Unknowns of adoption

Unknowns of adoption

http://www.sptimes.com/2007/10/25/State/Unknowns_of_adoption.shtml

Lack of disclosure about children's problems and lack of help often

lead to trouble.

By NICOLE HUTCHESON, Times Staff Writer

Published October 25, 2007

Many parents think that when they adopt, a stable home and love is all a

child needs.

But in reality, that's not always enough.

On the surface, Pinellas School Board member Nancy Bostock's decision to

give up custody of her troubled son seemed like an extreme case.

However, child advocates say it happens more than you might think.

Adoptive parents faced with challenging children and limited support

services often reach the heart-wrenching conclusion to give up custody

of their kids.

The state doesn't track the number of adoptions that fail, but experts

say as many as 15 percent involving special needs children in foster

care don't work out.

"A lot of parents don't necessarily want to dissolve their rights," said

Loryn Smith, a social worker with Camelot Community Care, a nonprofit

child welfare organization. "But they realize they can't have the child

in their home and be safe."

Social workers and child advocates cite three common factors for failed

adoptions: overly optimistic parents, incomplete disclosure about the

child's history by foster care workers and a lack of support services

for parents.

Bostock, who went public Monday with the problems she faced with her

11-year-old son, said she relinquished custody of him because she feared

for her family's safety but also so he could receive the mental health

care she could not afford.

Jason and Kelly Delph couldn't have children of their own but wanted to

open their home to needy kids.

Six years ago, they adopted three siblings. They attended a 30-hour

training course on what to expect, but nothing could prepare them for

the disabilities that their children would eventually display.

"It was one of those things where we thought, 'We're going to raise

them, so how could there possibly be anything wrong?'" she said. "We

figured we could fix any problem they had. We were sadly mistaken."

Their oldest, a 9-year-old girl, has autism. Her 7-year-old sister and

6-year-old brother are both mentally retarded.

The Delphs eventually conceived and now have a 4-year-old biological

daughter.

Inside the kitchen of the couple's Tarpon Springs home, charts hang on

the kitchen cabinets outlining the youngsters' daily routines: 1. Wake

up. 2. Eat breakfast/take medication 3. Get dressed.

"Our house is virtually a therapy center," said Kelly, 35, a trained

certified nursing assistant who has opted to stay home to care for the

children. "We don't have a dining room."

Kelly Delph and her husband, a technician for Verizon, said they have

spent tens of thousands of dollars on treatment, which they say the

children's Medicaid benefits won't cover. Social Security benefits were

denied, and they are on a waiting list behind thousands of parents for

services to help the children.

"I have a child hitting me, biting me, pulling my hair," said Kelly,

sporting a visible bite mark on her arm from her son.

Asking more questions and entering the adoption process with open eyes

could cut down on adoption reversals, said Debbie Swearingen, a

counselor for the Adoption Preservation Program at Manatee Glens, a

not-for-profit health care provider.

"Parents need to not be afraid to ask the questions," Swearingen said.

"When they adopt, they need to know this adoption is like having a birth

baby, and we don't give up our birth babies."

But there are times when even the most thorough list of questions won't

help.

This week, a judge awarded a Palm Beach couple $10-million because the

state didn't disclose information about the abuse their three boys

suffered before they were adopted out of the foster care system.

During their early years the boys had been raped and beaten repeatedly

by abusive foster parents. The couple had requested that the children

they adopted not be at risk for molesting other children because they

had a younger son. Over the years the adopted boys molested classmates,

attempted suicide and attacked their family. The family knew little of

their past.

The Delphs said they, too, got little information on their children's

background before adopting. They knew the kids were neglected, but the

severity of their disabilities wasn't evident.

Last year, Andrea Moore, executive director for Florida's Children

First, unsuccessfully pushed legislation that would have required the

state to provide full backgrounds on children.

"The adoptive family is given very little info," Moore said. "And by the

time they figure things out, the typical family has begun loving the child."

It's important for parents to have the full picture. Kids who have been

raped may be more likely to sexually abuse younger children. Kids who

are beaten could become violent.

Officials with the Department of Children and Families said the agency

works to be as transparent as possible, but the information they have

doesn't always provide clues to the child's final outcome, said Al

Zimmerman, the department press secretary.

