Marriage can be a good thing, right?

[Ahhlee]

My best friend is home for the weekend and he's been going through a really rocky patch in his marriage. His first year anniversary isn't until next month and from the sounds of it, I don't know if they're going to make it a year.

 

He's been asking me for advice, but as a divorced person I don't know if I'm being very unbiased. I don't want to seem like I'm pushing the "cut your losses and run" option simply because that was the best choice for me. I'd like to balance the conversation with good things about matrimony as well because I believe one should look at the big picture before making the huge decision of getting a divorce.

 

So please give me some positive and pleasant thoughts on marriage.

[hugo]

Got me stumped.

[wez]

Only dumbasses ask a priest, judge, or ship Captain if they can be together and set themselves up to then have to ask permission to break up.. After paying out the nose none the less.. Marriage is for everyone elses sake except for the two people being married. Once again the opposite rears it's ugly head..

 

 

So, in conclusion.. being together and happy with someone you love good, asking permission and being legally bound by others bad.

 

 

Got enough laws hanging over me as it is.. aint gonna serve myself up to more..

 

 

Ending my relationship was bad enough.. asking/paying someone for permission woulda been ridiculous.. aint no ones fukking business but ours.

[wez]

Hahahaha.. oh.. sorry.. positve... Ummmmmmmm

 

Other people can get drunk for free at your wedding and start fights?

[snafu]

Give some time... I'm still thinking.

[snafu]

Gotta be something. Think think think......

[phreakwars]

Marriage has nothing to do with love, though it helps. Marriage is more about being able to put up with the others BS and nothing more, if you can't do that, then get out.

 

I always say a persons flaws are gonna be 10x worse when you start dating them, and 100x worse if you marry them.

 

But then I also believe if you can make it through about 7 or 8 years without divorcing or cheating, then fukk it, stay with the person you got.

 

Marriage isn't for everyone, but for some strange reason, more people feel they need to, then their are those who are made for it.

.

.

[wez]

Marriage has nothing to do with love, though it helps. Marriage is more about being able to put up with the others BS and nothing more, if you can't do that, then get out.

 

I always say a persons flaws are gonna be 10x worse when you start dating them, and 100x worse if you marry them.

 

But then I also believe if you can make it through about 7 or 8 years without divorcing or cheating, then fukk it, stay with the person you got.

 

Marriage isn't for everyone, but for some strange reason, more people feel they need to, then their are those who are made for it.

.

.

 

Love means putting up with flaws.. don't need to be married to do that.. and you don't married to be faithful.. and married to be honest.. and married to have integrity.. You're right, it has nothing to do with love.. Has everything to do with control.

 

Right up my alley, eh Ali?

 

 

 

I didn't cheat on or lie to my girlfriends in highschool.. many guys did.. and continued to after marriage. So did girls I knew..

 

 

Married people are some of the biggest cheats and liars there are.. Then they can dangle a piece of paper to keep someone in their Own Private Idaho, or else.. No thanks.. Love, integrity and honesty don't come with ownership papers where I come from.

 

 

I honestly don't understand how people can do that and go home and look at their partner in the eye ever again.. or why they'd want to.. It's ok to be a runaround if ya want, just don't lie to someone about it and let the choice be theirs.. Once is once too much when ya make a committment to someone, married or not.

 

 

Love begins and ends with trust..

[ImWithStupid]

Love means putting up with flaws.. don't need to be married to do that.. and you don't married to be faithful.. and married to be honest.. and married to have integrity.. You're right, it has nothing to do with love.. Has everything to do with control.

 

Right up my alley, eh Ali?

 

 

 

I didn't cheat on or lie to my girlfriends in highschool.. many guys did.. and continued to after marriage. So did girls I knew..

 

 

Married people are some of the biggest cheats and liars there are.. Then they can dangle a piece of paper to keep someone in their Own Private Idaho, or else.. No thanks.. Love, integrity and honesty don't come with ownership papers where I come from.

 

 

I honestly don't understand how people can do that and go home and look at their partner in the eye ever again.. or why they'd want to.. It's ok to be a runaround if ya want, just don't lie to someone about it and let the choice be theirs.. Once is once too much when ya make a committment to someone, married or not.

 

 

Love begins and ends with trust..

 

Says the guy who has never been married and is basing everything on a bad relationship experience he had that lasted 20 years and started when he was just out of highschool.

