Stupid drama

[Ahhlee]

This last weekend I went out with friends and ran into a gentleman who is well respected in the community and somewhat of a family friend. We got to visiting and he was asking if I'd sold the business yet. I said I hadn't officially, but I do have some interested parties on deck. He mentioned that he might know someone who would be willing to buy so I gave him my cell phone number so he could put them into contact with me and we could discuss the details. Networking is always good, right?

Wrong.

HE has been texting me and calling me. At first it started out as innocent enough "Hey, how are you today?" messages but it has since progressed to wanting to hook up and screw around. But there is a big problem with that.....he's married. And his wife recently gave birth to their third child.

I've been avoiding and deflecting because there's no way I'm going to get involved with a married man. Last night I went out because my best friend and cousin are in town. We were at the bar with a group of friends having a great time and the guy, let's call him "John" walks in. He went over and started mingling with another group, so I just kind of brushed off the fact that he was there. Believe me, the last thing I wanted was for there to be a scene in front of everyone.

Well the guys were trying to map out a good hunting spot and I said I had some paper out in my vehicle and would bring it in so they could draw out the directions. I went outside and was leaning in to get it when suddenly someone from behind me grabbed my hips and ummm...."pressed himself" against me. I got startled and turned around to see that it was John. I could tell he was really drunk and I knew the best thing for me to do was get out of that situation fast. I backed out and got the door closed, and told him I needed to get back inside and he and I could talk later. He pinned me back up against the vehicle and braced his arms around me so I couldn't move and said we needed to talk NOW.

He gave me the sob story that he's not happy in his marriage, she doesn't really love him, the kids always come first and there's no time for him, blah..blah..blah. He wants to leave her, but he needs a reason to make that happen and he's sure that we could make things work if I'm willing to give him time to get out of his current situation. I just listened without moving and when he finished talking and started leaning in to kiss me, I pushed him back and said there was no way this was going to happen and he needs to work things out for the sake of his family. I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't like my answer, and it's possible that things could have escalated into something ugly, but at that moment my cousin came out to check on me because I'd been out there too long. As soon as he called my name and walked toward us, John took off for his vehicle and left.

My cousin is a pretty astute fellow and he could tell I was upset, so he made me tell him what was going on. He didn't like what he heard and we went inside and I told my group of friends about the situation. We all decided that I would just leave things alone for now and if he starts bugging me again I will call one of them immediately and they will come and help me handle it.

The one person I really feel bad for here is his wife. She is such a sweet woman and it would destroy her if she knew he was doing this. I'm going to keep my mouth shut for the sake of his family and I'm hoping this is just a weird phase he's going through and he'll soon go back to being the upstanding guy we've always known him to be.

Why do people have to be so stupid? He has so much to lose by acting like this. So does his family.

I'll never understand.

 

[emkay64]

It's the kavorka!!!! A necklace strung with garlic, lindberger cheese and kielbasa should do the trick. I believe covering yourself in vaseline should help to deflect unwanted advances too.

 

[timesjoke]

Wow, first of all it would be so easy for you to make this explode into a mess, so many people in your situation would, at least your trying to think about the entire picture, good for you.

This guy was dead wrong and he may have acted stronger because he was drunk at the bar but his texting you and such while sobor says he is really looking for the door with his relationship, as he says he needs a good excuse. Even if you went there the possibility of him sticking around with you would be very low.

I hope he has learned his lesson but if he does not back off your going to have to deal with it somehow.

If he is as well respected in the community as you say then one possible way of trying to snap him out of it would be to go to his pastor, explain what is happening and let him talk to the guy. Maybe some other respected person? If the guy knows what he is doing is known by those he respects, then that could make him see that he is doing the wrong thing.

Usually "respected" people do not want to lose respect from those who they in turn show respect to.

I am concerned by his "forcing" his will on you, the "pressed himself" move combined with making you stay there to listen to him is a bad sign. This could mean he is capable of more if he feels rejected. Please be careful and try not to be alone until this can get resolved.

