Lifes a peach...

[wez]

Last night at 2:30 am, I get woke up by my ex girlfriend walking in my unlocked door and she asks if it's ok for her to sleep in my bedroom.. I always sleep on my futon in the living room so I tell her sure, go ahead. I could tell she was crying and upset and figured she got in yet another fight with her "real man"..

 

Well, she just left after getting up and showing me her wounds.. Purple arm, lump on head, bitten, bloody finger.. crying again.. I told her to go tell her mom and have her bring her to the hospital and call the cops. The bite needs cleaning by a professional.. Not a more bacteria ridden place than someones mouth.. I know how she can be but dammit, no one ever has a right to do that to another person for any reason.. She better do what I told her, or I'm gonna be pissed! And how is your day?

 

Why me?

[atlantic]

Good god, I hope she gets out of that relationship. She better not get pregnant either. She may need a place to stay Wez.

[wez]

Good god, I hope she gets out of that relationship. She better not get pregnant either. She may need a place to stay Wez.

 

 

She'll be ok.. I actually just helped her move some heavy furniture out of her apt. yesterday as she's moving back in with her mom... on the next block.

[atlantic]

She'll be ok.. I actually just helped her move some heavy furniture out of her apt. yesterday as she's moving back in with her mom... on the next block.

that's sad, but good she is getting out of there. She better get some counseling, otherwise, she'll just end up with another abuser, or back with him.

[wez]

that's sad, but good she is getting out of there. She better get some counseling, otherwise, she'll just end up with another abuser, or back with him.

 

 

I tried to get her to go for years.. not likely. She has issues from birth. I hope she finds peace some day. I gave her everything I had.. not good enough. Oh well.. I'm fine, again.

 

She never did live with him.. her apt. was her own.. but her moms is the best place for her.. cept she's an enabler of the worst kind.. but at least she'll be safe. Fatass actually lives about 30 miles away, which is good..

 

I'm afraid she'll spend her whole life in abusive relationships if she doesn't get some help.. she is one, herself.

 

 

I just gave her a call to see how she was, she did go to the hospital and got treated. Ten days of antibiotics for the bite.. The police told her she needs to go make a report as it happened, and he lives in another county. She was hemming and hawing as she's very embarassed and ashamed but I think I at least talked her onto calling them and reporting it. I hope she does.. I spent 20 years with her..

 

Good news.. her mom took her to the police in the county of the crime yesterday.. I'm proud of her.. Life really is a peach.

[Guest sheik-yerbouti]

Last night at 2:30 am, I get woke up by my ex girlfriend walking in my unlocked door and she asks if it's ok for her to sleep in my bedroom.. I always sleep on my futon in the living room so I tell her sure, go ahead. I could tell she was crying and upset and figured she got in yet another fight with her "real man"..

 

Well, she just left after getting up and showing me her wounds.. Purple arm, lump on head, bitten, bloody finger.. crying again.. I told her to go tell her mom and have her bring her to the hospital and call the cops. The bite needs cleaning by a professional.. Not a more bacteria ridden place than someones mouth.. I know how she can be but dammit, no one ever has a right to do that to another person for any reason.. She better do what I told her, or I'm gonna be pissed! And how is your day?

 

Why me?

 

Strange how some women are drawn to men like that.

 

They see a tough guy (actually a coward), who likes to threaten and beat others- usually smaller guys who cant fight back to well, or who look like easy prey in some way.

 

How is this attractive ?

 

Much later on, its her he is beating up. Worse still, she's probably produced children with the moron

 

Alongside of all this, there are other men she knows, that she just didn't find attractive until now, but by then, it may well be too late.

 

Strange how it all pans out.

 

I read somewhere that by the time life teaches us a lesson, its usually too late to profit by it.

 

Its probably true for some peeps

[wez]

Strange how some women are drawn to men like that.

 

They see a tough guy (actually a coward), who likes to threaten and beat others- usually smaller guys who cant fight back to well, or who look like easy prey in some way.

 

How is this attractive ?

 

Much later on, its her he is beating up. Worse still, she's probably produced children with the moron

 

Alongside of all this, there are other men she knows, that she just didn't find attractive until now, but by then, it may well be too late.

 

Strange how it all pans out.

 

I read somewhere that by the time life teaches us a lesson, its usually too late to profit by it.

