What should I do?? Help!

[crazy robster]

My dearest LPF buddies, I know I've never asked for any help concerning love problems, it's usually I who give advice to people, but THIS time I really need as much help as I can get cause I don't wanna screw up. So, here's what I want your valuable opinion on:

As you probably know, I'd been with some guy (let's call him "A" for convenience) for 9 months before we finally broke up about a week ago. It was MY decision cause I felt that this relationship was not what I really needed, that he and I were so different that we couldn't walk a common path together and in a nutshell, there was no chemistry, at least as far as I'm concerned. He was too much in love with me to see anything wrong in our relationship so he took it kinda bad...Anyway, after a lot of discussion I managed to make him see the light and recognise that, yes, we weren't meant for each other, though he still has feelings for me. Anyway, so we broke up in a friendly way and now we are on good terms (yay for me for succeeding in that!) Now the problem is...

During the time we were together, "A" introduced me to a lot of his friends. One of them seemed like a very interesting guy (let's call him "B") and even from the first evening I met him I realised that he and I have a LOT MORE in common than me and "A". Same sense of humour, same taste in music, we enjoyed talking, teasing each other and such...I liked him instantly. And although he wasn't allowed to show anything openly of course, I could tell that he liked me too. He told "A" many times that he was the luckiest guy in the world to have me...Of course "B" didn't say or do anything inappropriate since I was with "A", who also happened to be his best friend! But now the question rises: Now that I've broken up and I'm a single woman again, should I make a move? I know "B" would love it too, but I also know that, being he is a good friend of my ex he hesitates to get together with me cause it would seem kinda weird and he doesn't wanna hurt "A" even more. I, on my part, also think it would be cruel...imagine, leaving "A" and after a few weeks him finding out that I have started seeing his best friend... On the other hand, me and "B" seem to get along so well, it was just so obvious from the first day we met! It would be a shame to let him go like that...I'm in a terrible dilemma. Should I respect the fact he and my ex are best friends and consider that if I get together with "B" this would probably be a slap in the face for "A", or do as many of my friends say, that is follow my instinct and go for it? Ok, I don't have his phone number but it's easy for me to find it


Sorry for the big post! Help will be much appreciated! <3

 

[GraDoN]

gee that really is a bummer..... maby let the dust settle and after a while talk to B and see if he likes you. Think you should just be good frieds with B to start with and after a while, when this chapter is over, go into a relationship if you two want to. thats what i would do ...

 

[untitled]

even though you broke up with "A" i would still tell him when things might get serious with "B" and ask if he is ok with it

 

[Ravynlee]

I agree with Gradon. And if B is who I think he is then of course you know I'd be saying 'Go sis, go for it!' haha he's hawt! Aww.

But okay, seriously, though we have touched on this subject once before, I think that what Gradon said makes sense. As much as you don't want to see A get hurt, ultimately even if you met C, D, E, F and every other letter of the alphabet let's say, he's still going to be hurt regardless because A thinks you should be with him. Granted he won't be as hurt as he would be if you and B started seeing each other, BUT once the proverbial dust has settled and you are sure there's really something there and it's not just a knee-jerk reaction to help you over A (which I don't 100% think it is, but I know you sis, and I know you are the romantic type, and you love the idea of being in love ) then I don't see the problem of looking at B with more than affable eyes.

Now having said that, even now I don't see the real harm in associating with B, providing you don't go all head-over-heels and act in ways that will cause either you and A friction or friction between A and B. You are in essence a friend of B too, and you don't have to cut ties to friends for fear of hurting a past love. Like I said, A will get over it eventually, he doesn't have a choice, he still loves you in ways you can't reciprocate, so trying to avoid hurting him only means headaches for you no matter which way you go. I know it sounds mean, and I have nothing at all against A (even though we never spoke much, but he's still a nice guy when all is said and done) but ultimately your happiness here is paramount. I don't advocate you going out and acting like a whore in front of him because you're single, not that you would, but all I'm saying sis is that if you casually associate with B here and there then see what develops over time. No harm in that. Besides, it's a good way to put your feelers out with how A and B would interact IF you and B were to eventually hook up. If B truly has feelings for you too (and isn't just thinking with his pecker as most men do and see you as fresh meat on the market) then he will value both his friendship with A and his blossoming friendship with you. Again, for now, neither one of you have to overstep the boundaries here, if you are just friends and hang out as friends do (regardless what people think, because lets face it people will always talk, and A will always be hurting because he still loves you) but I don't see why you and B cant at least hang out here and there and at least get to know each other a bit better but as basic platonic no holding hands or whispering sweet nothings in each others ears friends - granted those awkward smiles and big doe eyes are kind of hard to hide but still, for NOW try and keep them to a minimum. For now.