 

[Ahhlee]

It's the kavorka!!!! A necklace strung with garlic, lindberger cheese and kielbasa should do the trick.

***, you'd think my bitchy, icy demeanor would be enough to keep clowns like this at bay.

adds whole garlic to grocery list

 

[Hack]

It's the kavorka!!!! A necklace strung with garlic, lindberger cheese and kielbasa should do the trick. I believe covering yourself in vaseline should help to deflect unwanted advances too.

if that doesn't work a good knee to the berries would.

 

[Ahhlee]

Wow, first of all it would be so easy for you to make this explode into a mess, so many people in your situation would, at least your trying to think about the entire picture, good for you.

This guy was dead wrong and he may have acted stronger because he was drunk at the bar but his texting you and such while sobor says he is really looking for the door with his relationship, as he says he needs a good excuse. Even if you went there the possibility of him sticking around with you would be very low.

I hope he has learned his lesson but if he does not back off your going to have to deal with it somehow.

If he is as well respected in the community as you say then one possible way of trying to snap him out of it would be to go to his pastor, explain what is happening and let him talk to the guy. Maybe some other respected person? If the guy knows what he is doing is known by those he respects, then that could make him see that he is doing the wrong thing.

Usually "respected" people do not want to lose respect from those who they in turn show respect to.

I am concerned by his "forcing" his will on you, the "pressed himself" move combuned with making you stay there to listen to him is a bad sign. This could mean he is capable of more if he feels rejected. Please be careful and try not to be alone until this can get resolved.

Thanks, TJ.

My best friend knows him and I have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to talk to him about this on the down low. I'm guessing he'll tell John to both leave me alone and think.....really think....about how his actions could affect his family.

Something must have snapped in him. Something caused him to act like this because it's very out of the norm.

Once things calm down, I may try to talk to him and convince him to get help. I don't know. I don't believe in my heart that he's a bad person, he just is having a real lapse in judgement right now...especially with his behavior last night.

Hopefully the worst is over.

 

[Ahhlee]

He's still texting me. He wants to come over to my house and "talk about what happened".

I don't want to talk about it and told him so.

Dammit.

 

[ImWithStupid]

He's still texting me. He wants to come over to my house and "talk about what happened".
I don't want to talk about it and told him so.

Dammit.

Yea. Bad idea. Keep him away.

 

[Ahhlee]

Yea. Bad idea. Keep him away.

I'm trying, believe me!

 

[hugo]

I think you should tell (or text him) and tell him the next time he acts inappropriately towards you that you will go straight to the wife. I bet that ends it. If not, follow through.

 

[ImWithStupid]

I think you should tell (or text him) and tell him the next time he acts inappropriately towards you that you will go straight to the wife. I bet that ends it. If not, follow through.

That, or if that doesn't work. Take out a protection order and let him explain that to his wife. The affidavit will be able to be viewed by anyone who asks.

 

[Ahhlee]

I think you should tell (or text him) and tell him the next time he acts inappropriately towards you that you will go straight to the wife. I bet that ends it. If not, follow through.

Yeah hugo, that actually is what I am thinking, too.

I hate that it's come to this, but I'm not going to let his bad behavior be my problem anymore. He can own it all from this point on.

And yes, if I threaten him with calling his wife, I will follow through. I hope he takes heed, for his family's sake.

Thanks for the advice. It is much appreciated.

 

[Ahhlee]

That, or if that doesn't work. Take out a protection order and let him explain that to his wife. The affidavit will be able to be viewed by anyone who asks.

I know, but the thing is in a small town it will all get blown out of proportion if it becomes public knowledge in any way and I will be viewed as some kind of homewrecking *****. Even if I am completely innocent, someone down the line will twist it so that I am guilty in some capacity.

I am trying to avoid letting any of this leak out at all costs. The rumor mill will attempt to drag me through the mud and use it as a way to shame my family. It's just the way it goes around here, and it's the biggest downfall of small town living.

