Wez, the human garbage dump/life saver..

wez · March 30, 2008

So last night, 3 am I'm still up doing some finishing touches on a paper for Monday after working on it for about 12 straight hours. All the sudden I hear a loud noise outside on my deck, cat gets startled and gives the door the evil eye.

I go open it and here's this girl I've never seen before standing/swaying there and she proceeds to try to walk into my place..

I put my hand up and I say, "whoa.. where are you going?"

She says, "I'm looking for Kelly". I say "no Kelly lives here".

She again tries to walk in and I say, "what are you doing?".

"Is Kelly in there, or Shelly?"

I say, "no, no Kelly lives here, just me. You got the wrong place.Who are you looking for?"

"Kelly, or Shelly or something, are you sure she's not in there?"

"Yep, quite sure, who are you looking for, where do they live?"

"I'm looking for Kelly or Shelly", then mumbles something about "good weed."

I say again, "nope, you got the wrong place. Where does she live?"

"I don't know. Can I come in and use your bathroom?"

"Nope, I'm not letting you in."

I proceed to start to go back inside and see her go to the edge of the steps, lean against the rail and bury her face in her hands and start crying. I noticed she's only wearing a sweatshirt and it does still get quite cold at night and she looked like she took a spill or two at some point as she had some scrapes on her hands and dirt on her sweatshirt.

So I say.."Are you ok? Do you need some help? I can give you a ride if you need one?"

More crying.. So I go out and put my arm around her and ask her again if she's ok.. She's not really talking coherently at this point so I say..

"Come on, let's go inside, it'll be ok. I can help you, you can use the bathroom. I'll get you home."

She then turns and damn near goes off the steps backwards and I catch her and pull her up and help her inside. She's still crying and once in the door I'm trying to ask her name and stuff and she mumbles, "I don't know you."

I chuckle and say, "no, you don't know me, My name is -----. What's yours?"

More crying, so I give her a hug and to try to get some answers from her assuring her that it'll be ok.. Her cell then starts ringing and she answers it and mumbles a bit and hands me the phone..

"Hi, who's this?"... "This is Kelly".. Hahahaha.. I say, "Your friend is here, do you live in the Park?"

"I do", she says.. So I tell her where I am and she comes right over and tells me they live together on the next street and moved in a about a month ago.. she tells me her name, the late night visitor, is Shelly. I laugh and tell her what happened and asked if they got in a fight or something..

"Yeah, we did. Not really a fight but she left mad. She got mad at this other girl at the bar tonight." Meanwhile, Shelly is a puddle in a chair and starts to look rather nauseous and Kelly says, "don't worry, she doesn't puke" Hahahaha.. yeah, right. I say, you're gonna have trouble getting her home but I can help you.

I help Shelly to the floor and grab a bucket and spend the next hour and half helping her, "not puke" with her friend Kelly, and getting to know them.

She tells me Shelly had Chron's Disease, which is a nasty infection of unknown causes in the G.I. tract so I ask if she has a stoma, and she says she did. Basically, it's a hole in the abdomin where they bring the intestine to the surface with which to attach a colostomy bag to deficate in as that disease pretty much destroys the bowel.. Poor girl. I thought she was only like 23 or so but Kelly told me she was 37.. Must be tough to adjust to something like that.

Finally when she stops dry heaving a bit, we help her up and carry her out to Kelly's car and I go with to help her bring her inside.. So we get there, and she's trying to put her shoes on and I'm telling her, "you don't need them, I'm gonna carry you." So she throws her arm around me and I pick her up like a new bride and carry her over the thresh hold and she says.. "right there, right there", pointing to the couch. So I bring her over and set her down and she pulls me down and gives me a huge kiss on the face. hahaha..

I say, "you're welcome." Then I told Kelly to watch her and not to hesitate to call an ambulance if need be,

and told them, "stop over some time." hahaha

Now it's 5 am, I walk a block home laughing.. fun. How was your night?

Hahahaha.. life is funny..

She's damn lucky, had she passed out, outside, she would not have lasted the night..

Also, another booze horror story.. Hahahaha

I was just thinking how glad I am I didn't need to clean her colostomy bag for her.. I just practiced doing it a few weeks ago, but that was chocolate pudding.

wez · March 30, 2008