Your fired you lazy piece of shit.

This is just fucking insane. Good help REALLY IS hard to find.

 

I am determined to do some major fucking spring cleaning with my current employee line up of teenagers and retards.

 

I don't talk about them much here at GF, because lets get real, that's my real life we are talking about.

 

So I'll let you in a bit.

 

I basically am a manager/baby sitter for our potential future of outstanding citizens. And a quality workforce.

 

Yeah... that almost makes it sound important doesn't it ?

 

But, lets examine our future a bit... shall we ??

 

The business/franchise has been open for over 2 years now. Since we are a typical franchise operation, the wages that we can pay, are of course typical.. We start them out at minimum (5.25), and we give raises based on merit... or as I like to call it, you ain't getting shit, if you are a worthless piece of shit, don't even TRY asking for a raise.

 

Since that is our STARTING pay scale, we of course, only get applicants who would be WILLING to work those wages at less then 40 hours a week... which of course, usually amounts to high school kids, and stoners or both.

 

Take for instance the opening crew of 25 (of that, only one still remains) I had to contend with.. 3 of them were tweakers, 2 of them thieves, half of them were always late, most of them were high, 2 of them were selling drugs during deliveries, no I am not bullshitting..

 

Also during these last 2 years, we have been broken into twice. Once for sure, was by a former employee. If I would have to guess, I would think that the second time was probably also by a former employee named Jim's friends.

 

That former employee is awaiting his own crap for other break-ins.

 

http://www.columbustelegram.com/articles/2007/03/15/news/news4charges.txt

 

http://www.columbustelegram.com/articles/2007/03/16/news/news2burglaries.txt

 

But anyways, so now what I have.. or at least had up until yesterday. Was a daytime helper who was always late, and a driver who came to work late and smelling like weed. I had an evening driver but the dumb kid goes and blows his car engine racing around town during his off time from work... And I'm thinking, oh great, this idiot thinks his gay ass car with the cheap dressup parts on the outside makes him a DRIFTER from the fast and the furious 3.

 

I just wanna smack him.

 

Hey stupid, your Chevy Cavalier is not a hotrod, it is a four cylinder, you are not a racer, you are a poser.

 

Other then that, I kinda like the little twerp. I guess his dad is helping him with his engine, but I wish he would hurry up, he was hired to drive for us, he is dead weight at the moment.

 

I even offered to buy the little bastard some street glow neons for his car like I know he wants REALLY REALLY bad, if he A: straightens out his shit even while NOT working, because the customers will know who he is, and if B: He helps me install MY neons on my car when it's warmer out. I bought some purple neons for the bottom of my SL1 that matches it's red color.

 

The twerp wants some green ones.

 

But anyway, the other (3rd) driver is a college kid, who unfortunately, can only be scheduled for certain hours, and his parents don't want him driving around in a newer vehicle... which I can't say I blame them...

 

So anyways, we canned the counter girl for not showing up and not calling, she claimed she was in jail because of a fine, and Josh was thinking of yet again, sympathizing with all these lazy bastards and hire her back. I told him to FIRST verify she was actually in jail. He called, found out she was never arrested. So we know she lied... fuck that, she can stay fired.

 

Then the driver who is always late and high... he of course showed up late yesterday... complained that he wasn't scheduled enough hours for the next week, said he wanted to go home, getting sick of all the BS.. yeah BS... we don't schedule him for more hours, because we know odds are he won't show up... an he is complaining ??

 

So anyways, I simply told him... "If you wanna go home, then go home, your 23 years old, you need to work a decent paying job and need benefits, go find one". And with that, he clocked out, and I said "You know if you leave, you are considered fired, just so you know ahead of time"

 

Fuck him, this is the second time we hired him and it's the same shit.

 

So that's 2 less employees and yet 2 more people that need replaced in what is an already low staffed setup.

 

The funny part about it, is we have heard MANY people ask us if we were closing down.... somehow that rumor started spreading around town by some retard.

 

Closing down ??? Shit, we can't fucking get enough employees to keep up with business... even worse, employees with a good work ethic.

 

Nooo, if we can get a team who has their shit together, the business will eventually one day be expanding.

