Does he have to know?

[Ahhlee]

Hypothetical scenario:

 

A woman with the means to support herself and a baby finds herself pregnant. The father of the child was merely a brief, casual affair and there is no desire between the woman and the father to pursue a long-term relationship.

 

The woman does not believe abortion is the answer and is fully prepared to take on responsibility for her baby and give it a good life.

 

Is she obligated to let the father know the child exists if she has no intention of seeking support from him?

 

Discuss.

[ImWithStupid]

Is she obligated, no.

 

Do I personally believe that the father should have the opportunity to know, and be a part of his child's life, yes. Honestly, you never know how someone will respond to that news.

 

I was a partying, dope using, drinking MF who couldn't care less if he held down a job until I found out I was going to be a father.

 

At that point I quit doing the partying, no more drugs and got a job and have been gainfully employed ever since. My kid wasn't going to be the one who had the dad who had a criminal record or was a dead beat, good for nothing.

[Ahhlee]

Is she obligated, no.

 

Do I personally believe that the father should have the opportunity to know, and be a part of his child's life, yes. Honestly, you never know how someone will respond to that news.

 

I was a partying, dope using, drinking MF who couldn't care less if he held down a job until I found out I was going to be a father.

 

At that point I quit doing the partying, no more drugs and got a job and have been gainfully employed ever since. My kid wasn't going to be the one who had the dad who had a criminal record or was a dead beat, good for nothing.

 

Good for you! I know the thought of impending fatherhood changes the lifestyle of many men for the better. I'm glad you stepped up and I'm sure you are, too.

[mercury]

obligated... no, I don't think so. But I do think letting him know would be the right thing to do. He just might turn out to be a spectacular father and who doesn't need one of those?

 

So when are you due?

[wez]

I think a woman should tell the father for the sake of the child if nothing else. Pretty selfish to do otherwise IMO just cause she might not want the hassle of a relationship and visitation issues if they'd wanna be part of their life..

 

I'd say unless some profound circumstances exist for not revealing a birth to a father.. like the safety of the mom or child.. a woman should feel obligated to tell him.

[Chi]

I agree with all comments so far. Unless the father is a dangerous a-hole or something, she should let him know. Even if she thinks he probably wouldn't want anything to do with the baby or woman, who knows?

 

And kudos to IWS for doing the right thing.

[Ahhlee]

I think a woman should tell the father for the sake of the child if nothing else. Pretty selfish to do otherwise IMO just cause she might not want the hassle of a relationship and visitation issues if they'd wanna be part of their life..

 

I'd say unless some profound circumstances exist for not revealing a birth to a father.. like the safety of the mom or child.. a woman should feel obligated to tell him.

 

If she has concerns that the father may take her to court to gain custody of the child, should she still tell him? Would a lengthy, costly legal battle be in the child's best interest? If he doesn't know the baby exists, he can't attempt to claim it.

 

(I'm just playing devil's advocate for the sake of discussion. I'm not picking on you specifically, wez. )

 

So when are you due?

 

Errr.....

[wez]

If she has concerns that the father may take her to court to gain custody of the child, should she still tell him? Would a lengthy, costly legal battle be in the child's best interest? If he doesn't know the baby exists, he can't attempt to claim it.

 

(I'm just playing devil's advocate for the sake of discussion. I'm not picking on you specifically, wez. )

 

I like when ya pick on me.. you know that!

 

I'd say hell yeah.. hahaha.. more selfish motivation.. and devious scheming..

 

Really though.. I could only see that happening if the mother denied the father rights to see it without a good reason.. So.. It would always be in the best interest to tell I figure.. unless he's a danger or something..

 

Men know courts don't take away custody from a mother except in extreme cases so he'd have to be a moron to try to gain custody..unless he's rich enough to manipulate the courts and smear you all over hell.. lol.. Just make sure it's a pauper and you're good to go.. hahahaha

[snafu]

You know off course this is a sore spot of mine.

 

Your damn right he has to know. My blood! My blood! I would fight tooth and nail to be in my child's life. Why do women think that just because they carry the child they have full rights? If the man doesn't step up to the plate he's an asshole. I would raise the child myself and should have the same rights to do so as the women!

 

But even my step daughter and step granddaughter will always know me as dad and grandpa and will always be a part of me whether my wife stays together or not.

 

Ohh..!!! Don't get me started!!

[ImWithStupid]

Still not an answer.

 

when are you due?

[snafu]

One it's his god given right. Two you or the hypothetical mother can get support for the child. Either way he should know. It's not up to the mother to decide whether the father is fit or not that's up to a court.

[ImWithStupid]

It's not up to the mother to decide whether the father is fit or not that's up to a court.

 

Don't tell the libs that, or these man hating banshees.

[Ahhlee]

Still not an answer.

 

when are you due?

 

It's not me.

 

One it's his god given right. Two you or the hypothetical mother can get support for the child. Either way he should know. It's not up to the mother to decide whether the father is fit or not that's up to a court.

 

Good points.

 

Don't tell the libs that, or these man hating banshees.

 

Who are you refering to there, exactly?

 

 

Personally, I would tell the father because I feel he has the right to know the child exists, but I wouldn't expect anything from him financially.

 

At the same time, if he wants to be in the child's life then he needs to actually make the effort to truly be a father. Sending a card out of the blue on the kid's 13th birthday which only serves to upset them and thereby making my life a living hell doesn't cut it, IMO.