 

Its probably true for some peeps

 

 

No doubt shiek. For her, I think she'll always be chasing her father to prove to herself that he really did love her.. But I hope not, this experience has really hit her hard and I can only hope she learns from it. She's done all the right things so far. She is still a beautiful, young woman with a lot of life to live. I hope she finds happiness. I have faith she will and will continue to stand by her, help her and support her anyway I can. But never again as her boyfriend.. 20 years was long enough to know when to give up..

[Guest sheik-yerbouti]

No doubt shiek. For her, I think she'll always be chasing her father to prove to herself that he really did love her....

 

This reminds me of an ex girl friend. I really liked her, and could have married her. But it never got that far. It lasted about 6 weeks.

 

She was a mess because her father left home wen she was little. I couldn't see it at thetime, but figured it all out later.

 

I think she just cant trust men because of her childhood experience. She also like to hurt, nd mess with guys heads.

 

I'm glad she dumped me now. There's no way she will ever be happy with a man I think. Shes still single.

 

It seems to me that if a child has poor relations with either parent, it will affect them for life. I also believe that the most damaging experience is where the relationship with the opposite sex parent goes wrong. That person is a role model for a partner in later life

[wez]

This reminds me of an ex girl friend. I really liked her, and could have married her. But it never got that far. It lasted about 6 weeks.

 

She was a mess because her father left home wen she was little. I couldn't see it at thetime, but figured it all out later.

 

I think she just cant trust men because of her childhood experience. She also like to hurt, nd mess with guys heads.

 

I'm glad she dumped me now. There's no way she will ever be happy with a man I think. Shes still single.

 

It seems to me that if a child has poor relations with either parent, it will affect them for life. I also believe that the most damaging experience is where the relationship with the opposite sex parent goes wrong. That person is a role model for a partner in later life

 

You're lucky.. took me 20 long years of pain and misery.. My devotion was my coffin. I could see the happy beautiful girl inside and can honestly say I did my best.. I faintly remember on my sixth day of no sleep telling her I was dying, and I wasn't kidding. Still wasn't enough.. it was then knew what I had to do.. all choices had run out.. Cept 2.. life, or death. Life sounded better by a long shot..

[Guest sheik-yerbouti]

You're lucky.. took me 20 long years of pain and misery.. ..

 

I agree, though I have had several other difficult women, I have not been anywhere near where you have been taken.

 

Nowadays I am glad I never married. I would much rather be comfortably single than unhappily married.

[wez]

I agree, though I have had several other difficult women, I have not been anywhere near where you have been taken.

 

Nowadays I am glad I never married. I would much rather be comfortably single than unhappily married.

 

 

I'm finally there myself. As bad as it was, I don't regret it. I learned so much and fortunately, because of her issues and subsequent steady daily diet of verbal abuse on a several times a day basis, I never married her, had children with her, (other than the proper decision to terminate the one pregancy near the end), or any debt with her. I knew better than to try to own anything with her. Anything she could use against me and hurt me with, she did. She threatened to shoot me between the eyes the day before I went into the hospital.

 

 

The thing was, and what lead to my breakdown, was being a "man" (not really for a long time as I actually felt like a battered woman for years), I internalized every last drop of it. Never told a soul as I thought I was "protecting" her by keeping her dirty little secret. Big mistake. She used my loyalty against me for all it was worth. After I knew I had no choice and indeed realized, this is really the way some people are, I finally went to my parents a babbling mess, and told them. After the hospital, I even tried one last time and the minute I walked in the door after getting out, she started up the same crap to try to beat me down after acting all concerned on the phone all week. Wasn't ever gonna work again. A lot of hurt feelings have been coming back about it the last few days with everything that's gone on here.. but that's a good thing. The last thing I want to do in life is die a bitter, broken "victim"..

 

 

More my fault than it will ever be hers.. 110% actually.. She is sick and really doesn't know any better, and I could have walked at any point. All my fault, and looking back now, I wouldn't change one thing. No regrets.. I know I loved her and did the very best I could. I've actually never felt better about myself in my life than I have for the last couple years. I finally know who I really am, again, and love what I see. Gonna hold on to that for dear life..

 

 

I like talking about it online .. Good, free, therapy.

[wez]

me...