This is going to sound conniving, but I'm going to say it; as both you and B are friends of your ex A, then you already have A as a common connection anyway. You can approach B with concerns about A and take it from there, that way if anything did come up and people were saying something about how you left A for B and were trying to break up a friendship you have that safety buffer to fall back on - that you were both just worried about the welfare/thoughts/fears/future/mental/emotional state of A. Besides all that, remember the old saying you can't break what's already broken, so if they have a falling out over you then back off from both, because you'll just be a scapegoat and you'll be the one that ends up getting hurt.

Now I've probably confused the hell out of you, which wasn't my intention, but still, bottom line is that I really don't like this notion of avoiding people for the sake of hurting your ex - and lets face it it's a dilemma all separated couples have to go through at some point after they have interracted with the same friends and probably do run in similar circles before, during and after the relationship fizzles and dies. If you avoid friends or making new friends with people he knows purely for the sake of not wanting to hurt anyone then prepare yourself for a lonely life. There's a right way and a wrong way to go about this and neither way equates to A walking away from this unhurt. The only way you'll not hurt him is to go back and then you'll end up hurt and probably so will B for all that could have been. Get what I'm saying?
Just use your head (and not your heart as much) and take things slow. Keep your eyes and ears open. Reach out to B and see how A reacts. If A goes nuts or starts making life for B hard back off and try again later. That's what I'd suggest. Just don't do nothing sis, don't lose what may be a happy future over the hurt of the past. Be patient and under no circumstance let B sweep you off your feet and say things like 'what A doesn't know won't hurt him' - he does that then I guarantee you'll get hurt big time.

Anyway, best of luck. Lots of hugs and kisses. Miss ya. Hope we get to catch up again soon.

:friends:

 

[crazy robster]

Awwww.... thank you, guys, what you all said was considerable help to me!! Rep to all of you! (If I can) I think that, although I shouldn't hurry things, I shouldn't just let this go either, you are all totally right. I will make small and careful step and see where this all is going to lead...

Oh and sis...haha I was hoping for a huge reply by you, I always enjoy them! And yes... B is who you think he is... *drools* haha *blushes*

 

[Peterdea]

even though you broke up with "A" i would still tell him when things might get serious with "B" and ask if he is ok with it

i personally have a problem with this, if A isn't going to respect that your moving onto someone else no matter who it is, then why should it really matter to you?

my advice is to make your move, if A doesn't like it, thats his problem

 

[Acezorz]

Is B Rob Bourdon?

But seriously, alls fair in love and war, so go for B. I don't think A will like it at first, but I think he'll get over it and maybe even find someone else.

 

[Ravynlee]

Is B Rob Bourdon?

But seriously, alls fair in love and war, so go for B. I don't think A will like it at first, but I think he'll get over it and maybe even find someone else.

It's funny you should say that... hahaha (Sis will get that injoke )

 

[Person]

In my truest, honest, sincerest opinion, I think you shouldn't be compelled to avoid "Guy B" because you're afraid of hurting "Guy A". What happened with your ex is a chapter that should be locked up and stowed away. From what you say, I see you have no intentions of ever getting back with the guy, and what better way to show that than to move on? It's really not your fault that the two are best friends. It's a small setback, I agree, but you should have the freedom to be happy with WHOEVER you want. If you're scared of hurting your ex, than maybe you're not ready for a new relationship. Your ex is going to hurt about the same whether you go out with his best friend, someone he might not know, me (=P), or anyone else.

What I'm really saying is that you should go ahead and go out with the guy if you're really interested in him. What happened in the past is gone, and should stay locked up back there. Besides... if your ex really loves you, he'd want to see you happy... even if it was with his best friend. I think he'd feel more safer if you went out with him over some stranger he might not know. At least he'd know you'd be ok.

My two cents =)

 

[crazy robster]

Wow guys you're all such wise people thank you!! You pretty much seem to agree on this one main point, that I should go for it cause it's MY life after all and if I think it's worth it then why kick it away huh? Thanks sincerely! All of you! I'm more confident now

Acezorz... Yeah funny you should say that... He may not be Rob Bourdon himself but he definitely has a LOT in common with the guy...

 

[GraDoN]

well then its a sure fit

 

[crazy robster]

I know it's been months but I just wanted to let all my friends who were kind enough to help me with this problem know that it turned out great and I and B are now together! Thanks for all the support!! I love you all! And I'm very very happy with my brand new Rob looking boyfriend...

 

[pidaant98]

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Second, section 6(e) of GPLv3 is designed to give distributors—people who initially seed torrents—a clear and straightforward way to provide the source, by telling recipients where it is available on a public network server. This ensures that everyone who wants to get the source can do so, and it's almost no hassle for the distributor.