Venting

So this is just a conversation from AIM i had with a good friend.

About my current situation in life.

Do me a favor, do not send her an IM.

only myself {UNITED BY FIRE} if that

I'm posting this here for that reason..

it's very long.

United by Fire: rawr

CassieLurvesYou: Heyy.

United by Fire: what's up?

CassieLurvesYou: Nothing really, you?

United by Fire: a lot

CassieLurvesYou: Oh?

CassieLurvesYou: How was your night out with Felicia?

United by Fire: oh that was absolutely great. i'm falling hecka fast for this girl, and she's fallin hecka fast for me. it's great. but she's not the problem, in fact, if it weren't for her being in my life, i'd be hecka depressed.

CassieLurvesYou: Oh, well all of that sounds great, lol. :]

United by Fire: lol..

CassieLurvesYou: So then what's up?

United by Fire: okay, here it goes.

CassieLurvesYou: Ok.

United by Fire: now, i know you know for a fact, that when jackie and i broke up, i changed.

CassieLurvesYou: Yes.

United by Fire: now, mostly because i had fallen hard for her, really hard. and by the end of the relationship, we started messing around.. sexually.

CassieLurvesYou: Yeah, see that. . didn't know. Haha.

United by Fire: well you do now

CassieLurvesYou: Yes.

United by Fire: and so we cut that off right away. as soon as we broke up, we drifted apart, and then boom, she was with bryan. well, me, being the arrogant male i am, i was still curious, regarding all the sexual things we'd done. so naturally, and stereotypically, i wanted to do it more.

United by Fire: therein lies the problem.

United by Fire: see, i don't know if you know this, but didi wanted to be with me before she wanted to be with brandon {yes, this is about them}

CassieLurvesYou: Yeah, i had heard about that vaguely.

United by Fire: so, she started all this dirty talk blah blah blah, i ended up giving in, she became the second person i messed arond with. this was before her and brandon started dating, no harm no foul. so, after her and brandon started dating, i pretty much called it quits with didi {hence the whole brianna fiasco}

CassieLurvesYou: Wow, didn't know that either. But okay.

United by Fire: well, apparently he didn't satisfy her like that. now, i bet you don't know this, but she isn't a virgin. well, she started wanting to do things again, which, her having a boyfriend, made me not want to do it. ESPECIALLY because her boyfriend is brandon. well, that didn't stop her, she was persistent. and then, brandon and i got into an argument. because he repeatedly used me just to see her, that sparked the bigger problem.

United by Fire: so, once that happened, i gave in to didi. i know, i'm a horrible person blahblah, i've condemned myself enough for those action

United by Fire: she cheated on brandon twice. with me.

United by Fire: at least twice*

United by Fire: i don't care to go back and specifically remember how many tims i betrayed a best friend

CassieLurvesYou: Waaaiiiit.

United by Fire: but this was already after he started hating on me. so i was.. hating him back, and that's how i ended up backstabbing him.

CassieLurvesYou: So, okay. I get Didi's not a virgin. Yeah, that's a shocker. Are you saying that you and her had sex? Or you just fooled around some more. .

United by Fire: no. i am still a virgin. something she's wanted to change for a while. we did nothing more than what jackie/brianna and i did

United by Fire: anyways

United by Fire: so that happened. and then i called it quits again. i started coming to my senses. knowing that brandon would not forgive me for it, ever, but i couldn't keep this going.

United by Fire: so i stopped.

United by Fire: the day i told her that, marks the day that brandon got pissed off at me again. that day where didi brought up jackie, and when he was pissed because of how i treated her, that was her reacting against my not wanting to continue that

United by Fire: but by this time it was too late. brandon was already more whipped than an S&M fanatic.

United by Fire: i figured that out, so i didn't tell him.

United by Fire: and apparently, unbeknownst to me, she told me to keep it quiet, and she would do the same, as along as i never spoke to her about it.

United by Fire: fine, i decided not doing anything, and.. well, not tlaking about it, it would all go away

United by Fire: i promptly stopped texting didi

United by Fire: so, today she te\ts me for the first time

United by Fire: in a while

United by Fire: and she starts asking provocative questions, so i said *jokingly* oh yes, i'm so extremely horny

CassieLurvesYou signed off at 11:32:05 PM.

