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My friend and I were arguring about the Disney Princesses and Princes last night so we went on the internet and found this list, and it made us laugh so **** hard.
Top 10 Disney Princesses of All Time
#10- Megara from Hercules
So Megara isn’t really a princess. She’s the girlfriend of some *** dude who loves her so much he becomes mortal just to be with her. (Which is so how it doesn’t go in Greek Mythology). Now that is sexual power. She’s ballsy– she sold her soul to James Woods!– but whiny. She’s also a manipulative little *****. But anyone who can seduce a Minotaur can’t be all bad. Can they?
High School Equivalent: If Megara went to high school, she’d be the hot bad-*** chick who smokes outside the school when she cuts class and spits on people as they walk by. You really want to be her friend, but after a couple of days making fun of the popular kids and coughing up a lung, you realize she is just insecure, and, well, kind of annoying. Plus smoking is really bad for you and all this hairspray is kinda itchy.
Pros: She totally slept with the high school jock at the after prom party, while his cheerleader girlfriend was doing jello shots and giggling with her pals.
Cons: She gave him herpes.
#9- Nala from The Lion King
I have to give props to Nala because she put up with possibly the cockiest Disney prince of all time! Who was voiced by Johnathan Taylor Thomas, of all people! But at the same time, she is a total cop-out — she only got her princess status through an arranged marriage. Then she just shruGged her shoulders and ignored the fact he went missing for oh, I don’t know, several year. But she grew up, came to her senses and now she keeps Simba and the tribe together, while he is off prancing and gallivanting about with his meerkat and warthog pals. We all know she is the real ‘king of the jungle.’
High School Equivalent: If Meg is the ‘bad girl’, Nala is the bitchy, domineering cheerleader who doesn’t really like the captain of the football team, but dates him because it’ll get her somewhere. Eventually. And by somewhere I mean totally knocked, married too young, buying the big house, then sitting in her kitchen–er, cave– with a bottle of bourbon going “Oh ****.”
Pros: She’s a lion. Literally and metaphorically.
Cons: She’s a gold-digging *****. And, well, she’s a lion. That can’t be all good. What if she gets hungry?
#8- Snow White from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Ah, Snow White. The classic Disney Princess. She is beautiful, sweet and kind. But a little spacey, and a little dumb. Does she not realize living in a teensy cottage with seven little people is a little bizarre? And that taking food from strangers is just wrong? While the other princesses were off fighting wars and escaping from bad guys, the coolest thing she ever did was sleep an excessively long time. That’s truly princessing-it-up old school.
High School Equivalent: Snow White is Karen from Mean Girls, the pretty follower with no brain of her own and who will put out at a moments notice. This is not because she’s a *****, but because she really, really wants you to like her. One positive is that she made capes –and befriending the physically disabled–totally cool.
Pros:She will believe anything you tell her. And will keep all your secrets because she’ll forget them in three seconds anyway.
Cons:Evidence has indicated she might be narcoleptic. And she thinks her *******, the physically handicapped and cute animals have feelings.
#7-Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty
Another old-school narcoleptic princess, only this one comes with hallucinations and multiple identity crises. The poor girl has no less than three names- Sleeping Beauty, Princess Aurora and Briar Rose, thinks three fairies are taking care of her in the woods who all have nothing better to do than fight over the poor girl’s dress. The worst thaing that happens to her s pricking her finger on a ******* spinning wheel, then sleeping through the awesome dragon slaying. If Megara is Lindsay Lohan, Ariel is JoJo, Jasmine is Christina Aguilera, Mulan is Avril Lavigne, and Cinderella is Jessica Simpson, Aurora is Mandy Moore. She isn’t as talented, isn’t as whorish and isn’t as controversial. While all the other girls are wearing too much eyeliner and various incarnations of the ‘hot-pant’, she has on a cardigan with embroidered flowers on the collar. She often fades into the background and takes her non-existent personality with her. Yet, through it all she manages to date quirky-cool guys (oh man, did I just compare Zach Braff to Prince Phillip? I did? Daaaamn.) who can do so much better. I mean, seriously, watching Millicent die was way cooler than watching Aurora wake up and meet Prince Phillip.
High School Equivalent: She’s the prim, proper yearbook editor, who knows she’s kind of dull and boring, but is amazingly okay with it.
Pros:She will bake you cookies.
Cons: She will give you a play-by-play about how she made them and the near-crisis over a flour spill. And she will tell you about her conversation with her mom and about her grocery shopping trip and her haircut…….
#6- Pocahontas from Pocahontas
Before Princess Maddy came along and ruined Pocahontas’ thunder, Pocahontas was the exotic one. Sultry, mysterious, deceptive, thickly accented and a little hard to understand. Her clothes aren’t practical, she never wears shoes, her parents named her Pocahontas for ***’s sake, but still, there is something about her. Her dark, thick hair, her come-hither gaze, her seductively pointy chin, her Vanessa Williams-sung theme song……
High School Equivalent: She’s that foreign exchange student you always wanted, you thought you could have–I mean, have you seen the she looks at you?!–but you were too scared to just go for it. And now she is gone. Off into the woods. To lead her mysterious life and hang out with her raccoon and rabbit friends. Who, for some reason, were some of the few animals Disney refused to give human voices too. And that only adds to the mystery. Of what could have been.
Pros:It’s just like warm apple pie.
Cons: Apple pie is really sticky.
