I hate my m/f inlaws

[atlantic]

Well it started last night. My so called brother-in-law and in-laws (even though I'm not married, they insist on calling themselves that) came over and immediately started bossing me around. My brother in law stole some money, drank all my booze, and I found out later was pinching my son, and made him cry. Then last night my son's dad told his parents to be here at 5:00am; since they wanted to sleep at Brians; so they could be here for my son to open his presents. They said they would be. This is important because they will not allow my son to open his presents from them until they are present (she's the queen you know). So they stroll in at 7:00am, the quiches were beyond cooked; the coffee was now cold; my son was crying because his stupid father wouldn't let him open anything. Then my brother in law Brian said something very rude to me in front of my son. I basically told them that I didn't appreciate watching my son cry all morning and let them know THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. Of course mother-in-law says "my kids always waited". WTF, ok control freak bitch. They finally left - praise Jesus. I'm sure they think I am to blame and they don't care about my son's feelings. Was I wrong to speak up? I've been taking their for 10-1/2 years now, and can't stand to see them mess with my son.

[hugo]

I would have taken a baseball bat to both of them.

[atlantic]

I would have taken a baseball bat to both of them.

I love you Hugo, we are kindred souls

[timesjoke]

I don't know about the baseball bat but I would never dance to a tune that I did not agree with. Most likely why it took so much of my life to finally find a woman who could get along with me and not try to change me.

 

That is not to say I would not accomodate in-laws in small ways, I just would not disrupt my life just to do what they wanted and cause stress in my home.

 

You should let them know that this is "YOUR" home and "YOUR" child, and they are welcome to join in on "YOUR" plans anytime they want. Holding the presents back that they provided would not be out of line, but I see no reason to not let your child open other gifts.

 

The poor thing must have been frustrated as hell, finally Christmas morning and still he had to wait........

 

 

 

The brother-in-law is another issue, drinking the booze is not so bad but hurting your son and stealing money from you?????? If you let him in your home again your asking for trouble, I would tell him to never come back again........ever.

 

 

A thief is one of the few things I have no understanding for and someone hurting your child should be universal cause for anyone to get upset.

 

 

 

 

Christmas is supposed to be a time for fun, "good" family time, and a little "magic" in your life, it looks like you had little fun and they ruined the magic, you don't deserve that.

[atlantic]

TimesJoke, my son and I have had to dance to HER tune at my sons' expense long enough. She is manipulative and has always been controlling. Her husband hasn't spoken to 5 of his family members in over 30 years because of her. I am the first one to stand up to her. I have a sister-in-law who just made Chief in the Air Force, and she once told me "she thought she was strong, and didn't know how I dealt with her for all those years". I have bit my tongue for too long.

 

The brother-in-law is dangerous as far as I'm concerned. He physically hurt me on Thanksgiving, and I passed it off that he was on drugs and drinking. Once he hurt my son though that is it. He will not be allowed back here, and he knows it. If he even tries he will be in for a shock that he will never forget trust me.

 

I was so sad for my son, but have tried to smile and keep things happy for him.

 

Thanks for the advice TJ

[ImWithStupid]

Accommodate them if the holiday is at their house. If it's at yours, they work on your schedule and rules.

[atlantic]

TJ, I also forgot to clarify that I did allow my son to open my gifts, but not without hearing from his dad about it. I refused to argue back as I don't think it is fair to argue in front of your children. He later apologized to me, and told me he was glad they had all left.

[atlantic]

I had a talk with my son's dad and explained that I am not comfortable with his brother here anymore, and he agreed thank god: I also sent brother brian an email so there is no confusion, check it out:

 

I am really disappointed that you stole some of Kevin's money, I saw you take it Christmas Eve. My son also told me you were pinching him on Christmas Eve, and you made him cry. You drank 3 bottles of booze. You have a problem.

 

I have had enough of your rude comments to last more than a lifetime, and I can't pretend to like you anymore.

 

Please stay away from my home and child. Big Kevin can go to your house.

 

If you touch my child again and hurt him I will call the police. You suck.

[atlantic]

I also forgot to mention, this is the same brother who we gave 4,000.00, and paid for his flight back home for thanksgiving. His mother also gave him 3,000.00 He was about to be evicted from his apt, and they had put a lock on his door. He claims the mgmt never notified him (another lie). His vehicle was supposedly stolen that month too. Unbelievable.

[timesjoke]

He hurt you in a physical way and you let him back in your home?

 

Just cut ties, I would not send him messages either, just don't give him or anyone else room for discussion, just say it is over and don't even try to explain, it sounds like anyone with a brain will understand and anyone who can't understand never will no matter how hard you try to put it into words.

 

The first time he tries to come around again I would go get a restraining order, don't play with this guy.

 

 

 

As to the mother-in-law, to hell with her, you have no reason to bend over backwards and every reason to ask for some peace in your home and life, tell her she is welcome to be a part of your plans but "YOU" set the schedule, not her.

 

You don't have to be rude, just be matter of fact with her and let that be it. If she attempts to argue, just refuse to talk about it, say that is the way you want it and drop it.

 

 

 

Sounds like the father is part of the problem as well..........

[atlantic]

The father is part of the problem he complains about them all the time but is afraid to speak up for himself.

 

I already sent the email - can't unring that bell. I don't regret it.

[snafu]

You did the right thing atlantic. I'm sorry you had a bad Christmas. Mine was mixed with the good and bad. This is the first year we didn't have my granddaughter for Christmas since she was born. We had to go over to the other grandparents house to visit and give her, her presents. It's heart wrenching to hear a five year old tell you how much she misses you so many times in 30 minutes and then try to leave with you. She's not stupid. She knows somethings wrong.

Stick to your guns Caren and be happy so that your son can grow up happy too.

 

Have a good new year and know people out there care for you.

[atlantic]

Thank you CB! I needed that, I don't care about my christmas just seeing my son cry on christmas broke my heart and made me hurt bad; and you're right I always try to make life fun and happy for my son, and teach him to be strong and stand up for yourself.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your granddaughter, that's one thing I don't believe in is keeping family away, unless they are physically or psychologically hurting the child. I'm sorry that you and your wife had to go through that. Life seems so unfair at times; but like you say there are people who care for us, and I truly believe in Karma.

 

(I will pray) that things will work out for you and your granddaughter. It's good to have a good friend like you.

 

Thanks again!

[Old Salt]

I think you're handling this just about right. You let the brother know he isn't welcome in your home. Gotta put your foot down sometime. Just my $.02

[atlantic]

Thanks for all the advice guys.