The state's foster care system was revamped more than 20 years ago to

make adoptions a higher priority. But support services have yet to catch up.

"Along with the push to get adoptions, there wasn't the safety net to

make sure these adoptions stay intact," said Renee Walker, a social

worker for the Sylvia Thomas Center for Foster and Adoptive Families in

Brandon.

When Walker meets a family in need, it's often hard to find a therapist

equipped to serve them.

"These children have a lot of attachment issues or suffer from post

traumatic issues," said Walker, whose center's staff of two serves 200

clients a year.

When problems get beyond outpatient therapy help, Walker works to find

longer term residential treatment. To get long-term care a parent must

often relinquish rights.

To do so, a parent must legally abandon a child. If the court accepts

the request, the parent may be criminally investigated. A biological

parent also can relinquish parental rights. If the child is placed in

foster care, a parent could be forced to pay child support.

"It's a really, really bad option, but it's the best option I have,"

Bostock said Wednesday. "We need to change Florida laws, so that other

families in this situation can access help without having to consent to

abandonment when they're just trying to support their child."

Kelly Delph said she hopes it's a choice she never has to make.

"I want to get the help for my children now."

Times staff researcher Angie Drobnic Holan contributed to this report,

which includes information from the Palm Beach Post. Nicole Hutcheson

can be reached at nhutcheson@sptimes.com or (727) 893-8828.

FAST FACTS: Where to get help

Sylvia Thomas Center for Foster and Adoptive Families, 716 S

Oakwood Ave., Brandon. (813) 651-3150. Adoption dissolution information

session at 6:30 p.m. Nov. 15. Call to register.

Attachment & Trauma Network, http://www.radzebra.org or (785) 624-6364.

Florida's Children First, a nonprofit legal service group that

advocates for at-risk children: floridaschildrenfirst.org or (954) 796-0860.

Safe Children's Coalition, which oversees foster care in Pinellas

and Pasco counties, provides support to adoptive families as well. Visit

http://www.sarasota-ymca.org/socialServices/safeChildrenCoalition.cfm or call

1-866-661-5656.

CURRENTLY CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES VIOLATES MORE CIVIL RIGHTS ON A

DAILY BASIS THEN ALL OTHER AGENCIES COMBINED INCLUDING THE NSA / CIA

WIRETAPPING PROGRAM....

CPS Does not protect children...

It is sickening how many children are subject to abuse, neglect and even

killed at the hands of Child Protective Services.

every parent should read this .pdf from

connecticut dcf watch...

http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com/8x11.pdf

http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com

Number of Cases per 100,000 children in the US

These numbers come from The National Center on

Child Abuse and Neglect in Washington. (NCCAN)

Recent numbers have increased significantly for CPS

Perpetrators of Maltreatment

Physical Abuse CPS 160, Parents 59

Sexual Abuse CPS 112, Parents 13

Neglect CPS 410, Parents 241

Medical Neglect CPS 14 Parents 12

Fatalities CPS 6.4, Parents 1.5

Imagine that, 6.4 children die at the hands of the very agencies that

are supposed to protect them and only 1.5 at the hands of parents per

100,000 children. CPS perpetrates more abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse

and kills more children then parents in the United States. If the

citizens of this country hold CPS to the same standards that they hold

parents too. No judge should ever put another child in the hands of ANY

government agency because CPS nationwide is guilty of more harm and

death than any human being combined. CPS nationwide is guilty of more

human rights violations and deaths of children then the homes from which

they were removed. When are the judges going to wake up and see that

they are sending children to their death and a life of abuse when

children are removed from safe homes based on the mere opinion of a

bunch of social workers.

CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, HAPPILY DESTROYING THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT

FAMILIES YEARLY NATIONWIDE AND COMING TO YOU'RE HOME SOON...

BE SURE TO FIND OUT WHERE YOUR CANDIDATES STANDS ON THE ISSUE OF

REFORMING OR ABOLISHING CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ("MAKE YOUR CANDIDATES

TAKE A STAND ON THIS ISSUE.") THEN REMEMBER TO VOTE ACCORDINGLY IF THEY

ARE "FAMILY UNFRIENDLY" IN THE NEXT ELECTION...

