Who's job is it to keep the relationship alive?

[KathyA]

Marriage is and should be a two way street. Both parties working together, to keep things new and different. This assumption is meant for a perfect world I am gathering..

 

Why is it that in this day and age, of pausing live television, that some women are still complaining that sports still manage to come first before sex?

 

Why is it, that the job of keeping things alive, appears to be left to only one partner?

 

Why do we allow one partner to smooth on by, without putting anything forth?

 

How do you keep your love life alive?

 

How do you manage kids, bills, life, and sex?

 

Or are you just the type to suck it up and walk away cause your tired of arguing?

 

I say turn the fucking TV off. And if he bitches about it, then you yourself, have doing something wrong. Somewhere along the line you have set it in his head that this was ok. If you absolutely refused this from the beginning. And made your feelings known that this was not acceptable. He wouldn't be doing it now.. Unless of course he is looking to push your ass out the door.. Then that is an entirely different senario.

[Chi]

I believe it is both people in the relationship responsibility, but I also don't believe in forcing people to do things that they don't want to do. If he would rather watch the game, fine by me. I need my space and me time myself. We can connect and spend time together soon enough if we really want to and if the relationship is really that good and going well.

 

Instead of not letting him do what he wants to do (which there is nothing wrong with letting him watch his sports if that's what he wants to do) have you tried maybe taking an interest in his interests so you guys can spend more time together? Since that's what you want.

[Chi]

And is this about sex or just spending time together in general?

[KathyA]

I believe it is both people in the relationship responsibility, but I also don't believe in forcing people to do things that they don't want to do. If he would rather watch the game, fine by me. I need my space and me time myself. We can connect and spend time together soon enough if we really want to and if the relationship is really that good and going well.

 

Instead of not letting him do what he wants to do (which there is nothing wrong with letting him watch his sports if that's what he wants to do) have you tried maybe taking an interest in his interests so you guys can spend more time together? Since that's what you want.

 

 

Ohhhhh WAIT!

 

This isn't about me, its about something I read earlier on another site. After the person explained exactly what happened, it shed the whole topic in a different light.

 

And for the record, I am not talking about Super Bowl Sunday or any other major sporting event.. I am talking about a regular season game.. Something that can be taped or DVR'ed.

 

I was more referring to her giving him signs all day long, of what her intent was.. Only to be shut out by a basketball game..

[Chi]

Ohhhhh WAIT!

 

This isn't about me, its about something I read earlier on another site.

 

Oh-lol. Beags post? Sorry, I just thought you were going through the same thing, that's why you were so passionate about it-lol. My bad. Although my response would be the same.

[Jhony5]

Why is it that in this day and age, of pausing live television, that some women are still complaining that sports still manages to come first before sex?

Because one must watch a sporting event live. Otherwise it ruins the whole experience. Man law.

 

Why is it, that the job of keeping things alive, appears to be left to only one partner?

From speaking to others and in my own failed marriage venture, it seems rare that both of the couple want to get out simultaneously. Its almost always one of the two that just tires of it first. The tactic of this person is often to become utterly unsatisfiable and argumentative about everything as a means of encouraging the willing partner to give up.

 

Why do we allow one partner to smooth on by, without putting anything forth?

I'm not sure how to answer that one. I think when a person is truly devoted to making a marriage work and upholding their vows, they suffer from an acute guilt complex. Which deflects from the real issues. If you truly love someone very deeply, than it becomes easy to place the blame on yourself when trouble arises.

 

How do you keep your love life alive?

I think this sounds great, on a hallmark card. In reality a true love doesn't need gimmicks and trickery to retain its luster.

 

How do you manage kids, bills, life, and sex?

A paradoxical sentence. I easily managed the kids and bills part. By working my ass off for long hours at night, making enough dough to allow my wife to stay home with the little one. Which took away from our shared life. Kids, well anyone with small children understands that sex is a 'when you can' kinda thing. Add to that the fact that I worked 3rd shift, then you could catch me masturbating and fantasizing about having sex with my wife. An utterly pathetic practice. Being unselfish and enduring is the only way to intermingle these things.

