Things you should only learn in jail

These are just my observations from my time in Jail. Enjoy.

1. Armpit hair does grow faster in the cold.

2. Deodorant quits working when one has to part armpit hair to roll it on.

3. When one doesn't wash one's hair for 3 weeks straight, it's not a healthy shine to it, it's OIL.

4. Courtesy flushes are not fun on a cold metal toilet.

5. Even a germaphobe can eat a sandwich that has fallen on the floor.

6. Tattooing one's self with a staple and pen doesn't give a tattoo but a scar.

7. Farting in front of a guard and going "whooooo" doesn't get you more cookies, it gets you less.

8. Pork rinds eaten with peanut butter cookies allows one to stay up for an all night prayer session.

9. Kool aid is better cold and the only cold water comes from the toilet. It's ok hot from now on.

10. The same bra worn for 42 days straight is now standing on it's own in the corner.

11. Guards don't like it when you sing the song " I shot the Sheriff."

12. Same Guards do like it when you sing " I fought the Law and the Law Won"

13. Beans the night before court is an accident waiting to happen.

14. Never eat food that gives you heartburn, Pepcid AC is a rare substance

15. Save your sugar packets and bread and an orange juice container, and brew yourself some alcohol

16. Starting a fire and sending the smoke up the vent is funny as hell. Hurry up and flush the paper just after the smoke detector goes off, but before the guard gets there, act like you don't smell anything or have any knowledge of what he is referring to.

17. You will become a better card player

18. Sunlight, is a good thing.

19. There are BUGS growing in your sink/toilet

20. Sleeping on a mat isn't so bad once you get used to it... in fact, your back will feel better, so quit complaining.

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These are just my observations from my time in Jail. Enjoy.

 

 

1. Armpit hair does grow faster in the cold.

 

2. Deodorant quits working when one has to part armpit hair to roll it on.

 

3. When one doesn't wash one's hair for 3 weeks straight, it's not a healthy shine to it, it's OIL.

 

4. Courtesy flushes are not fun on a cold metal toilet.

 

5. Even a germaphobe can eat a sandwich that has fallen on the floor.

 

6. Tattooing one's self with a staple and pen doesn't give a tattoo but a scar.

 

7. Farting in front of a guard and going "whooooo" doesn't get you more cookies, it gets you less.

 

8. Pork rinds eaten with peanut butter cookies allows one to stay up for an all night prayer session.

 

9. Kool aid is better cold and the only cold water comes from the toilet. It's ok hot from now on.

 

10. The same bra worn for 42 days straight is now standing on it's own in the corner.

 

11. Guards don't like it when you sing the song " I shot the Sheriff."

 

12. Same Guards do like it when you sing " I fought the Law and the Law Won"

 

13. Beans the night before court is an accident waiting to happen.

What'd you go to jail for?