 

But Jesus... somebody PLEASE send me some decent fucking employees !!

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LMAO @ lying about being IN jail to try to save a job!

^^That right there says a ton about the crop of losers you have working for you

doing time doesn't say much for a person's resume...

You know phreak, some colleges have 'work ethic and preparation' programs for people new to the work force, I went through that a couple years ago, It's a really good program, you get paid for participating just like a regular job, you should see if there is one in your area and 'Strongly' recommend your employees attend it. hell, they get training, and another paycheck, and you get some help teaching the punks what it means to have a job.

What do you expect? You know the saying.

 

Pay peanuts,you get monkeys.

AND I am being totally honest here...you clearly have WAY more patience then I do.

 

Are you sure there are no past employees buried out back??

No bodies out back, it's all cement.

 

That's just one story. I also have to deal with this fucking feud of the females between a couple of 17 year olds. The more older 17 year old is actually the more immature one, and the younger 17 year old is getting a raise. The older 17 year old doesn't try hard enough to be independent, the younger 17 year old can't stand her, or her friends, or her lifestyle, or her attitude. I keep waiting for the bitch fight with all the hair pulling. I keep a bag of microwave popcorn on hand in anticipation of this apocalyptic event. I'm hoping it will be during the summer when they both are 18 and come to work in t-shirts and shorts, it's gonna be fucking great.

 

Oh yes, then there is... well, I'll call her PRINCESS.

 

Doesn't know much yet... very quiet, very shy, afraid to run the register... very tiny thing... yeah, princess is gonna grow a pair of balls before summer or she's gone too.

 

Surprisingly however, thus far, the most reliable employee who does the best job is a 17 year old pothead.

 

And here's the funny part... he was recently put on probation and now has to take random drug tests, so he is giving up weed.. I'm just afraid his work habits might slip now..

 

Yes, it really is that bad.

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That probably explains the extra basil I found on my pizza.

I remember when I hated firing people. I dreaded it. Would fret over it. I would apologize afterward, stammer and beat around the bush, almost forcing them to draw their own conclusions as to whether or not they were fired.

 

Now it pretty much goes like this.

 

Me:"Hey guess what"?

 

Employee:"What"?

 

Me:"You're fired"!

 

Employee:"But but why"?

 

Me:"I'm sorry sir, this is an employees only area".

Here is the solution to your problems at the job:

 

1. Hire Illegals by the dozen. They don't need ID or a drivers lic. If they get caught just hire a dozen more.

 

2. Create a Apprenticeship program and tie it into the local schools for credit. They get paid in job experience and a grade in school.

 

3. If those two fail. Hire people with the understanding that the first 30 days in a trial period, they receive no pay just gas money and what ever tips they can suck off the customers. Who ever is left after 30 days will have a 90-98% chance of turning out to be a good worker.

 

4. As a general rule in the high turn-over food service industry you should hire people the same way they sell on-line Internet access. hire 5x the number you actually need, then schedule them so no one actually works more then 1-2 days a week but they are always on call.

 

5. And last but not least hire your alcoholic/druggie/convict relatives if you have any. You can abuse them at will, most the time they will work for enough money to get wasted and you don't have to actually put them on payroll... ever.

 

Just a few suggestions there for ya. If you need more just ask

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No, that's OK, I'll just wait for the hardcover book your writing on good business ethics to come out on amazon.

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Years ago I used to manage a Bombay Company. I inherited the staff from a previous manager. There were times when I would be at a lack for words (I know thats hard to imagine) when I would see the things employees did. I would have to take a walk up to the food court, get me a Dr Pepper and rave too myself or I would start to rave right there in the store and that was heavily discouraged. The company had been sued by firing someone and was VERY sensitive.

 

Alot of the time I felt that it was just easier to do it myself (whatever IT might be) then explain it to the brain dead mother fuckers who worked there.

 

There were times we would get some really good part time employees, usually the married women who wanted to get of the house and get a good discount in the store and the college students, they were usually pretty good.

 

LOVED the women who wanted to get out of the house...many had interest in interior design and could not only care for the customers but also maintain the store well. Even at that, that job was a thankless one and finally all the bullshit got so bad that my enjoyment of the environment and merchandise was not enough.

