is this life, then another.

 

[ToriAllen]

One day she will be old and weak. Then it will be her children's turn to take care of her. I hope she teaches them a lot about caregiving...

 

[atlantic]

That's if she makes it. Her son told my son last week that he plans on killing her while she's sleeping with a bat. Seems like an extreme thing to say. I don't even want to tell her for fear of what she'll do to him. What would you guys do? It's probably angry talk right? I'm keeping mum on this.

 

[Old Salt]

That's kinda scarey. The kid has some major problems. One so young shouldn't think about killing.

 

[atlantic]

I agree OldSalt. It is sad really. I just hope it's angry talk. Not that I'm worried about her - I pray for karma to get her right away. I just hate the thought of this poor kid feeling this way, and the fear of what he might do eventually.