 

(just putting things into perspective)

 

My opinion is, yes, marriage can be good. However I will never have enough information about this particual situation with your friend without knowing both people and being able to be trusted enough to both ask personal questions, but be able to get truthful answers.

 

That's my take.

[wez]

Says the guy who has never been married and is basing everything on a bad relationship experience he had that lasted 20 years and started when he was just out of highschool.

 

(just putting things into perspective)

 

My opinion is, yes, marriage can be good. However I will never have enough information about this particual situation with your friend without knowing both people and being able to be trusted enough to both ask personal questions, but be able to get truthful answers.

 

That's my take.

 

Marriage makes no difference... A good relationship is good regardless.. A piece of paper doesn't make it good and proves nothing.. not basing it on my relationship.. I aint bitter about it..

[snafu]

Although I do fine my wife attractive, people tend to find their mate in looks and not with common sense. I think thats the problem with most relationships. As you get older you figure this out. You need compatibility and stability. Money will kill any marriage. So dose infidelity too but that goes back to attraction and how you control yourself.

That friend that you have of the opposite sex is probably the one you should consider as a mate if he or she isn't taken already and off course they aren't just a lug nut on society.

But as I said people tend to go with the physical attraction instead of the logical one. Now I'm not saying that you can't find both in one person. I'm saying you need to look outside the box.

[ImWithStupid]

Marriage makes no difference... A good relationship is good regardless.. A piece of paper doesn't make it good and proves nothing.. not basing it on my relationship.. I aint bitter about it..

 

You may think you're right but you aren't. Having a relationship and living together for a long time, is not the same as a marriage. Things change that you wouldn't understand, anticipate, or predict could or would happen unless you've been their.

 

I have many, many, many friends, family and coworkers that I tried to make this same point to, all I ever hear is how they lived together for such and such long, and things won't be any different with a piece of paper. Nearly every one, within a few years told me I was right.

 

I will agree with you about trust being the basis for a "relationship" but many more factors come into play with a marriage.

[eddo]

Although I do fine my wife attractive, people tend to find their mate in looks and not with common sense. I think thats the problem with most relationships. As you get older you figure this out. You need compatibility and stability. Money will kill any marriage. So dose infidelity too but that goes back to attraction and how you control yourself.

That friend that you have of the opposite sex is probably the one you should consider as a mate if he or she isn't taken already and off course they aren't just a lug nut on society.

But as I said people tend to go with the physical attraction instead of the logical one. Now I'm not saying that you can't find both in one person. I'm saying you need to look outside the box.

 

I'm gonna put that on the back of my business card and hand it out on first dates, and maybe to my ex'es.

 

 

Good stuff Snafu.

[wez]

Although I do fine my wife attractive, people tend to find their mate in looks and not with common sense. I think thats the problem with most relationships. As you get older you figure this out. You need compatibility and stability. Money will kill any marriage. So dose infidelity too but that goes back to attraction and how you control yourself.

That friend that you have of the opposite sex is probably the one you should consider as a mate if he or she isn't taken already and off course they aren't just a lug nut on society.

But as I said people tend to go with the physical attraction instead of the logical one. Now I'm not saying that you can't find both in one person. I'm saying you need to look outside the box.

 

Yep.. every relationship I ever had started as friendships.. and those never went away.. remained friends with all 4 of em.. It was fortunate they were all beautiful too but in the end, that meant sh t..

 

 

 

There was that one, one night stand.. well.. 2 night stand but she don't count.. very pretty too though

 

 

 

4 fingers and thumb is how many different girls I've been errrr.. intimate with? And 3 of em were before I graduated high school.

[wez]

You may think you're right but you aren't. Having a relationship and living together for a long time, is not the same as a marriage. Things change that you wouldn't understand, anticipate, or predict could or would happen unless you've been their.

 

I have many, many, many friends, family and coworkers that I tried to make this same point to, all I ever hear is how they lived together for such and such long, and things won't be any different with a piece of paper. Nearly every one, within a few years told me I was right.

 

I will agree with you about trust being the basis for a "relationship" but many more factors come into play with a marriage.

 

 

My living together relationship, though diseased, lasted longer than most marriages do these days..

 

Piece of paper woulda made it worse, not better. Prolly woulda been the end of me.

[snafu]

I think women are more guilty of this than men. They tend to go with the physical attraction.