United by Fire: ooh

Previous message was not received by CassieLurvesYou because of error: User CassieLurvesYou is not available.

CassieLurvesYou signed on at 11:36:34 PM.

CassieLurvesYou: GEEZ

United by Fire: lol

United by Fire: what was the last thing you got?

CassieLurvesYou: Im so mad. It erased the conversation. I FREAKING HATE when it does that.

CassieLurvesYou: "in a while" referring to Didi texting you.

United by Fire: forwarded whole convo to you, up until now. but i'll repeat what i said after that

United by Fire: and she starts asking provocative questions, so i said *jokingly* oh yes, i'm so extremely horny

United by Fire: did then told me to talk to felicia

United by Fire: okay, so that kinda bugged me. she doesn't even know her, and assumes that since i'm goin out with her, that we do that kindof thing.

United by Fire: we don't.

CassieLurvesYou: Yeah, thats not really cool of her to do. .

United by Fire: nor will we. for a long time. that's part of what makes me so happywith her {i'll expand on that later}

CassieLurvesYou: okay.

United by Fire: ok so, i told her that felicia's not that kind of girl. trying to keep my cool.

United by Fire: so then i asked her how she's been with brandon. she had always complained to me about not bein able to get anywhere sexually with him, so i was wondering if she had gotten anywhere

United by Fire: she told me she didn't feel comfortable discussing that with me

United by Fire: i said ok

United by Fire: so then i left for felicia's house. and as i got there, i got a call from brandon

United by Fire: he sounded pissed, and wanted me to meet him at apache park

United by Fire: i was with felicia, and by the sound of his voice, he wanted to fight

United by Fire: so i told him i couldn't

United by Fire: we ended up meeting up at the mall. felicia and i went to barnes and noble {she's a total nerd <3}

CassieLurvesYou: Yeesh.

United by Fire: ok, so he gets there.

United by Fire: instantaneously he tells me "you need to stop texting what you're texting to my girlfriend"

United by Fire: i knew exactly what he was talking about

United by Fire: so i asked him to sit down, so we could talk, he wanted to go somewhere louder, but i was not going to give him the chance to fight me privately

CassieLurvesYou: Haha, yay for the nerd. :]

CassieLurvesYou: Okay, sorry. Had to say that.

United by Fire: i don't want that on my conscience, on top of everything trhat's been happening

United by Fire: so, i explained to him everything, in detail what happened

United by Fire: because, this is great, what she did

United by Fire: she told him about how we would text each other. back before we got into that huge fight

United by Fire: but she made it seem like i was the only one

United by Fire: that i was asking her for favors

United by Fire: that i was tellin her i wanted to sleep with her

CassieLurvesYou: Oy. .

United by Fire: so i came clean, told him everything

United by Fire: that she initiated everything

CassieLurvesYou: Did he believe you?

United by Fire: patience young cassie

CassieLurvesYou: Haha, sorry.

United by Fire: that i did it guilt free because he had already started hating me, so it wouldn't matter

United by Fire: i told him how she persisted,and kept wanting it

United by Fire: so i asked him, if she'd told him what we've done

United by Fire: the fact that we've done things multiple times, while they were going o ut

United by Fire: and of course, she hadn't

United by Fire: so i told him

United by Fire: that he should ask her, get clarity on that

United by Fire: he asked me, i didn't want to tell him. but he threatened to go tell felicia what i texted didi, except he didn't believe i was joking

United by Fire: so she would think i was already starting to cheat on her, not even a week into the relationship

CassieLurvesYou: Yeah

United by Fire: so, fighting back the urge to hit him, just for merely saying that, i toldhim

United by Fire: everything

United by Fire: every single thing

United by Fire: he specifically asked if she cheated on him.

United by Fire: i told him

United by Fire: yes.