And I can't believe you think hiring illegals is unethical.

 

It's not that phreak thinks it's unethical, he just doesn't want to hire any relatives

This is one of the reasons that I have resisted becoming management at "my" store.

I see how inept so many of the people that work there(especially the evening shift! Why IS that?)are, and I would go crazy trying to manage these people. To have to be held responsible for their mistakes would piss me off to no end.

Being in management in retail is a thankless job and you don't get compensated enough for the duties involved...

 

RUN !!!

Well, I have 3 people scheduled for interviews tonight, and I think I may have found 2 potential others. A couple of my good workers will be leaving for other jobs soon when school is out, so hopefully I can organize a new team of degenerates to whip into shape before the school year is up.

 

I think I may have FINALLY found one day worker, I hired her this morning and have set her on the schedule for next week. Got another girl who moved here from Florida (Oh GOD, NOT A FLORIDIAN ), that can also work during the day... high school drop out, so I don't expect much.

 

I also stumbled across a 16 year old girl who has never had a job, I'll probably hire her since kids that have never had jobs listen to instructions better. And the younger ones are easier to train to do a good job.. Seems to be the 17 year olds, and newly 18 year olds who I have a prob with the most.

 

I love interviewing these kids. I think they get questions they would NEVER expect an interviewer to ask. Like, "Are you on probation for anything" and " how is your school attendance ?"

 

I find kids who have missed school, are likely to also call in or not show up on you.

 

What sucks, is in addition to hiring a regular crew, I need to find a manager too. We have a college kid who would make the logical choice, but we can't fit him in for the hours we would want him during the week because of his schedule.

 

I actually AM trying to find a couple Hispanic workers that are bi-lingual. But hell, I can't find any normal workers, much less a bi-lingual hispanic.

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Why worry about Bi-lingual, just hire the illegals, force the customers to speak Spanish and take Pesos as good enough payment as well. its what the rest of the country is doing why not NE too.

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..

 

....... you know, the KKK does have it's uses.....

Jeez, i knew some kids in Columbus were pretty pathetic, but you'd think you could find some decent help. Don't worry man pizza hut had the same problem when I worked there back in college. Don't hesitate to fire them though, if you think they are stealing, they most likely are, and yes most of them teens there smoke pot. When I worked at pizza hut, out of about 25 employees i think 3 of them didn't smoke pot. Just spot the losers in the interviews. Dressing nice could be a good sign. Hell idk good luck.

Shit, almost makes me want to move to NE. Sounds like I have more work ethic than those retards. And I'm not stupid enough to do drugs, much less before work. Phreak, I know you need people, but can't you check grades? Or for drugs? Because if you got someone who has between about a 2.8-4.0 and doesn't do drugs, you'll be more likely to find a good worker. Not to sound insulting, but did you knowingly hire potheads?

This is just fucking insane. Good help REALLY IS hard to find.

 

I am determined to do some major fucking spring cleaning with my current employee line up of teenagers and retards.

 

I don't talk about them much here at GF, because lets get real, that's my real life we are talking about.

 

So I'll let you in a bit.

 

I basically am a manager/baby sitter for our potential future of outstanding citizens. And a quality workforce.

 

Yeah... that almost makes it sound important doesn't it ?

 

But, lets examine our future a bit... shall we ??

 

The business/franchise has been open for over 2 years now. Since we are a typical franchise operation, the wages that we can pay, are of course typical.. We start them out at minimum (5.25), and we give raises based on merit... or as I like to call it, you ain't getting shit, if you are a worthless piece of shit, don't even TRY asking for a raise.

 

Since that is our STARTING pay scale, we of course, only get applicants who would be WILLING to work those wages at less then 40 hours a week... which of course, usually amounts to high school kids, and stoners or both.

 

Take for instance the opening crew of 25 (of that, only one still remains) I had to contend with.. 3 of them were tweakers, 2 of them thieves, half of them were always late, most of them were high, 2 of them were selling drugs during deliveries, no I am not bullshitting..

