Well. I'm ******.

woodyloveslinkin

woodyloveslinkin

New member
Okay I'm going to start from the beginning. I moved to this town at the start of the year, hoping to suceed at college. My parents stayed with me for the beginning term to help me settle in. In that time period I was thinking I could live on my own and I chucked various tantrums asking them to leave, despite the fact that they were renting the place that I was in and in no way that I could afford to live there by myself. So I found a place to board just before I went back to stay with my dad in let's call it Point B, the place I am in now is Point W, and where my mum lives taking care of my grandmother is Point S. Now, when I left Point B, where my father lives I lived, and is still living in a spare bedroom upstairs with two people that I really don't like in Point W. Last semester was emotionally draining and I had even thought about dropping out. Now a friend had advised me, not to go back this term because I was getting so down and homesick and I was only staying for my parents because I want them to be proud of me. I ignored that friends advice and here I am feeling like **** again.

My relationship with let's say Mr H, last term was going on and off its rails and we had a split in the most recent holidays and I accepted him back on a couple of terms only. It's fine, I'm not complaining about my relationship.

But I hit rock bottom last night.

I just came out of a bad day and I thought it would only pass over. Last term I sunk into depression and I am fearful that I am falling back into it again, because I'm losing motivation for my college course already. So I'm considering taking leave (in that time I'll go back to my hated old job at Austar) for a while because I got told that I am still young and that even though it seems like I am coping well with being out of home for the first time, it still a big thing and Mr H reckons that I should've had time before now to experience life outside of home. I'm back to being homesick as well, in which I was notorious last term for being, I am eating well now compared to how stick thin I was last term (I have a gut on me now!!). My brother suggests otherwise, he said that it was a bad day I had yesterday and that I needed to start considering either changing courses or start considering some serious options. It wasn't just a bad day, cos I'm still feeling like ****. I know what my parents reaction would be if I ever told them what I really felt about uni right now, my mum would go through the roof, my stepdad as well, my dad probs wouldn't even care knowing that ***.

Well, what do you think about my situation? Do you think that Mr H is right? Is it just me having a continued bad day? What would you do if you were in my situation?

 
allieking

allieking

New member
you need to do what makes you happy, if your mum and step-dad don't understand that then i'm sorry but they are idiots. if my daughter wasn't happy in collage i would do whatever it took to make her happy and support her all the way. aslong as you have a job you like and a roof over your head i'd be happy for you. you only live once so make it happy hunny ***
 
Ravynlee

Ravynlee

New member
Well, what do you think about my situation? Do you think that Mr H is right? Is it just me having a continued bad day? What would you do if you were in my situation?
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The same things I said before. Yes you're young, but there are consequences to your actions that you'll end up paying for later on because of what you do now. So leave if you feel you have to, don't stay for the wrong reasons, again if your heart's not in it your end grades will suffer. As for Mr H if he's as mature as he claims he'd try to understand you're still young, you're still finding your feet on your own, and everyone copes with independance etc at their own pace. Tell him to back off a bit and try helping / supporting you rather than judge and criticise.

As for depression as you well know it's not a case of a bad day but a series of endless bad days that never seem to end. You know the difference between a bad day and depressive states, you should by now.

Look as Ive said to you on many many occasions you have to do what makes you happy and you have to do it for you - and when you make a decision stick to it. It's part of growing up. This 'maybe I'll leave, maybe I'll go back, maybe I'll leave again' isn't making life any easier for you and let's face it makes you look like an indecisive flighty teenager again in your parents eyes, and that's exactly the opposite of what you're trying to do. Decide for better or worse and stick with it, and suffer the consequences that come along with it, good or bad. It's called growing up and Mr H should have learnt this lesson too (you'd think) by this stage.

Won't say I told you so as we keep coming back to this same point and nothing seems to be sinking in, but sometimes in life you have to repeat things a few time before the lesson sinks in. Hopefully this time around you'll chose the right decision for you and everyone else will just have to grit their teeth and bare it - ultimately it is your life, no one else's.

 
woodyloveslinkin

woodyloveslinkin

New member
Thanks guys.

I talked to a friend about it yesterday, a friend that's in the same course as I am and she said that I shouldn't drop out just yet and let the year end first and see if I either want to be here still and if I don't. I mean, there's not much left of the uni year anyway, so I think I might be able to cope with the rest of the uni year and I'm going to wait until the year ends to make my final decision. If I stay, do I want to change courses? Maybe. Either droppng down to a single degree in photography and minoring in graphic design or change to another course, like literacy, as my brother suggested. Do I want to go? Maybe. If they don't work out, I'll go live with my mum and get a job there. If things work out, accomodation wise, I'll face the music with lectures from my parents about moving in with Mr H, even if my relationship crumbles with Mr H. There's another person living there anyway.

 
SakuraUchiha

SakuraUchiha

New member
Sounds like your over thinking things a bit, I won't go so far as to say it's one continous bad day. But I will say this though, put some serious thought into your current situation and figure out what and where will make you the happiest and go from there.
 
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