Would you do it?

[Ahhlee]

Say your significant other proposed the following to you:

 

A one week vacation apart, once a year, when you can both sleep with anybody you want to. The rules are...

 

1) You MUST use condoms. No exceptions.

 

2) You are not allowed to stay in contact with anyone you sleep with. No exchanging names, phone numbers, emails...anything.

 

3) No contacting one another during that week, unless it is a dire emergency.

 

4) You never discuss any details of your week with one another. Ever.

 

 

Would you do it? Would you be ok with it if they did it? How would your mate react if you suggested such an arrangement?

[ImWithStupid]

Nope. Never. Nada.

[eddo]

Not a chance.

[mercury]

A snowball's chance of staying frozen in Hell would have better odds.

[timesjoke]

You either love each other and in a committed relationship or not, there really is no grey area in something like this in my opinion.

[Hack]

nope... two seperate vacations is wasteful.

[Ahhlee]

Really? Wow.

 

I would totally be about an arrangement like this as long as both of us stuck to the rules and already had a solid, loving relationship in place. I could be in a committed relationship and still be comfortable with this....in fact, I think it could even make our devotion to one another stronger.

[RegisteredAndEducated]

This is an interesting question... Initially I was thinking... NOT A CHANCE, that's just crazy!

 

I'm still not so sure... I know people do exciting and exotic things to keep the spice up and the devotion strong in a relationship, but this seems a tad extreme...

I'll give a couple of reasons why I'd be hesitant:

1) Everybody knows it's easier for a woman to get laid than a man .

2) Most people are naturally insecure and couldn't handle this..

3) It would be more "spicy" and interesting to do this together as opposed to separately.

 

That's my opinion anyway... Like I said... very interesting question.

[emkay64]

No.

 

If I felt like I needed to have an affair every year then a "committed" relationship is non-existent. If a person needs more than the other...don't be involved...continue being single. As for me....my imagination is great...it would eat me up. Maybe not at first...but eventually I'd want to know. I wouldn't be able to do it.

 

I think that many think it's a great idea, but i don't believe that one or the other would never be curious. However...i could totally see the value of a separate vacation sometimes...not a long one...but one to rejuvenate with the girls or on my own...definitely.

 

Oh...if it was suggested to me? I would say for them to go for it! Pack their sh!t and hit the road...fuk as many as they like and don't come back. I want the man in my life to be crazy for me. I want the thought of sharing me to be painful. The fact that they want some other man with me says the relationship is soooo fukking over.

[Hack]

actually, I don't have a problem with seperate vacations, some women don't like camping shrug

[Ahhlee]

3) It would be more "spicy" and interesting to do this together as opposed to separately.

 

That would be good, too!

 

No.

 

If I felt like I needed to have an affair every year then a "committed" relationship is non-existent. If a person needs more than the other...don't be involved...continue being single. As for me....my imagination is great...it would eat me up. Maybe not at first...but eventually I'd want to know. I wouldn't be able to do it.

 

I think that many think it's a great idea, but i don't believe that one or the other would never be curious. However...i could totally see the value of a separate vacation sometimes...not a long one...but one to rejuvenate with the girls or on my own...definitely.

 

Oh...if it was suggested to me? I would say for them to go for it! Pack their sh!t and hit the road...fuk as many as they like and don't come back. I want the man in my life to be crazy for me. I want the thought of sharing me to be painful. The fact that they want some other man with me says the relationship is soooo fukking over.

 

I completely see your point, emkay. This option wouldn't work for everyone, and I would definitely have to be with the RIGHT man in order for me to be comfortable with this.

 

I guess I look at it like this: If my honey and I said, "You know, it's great that you serve me up prime rib at home every night and I appreciate the hell out of that! I don't ever want to lose it. But every once in awhile, I get a craving to go out for some cheap, quick burgers and it would be nice to be able to get that out of my system as long as you're ok with that"....I really think we could make that work for us.

 

To me, sex is just sex. That part of an affair doesn't bother me as much as the lying, sneaking around and dishonesty that is created to cover it up. If that wasn't an issue, then to me....and this is just me....it wouldn't be such a big deal.

 

Or maybe I'm just a freak. Take your pick.