 

Also during these last 2 years, we have been broken into twice. Once for sure, was by a former employee. If I would have to guess, I would think that the second time was probably also by a former employee named Jim's friends.

 

That former employee is awaiting his own crap for other break-ins.

 

http://www.columbustelegram.com/articles/2007/03/15/news/news4charges.txt

 

http://www.columbustelegram.com/articles/2007/03/16/news/news2burglaries.txt

 

But anyways, so now what I have.. or at least had up until yesterday. Was a daytime helper who was always late, and a driver who came to work late and smelling like weed. I had an evening driver but the dumb kid goes and blows his car engine racing around town during his off time from work... And I'm thinking, oh great, this idiot thinks his gay ass car with the cheap dressup parts on the outside makes him a DRIFTER from the fast and the furious 3.

 

I just wanna smack him.

 

Hey stupid, your Chevy Cavalier is not a hotrod, it is a four cylinder, you are not a racer, you are a poser.

 

Other then that, I kinda like the little twerp. I guess his dad is helping him with his engine, but I wish he would hurry up, he was hired to drive for us, he is dead weight at the moment.

 

I even offered to buy the little bastard some street glow neons for his car like I know he wants REALLY REALLY bad, if he A: straightens out his shit even while NOT working, because the customers will know who he is, and if B: He helps me install MY neons on my car when it's warmer out. I bought some purple neons for the bottom of my SL1 that matches it's red color.

 

The twerp wants some green ones.

 

But anyway, the other (3rd) driver is a college kid, who unfortunately, can only be scheduled for certain hours, and his parents don't want him driving around in a newer vehicle... which I can't say I blame them...

 

So anyways, we canned the counter girl for not showing up and not calling, she claimed she was in jail because of a fine, and Josh was thinking of yet again, sympathizing with all these lazy bastards and hire her back. I told him to FIRST verify she was actually in jail. He called, found out she was never arrested. So we know she lied... fuck that, she can stay fired.

 

Then the driver who is always late and high... he of course showed up late yesterday... complained that he wasn't scheduled enough hours for the next week, said he wanted to go home, getting sick of all the BS.. yeah BS... we don't schedule him for more hours, because we know odds are he won't show up... an he is complaining ??

 

So anyways, I simply told him... "If you wanna go home, then go home, your 23 years old, you need to work a decent paying job and need benefits, go find one". And with that, he clocked out, and I said "You know if you leave, you are considered fired, just so you know ahead of time"

 

Fuck him, this is the second time we hired him and it's the same shit.

 

So that's 2 less employees and yet 2 more people that need replaced in what is an already low staffed setup.

 

The funny part about it, is we have heard MANY people ask us if we were closing down.... somehow that rumor started spreading around town by some retard.

 

Closing down ??? Shit, we can't fucking get enough employees to keep up with business... even worse, employees with a good work ethic.

 

Nooo, if we can get a team who has their shit together, the business will eventually one day be expanding.

 

But Jesus... somebody PLEASE send me some decent fucking employees !!

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This whole thing can be summed up with one sentence:

 

Ya get what ya pay for.

you could always use temp agencies to staff your joint, then you have a large pool of retards to chose from. also you can get some recruiting done by loaning money to lacal college kids and let them work off the interest at a rate that favors the house. Otherwise steal the competitions employees, thats always good for a laugh.

The best employees tend to be ex-cons. The fact that most employers discriminate against them gives a great opportunity for those employers who don't.

wonder how the pizza place is goin?

Your actually half right. I am interviewing a couple of hispanic teens this evening. I'll probably be firing 2 or 3 more that I hired back when this post started. They are all worthless! It puts a bigger strain on me too because I'm already working too many fucking hours. I rarely have time to post.

 

Today was supposed to be my day off, but of course, I need to go in and cover the night shift since one or more of them has some sort of major malfunction going on that they feel they can't work.

 

I will be dismissing them because of their attendance. 6 or more days missed in less then 3 months when they only work part time as it is, is unacceptable.

 

I have more to add, but of course, I must be going ...

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well good luck with that. i would say aim for the college kids i guess. most of the time they can't afford to quit their job. i could be wrong.