[snafu]

My step daughters father is in jail. Long story short he deserves to be there for the rest of his life. He's been there for close to 17 years already. We didn't stop him from calling my daughter though until she didn't want to talk to him. I told her it is her decision and that we weren't making her talk to him only that we didn't want to interfere. So one day she told him not to call anymore. Once she said that we cut him off! He has written her once since then with this weird Sir Andy bull stuff for a return address with Prince Melissa stuff for an address. We just got another letter to give to her just the other day saying her grandfather passed away. The grandfather adopted her dad and was a good man. He will be missed. My point is that even though her biological dad is a piece of crap (and in my opinion deserves to die) she deserved to know him.

[hugo]

Is she obligated, no.

 

I was a partying, dope using, drinking MF who couldn't care less if he held down a job until I found out I was going to be a father.

 

 

I was a worthless, drunken pervert, then I got married and had a kid...and....er...uh.....nevermind.

[DaMan]

Tell the guy. He has the right to know. What could be worse them some time in the future the kid searches and finds his father. worse yet how would the father feel knowing he had a kid he never met untril they found him.

 

What do you tell the kid when they ask where daddy is?

[Guest losteyes]

NO , I don't think so ,

though we can't have a good life together ,

lead my life all by myself , no need to tell him.

[Ahhlee]

Don't tell the libs that, or these man hating banshees.

 

I'd still love to know who you're refering to.

[Old Salt]

Depends on the man, whether he's a complete jerk or not. I think he should be told. The prospective mother has to start thinking of the child. She won't be on her own anymore and can't be selfish. I think it would be in the best interest of the child to know who its father is. Who knows... there may be medical issues in the future where a complete family history is essential.

[ImWithStupid]

I'd still love to know who you're refering to.

 

 

I was kidding. Sheesh!

[Ahhlee]

I was kidding. Sheesh!

 

Just checking. I'm a lot of rotten things, but I'm no man hater.

[timesjoke]

As usual my possition will be mostly based on responsibility.

 

The act of sexual relations is in of itself an act that can have many, many things result from it and "BOTH" people involved must accept responsibility for those possible things.

 

A woman who would refuse to inform the other half of the situation of what has happened is purely selfish in nature. If the guy was that unsavory.....why screw him? If he was good enough to trust your life to (possible disease, guy could kill you, etc...) then he is good enough to be involved in the childs life.

 

 

The thing that seems to be implied in Ali's scenario is somehow the woman is "above" the man in some way, that the man is considered to be irrelivant to the woman, otherwise, why not tell him?

 

 

I believe the woman should be compelled to tell the man and even if he does not transform as IWS did (I also completely changed when my first child was born) then at least the child can know the truth instead of whatever lie the mother will tell for years and years to cover up the truth.

 

These lies would be in many cases more damaging than the truth could ever be. What do you say? Daddy died? Daddy ran off? Daddy was abusive so we ran away to be safe? Suppose you told these lies for 18 years and suddenly the child learned the truth, that daddy was just a one night stand you were ashamed of......how much would that child suddenly resent your years of lies?

 

Could the suddenly understood lies cause real trama?

 

 

Too much is at stake, and too much damage is done when people try to run away from their responsiblity in my humble opinion.

[emkay64]

She should absolutely tell him. If she's a good person in that she has a job and is moral and loving and has the means to take care of the child...then the court will never take the child away from the birth mother. Circumstances usually have to be pretty dire.

 

In any scenario she would have to put aside selfish reasoning and think of the well being of the child. Two loving parents is always best even apart if they can't be together.

 

If on the other hand the guy is abusive, violent and is a threat to the life of the mother or baby...don't tell. He has to be a real monster though...would be the only circumstance. Being an sshole sadly doesn't make him exempt from fatherhood.

 

Just my two cents lol.

[Ahhlee]

The thing that seems to be implied in Ali's scenario is somehow the woman is "above" the man in some way, that the man is considered to be irrelivant to the woman, otherwise, why not tell him?

 

Where and how was that implied?

 

 

Most of you are stating that it would be selfish of her not to tell him. Having spoken to her about the situation, she's actually trying to be unselfish by not informing him of the pregnancy. She feels that since they both agreed their encounter would be a casual one that she somehow reneged on the agreement by becoming pregnant. She feels terrible because they used protection and she doesn't want him to feel obligated or trapped since she feels she is capable of raising the child on her own.

 

I see where she's coming from, but I argued on his behalf saying that even though he may not choose to be a part of the baby's life, he still deserves to know and make that decision for himself. It's not fair for her to make it for him. Plus, it does take two to make a baby. She shouldn't feel like the bad guy in this situation.

[emkay64]

Where and how was that implied?

 

 

Most of you are stating that it would be selfish of her not to tell him. Having spoken to her about the situation, she's actually trying to be unselfish by not informing him of the pregnancy. She feels that since they both agreed their encounter would be a casual one that she somehow reneged on the agreement by becoming pregnant. She feels terrible because they used protection and she doesn't want him to feel obligated or trapped since she feels she is capable of raising the child on her own.

 

I see where she's coming from, but I argued on his behalf saying that even though he may not choose to be a part of the baby's life, he still deserves to know and make that decision for himself. It's not fair for her to make it for him. Plus, it does take two to make a baby. She shouldn't feel like the bad guy in this situation.

 

Awww...I don't mean she's bad at all. Just saying that she should tell him is all. She can say she has no interest in making him fulfill his daddy obligations at all...but she should give him the option is all I'm saying.

 

If I was going to be a parent...I'd want to know. I'd be terribly upset to find out later down the line (if I was a guy) lol.