 

So, it's after 1 am.. I get a call, gee, wonder who.. Tells me she went and got a restraining order today, which normally I would say is good. Then I get the feeling she is now thriving on her victimhood and I'm sure has been gathering a pity party of her usual validaters, aka, her family and brothers prisoner of a girlfriend who also gets her ass and brain kicked every day by her brother. But she doesn't relish in it but rather has 2 young kids, one with him and thinks she's doing the right thing by staying and is sorely mistaken. This pity party for support in her time of "need". Whatever.. They all hate each other, yet can't stay away from each other.

 

 

The deal is, I've been asking her to give me a haircut for a week and again asked her when she called after listening to her relish in getting her ass kicked. Got.. "Well, ummmm, errr, I got a lot of stuff to do and I'll try to this week but I'm maybe going out with Nate, (whoever the hell this guy is that will kick her ass in 6 months for me to pick the pieces up from) on Friday and it's Shannons birthday Sat. and with what I've been through I don't have a lot of time, blah, blah, blah".... So I say, "can't you just tell me yes or no?" ... "I said I'd try!"... I then say, "you know, none of this has anything to do with me", stupidly thinking she may take 2 seconds to realize that the guy who allowed her to treat him like a chew toy for 20 years, helped her move out of her apt. last Friday, and whose door is still open to her kicked ass at 2:30 am and whose phone is answered at 1 am, knowing full well who it was, might be worth a 20 minute haircut. Instead I get.. "Don't start with me! I'll talk to you later. Click." Looks like I blew it again.

 

 

The moral of this story

 

Lweetzhwaelz is a tool.

[Guest sheik-yerbouti]

I'm finally there myself. As bad as it was, I don't regret it. I learned so much and fortunately, because of her issues and subsequent steady daily diet of verbal abuse on a several times a day basis, I never married her, had children with her, (other than the proper decision to terminate the one pregancy near the end), or any debt with her. I knew better than to try to own anything with her. Anything she could use against me and hurt me with, she did. She threatened to shoot me between the eyes the day before I went into the hospital.

 

I'm glad you are getting there. I dont think you two can be happy together. I could not endure her behaviour either. In other ways she is so right for you I suppose- that's probably why you stayed together so long. But in considering the whole package - its not going to work unless you are a dyed in the wool masochist.

 

 

The thing was, and what lead to my breakdown, was being a "man" (not really for a long time as I actually felt like a battered woman for years), I internalized every last drop of it. Never told a soul as I thought I was "protecting" her by keeping her dirty little secret. Big mistake. She used my loyalty against me for all it was worth. After I knew I had no choice and indeed realized, this is really the way some people are, I finally went to my parents a babbling mess, and told them. After the hospital, I even tried one last time and the minute I walked in the door after getting out, she started up the same crap to try to beat me down after acting all concerned on the phone all week. Wasn't ever gonna work again. A lot of hurt feelings have been coming back about it the last few days with everything that's gone on here.. but that's a good thing. The last thing I want to do in life is die a bitter, broken "victim"..

 

I'm guessing that it was her behaviour that made you ill. You are better without her. Some time on your own is what you need Wez. Get out and enjoy yourself. Take up scuba diving or whatever else you want to do.

 

 

I like talking about it online .. Good, free, therapy.

 

It's good for you too. Most men dont do though, they just go inwards and fester. Women are better at coping because they have better social networks, and they can talk about stuff like this. It does help, chat about it to anyone who will listen

[wez]

It's good for you too. Most men dont do though, they just go inwards and fester. Women are better at coping because they have better social networks, and they can talk about stuff like this. It does help, chat about it to anyone who will listen

 

 

Thank you for listening and your support shiek.. I appreciate it..

[Guest sheik-yerbouti]

Thank you for listening and your support shiek.. I appreciate it..

 

Most people have been there or somewhere like it. Its hell. But it slowly gets bearable, then better.

 

You are at nursing school, so I wont tell you about depression. But watch out for it.

[wez]

Most people have been there or somewhere like it. Its hell. But it slowly gets bearable, then better.

 

You are at nursing school, so I wont tell you about depression. But watch out for it.

 

 

Been there, done that for 20 years, reached better, and am now at fan ingtastic.

[wez]

Anyone cut hair? I'll kick your ass and let you sleep in my bedroom..

 

 

Well, just went and got my hair butchered at great clips...

 

I guess it aint too bad.. after I went back to have her even out the sides..

 

Next time she contacts me I'm telling her, this friendship or whatever you want to call it isn't working, will never work, and please don't ever call me or come over here again. I'm done. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Yay me.

