Please keep your clothes on.

[Ctrl]

I thought about standing up for my climax and pissing on that sluts chest and proclaiming myself as Prince of Piss.

 

Jumped a couple rungs there doncha think? I mean. Where did that come from? The worst thing you can think of? Or just the first that jumps to mind.

 

 

Maybe donkey punch my cock right up her dry asshole and claim I couldn't tell which hole was pee-pee and which one was poo-poo.

 

Someone needs to teach little Jhony how to type dirty. Guess all those jokes ARE actually about him. He doesn't know his donkey punch from his whitney midget prison rape. A donkey punch goes to the back of a womans head while fucking her from behind. You don't "donkey punch [your] cock", unless you mean actually trying to punch the back of your cock... which has to look funny... you know... thick lenses and all... Someone you might expect to need a hug after the special olypmics race... but he is jumping around proclaiming himself the prince of piss. Really is a stunning landscape you paint.

 

 

Error: Minimum 25 posts required before you can use GF IM. <=------ not a fan

[Phantom]

Error: Minimum 25 posts required before you can use GF IM. <=------ not a fan

 

Oops. Is that little tidbit for me? Didn't know that. I will hold off on pagering you then.

[Jhony5]

Where did that come from? The worst thing you can think of? Or just the first that jumps to mind.

 

A little of both I suppose.

 

A donkey punch goes to the back of a womans head while fucking her from behind.

So.....uhhhh I've been doing it wrong all these years????? GOD DAMMIT I SUCK!! Can't even donkey punch a lady correctly

[KathyA]

Error: Minimum 25 posts required before you can use GF IM. <=------ not a fan

 

 

You can always use the private message feature. And get cracking, this is no excuse. You should be beyond 25 comments at this point!

[smutt butt]

A little of both I suppose.

 

So.....uhhhh I've been doing it wrong all these years????? GOD DAMMIT I SUCK!! Can't even donkey punch a lady correctly

Try giving her a cleveland steamer.

[KathyA]

Try giving her a cleveland steamer.

 

 

Smutt, that boy needs no encouraging.

[smutt butt]

 

TIP FOR MEN: Stop envisioning sex as just another method of sticking your dick in something. Sex SHOULD be body worship. Almost spiritual. You're not just fucking a woman's body- you are making love to her heart and mind.

 

This site is Off Topic Forum, right? Well, I'm fucking pissed off! 99.9% of men are downright AWFUL in bed. I'm starting to think good sex is just a myth created by men to trick women into giving it up.

 

DON'T GET MAD: GET BETTER! Instead of going into a fucking bitch fit because of this comment- think about how you are in bed. If you can actually handle taking this advice, your wives will love you and gasp maybe give it up to your pathetic ass more often!

 

NEWS FLASH: Women don't hate SEX. Women hate BAD SEX. HUGE difference. When a man does it right, we will be all over them. When you do it wrong (and you ALL do it wrong) don't expect your wife to be a little horny sex bunny. YOU FUCKING SUCK IN BED. Read the Kama Sutra. Buy some videos. Fuck, take a sex therapy course. Whatever you do, improve yourselves.

 

Holy shit. Men SUCK in bed!

 

I want a quickie sometimes but then sometimes licking and kissing from head to toe is nice too.

 

I have "popped" 2 in my time. 1st one was my first at 14 so i'm sure it sucked.

 

The 2nd one i blew a trojan and later found out she got pregnant and had an abortion when i was out playing marine.

[smutt butt]

I made this thread for us to discuss the times you couldn't wait to get in the sack with someone you really liked. Only to be utterly disappointed by what you received. Either the physical appearance under their clothing or their performance in bed.

 

I bring this up because of an encounter I had last week with a really hot girl I met at work about 4 weeks ago. Shes 5'0 tall and prolly about 105 pounds. Only 24 years old with a baby face. Mmmmm! I got her number awhile back and finally we hooked up and went out on a date last week. Things went well and I played the part of gentlemen and didn't make a move.

 

The next day she was calling me asking if I wanted to come over and watch a movie and hang out. Which as we all know is a sure thing in the making. I couldn't wait. Well to get to the point once I got her tight little pants off I was greeted by the most horrific stretch marks I have ever seen. Her entire belly looked as if it had been severely burned. I didn't even know she had kids, so this too was running through my mind. So here I am, erection struggling to maintain, thinking of how horrifying her belly looked at the same time I'm trying to think why the hell she never said anything about having kids.

 

So off come her panties and EWWWW! So much hair down there I couldn't see the glory pot. A major turn off for me is excessive pubic hair. This bitch looked like she had Lionel Richie's head in her lap.

 

To make things even worse she doesn't even give head. I didn't know they made girls that didn't suck dick anymore. What kind of woman doesn't blow? Pathetic.

 

Turns out she gave her kids up to her parents a few years back. Which was definitely a huge fucking turn off, relationship wise. So in closing, she had a physical hell hiding underneath her clothing and shes a shitty parent. Scratch that. Shes not even a good enough parent to even try and be a shitty parent. But damn she looked mighty good in them jeans.

