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Posted
To women:

Don't use any of those corny pickup lines. If you see a man just come up and say "you horny?". And any real man would answer "will you feed me right after?".

 

I kind of like the idea of #3...

 

3. Stick it in!!
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Posted
"Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."

Intelligent people think...

how ignorance must be bliss....

idiots have it so easy, it's not fair...

to have to think...

WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE AMONG THOSE FORTUNATE MASSES..... :cool:

 

Hey, "Non-believers" I've just got one thing to say to ya... If you're right, then what difference does it make, it wont matter when we're dead anyway... But if I'm right... Well, hey... Ya better be right...

Posted

holy shit... i found a couple of websites with some pretty funny ones...

 

The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!

 

Am I cute, or do you need another drink?

 

Do you have a Band-Aid? Cause I just scraped my knee falling for you.

 

There must be a keg in your pants, cause I want to tap that ass.

 

Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

 

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

 

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

 

There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

 

Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!

 

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

 

You're like milk; I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

 

I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

 

Do you have a map? Cause Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

 

Got two nipples for a dime?

 

Man: we better get you out of those wet clothes

Women: what?

Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]

Man: those wet clothes

 

.

Intelligent people think...

how ignorance must be bliss....

idiots have it so easy, it's not fair...

to have to think...

WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE AMONG THOSE FORTUNATE MASSES..... :cool:

 

Hey, "Non-believers" I've just got one thing to say to ya... If you're right, then what difference does it make, it wont matter when we're dead anyway... But if I'm right... Well, hey... Ya better be right...

Posted

had to break it up... it looked too long and busy the other way...

 

...

 

Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

 

True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.

 

Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.

 

I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.

 

Help, something

Intelligent people think...

how ignorance must be bliss....

idiots have it so easy, it's not fair...

to have to think...

WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE AMONG THOSE FORTUNATE MASSES..... :cool:

 

Hey, "Non-believers" I've just got one thing to say to ya... If you're right, then what difference does it make, it wont matter when we're dead anyway... But if I'm right... Well, hey... Ya better be right...

Posted
Does this smell like chloroform to you?

I want to report a double murder. If you go one mile east on Columbus Parkway to the public park, you will find kids in a brown car. They were shot with a 9mm Luger. I also killed those kids last year. Good bye

 

Brooks, I like you. Now get out of here. Go home.

  • 1 month later...
Posted

>

>Redneck Man's pick up lines

>

>1) Did you fart?

>

>cuz you blew me away.

>

>2) Are yer parents retarded?

>

>cuz ya sure are special.

>

>3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea.

>

>I can't hold it in.

>

>4) Do you have a library card?

>

>cuz I'd like to sign you out.

>

>5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?

>

>cuz I can see myself in em.

>

>6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel,

>

>I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

>

>7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,

>

>but beauty's only a light switch away.

>

>8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"

>Woman - "WHAT?"

>Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

>

>9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,

>

>but I bet I can make yer " bed-rock."

>

>10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?

>

>I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

>

>11) Yer eyes are as blue & pretty as window cleaner.

>

>12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,

>

>we kin sleep til afternoon.

>

>and.... the best for last!

>

>13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,.......................every time I

>think of it my nuts tighten up.

 

 

I like # 13

AA's for quitters...i'm no quitter!
Posted
Would you like a drink? Repeat ten times.

The power to do good is also the power to do harm. - Milton Friedman

 

 

"I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." - James Madison

Posted

Dunno if this one was already posted, but...

 

"If we were both squirrels would you let me bust a nut in your hole?"

I promise to afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted. That I will never just accept what I am told. That I will never fall in love with safety and forget liberty. I promise that I will look for the lie in every pretty story and the bribe in every convenience.
Posted
I have a pet monkey named Koko. He flings shit and masturbates twenty times a day.

 

How many times must I ask you not to call me Koko in public?

I'm trusted by more women.
Posted
I've never wanted you more. Can you be ready by 9?:rolleyes:

 

I was ready at 2, but for you MM I will make an acception.

 

Bring plenty of baby-wipes.

To be the Man, you've got to beat the Man. - Ric Flair

 

Everybody knows I'm known for dropping science.

Posted
How many times must I ask you not to call me Koko in public?

 

We can't have two Kokos running around. Eddo you stay eddo and Kokorosenshi will remain kokothemonkey.

To be the Man, you've got to beat the Man. - Ric Flair

 

Everybody knows I'm known for dropping science.

Posted

Kind of cheesy but my best friend taught this to me years ago and it made me smile:

 

Place a drop of water on someone's clothing and place a drop of water on your own then tell them, "Let's go to my place and get out of these wet clothes."

Blah.
Posted
Kind of cheesy but my best friend taught this to me years ago and it made me smile:

 

Place a drop of water on someone's clothing and place a drop of water on your own then tell them, "Let's go to my place and get out of these wet clothes."

 

Did it work????;)

AA's for quitters...i'm no quitter!
Posted
Did it work????;)

 

Since he is a gay male, Nope! :p Never tried it on anyone else. Even the best pick-up lines are still cheesy as hell! Walking up to a man and titty slapping him works for me. Got lots of dates that way. ;)

Blah.
Posted
I was ready at 2, but for you MM I will make an acception.

 

Bring plenty of baby-wipes.

 

Drink lots of water before hand. I don't want you dehydrated.

The dick has no conscience and the heart has no rational abilities.

Posted
Want to do me?

 

That will work for sure!

"You can't stop insane people from doing insane things by passing insane laws. That's just insane!" Penn & Teller

 

NEVER FORGOTTEN

Posted
Am I cute, or do you need another drink?

 

i heard royalidiot used that line hundreds of times, but no matter how drunk the girls are, he still got rejected. i also heard he tried using a date rape drug and ended up in the dumpster behind a bar with blood coming out of his ass

I love to masturbate with a handful of shit! Keeps them blisters in check!

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