Am I Too Mean?

[wez]

I disagree. She has a lot to worry about, unfortunately. But I do agree that Merc is doing her very best.

 

I just said it wouldn't help.. of course, to stop worrying is always easier said than done.

 

Hope you find the key to get through to her merc.. it's there somewhere.

[mercury]

I just said it wouldn't help.. of course, to stop worrying is always easier said than done.

 

Hope you find the key to get through to her merc.. it's there somewhere.

 

the key is probably locked in Chris' van

 

Good Lord, are Chris and my ex-husband related?

 

could be... they're both Me-hee-cans... and his dad left a string of male children in his wake.

[eddo]

the key is probably locked in Chris' van .

 

LMAO!! That is just what I was gonna say!

 

 

 

You been hanging around me too long

[mercury]

nah.... just that great minds think alike

[Old Salt]

I'll throw my two-cents worth in.

 

I don't think you're being too hard on her. If it had just been the smearing cheese, then maybe so. But you add in the much worse (IMO) offense of lying to you and I say no.

 

I don't know the background on what she gets for an "allowance" (spending money). At the end of one month "house arrest", you could put her on "probation". Make her earn the money to get her cell phone back (a cell at 12YO?). And then make her pay for her cell phone service - she'll appreciate it more.

 

Good luck.

[Ahhlee]

I'll throw my two-cents worth in.

 

I don't think you're being too hard on her. If it had just been the smearing cheese, then maybe so. But you add in the much worse (IMO) offense of lying to you and I say no.

 

I don't know the background on what she gets for an "allowance" (spending money). At the end of one month "house arrest", you could put her on "probation". Make her earn the money to get her cell phone back (a cell at 12YO?). And then make her pay for her cell phone service - she'll appreciate it more.

 

Good luck.

 

I see a lot of 8-13 year olds with cell phones. It's ridiculous.

[wez]

I see a lot of 8-13 year olds with cell phones. It's ridiculous.

 

I still don't have one.. and don't think I want one, but they are handy and I'm sure I'll buckle at some point. Plus, it's getting damn near impossible to find a pay phone anymore.

 

I always laugh when I see the youngens at school calling each other from down the hallway.. hahaha.. they're on those things constantly.

 

Oh how the times have changed..

[mercury]

LOL she doesn't have a cell phone... the phone she's grounded from is our normal house phone. I don't even have a freakin' cell phone.

 

She'll have a cell phone when she can pay for it herself and has the right to enter a legal contract

[phreakwars]

When I was 13, I went on a little crime spree with my friends Josh and Chris. I got busted for breaking into a couple of places, even though the actual count was much much higher. My dad's solution to the problem of delinquency along with the court costs for restitution was a very effective one... Public humiliation. He would make us carry these see through bags around town all day long, from the time we got up, till the time the sun went down. Myself and my brother Adrian were made to collect empty cans around town, and we weren't allowed to come back home until the bags were full of aluminum cans. I really couldn't tell you how much it sukked to walk all over town looking like a damn hermit carrying all those cans. I haven't stolen anything else in my life, unless you count the crushed pepper seed shakers from Pizza Hut that I steal almost every time I am there.

 

Hey, people steal OUR Parmesan and Pepper shakers all the time too.

.

.

[eddo]

When I was 13, I went on a little crime spree with my friends Josh and Chris. I got busted for breaking into a couple of places, even though the actual count was much much higher. My dad's solution to the problem of delinquency along with the court costs for restitution was a very effective one... Public humiliation. He would make us carry these see through bags around town all day long, from the time we got up, till the time the sun went down. Myself and my brother Adrian were made to collect empty cans around town, and we weren't allowed to come back home until the bags were full of aluminum cans. I really couldn't tell you how much it sukked to walk all over town looking like a damn hermit carrying all those cans. I haven't stolen anything else in my life, unless you count the crushed pepper seed shakers from Pizza Hut that I steal almost every time I am there.

Hey, people steal OUR Parmesan and Pepper shakers all the time too.

 

Hi. I'm 13 years old. I steal...

 

Should we get you a new clear bag, clepto?

[RoyalOrleans]

Hi. I'm 13 years old. I steal...

 

Should we get you a new clear bag, clepto?

 

If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog were here, he'd reply:

 

For me to poop in!

