Thesis on Hell

Subject: / Thesis on Hell

 

 

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington

chemistry mid-term.

 

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared

it with colleagues,

 

via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of

enjoying it as well :

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic

(absorbs heat)?

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law

(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some

variant.

 

One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.

 

So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the

rate

 

at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once

a soul gets

 

to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

 

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the

different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these

religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you

will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and

since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can

 

project that all souls go to Hell.

 

 

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of

 

souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of

change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in

order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the

volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

 

This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls

enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase

until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes

over.

 

So which is it?

 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year

that,

 

"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into

account the

 

fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true,

and thus I am

 

sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

 

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it

follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,

extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence

of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept

shouting "Oh my God."

It's a funny thesis...fairly famous.

 

Next time, could you remove the asterisks? They are really fucking annoying.

fucks the asterisks, this is some funny shit at the end, i cant stop laughing

I read that same thing, except it was attached to an office water cooler. Things are in pretty bad shape when somebody gets an "A" in your academic system for being a smartass.

I read that ages ago... but still laugh when I read it... and the fact it got an "A" just makes me laugh more.

 

Although Tommy is right there... getting an "A" for being a smart ass isn't right. Maybe that's why I laugh at it... because it's that bad.