United by Fire: she had

United by Fire: multiple times

CassieLurvesYou: Oh gosh. :\

United by Fire: she had also told me to keep my mouth shut about it

United by Fire: so, she wouldn't get in trouble, and i guess neither would i

United by Fire: so i told him all that. he fought the urge to hit me, i could see it in his eyes, as well as his body language

United by Fire: i told him i wouldn't blame him if he'd never talk to me again. but i'd appreciate it if i he could find it in himself to forgive me

United by Fire: of course, he's not the all forgiving guy he leads everyone to believe, and says no. which, isn't unthinkable, i fucked up bad

United by Fire: so, he left. didn't hit me, we didn't fight. but he left. he also asked me not to talk to him until he talked to me. and to do the same with didi.

United by Fire: i obliged.

United by Fire: so he obviously talks to her about it

United by Fire: guess what she does

United by Fire: denies it

United by Fire: lies about it all

CassieLurvesYou: Of course.

United by Fire: says it's no true

United by Fire: so guess who's teh *total* asshole here

United by Fire: me.

United by Fire: so he tells me he fuckin hates me.

United by Fire: whatever, i can deal with it

United by Fire: but he's so fucking whipped.. he can't see past it.

United by Fire: what on earth would possess me to make some story up like this.

United by Fire: something that i knew would most likely lead to him hitting me

CassieLurvesYou: Well, Didi sure as heck makes sure everyone thinks she's a goody two shoes. But you're not the first one who's told me she's not.

United by Fire: that would shatter every piece of friendship between him and i

CassieLurvesYou: True, it's not like you're gaining anything from making it up.

United by Fire: so, he still doesn't believe me, and it's on my mind hard core

United by Fire: so of course, i come clean to felicia

United by Fire: i told her what happened

United by Fire: how i double crossed my friend

United by Fire: how.. i was just hating the world

United by Fire: and didn't give a fuck what i did

United by Fire: and it showed

United by Fire: and you know what she did?

CassieLurvesYou: Hm?

United by Fire: bless her heart.. she doesn't care. she understood.. for the first time in a long time, someone didn't judge me because of my horrific past. because of my horrific choices in the past. she kissed me, and said it's okay.

United by Fire: and, i mean, this is why i'm falling for her so fast

United by Fire: not only is she a nerd, but she *LOVES* the fact that i'm a hgue nerd

United by Fire: huge*

CassieLurvesYou: Aw, how sweet.

United by Fire: she sat next to me this evening, *watching* me play counter-strike

United by Fire: fucking watching.

United by Fire: do you know how boring that is?

United by Fire: holy fuck, and she did it.

United by Fire: for me.

United by Fire: and every time i died, she kissed me.

CassieLurvesYou: Haha. :]

United by Fire: greatest time of my life, if only i had no beef with anyone.

United by Fire: she likes me for me.

United by Fire: there is no other way to put it

United by Fire: she doesn't care that i'm fat

United by Fire: she actually loves the fact that i'm intelligent

United by Fire: she loves that i'm a nerd

United by Fire: she's all i could ever ask for in a girl..

United by Fire: i told her i wanted to be honest.

United by Fire: with everything

United by Fire: i started that phase tonight. i told her everything.

CassieLurvesYou: Aw, im so happy for you Isaac. :] It's great that you found her.

United by Fire: even when mason was tryin to tell me secrets, i told her.. because i wanted her to know

United by Fire: she even wants to meet my mom

United by Fire: she wants to fucking meet my mom

United by Fire: how fucking awesome is that

United by Fire: i already met her dad and sister

United by Fire: now it's her turn to be introduced to my family

United by Fire: i mean.. if i weren't so young, and naive, i would honestly say i think she could be the one

United by Fire: so, i asked her what would have to happen for us to break up

CassieLurvesYou: Wow, that's pretty big.

United by Fire: because.. i know girls who get tired of relationships, and then end up breaking up because of that

United by Fire: she told me.. the only way we would break up, is if i cheated on her, or if i started disrespecting her

United by Fire: my heart melted

United by Fire: you shoudl know how i feel about respecting girls

CassieLurvesYou: Indeed.

United by Fire: and.. i know i caused someone to cheat before, but i've never cheated nor will i startn ow

United by Fire: and again, she kissed me..