I'll go with threatening to tell his wife if he contacts me again and I hope that does the trick.

I can't wait to move, I can tell you all that much right now.

But thank you, IWS. That is sound advice.

 

[timesjoke]

I know, but the thing is in a small town it will all get blown out of proportion if it becomes public knowledge in any way and I will be viewed as some kind of homewrecking *****. Even if I am completely innocent, someone down the line will twist it so that I am guilty in some capacity.

I have seen this before myself. Somehow the 'other woman' gets blamed, like us men are just brainless zombies who have no control over our bodies when it comes to chasing other women.

It is not your fault, don't let peer pressure push you into putting yourself in danger. Do not agree to be alone with this man.

I'll go with threatening to tell his wife if he contacts me again and I hope that does the trick.

There is the possibility that this is what he wants too, someone else to drop the bomb on his wife for him so he can just ride the wave after it starts. Many people who want out of a relation are just too **** scared to do it directly so they come up with complex ways of forcing the end even if it is more messy than facing it like an adult.

Maybe he picked you becauase of your strength, your ability to do what you feel is right and help him get out of his relationship?

Who knows for sure but it does not sound like your going to end up very happy no matter what happens next.

Anyway, we need an update, has he backed off or are you still dealing with it?

I wish you luck.

 

[snafu]

I say get a can of mace. Then he'll have to explain the gas burns on his face to his wife.

 

[Ahhlee]

Anyway, we need an update, has he backed off or are you still dealing with it?

I wish you luck.

I ran into him at the post office the other morning and we had a brief discussion outside...in public.

He apologized for how he acted the other night and blamed it on the booze. He still wants to "be friends" and possibly hang out with me, but I told him he needs to work on his marriage and pull things together there...and hanging out with me would be detrimental to that.

I did tell him that I think he's acting out of sorts and that I don't want to cause him any sort of drama, but if he pulls that **** again I would have no choice but to call his wife. He said he understood and apologized again.

I guess I'm one of those stupid people who believes he's a good man who had a momentary lapse in judgement. I'll probably be proven wrong, but I hope I'm not. So many people will be hurt if he chooses the wrong path.

Things should be ok from this point on, TJ. Thanks for asking.

 

[Ahhlee]

On a side note, I went out with my cousin and some of his friends again this weekend so we could visit before he went back to MN.

While we were visiting, some men I know came up to talk to me throughout the evening because I haven't been out at the local bars much. They were loaded up and had their arms draped all over me, trying to touch my ***** and just acting like overall lecherous *****. Their propositions were horrifying and enough to turn your stomach.

My cousin kept asking if everything was ok, and I just said, "Yeah, this is normal. I'm used to it."

He said, "I think it's sad that you would actually 'get used' to being treated like that. It's definitely time for you to move and get away from these ********. You deserve WAY better than this!" And his two friends agreed with him!

I have to say, it felt good to be validated by an outside source. I'm not crazy after all!

Thank you, Jesus!

 

[snafu]

On a side note, I went out with my cousin and some of his friends again this weekend so we could visit before he went back to MN.
While we were visiting, some men I know came up to talk to me throughout the evening because I haven't been out at the local bars much. They were loaded up and had their arms draped all over me, trying to touch my ***** and just acting like overall lecherous *****. Their propositions were horrifying and enough to turn your stomach.

My cousin kept asking if everything was ok, and I just said, "Yeah, this is normal. I'm used to it."

He said, "I think it's sad that you would actually 'get used' to being treated like that. It's definitely time for you to move and get away from these ********. You deserve WAY better than this!" And his two friends agreed with him!

I have to say, it felt good to be validated by an outside source. I'm not crazy after all!

Thank you, Jesus!

What a pathetic slob! I would at least buy you a drink before I grabbed your *****.

 

[Ahhlee]

What a pathetic slob! I would at least buy you a drink before I grabbed your *****.

Awww thanks, snaf.

Seriously, the guys here are no better than animals looking for their next rut. It's disgusting.