Things You'd Love To Say Out Loud At Work.

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

 

 

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

 

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

 

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

 

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

 

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

 

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

 

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

 

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

 

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

 

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

 

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

 

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give damn.

 

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of

view.

 

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

 

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

 

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

 

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

 

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

 

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

 

24. Do I look like a people person?

 

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

 

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

 

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 

29. Error have been made. Others will be blamed.

 

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

 

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

 

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

 

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

 

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

 

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

 

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

 

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

 

 

I have actually said some of these things at work, you think that might be why I was laid off???

If only we could... LoL.

I love my job I love my job I love my job just say it over and over.

I love my job I love my job I love my job just say it over and over.

 

Dude, I got laid off, I haven't worked in some time and I'm going to school so me wanting to say this stuff at work is nothing but a memory.

I'm in school right now to get a better job once I'm done.

Better job - same crap.

That's the great thing about construction, you can say what your thinking. Everybody expects you to be a foul mouthed pig.

Off the top of my head...

Pizza delivery first:

1. Your a cheap bastard, thanks for the .12 cent tip asshole

2. Turn your fucking porch light on next time asshole, I might find your house easier

3. No asshole, I don't have the price of each item individually, you should have asked for seperate tickets. <--applys to B-D's

4. Your house smells funny, perhaps you should clean it.

5. Damn that sure is one ugly kid you have there.

6. Get your fucking dog away from me before I kick it in the head.

7. Clean your yard... fucking slob.

8. Is that CRACK I smell ?

9. Is that WEED I smell ? <---happens quite often

10. All this food and it's only YOU here at the house ?? No wonder your so damn fat.

 

PC repair next :

 

1. Maybe the reason it's slow is because 233Mhz and 64 megs of EDO ram aren't much these days.

2. Quit fucking it up, and maybe I wouldn't have to charge you to fix it every fucking 2 weeks.

3. NO I will not program your HU card for DirecTV.

4. Why don't you just break down and buy a new machine asshole !!!

5. If I could have it running good in 15 minutes, I would be GOD.

6. Your an IDIOT

7. Please never use the internet again

8. NO I won't take a trade in on an old Compaq Presario that even YOU hate.

9. Quit fucking asking me how much for a part every 3 weeks then never ordering a damn thing.

10. It's CHRISTMAS ASSHOLE, I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED !!

 

 

Then again.. I guess I HAVE told this to all my PC customers.

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Phreak on the pizza list i bet there's times 5 and 6 could be turned around. And ya thats dope you smell why do you think they ordered all that food.

 

And how come i did'nt see on there...No bitch put your fucking clothes back on, i don't want to take your bill out in trade.

And how come i did'nt see on there...No bitch put your fucking clothes back on, i don't want to take your bill out in trade.

Actually, I have encoutered a few half naked drunken female customers.... NEW YEARS EVE WAS AWSOME !! Damn was she looking good.. WHOAA !! But anyways... lucky for me, so far they have all been pretty damn hot, so who am I to tell them to put on clothes ??

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Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're pretty cool, fuck you, and fuck you!

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're pretty cool, fuck you, and fuck you!

 

I'd have trouble finding one to call cool.

IWS - is that my cat?

IWS - is that my cat?

 

Are you missing a cat?

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Check under my tire.

When I used to work for a mental health insurance company I normally would ask people things like

Are we feeling a little schizophrenic today?

 

Did we forget our psychiatric medication?

 

My personal fav was "I'm starting to suffer from a little homicidal ideation"