I see your point but go to a full length mirror a strip. You might look like a chippendale i don't know (and don't want to know) but you might look like a hairy pot-bellied monkey!!

 

The no bj thing does suck esp. if you lick that thing.

[Ctrl]

Now I'm just humping your leg.

 

I haven't talked to a single woman who wasn't thoroughly disgusted with the loss of her virginity.

 

That says to me, it is gonna suck regardless, so why bother trying to meet an unrealistic ideal of what someone who hasn't done it thinks about it? I say it should look like arterial spray on the walls. Do for you, since she is gonna cry anyway.

 

TIP FOR MEN: Stop envisioning sex as just another method of sticking your dick in something. Sex SHOULD be body worship. Almost spiritual. You're not just fucking a woman's body- you are making love to her heart and mind.

 

Bullshit. I'M fucking a womans body, she is making love to my heart and mind. Why is her way best? Because it serves her. Serve yourself.

 

 

99.9% of men are downright AWFUL in bed.

 

You uh... had sex with... 99.9% percent of the men out there? I mean... in order to even arrive at that equation, you have to have had sex with at least 100... either that or 1/10th of a man. That would be about... ew. The only common thread amongst the men you have seen goodly enough to sleep with, is that you chose them. If 99.9% of the men you chose suck in bed, you are lookin for the wrong thing. You like the gentle thing in a monster. If you date monsters, you are gonna fuck monsters. Once in a blue moon they will make your legs cease to function.

 

DON'T GET MAD: GET BETTER! Instead of going into a fucking bitch fit because of this comment- think about how you are in bed. If you can actually handle taking this advice, your wives will love you and gasp maybe give it up to your pathetic ass more often!

 

I'm good... I am just arguing principal.

 

Holy shit. Men SUCK in bed!

No, YOUR men suck in bed.

[Phantom]

Finally! A worthy adversary that keeps me on my toes.

 

That says to me, it is gonna suck regardless, so why bother trying to meet an unrealistic ideal of what someone who hasn't done it thinks about it? I say it should look like arterial spray on the walls. Do for you, since she is gonna cry anyway.

 

We'll get to this further below.

 

Bullshit. I'M fucking a womans body, she is making love to my heart and mind. Why is her way best? Because it serves her. Serve yourself.

 

Again, further below.

 

 

You uh... had sex with... 99.9% percent of the men out there? I mean... in order to even arrive at that equation, you have to have had sex with at least 100... either that or 1/10th of a man. That would be about... ew. The only common thread amongst the men you have seen goodly enough to sleep with, is that you chose them. If 99.9% of the men you chose suck in bed, you are lookin for the wrong thing. You like the gentle thing in a monster. If you date monsters, you are gonna fuck monsters. Once in a blue moon they will make your legs cease to function.

 

I've had sex with almost 3.2 billion men. I think I know what I'm talking about.

 

Seriously though, I drew my conclusions from personal experience and the testimony of other women. So far, none of them have been very impressed... and I have personally interviewed over 1.2 billion women.

 

I'm good... I am just arguing principal.

 

Now we can get to the point. So you are saying you are good yet you "believe in doing for yourself," "serving yourself," and ignoring the "heart and mind" aspects of physical intercourse. Oh ya, you are quality sex material.

 

No, YOUR men suck in bed.

 

And approximtately 99.9% of the others. I thought you were paying attention.

[Ctrl]

Never good enough, is not the same as "not good". Never finding satiation is your job as I see it. Constantly walking the line between aroused and annoyed is what you are going to do, regardless. If you were that great, you wouldn't seek us. You are NEVER sated, you are NEVER done right, that is the point. If there is NOTHING BUT FAILURE PRESUMED... I aim to please. I can work at it, and get marginally better, but still always lose. Second is only the first loser. If I can't POSSIBLY win... if I am facing odds like 1 in 6.5 billion... I have lost my impitus to try. Instead Imma get my rock off.

 

That being said...

 

That is how I treat you, because of the way you frame me. Some women can be won, and for them, I am everything you think you want. I am what drives your hands to grasp at invisible strands in the air until you find something tangible to grip. I am that which keeps you from hearing your own noises of passion because the blood is pulsing so loudly through your ears it leaves a piercing ring. I am that which justifies the hunger that never sates.

 

It is all in how you frame me. The most selfish of the selfless.

[Phantom]

That is how I treat you, because of the way you frame me. Some women can be won, and for them, I am everything you think you want. I am what drives your hands to grasp at invisible strands in the air until you find something tangible to grip. I am that which keeps you from hearing your own noises of passion because the blood is pulsing so loudly through your ears it leaves a piercing ring. I am that which justifies the hunger that never sates.

 

It is all in how you frame me. The most selfish of the selfless.