CassieLurvesYou: :]

United by Fire: and i mean, i'm hella happy with her.

United by Fire: really, i am.

United by Fire: i don't care what people think of her, she's awesome in my eyes

United by Fire: and that's all that matters to her, and me

United by Fire: it's great

United by Fire: she even loves all the dorky thigns i do

CassieLurvesYou: Yes, that is definitely great. It's good you have someone like her to balance out all that other crap thats going on.

CassieLurvesYou: lol

United by Fire: like, random things i do

United by Fire: she absoltely loves it

United by Fire: so if it weren't for her, i'd be.. well, messed up

United by Fire: so yeah

United by Fire: i've got the best girlfriend in the world

United by Fire: and then brandon doesn't even believe everything i told him

United by Fire: so it's kinda like.. why did i even tell him?

United by Fire: i knew he was whipped, i knew he wouldn't believe me. i knew didi would lie about it.

CassieLurvesYou: I've wondered that.

United by Fire: but,, i came clean.. because i don't want to keep secrets from people anymore. and in order to not keep secrets from felicia, i have to come clean with everyone else.

United by Fire: so i did.

United by Fire: that's the only skeleton in my closet

CassieLurvesYou: Well, good for you then.

United by Fire: and.. everyone's losing mad respect for me.

United by Fire: except for her.

United by Fire: so it's starting to look like shit for me at school.

CassieLurvesYou: :[

CassieLurvesYou: I would think people should at least respect the fact that you were honest about it. Probably something more than what they could have done.

CassieLurvesYou: Lame-o's.

CassieLurvesYou: Well, sounds like today was pretty hectic over all.

United by Fire: ya.. so i don't know what to do

CassieLurvesYou: Yeah, pretty complicated.

CassieLurvesYou: Idk, i guess the only thing to do would lay low and not talk to Brandon? I don't know if that friendship is something you realy want back.

United by Fire: well he holds grudges. and he'll never blieve me'

CassieLurvesYou: Yeah, idk what to say, because i'm obviously not an expert at keeping best friends, lol.

CassieLurvesYou: It just seems that he's not going to realize any of this until they break up, when and if they do. And even then, he doesn't seem like he would face it. Just keep denying it or something.

United by Fire: sorry -- felicia just called =/;

CassieLurvesYou: So, out of curiousity, you said you and felicia wouldn't fool around for a long time and thats what makes you so happy. . ect, lol. what were you going to expand?

CassieLurvesYou: Haha, no problem. I'll be online for a while if u wanna talk again.

United by Fire: well her dad made her get off

CassieLurvesYou: Oh

United by Fire: and ya,, i don't want my relationship with felicia to go beyond the physical level of kissing

United by Fire: and it ownt

United by Fire: wont

United by Fire: because she wont let it

CassieLurvesYou: Ah, okay. Gotcha.

CassieLurvesYou: So i guess he just lives with her dad? You've never mentioned her mom . .

CassieLurvesYou: *she

United by Fire: dad and sister

United by Fire: parents are divorced

CassieLurvesYou: Oh.

United by Fire: her dad's so white

United by Fire: and he has a black girlfriend

United by Fire: it makes me laugh

CassieLurvesYou:

CassieLurvesYou: Sorry if i'm not talking much, i'm writing something.

United by Fire: it's ok

United by Fire: i'm just.. relaxing.. as much as i can

CassieLurvesYou: That's good. I sort of am. . well, more destressing. Idk what youd call it.

United by Fire: relaxing?

CassieLurvesYou: Haha, no. It's not relaxing. If i were writing anything other than how screwed up i feel, THEN it would be relaxing. :]

United by Fire: how screwed up do you feel?

CassieLurvesYou: Eh. Just, my thoughts are kind of all over the place and it's just making me a little on the edge, lol.

CassieLurvesYou: Going kind of crazy if you will. :]

United by Fire: lol

United by Fire: oh

CassieLurvesYou: Yeahhh. I was writing it down on a piece of paper, but my thoughts couldn't keep up, so i've resorted to typing it on the computer.