OK I guess it goes both ways. If your just an average Joe like me I tend to look with in my own realm but someone stable. Were as Good looking guys go for the frizzy sexy ones with no brain. The good looking women go for the frizzy macho man with no brains.

[snafu]

Yep.. every relationship I ever had started as friendships.. and those never went away.. remained friends with all 4 of em.. It was fortunate they were all beautiful too but in the end, that meant sh t..

 

 

There was that one, one night stand.. well.. 2 night stand but she don't count.. Very pretty too though..

 

 

4 fingers and thumb is how many different girls I've been errrr.. intimate with? And 3 of em were before I graduated high school.

 

You know what, I have a lot of women friends. And the ones that were girl friends are still friends. There isn't one disgruntled girlfriend out there.

 

But I'm just an average Joe!

[Ahhlee]

I think he should leave her to be honest. He's incredibly unhappy and she's a selfish, neurotic bitch. Of all the girls he's dated since I've known him, I liked her the very least yet that's the one he married.

 

Oh well...it wasn't my decision and I don't have to live with her.

 

But now that things are bad, even though I would love to slap him upside the head with a great big "I told you so, dumb ss", he's still my friend and I don't like seeing him hurting so I'd want to try and put a positive spin on the situation if possible while still being truthful with him.

[wez]

I think women are more guilty of this than men. They tend to go with the fiscal attraction. OK I guess it goes both ways. If your just an average Joe like me I tend to look with in your own realm. Were as Good looking guys go for the frizzy sexy ones with no brain. The good looking women go for the frizzy macho man with no brains.

 

 

My second G/F was quite enamoured with money at 17.. and looked like a model.. Long dark hair, petite and gorgeous.. Cheated on me with my cousin.. Didn't care..They had dated before that and I knew she was still hot for him.. the one I go play guitar with all the time.. hahaha.. The funny part was, a week after we broke up, she saw my first ex on my lap one night and a hairpulling cat fight ensued.. I was like wtf? Ya both cheated on me and I'm not dating either of them, yet they're pulling each others hair?

 

 

She later got married to another guy pretty young, got divorced, dated his brother for a spell, then a friend of mine years later, flirted with me around that time in our early 30's, then married some old guy with money who was her boss..

[Ahhlee]

Yep.. every relationship I ever had started as friendships.. and those never went away.. remained friends with all 4 of em.. It was fortunate they were all beautiful too but in the end, that meant sh t..

 

 

There was that one, one night stand.. well.. 2 night stand but she don't count.. Very pretty too though..

 

 

4 fingers and thumb is how many different girls I've been errrr.. intimate with? And 3 of em were before I graduated high school.

 

That's IT? Damn.

 

My list is much, much longer....lol.

[wez]

That's IT? Damn.

 

My list is much, much longer....lol.

 

 

That's it..

 

They always came back for more wezzie..

[snafu]

This isn't just a song, it's Gospel.

 

http://Off Topic Forum.com/off-topic-bs/30596-we-need-a-youtube-lyrically-free-post-5.html#post87460

[ImWithStupid]

My living together relationship, though diseased, lasted longer than most marriages do these days..

 

Piece of paper woulda made it worse, not better. Prolly woulda been the end of me.

 

I see you once again decided to ignore my point. It really doesn't matter how long you were together. Things change when you get married. I know people who were living together for a decade or more, and when they got married, things changed.

 

It doesn't matter if you have a healthy or unhealthy relationshiip. When you get married far more times than not, the relationship changed with marriage.

[wez]

 

It doesn't matter if you have a healthy or unhealthy relationshiip. When you get married far more times than not, the relationship changed with marriage.

 

 

Yeah, I saw those changes in people too.. I agree with you

 

 

Far more than not did change after marriage.. for the worse.. Made me feel that much better about my choices

[snafu]

I see you once again decided to ignore my point. It really doesn't matter how long you were together. Things change when you get married. I know people who were living together for a decade or more, and when they got married, things changed.

 

It doesn't matter if you have a healthy or unhealthy relationship. When you get married far more times than not, the relationship changed with marriage.

 

I don't know if the marriage was responsible.

People change in time. Relationships need to adapt to the changes. You gotta work things out whether your married or not. I know people that were never married but split up anyways too. I had a friend commit suicide after a 5 year relationship but were not married. I really don't think the paper matters anymore although I think that is a big problem with devoice rates and such.

 

It boils down to sexual attractions as opposed to compatibility.