 

She'd use me as her garbage dump the rest of my life if I let her.. No thanks. Go get kicked while your down by your family next time a guy kicks your ass and you're looking for pity.. or get some help. Up to her. No more enabling and co dependency from me... Care about us both too much for that. Feels better already..

 

Some people are not capable of being anyones friend.. Shame.

[snafu]

Life is a lemon and I want my money back

Meatloaf

[wez]

Life is a lemon and I want my money back

Meatloaf

 

 

 

 

Got no one to blame but myself.. quite empowering actually.

[Ahhlee]

I'm sorry, but I find it insane that you are attempting to carry on some kind of friendship with the woman you claim physically, mentally and emotionally abused you almost to the point of death????

 

WTF?

 

If any of my girlfriends let their ex's spend the night with them after experiencing "20 years of abuse" at his hands, I would have them committed to a mental hospital.

 

She's not the only one who needs therapy. You obviously do too if you think maintaining a casual relationship with her is ok. Either that or you are lying about how bad the abuse was.

 

I find this all very disturbing.

[wez]

I'm sorry, but I find it insane that you are attempting to carry on some kind of friendship with the woman you claim physically, mentally and emotionally abused you almost to the point of death????

 

WTF?

 

If any of my girlfriends let their ex's spend the night with them after experiencing "20 years of abuse" at his hands, I would have them committed to a mental hospital.

 

She's not the only one who needs therapy. You obviously do too if you think maintaining a casual relationship with her is ok. Either that or you are lying about how bad the abuse was.

 

I find this all very disturbing.

 

 

Hahahahaha.. disturbing indeed.. That's why she's gonna be told to stay away once and for all.. It's done.. Live and learn.

 

Don't need therapy to tell me that.. anymore. There's no chance for any kind of friendship.. Not possible. That was the point of my previous post. That'll be my therapy..

[Old Salt]

Look up the definition of co-dependency, ali.

[Ahhlee]

Look up the definition of co-dependency, ali.

 

I definitely know what co-dependency is. The fact is, in a co-dependent relationship, both parties should be seeking therapy. One shouldn't be pointing the finger at the other stating "SHE really needs help. I'm fine, but she's a nut!" Both people need treatment.

 

And if wez is going to claim that he is "cured" of his co-dependency, then he wouldn't be attempting to maintain this sick relationship or believe he can "help" her. Even requesting favors like a haircut blows the doors wide open again and hinders healing.

 

The situation just reeks of dysfunction if you ask me.

[wez]

I definitely know what co-dependency is. The fact is, in a co-dependent relationship, both parties should be seeking therapy. One shouldn't be pointing the finger at the other stating "SHE really needs help. I'm fine, but she's a nut!" Both people need treatment.

 

And if wez is going to claim that he is "cured" of his co-dependency, then he wouldn't be attempting to maintain this sick relationship or believe he can "help" her. Even requesting favors like a haircut blows the doors wide open again and hinders healing.

 

The situation just reeks of dysfunction if you ask me.

 

Dammit.. I just lost an hours worth telling you about my hospital experience.. not gonna re type now..

 

But wanted to ask you, on the post to fix my account at TJ, you said " It's like being in a dysfunctional relationship that I want no part of", obviously voting to not let me back..

 

Yet, here you are over at this site, talking to me on my thread, seemingly looking for a chink in my emotional armor to exploit. Please explain....

 

Don't worry, you're not the only one. The one who fought hardest to remove me spends most of his time here "interacting" with me as well.. Kinda strange. One would think you guys would be enjoying your wez free site.. Is removing me from the www. the goal? Someone else did say I was a cancer on the internet, or some crazy like that last week.. Is that true? Should I crawl back inside the black hole I spent 20 years in? Help me out here...

[wez]

I definitely know what co-dependency is. The fact is, in a co-dependent relationship, both parties should be seeking therapy. One shouldn't be pointing the finger at the other stating "SHE really needs help. I'm fine, but she's a nut!" Both people need treatment.

 

And if wez is going to claim that he is "cured" of his co-dependency, then he wouldn't be attempting to maintain this sick relationship or believe he can "help" her. Even requesting favors like a haircut blows the doors wide open again and hinders healing.

 

The situation just reeks of dysfunction if you ask me.

 

 

Well, I told her not to come over or call me anymore. The reek of dysfunction is gone.. Come on over if you want to talk about it Ali.. ask me anything you like. Got my haircut at great clips last Friday too.. yay me.