[timesjoke]

No.

 

If I felt like I needed to have an affair every year then a "committed" relationship is non-existent. If a person needs more than the other...don't be involved...continue being single. As for me....my imagination is great...it would eat me up. Maybe not at first...but eventually I'd want to know. I wouldn't be able to do it.

 

Exactly, if your needing more than what you have, then your not in a committed relationship.

 

Of course both people would be curious and after some time had passed wondering would lead to worry. Imagine right after the "event" one partner seems detached or not as interested in sex as they were before (even if it is just in the person's mind) and suddenly there is a lot of resentment growing......I just can't see it as possible if there is real love to exist in the realationship.

 

 

I think that many think it's a great idea, but i don't believe that one or the other would never be curious. However...i could totally see the value of a separate vacation sometimes...not a long one...but one to rejuvenate with the girls or on my own...definitely.

 

I hear that, I agree that time away from each other can be very rewarding, but time away from one relationship just to sleep around is something that I can't see as healthy.

 

Besides, there are a lot of ways to catch disease that a condom does not help with.

 

 

 

Oh...if it was suggested to me? I would say for them to go for it! Pack their sh!t and hit the road...fuk as many as they like and don't come back. I want the man in my life to be crazy for me. I want the thought of sharing me to be painful. The fact that they want some other man with me says the relationship is soooo fukking over.

 

You can say that again, I want the woman in my life to be the same for me too, a realtionship is more than the sex, if you have real feelings for each other, sex is the expression of those feelings. When your having sex with whoever you can find, your simply not in love. Why would anyone who is in love want to sleep around?

 

 

Maybe they are not really in love?

[emkay64]

Ehhh...I can see where the allure might be there. I don't advocate the sneaky cheating either...but damn....at least they are ashamed enough to hide it! Asking outright....well I guess I know where I stand immediately and could leave. I just don't see how this can increase devotion or bring someone closer together. What if year after year...one person did, but the other didn't? What happens like TJ says if YOUR sex life suffers after? What if they seem super happy every time they come home or they seem more so? Seeds of doubt and self worth would kill it. I don't believe it's possible...at all. It might work for one, but it would be extremely unlikely that it would work for both over time. Besides what's the diff...an affair is an affair? Clearly both don't mind sharing each other so...why bother with a relationship at all?

[Ahhlee]

I see where you are both coming from but I really feel it's possible to be in love with someone and still be able to have sex with other people. Some couples are able to make this lifestyle work well for them and I hardly think it's fair to deem it as "unhealthy", TJ.

 

One thing I'd like to note: An affair is rarely the cause of a failed relationship. It's merely a symptom of problems that were already there to begin with.

[Old Salt]

I don't think I could do it, either. My first EX-wife wanted an open relationship. She had absolutely no problems sleeping around. Maybe, just maybe, that's why she's my EX-wife (I filed).

[timesjoke]

I see where you are both coming from but I really feel it's possible to be in love with someone and still be able to have sex with other people. Some couples are able to make this lifestyle work well for them and I hardly think it's fair to deem it as "unhealthy", TJ.

 

I was meaning on a mental level Ali. Insecurity blossoms easily and without logic many times. Even though two people may say they are okay with this kind of thing, ther must be thoughts, there must be doubts, I just can't see a relationship based on the ability to sleep around as being healthy if there is love involved. Sure, if all you see as marriage is a non-committed partnership then maybe I can see people being able to let their partner sleep around without it bothering them but love.....No, I can't.

 

 

Either I am the only one for my mate or I'm not, if my mate feels the need to sleep around, then she cannot love me, not really.

 

 

 

One thing I'd like to note: An affair is rarely the cause of a failed relationship. It's merely a symptom of problems that were already there to begin with.

 

I do not agree, the person must be feeling a lack of something to go looking for it, why look for a thing you already have? This is why I do not think this kind of relationship is possible where real love is involved because if you truly love someone why would you want them sleeping around with other people?

 

 

As I said before, there are many ways to get a disease that a condom cannot help you with and what if the condom breaks? They do break sometimes. There would always be the risk of taking disease home to your partner if you slept around with other people......The risks are just too large to take in my opinion.