 

Poetry! Pure poetry! Beautiful, man. sheds a tear

[atlantic]

Never good enough, is not the same as "not good". Never finding satiation is your job as I see it. Constantly walking the line between aroused and annoyed is what you are going to do, regardless. If you were that great, you wouldn't seek us. You are NEVER sated, you are NEVER done right, that is the point. If there is NOTHING BUT FAILURE PRESUMED... I aim to please. I can work at it, and get marginally better, but still always lose. Second is only the first loser. If I can't POSSIBLY win... if I am facing odds like 1 in 6.5 billion... I have lost my impitus to try. Instead Imma get my rock off.

 

That being said...

 

That is how I treat you, because of the way you frame me. Some women can be won, and for them, I am everything you think you want. I am what drives your hands to grasp at invisible strands in the air until you find something tangible to grip. I am that which keeps you from hearing your own noises of passion because the blood is pulsing so loudly through your ears it leaves a piercing ring. I am that which justifies the hunger that never sates.

 

It is all in how you frame me. The most selfish of the selfless.

.... and we have a WINNER

[hugo]

I think the real key is for the man to start on the woman 10 to 15 minutes before she starts on him.

[Phantom]

.... and we have a WINNER

 

Bitch! I never lose. I just get bored.

[Ctrl]

Yes. We have a common understanding due to mutual boredom. Thats where babies come from btw.

[Phantom]

I think the real key is for the man to start on the woman 10 to 15 minutes before she starts on him.

 

Hugo: The perpetual voice of wisdom and reason.

[angie]

Not all men suck in bed, sometimes you just have to tell or show them what you want. Be assertive, it works wonders

[atlantic]

Bitch! I never lose. I just get bored.

Phantom I didn't mean he beat you in a debate, I called him a winner meaning he sounds like a WINNER .

[RoyalOrleans]

Not all men suck in bed, sometimes you just have to tell or show them what you want. Be assertive, it works wonders

 

I don't suck in bed at all.

[angie]

I don't suck in bed at all.

 

You have learned well, kimosabe

[RoyalOrleans]

You have learned well, kimosabe

 

Didn't you mean to call me "grasshopper"?

 

Though, I'd like to think, if you and I had a foray in the sack that I'd be the teacher.

[Joe]

In High School I had a very intimate and close relationship with a girl, and we used to spend hours in bed all day, everyday, after school. Nothing makes sex better than being absolutely comfortable with your partner, and it goes along with the original post, seeing as you were turned off at the surprise of her horrible flaws.

 

What I learned about love making then was far greater than any college sexcapades, I think that's the problem. Sex that is rushed and not in a really comfortable setting is a lot less enjoyable, especially for the woman. But, a woman can definitely throw off a man's 'style' or whatever so it works both ways. I'm definitely sick of women acting like victims all the time, they can do things that make the whole situation a lot hotter and they don't! So share the guilt. When women fuck guys that suck they think all guys are horrible, and that sticks in their head forever and screws up the whole dynamic of sex for both of you because she's doing nothing but laying down and waiting for something to feel good. As much as you have to 'go with the flow' you know you also control a giant part of the dynamic.

 

As the original poster said, sometimes all we want is a BJ with the lights on.

[eddo]

I'm definitely sick of women acting like victims all the time,

 

Then quit raping them...

[Outlaw2747]

Alright, this is going to be something every single woman who has ever lost her virginity can relate to. The cold hard truth is that men fucking SUCK when it comes to taking a woman's virginity.

 

TIP FOR THE MEN: When or if you ever take a woman's virginity, you better make it count! The sexual experience the two of you share will be remembered for the rest of her life. Fucking IDIOTS. You need to make it count for her.

 

When women imagine their first time, we think flowers, candles, music, flowing gowns, being swept off to bed in the arms of the man we love. We are NOT interested in your clumsy fingers poking and prodding us all over the place, puncturing our septum when you can't seem to figure out where your penis is actually supposed to go, and climaxing after 30 fucking seconds.

 

I haven't talked to a single woman who wasn't thoroughly disgusted with the loss of her virginity.

 

TIP FOR MEN: Stop envisioning sex as just another method of sticking your dick in something. Sex SHOULD be body worship. Almost spiritual. You're not just fucking a woman's body- you are making love to her heart and mind.

 

This site is Off Topic Forum, right? Well, I'm fucking pissed off! 99.9% of men are downright AWFUL in bed. I'm starting to think good sex is just a myth created by men to trick women into giving it up.

 

DON'T GET MAD: GET BETTER! Instead of going into a fucking bitch fit because of this comment- think about how you are in bed. If you can actually handle taking this advice, your wives will love you and gasp maybe give it up to your pathetic ass more often!

 

NEWS FLASH: Women don't hate SEX. Women hate BAD SEX. HUGE difference. When a man does it right, we will be all over them. When you do it wrong (and you ALL do it wrong) don't expect your wife to be a little horny sex bunny. YOU FUCKING SUCK IN BED. Read the Kama Sutra. Buy some videos. Fuck, take a sex therapy course. Whatever you do, improve yourselves.

 

Holy shit. Men SUCK in bed!

 

You women aren't perfect either. And for the record, though my first and only partner wasn't a lesbian (it was my virginity actually) she had a hell of a time. I guess I'm not a man then since apparently I didn't suck.