United by Fire: lol

United by Fire: on a totally comical random notd

United by Fire: note

United by Fire: my mom thinks i stole her keyboard

CassieLurvesYou: Oh, and why does she think that?

United by Fire: she's retarded

United by Fire: brb

CassieLurvesYou: Lol, how nice.

CassieLurvesYou: Ok.

United by Fire: back

CassieLurvesYou: I was just about to say 'done' lol, so nice timing.

United by Fire: lol

United by Fire: okay since you haven't figured it out i happen to really really really like you. if i knew more about you and knew you better i would more than likely be in love with you. so i guess for now it's just a matter of time

United by Fire: from felicia ^

CassieLurvesYou: Haha, very nice.

CassieLurvesYou: Ew, i just realized again for the like the 4th time today that school starts soooon. :[

United by Fire: lol

United by Fire: i know

United by Fire: andlike.. my gf doesn't start til mid august D:

CassieLurvesYou: Luckyyyy. But hey, you can hang out with her pretty much anytime after school then.

United by Fire: meh

United by Fire: i can pretty much hang out with her whenever

United by Fire:

CassieLurvesYou: lol

CassieLurvesYou: So, okay, sorry for getting back on this subject, and you don't have to answer. .

CassieLurvesYou: But, honestly, did you ever fool around with Shayla in any way?

United by Fire: yes

United by Fire: once

United by Fire: in a movie theatre

United by Fire: for about.. thirty seconds

CassieLurvesYou: Ah, okay.

United by Fire: so you have no idea

United by Fire: how bad

United by Fire: i want to go off on didi

United by Fire: and give her a huge piece of my mind

CassieLurvesYou: I can image, lol.

CassieLurvesYou: *imagine

CassieLurvesYou: Gah, here comes my inability to type at 1 in the morning.

United by Fire: lol

United by Fire: i asked her why she lied

United by Fire: er wait

United by Fire: no

United by Fire: she texted me in reply to me asking her not to text me

United by Fire: saying something about "that's perfectly possible. asshole!"

United by Fire: so i told her "hey, at least i told the whole truth"

United by Fire: "bullshit! i did not make the first move! at the concert you touched me first!"

United by Fire: then i pretty much told her about her phonecall {she called me before the concert, to try to go early, and mess around}

United by Fire: the at the concert i asked her why she called, and she said she was hoping to do something, either before or after

United by Fire: and so i asked her if she denyies that we did anything whatsoever, she said yes!

CassieLurvesYou: Geez.

CassieLurvesYou: I can't believe all of that happened.

CassieLurvesYou: I was seriously uninformed, lol.

United by Fire: ya..

CassieLurvesYou: Well, not that it was any of my business, but yeah. .sorry, lol.

United by Fire: ya

Believe it or not, I read the whole thing. I ate my supper through it, lol.

That's great that you have a girlfriend who treats you like that and likes you how she does. And for all that other shit about Didi and stuff.. yea, it's going to take some time for people to get over. But it's in the past, and it'll eventually blow over.

Well, good luck with everything.., your girlfriend, the whole situation with Didi, and well, everything, lol. Take care.

aw, you're girlfriend sounds beautiful, as I like to say, you caught a good fish.

pfft, Didi is a bitch, denies everything, loser.

Ah well, although you have hard times ahead (perhaps) at least you have your girlfriend there for you.

I read the whole thing too, pretty much finished what i was drinking.

Didi is a fool, so is brandon. I am assuming when they breakup she will come out with the truth.

Counter strike isn't that boring, i used to sit there and watch my ex boyfriend play too.

Man i almost cried reading that part where your girlfriend didn't care that is really sweet of her.

Didi reminds me of a member of this forum that i know in real life, what a stupid bitch.

Shit man, nothing like high school drama. See...ehh similar shit has happened to me before so I can relate...but back then...I really didn't feel bad for my actions (now I do) but yea some serious high school drama shit lol.

Issac is a fucking awesome guy.

His girlfriend is even more awesome.

His friend with benefits, goes out with his friend..they arent friends anymore.

There is alot of lies and dishonesty.