[Old Salt]

LOL she doesn't have a cell phone... the phone she's grounded from is our normal house phone. I don't even have a freakin' cell phone.

 

She'll have a cell phone when she can pay for it herself and has the right to enter a legal contract

Sorry, guess I read something into your post that wasn't there. When you wrote about talking on the phone, I ASSUMED you meant cell.

[ImWithStupid]

Hey Merc, I guess your daughter always has Christmas to look forward to...

 

 

 

 

.

[Anna Perenna]

Not quite 2 weeks ago (it will be 2 weeks tomorrow), my 12 year old daughter got caught up in vandalizing a neighbor's truck. She didn't cause any damage, but she smeared some cheese on the tailgate and decorated it with toilet paper; the rocks the other kids threw at it did cause damage.

 

At first she lied to me about her involvement... and then one of the other kids involved ratted her out. Suddenly she's standing in front of a police officer and she's so very, very sorry. I think she's only sorry she got caught.

 

She's been grounded ever since.

 

The first day or two she was eager and willing to take on extra chores, since then, not so much. Mostly what happens when I tell her what to do, is a tantrum that would put a 2 year old to shame, so mostly she's just been confined to the house and grounded from hanging out with friends, talking on the phone (because it's a tool of conspiracy), watching TV and using the computer (because we've also had problems in the past and more recently with her violating trust in that department, too).

 

Lying has been an ongoing issue with her... and there's nothing that bugs me more than a liar. I don't trust her out of my sight...

 

Perhaps I should have been firmer in my previous lessons, but what's done is done. I hope to make this one stick. The grounding is for an indefinite period of time...

 

Her job in the mean time is to demonstrate that she has learned to take responsibility for her actions, to stop sneaking around (I've caught her sneaking out to hang out with friends at least twice), and to be honest (I've caught her in a couple more small lies since).

 

 

I don't think I'm being too harsh, but maybe I am?

 

Bolster my resolve.

 

please

 

And If you think I'm being to harsh, say so... she almost has me convinced.

 

Your punishment is certainly apt, but what's missing is the guilt-trip.

 

Have you thought about lecturing her incessantly, brow-beating her over and over again, and telling her what a terrible human being (you are worried) she has become, and how incredibly ashamed you are of her?

 

My mother used guilt and shame to make my sisters and I behave. I'm not sure if it's "right" but it certainly worked.

[snafu]

Your punishment is certainly apt, but what's missing is the guilt-trip.

 

Have you thought about lecturing her incessantly, brow-beating her over and over again, and telling her what a terrible human being (you are worried) she has become, and how incredibly ashamed you are of her?

 

My mother used guilt and shame to make my sisters and I behave. I'm not sure if it's "right" but it certainly worked.

 

Yeah my dad used to say " where did I go wrong". It was worse than any punishment.

[ImWithStupid]

Your punishment is certainly apt, but what's missing is the guilt-trip.

 

Have you thought about lecturing her incessantly, brow-beating her over and over again, and telling her what a terrible human being (you are worried) she has become, and how incredibly ashamed you are of her?

 

My mother used guilt and shame to make my sisters and I behave. I'm not sure if it's "right" but it certainly worked.

 

That explains alot.

[ImWithStupid]

Hey Merc,

 

I just came across this site that deals with ethics and they have a section that deals with "Youth".

 

They have a newsletter you can sign up for.

 

CHARACTER COUNTS!: Character Education Lesson Plans, Training, Resources from the Josephson Institute Center for Youth Ethics

[mercury]

Hey Merc,

 

I just came across this site that deals with ethics and they have a section that deals with "Youth".

 

They have a newsletter you can sign up for.

 

CHARACTER COUNTS!: Character Education Lesson Plans, Training, Resources from the Josephson Institute Center for Youth Ethics

 

Thanks I poked around a little and it looks like some good stuff. I'll check it out more fully later.

[emkay64]

OMG! You aren't too mean at all! I think back to how my parents reacted. I would have had a belt applied. Grounding wouldn't have been an option.

 

I always tell mine that if they lie to me about the little things I can believe them when it comes to the big stuff. After Emily's stealing incident I was completely shocked. She told me lies about where she got stuff and I didn't even question that she was telling me the truth. I told her that my trust was gone....and if she was older so would her freedom.

 

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Next time though...I'd ask the police to hold her for a few hours