Unknowns of adoption

http://www.sptimes.com/2007/10/25/State/Unknowns_of_adoption.shtml

Lack of disclosure about children's problems and lack of help often

lead to trouble.

By NICOLE HUTCHESON, Times Staff Writer

Published October 25, 2007

Many parents think that when they adopt, a stable home and love is all a

child needs.

But in reality, that's not always enough.

On the surface, Pinellas School Board member Nancy Bostock's decision to

give up custody of her troubled son seemed like an extreme case.

However, child advocates say it happens more than you might think.

Adoptive parents faced with challenging children and limited support

services often reach the heart-wrenching conclusion to give up custody

of their kids.

The state doesn't track the number of adoptions that fail, but experts

say as many as 15 percent involving special needs children in foster

care don't work out.

"A lot of parents don't necessarily want to dissolve their rights," said

Loryn Smith, a social worker with Camelot Community Care, a nonprofit

child welfare organization. "But they realize they can't have the child

in their home and be safe."

Social workers and child advocates cite three common factors for failed

adoptions: overly optimistic parents, incomplete disclosure about the

child's history by foster care workers and a lack of support services

for parents.

Bostock, who went public Monday with the problems she faced with her

11-year-old son, said she relinquished custody of him because she feared

for her family's safety but also so he could receive the mental health

care she could not afford.

Jason and Kelly Delph couldn't have children of their own but wanted to

open their home to needy kids.

Six years ago, they adopted three siblings. They attended a 30-hour

training course on what to expect, but nothing could prepare them for

the disabilities that their children would eventually display.

"It was one of those things where we thought, 'We're going to raise

them, so how could there possibly be anything wrong?'" she said. "We

figured we could fix any problem they had. We were sadly mistaken."

Their oldest, a 9-year-old girl, has autism. Her 7-year-old sister and

6-year-old brother are both mentally retarded.

The Delphs eventually conceived and now have a 4-year-old biological

daughter.

Inside the kitchen of the couple's Tarpon Springs home, charts hang on

the kitchen cabinets outlining the youngsters' daily routines: 1. Wake

up. 2. Eat breakfast/take medication 3. Get dressed.

"Our house is virtually a therapy center," said Kelly, 35, a trained

certified nursing assistant who has opted to stay home to care for the

children. "We don't have a dining room."

Kelly Delph and her husband, a technician for Verizon, said they have

spent tens of thousands of dollars on treatment, which they say the

children's Medicaid benefits won't cover. Social Security benefits were

denied, and they are on a waiting list behind thousands of parents for

services to help the children.

"I have a child hitting me, biting me, pulling my hair," said Kelly,

sporting a visible bite mark on her arm from her son.

Asking more questions and entering the adoption process with open eyes

could cut down on adoption reversals, said Debbie Swearingen, a

counselor for the Adoption Preservation Program at Manatee Glens, a

not-for-profit health care provider.

"Parents need to not be afraid to ask the questions," Swearingen said.

"When they adopt, they need to know this adoption is like having a birth

baby, and we don't give up our birth babies."

But there are times when even the most thorough list of questions won't

help.

This week, a judge awarded a Palm Beach couple $10-million because the

state didn't disclose information about the abuse their three boys

suffered before they were adopted out of the foster care system.

During their early years the boys had been raped and beaten repeatedly

by abusive foster parents. The couple had requested that the children

they adopted not be at risk for molesting other children because they

had a younger son. Over the years the adopted boys molested classmates,

attempted suicide and attacked their family. The family knew little of

their past.

The Delphs said they, too, got little information on their children's

background before adopting. They knew the kids were neglected, but the

severity of their disabilities wasn't evident.

Last year, Andrea Moore, executive director for Florida's Children

First, unsuccessfully pushed legislation that would have required the

state to provide full backgrounds on children.

"The adoptive family is given very little info," Moore said. "And by the

time they figure things out, the typical family has begun loving the child."

It's important for parents to have the full picture. Kids who have been

raped may be more likely to sexually abuse younger children. Kids who

are beaten could become violent.

Officials with the Department of Children and Families said the agency

works to be as transparent as possible, but the information they have

doesn't always provide clues to the child's final outcome, said Al

Zimmerman, the department press secretary.