 

 

PS- Oh, if the condom breaks, and a child is created.....then what?

 

This all sounds a lot like Russian Roulette to me, keep pulling the trigger until something bad happens......not for me.

[emkay64]

I see where you are both coming from but I really feel it's possible to be in love with someone and still be able to have sex with other people. Some couples are able to make this lifestyle work well for them and I hardly think it's fair to deem it as "unhealthy", TJ.

 

One thing I'd like to note: An affair is rarely the cause of a failed relationship. It's merely a symptom of problems that were already there to begin with.

 

I guess if it works for some...who am I to judge. I just can't see any longevity there...but to each their own.

[mercury]

I have no problem with the separate vacation thing... it's the screwing around that bothers me. I know I couldn't handle it, because I already can't

[Ahhlee]

I was meaning on a mental level Ali.

 

So was I. I think saying this lifestyle is "unhealthy" is an unfair statement. Some people are more open to alternative possibilities than simply accepting what is fed to us as "traditionally acceptable". I don't think someone who is willing to explore these options should be labeled unhealthy if all parties involved are grown, consenting adults.

 

Insecurity blossoms easily and without logic many times. Even though two people may say they are okay with this kind of thing, ther must be thoughts, there must be doubts, I just can't see a relationship based on the ability to sleep around as being healthy if there is love involved. Sure, if all you see as marriage is a non-committed partnership then maybe I can see people being able to let their partner sleep around without it bothering them but love.....No, I can't.

 

That's your definition of love. That doesn't make it the accepted standard for everyone. My idea of love is different.

 

 

Either I am the only one for my mate or I'm not, if my mate feels the need to sleep around, then she cannot love me, not really.

 

If she allows you that freedom, perhaps she loves you so much that she accepts that you are a human being with normal desires and urges. Perhaps that's her way of saying, "You know...I appreciate all that you do for me and I trust you never to leave me or what we have together, therefore I am comfortable with you having an allotted time of sexual freedom that doesn't have to involve me."

 

To be that selfless requires a great deal of love, so to claim that two people who agree to this arrangement don't really love one another is simply your opinion. Others might say that's a very loving relationship.

 

 

I do not agree, the person must be feeling a lack of something to go looking for it, why look for a thing you already have? This is why I do not think this kind of relationship is possible where real love is involved because if you truly love someone why would you want them sleeping around with other people?

 

It's a lot of pressure to be someone else's "everything". Perhaps that's why our current divorce rate is so high....and growing?

 

 

As I said before, there are many ways to get a disease that a condom cannot help you with and what if the condom breaks? They do break sometimes. There would always be the risk of taking disease home to your partner if you slept around with other people......The risks are just too large to take in my opinion.

 

 

PS- Oh, if the condom breaks, and a child is created.....then what?

 

This all sounds a lot like Russian Roulette to me, keep pulling the trigger until something bad happens......not for me.

 

Every day is a risk. Driving my car is a risk. Talking on my cell phone is a risk. Walking outside to get the mail is a risk. As long as both partners understand there are risks, what they entail, and are prepared to take responsibility for any potential problems that may arise.....let it be.

 

 

I guess if it works for some...who am I to judge. I just can't see any longevity there...but to each their own.

 

Possibly not, but I know a lot of faithful couples whose relationships have crumbled, too.

 

Em, I have been cheated on so many times it's ridiculous. I just don't believe the odds of finding a faithful partner are very good, and since I'm the experimental type I think this is something that could work well for me! I figure it's going to happen anyway, why not circumvent the hurt that inevitably results from being betrayed and find a solution that both parties can agree on? Plus...frankly....I like to fuk.

 

 

I have no problem with the separate vacation thing... it's the screwing around that bothers me. I know I couldn't handle it, because I already can't

 

Awww, merc...I know! I've been there. You went into your marriage vowing to remain faithful, and I did, too! I kept my vows diligently and it sucks when the person you took them with sh!ts all over them and you're left cleaning up the mess. It's heartbreaking!

 

It's difficult for me to explain where I'm coming from. I know this philosophy is a turn off to many, but for me it just makes a lot of sense because it would help alleviate those doubts and insecurities.

