Truce of the sexes?

[Ahhlee]

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


- Oscar Wilde

​

It's the age old debate....can men and women just be friends?

Do you have friends of the opposite ***?

How does your significant other feel about you having friends of the other gender?

How do you feel about your significant other having friends outside of his/her own ***?

Discuss.

 

[snafu]

Like Chris Rock says a girl that is just a friend is a girl you haven't laid yet.

 

[timesjoke]

Well there are many complex layers.

"CAN" they be just friends? Sure they can. Will there be assumptions and issues even if they are just friends? Most of the time yes.

The problem is there is more at question than just yourself. Let's say a man and woman is married and the married man is seen having dinner with another woman by a friend of the wife. Now suddenly there is conflict, does the friend tell the wife? What will be the reaction of the wife? Will the wife be too scared to ask the husband and instead conduct her own "investigation"? Will this information fester deep inside the woman and it cause other problems and arguements in the marriage?

Then what happens when the truth comes out and it was just a business meeting or a chance lunch at the same place and an old friend is there so they share a table?

Will the festering pain caused just dissapear or will there be lasting negative effects on the marriage?

(This can be completely the same with the man as well, I am not trying to say only a woman could hold onto something like this and let it eat away at them.)

In this situation, who is at fault?

The wife for not asking her husband for the truth before getting angry?

The nosy friend who told the wife?

The woman who had lunch with a married man and gave the wrong impression?

The man who had lunch with another woman when he should have known better being married and gave the wrong impression?

It is complex to be sure.

My answer? I myself avoid the wrong appearances. I would never put myself in that situation. Why? Because I care too much for Tami to put her through something like that. I care too much for my family for even a rumor like that to get running around. I care too much for any woman who might eat lunch with me to have people talk that way about her.

Now, do I expect Tami to do the same thing? Well I would never tell her to act this way, but I would not be with her today if she did not know the meaning of propriety. She conducts herself like a lady, and it is one of the things I respect about her.

 

[Ahhlee]

I have many male friends and always have. I think I like that with men, you can just hang out and crack jokes while female friendships typically require more emotional involvement. Don't get me wrong....I like my female friends and enjoy spending time with them, but I find that I do prefer to do things with my buddies as it feels more relaxing to me.

It seems to me that males and females attract initially as a result of some sort of sexual chemistry between them. If that chemistry isn't right or appropriate considering the people's individual circumstances, I see no reason why an "only friends" situation can't develop. Three of the male friends I have now, I have never dated or had any kind of intimate contact with. It simply never worked out that way and now I value our friendships too much to ruin it by throwing *** in the mix. I think we're all pretty comfortable with what we have going now, except for one who wants to date me but I just can't bring myself to "go there".

My best friend is a different story. We have had ***, but neither of us felt that crazy spark that prompted us to want to further our relationship. The cool thing about us is we truly do want one another to be happy, even if it isn't with each other. We're so much alike and have such a similar way of thinking that I can't imagine not having him in my life in some capacity. He's pretty **** cool. (Though we are having an issue lately: He knows I've been talking to someone quite frequently and I feel it's been bothering him by some of the things he's said. It's almost like he's...jealous, which I find really odd. Ehhhh, who knows.)

I'll never give up my friends. We're a package deal. If I were to be involved with someone, he would just have to accept that I have male friends who I will still hang out with. If he's not secure enough in himself, or in us, to handle that then he isn't the kind of guy for me.

I wouldn't have a problem if my significant other had female friends. So long as he lets me (and them) know I'm his number one girl and he doesn't betray my trust, all is good.

So yes, I do believe men and women can easily enjoy friendships with one another.

 

[Ahhlee]

Well there are many complex layers.
"CAN" they be just friends? Sure they can. Will there be assumptions and issues even if they are just friends? Most of the time yes.

My answer? I myself avoid the wrong appearances. I would never put myself in that situation. Why? Because I care too much for Tami to put her through something like that. I care too much for my family for even a rumor like that to get running around. I care too much for any woman who might eat lunch with me to have people talk that way about her.

Now, do I expect Tami to do the same thing? Well I would never tell her to act this way, but I would not be with her today if she did not know the meaning of propriety. She conducts herself like a lady, and it is one of the things I respect about her.

People assume I'm "with" my male friends all the time, but we know what the truth is and I've learned not to let what other people think bother me.

You and Tami should stick to what works for you, but I feel that I could hang out with my male friends (whether I'm single or in a relationship) and still considered "a lady".

 

[timesjoke]

People assume I'm "with" my male friends all the time, but we know what the truth is and I've learned not to let what other people think bother me.
You and Tami should stick to what works for you, but I feel that I could hang out with my male friends (whether I'm single or in a relationship) and still considered "a lady".

The example I offered was how even if the people were behaving themselves, it can still cause issues. I remember about two years ago one of our owners was close to divorce. It was the situation I pointed out where he was seen with an attractive lady having dinner and the friend didn't tell the wife at first. The first thing she did was tell other friends what she saw. The friend of course claimed she was trying to advise if she should tell the wife or not but what she was really doing is spreadding gossip. Two weeks later everyone in their circles believed the man was having an affair and it finally got back to the wife who is now feeling very embarassed and shammed that everyone "knows" her husband is fooling around on her.

She kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce inside a week without ever asking him if he had done it or not. She was so ashamed by what other people "thought" they knew it was devestating to her. After some time passed she finally allowed her husband to explain what had happened and they got back together but all of this mess when the man had done nothing wrong.

I will say this.

Look at everyone who is in a long tern successful relationship and see if they spend a lot of time with friends of the opposite ***. I do not know one. In my opinion, committment to one man or one woman includes protecting their feelings and avoiding anything that can cause trouble between the two of you. Think of it like defensive driving, avoiding the other bad drivers just because you do not need the trouble in your life their poor driving can cause you.

 

[snafu]

I think the internet was a big ground breaker for this. I know I have a lot of girl friends.

 

[snafu]

I had a lot of girl girl friends but I really can't remember one that I didn't at least make out with one time or another.

 

[Ahhlee]

I think the internet was a big ground breaker for this. I know I have a lot of girl friends.

Oooooh, can I be your girl friend?

 

[Chi]

Sure men and women can be friends. But it usually lies more on the girl whether it stays that way. 98% of men are weak.

Oh, and I have men as friends, but we don't hang out very often. I let my sig. other have females as friends, but no hanging out, only I can do that Unless I was really cool with the girl, too or something. But even then, it's iffy.

 

[RoyalOrleans]

My two best friends in the whole wide world are women.

And I don't think women are equal to men at all............. women are better.

I'm not pandering here in the hopes of some "ooooo's" and "awwwwww's", but it is from experience that I speak.