The state's foster care system was revamped more than 20 years ago to

make adoptions a higher priority. But support services have yet to catch up.

"Along with the push to get adoptions, there wasn't the safety net to

make sure these adoptions stay intact," said Renee Walker, a social

worker for the Sylvia Thomas Center for Foster and Adoptive Families in

Brandon.

When Walker meets a family in need, it's often hard to find a therapist

equipped to serve them.

"These children have a lot of attachment issues or suffer from post

traumatic issues," said Walker, whose center's staff of two serves 200

clients a year.

When problems get beyond outpatient therapy help, Walker works to find

longer term residential treatment. To get long-term care a parent must

often relinquish rights.

To do so, a parent must legally abandon a child. If the court accepts

the request, the parent may be criminally investigated. A biological

parent also can relinquish parental rights. If the child is placed in

foster care, a parent could be forced to pay child support.

"It's a really, really bad option, but it's the best option I have,"

Bostock said Wednesday. "We need to change Florida laws, so that other

families in this situation can access help without having to consent to

abandonment when they're just trying to support their child."

Kelly Delph said she hopes it's a choice she never has to make.

"I want to get the help for my children now."

Times staff researcher Angie Drobnic Holan contributed to this report,

which includes information from the Palm Beach Post. Nicole Hutcheson

can be reached at nhutcheson@sptimes.com or (727) 893-8828.

FAST FACTS: Where to get help

Sylvia Thomas Center for Foster and Adoptive Families, 716 S

Oakwood Ave., Brandon. (813) 651-3150. Adoption dissolution information

session at 6:30 p.m. Nov. 15. Call to register.

Attachment & Trauma Network, http://www.radzebra.org or (785) 624-6364.

Florida's Children First, a nonprofit legal service group that

advocates for at-risk children: floridaschildrenfirst.org or (954) 796-0860.

Safe Children's Coalition, which oversees foster care in Pinellas

and Pasco counties, provides support to adoptive families as well. Visit

http://www.sarasota-ymca.org/socialServices/safeChildrenCoalition.cfm or call

1-866-661-5656.

CURRENTLY CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES VIOLATES MORE CIVIL RIGHTS ON A

DAILY BASIS THEN ALL OTHER AGENCIES COMBINED INCLUDING THE NSA / CIA

WIRETAPPING PROGRAM....

CPS Does not protect children...

It is sickening how many children are subject to abuse, neglect and even

killed at the hands of Child Protective Services.

every parent should read this .pdf from

connecticut dcf watch...

http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com/8x11.pdf

http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com

Number of Cases per 100,000 children in the US

These numbers come from The National Center on

Child Abuse and Neglect in Washington. (NCCAN)

Recent numbers have increased significantly for CPS

Perpetrators of Maltreatment

Physical Abuse CPS 160, Parents 59

Sexual Abuse CPS 112, Parents 13

Neglect CPS 410, Parents 241

Medical Neglect CPS 14 Parents 12

Fatalities CPS 6.4, Parents 1.5

Imagine that, 6.4 children die at the hands of the very agencies that

are supposed to protect them and only 1.5 at the hands of parents per

100,000 children. CPS perpetrates more abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse

and kills more children then parents in the United States. If the

citizens of this country hold CPS to the same standards that they hold

parents too. No judge should ever put another child in the hands of ANY

government agency because CPS nationwide is guilty of more harm and

death than any human being combined. CPS nationwide is guilty of more

human rights violations and deaths of children then the homes from which

they were removed. When are the judges going to wake up and see that

they are sending children to their death and a life of abuse when

children are removed from safe homes based on the mere opinion of a

bunch of social workers.

CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, HAPPILY DESTROYING THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT

FAMILIES YEARLY NATIONWIDE AND COMING TO YOU'RE HOME SOON...

BE SURE TO FIND OUT WHERE YOUR CANDIDATES STANDS ON THE ISSUE OF

REFORMING OR ABOLISHING CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ("MAKE YOUR CANDIDATES

TAKE A STAND ON THIS ISSUE.") THEN REMEMBER TO VOTE ACCORDINGLY IF THEY

ARE "FAMILY UNFRIENDLY" IN THE NEXT ELECTION...