 

Like I said, this isn't something for everyone, but I think it's definitely an option that would work for me.

[TheJenn88]

I don't know if I'd do exactly that - it'd be too expensive!

 

But thruthfully, I don't think I'd go that far to spice some things up, or get a different flavour of man/woman. The curiosity would probably get the better of me, moreso than anything else. I'd rather a threesome - but the guy would have to be as comfortable with another man there as I am with another woman - no double standards!

 

A few of my couple-friends have done this and they enjoy the different aspect another person can bring in.

[mercury]

no, I get where you're coming from. If this was something that was discussed prior to taking vows and everyone was agreeable to the situation, then where's the problem? I just couldn't imagine after 20+ years this suddenly being a great idea.

 

I'm really not sure if it would eliminate any insecurities, though... Doubt? yes... but insecurities? Wouldn't you still wonder how you compared, or if maybe he was thinking about that chick from his last vacation or maybe even trying to track her down? How would you know that he wasn't seeing her, or having contact with her regularly, even though it's against the rules?

 

A cheater is going to cheat... even if allowed to wander.

[emkay64]

no, I get where you're coming from. If this was someting that was discussed prior to taking vows and eveyone was agreeable to the situation, then where's the problem? I just couldn't imagine after 20+ years this suddenly being a great idea.

 

I'm really not sure if it would eliminate any insecurities, though... Doubt? yes... but insecurities? Wouldn't you still wonder how you compared, or if maybe he was thinking about that chick from his last vacation or maybe even trying to track her down? How would you know that he wasn't seeing her, or having contacat with her regularly, even though it's against the rules?

 

A cheater is going to cheat... even if allowed to wander.

 

Yah...and some people are nutchos!! You could end up with pics of your hubby getting a blow job all over facebook. Stoopid facebook! I bet lots would try to track people down...and that damn thing makes it too easy!

[Ahhlee]

no, I get where you're coming from. If this was something that was discussed prior to taking vows and everyone was agreeable to the situation, then where's the problem? I just couldn't imagine after 20+ years this suddenly being a great idea.

 

I'm really not sure if it would eliminate any insecurities, though... Doubt? yes... but insecurities? Wouldn't you still wonder how you compared, or if maybe he was thinking about that chick from his last vacation or maybe even trying to track her down? How would you know that he wasn't seeing her, or having contact with her regularly, even though it's against the rules?

 

A cheater is going to cheat... even if allowed to wander.

 

Good points, merc.

 

If I'm going to worry about those things, then I shouldn't consider this type of an arrangement as an option. I can't stress enough that this would require a VERY special person who I trust implicitly to make this work. I guess because I can have sex with someone without feeling anything for them, it's something I'd be interested in exploring.

 

But look....even the men here are against it! My odds of finding someone who would be on board with such a situation and trust me enough to follow the established rules? Miniscule at best.

 

Like I said before....no one gets me. (though em is damn close..lol.)

 

Yah...and some people are nutchos!! You could end up with pics of your hubby getting a blow job all over facebook. Stoopid facebook! I bet lots would try to track people down...and that damn thing makes it too easy!

 

That's definitely a risk, I agree! Hopefully his "O" face isn't abhorrent.

[mercury]

well there ya go... you'd have to trust him. I think you can forget about this option

[RegisteredAndEducated]

Good points, merc.

 

If I'm going to worry about those things, then I shouldn't consider this type of an arrangement as an option. I can't stress enough that this would require a VERY special person who I trust implicitly to make this work. I guess because I can have sex with someone without feeling anything for them, it's something I'd be interested in exploring.

 

But look....even the men here are against it! My odds of finding someone who would be on board with such a situation and trust me enough to follow the established rules? Miniscule at best.

 

Like I said before....no one gets me. (though em is damn close..lol.)

 

 

 

That's definitely a risk, I agree! Hopefully his "O" face isn't abhorrent.

 

I think I got you on this one... I understand what you're saying and where you're coming from. I think it would be interesting...

 

I was thinking more like Jenn though... I think her idea would work better for me... but you never know.

 

 

well there ya go... you'd have to trust him. I think you can forget about this option

 

lol... that's not nice. not all guys are untrustworthy...