 

Or are you just the type to suck it up and walk away cause your tired of arguing?

 

I never liked to fight/argue with my wife. It always felt like a hurtful act that would produce nothing. I always opted for silence followed later by talking calmly. Unfortunately my EX opted for smacking me in the back of the head with a shoe when I walked away. No lie. It happened. Twice.

 

I say turn the fucking TV off. And if he bitches about it, then you yourself are doing something wrong. Somewhere along the line you have set it in his head that this was ok. If you absolutely refused this from the beginning. And made you feelings known that this was not acceptable. He wouldn't be doing it now.. Unless of course he is looking to push your ass out the door.. Then that is an entirely different senario.

BAH! Hes just marking his place in the household. His territory if you will. He might as well pull his wang out and piss on the TV as if to say "This mine".

[Chi]

I was more referring to her giving him signs all day long, of what her intent was.. Only to be shut out by a basketball game..

 

I would think there is a problem or he was just not in the mood, no biggie. It is EXTREMELY rare for a man to not be in the mood, but that was probably the reason. Especially since she said she likes to have it a lot. A man will jump on the opportunity more if he knows it isn't always so readily available, as would anyone.

[KathyA]

Oh-lol. Beags post? Sorry, I just thought you were going through the same thing, that's why you were so passionate about it-lol. My bad. Although my response would be the same.

 

 

LOL!! yeah it was about her.. I saw you that read and responded to her latest comment.. So did I.. I was pissed for her.. lol That was entirely inexcusable.

 

No, I am not going through this.. I have never gone through this..Which is probably why I just don't understand it.

[KathyA]

I think this sounds great, on a hallmark card. In reality a true love doesn't need gimmicks and trickery to retain its luster.

 

Ahh Bullshit, even in the best and happiest of marriages, things get old. Its inevitable. I wanted examples of what people to do make it different. Porn, naughty clothing, change of venue's.. Things like that.

 

I never liked to fight/argue with my wife. It always felt like a hurtful act that would produce nothing. I always opted for silence followed later by talking calmly. Unfortunately my EX opted for smacking me in the back of the head with a shoe when I walked away. No lie. It happened. Twice.

 

I am completely the opposite. I will go toe to toe, when I feel like I am being stepped on. But maybe its more socially acceptable because I am a woman.. And really, who takes me seriously, I am all of 4'11".. But I would never become physical in this type of situation, and she is damn lucky she didn't get that shoe thrown right back at her..

[Jhony5]

and she is damn lucky she didn't get that shoe thrown right back at her..

She did that to invoke a response, not to get even, as I had done nothing to deserve it. It makes people like that a whole lot angrier when you serve them with no response. Pissing someone off through action is easy. Pissing someone off through inaction takes patience.

 

Ahh Bullshit, even in the best and happiest of marriages, things get old. Its inevitable. I wanted examples of what people to do make it different. Porn, naughty clothing, change of venue's.. Things like that.

Well your talking to a guy who's wife left him while he was at work. Me giving marital advice is akin to Steve Irwin giving advice on how to avoid dangerous animals.

[Phantom]

Why is it that in this day and age, of pausing live television, that some women are still complaining that sports still manage to come first before sex?

 

It's fine with me if he wants to watch a little bit of sports, go fishing, or hang out with his friends. Just please squeeze me in there somewhere.

 

Why is it, that the job of keeping things alive, appears to be left to only one partner?

 

Unfortunately, men aren't generally known for their romantic side.

 

Why do we allow one partner to smooth on by, without putting anything forth?

 

I don't know about everyone but I usually let things slide to avoid conflict.

 

How do you keep your love life alive?

 

I have my little trade secrets.

 

How do you manage kids, bills, life, and sex?

 

Quickies during the day, lovemaking at night after our little one is in bed.

 

Or are you just the type to suck it up and walk away cause your tired of arguing?

 

Very much so. I hate fighting with him. I will often walk away the loser because I'm just too fucking tired.

 

I say turn the fucking TV off. And if he bitches about it, then you yourself, have doing something wrong. Somewhere along the line you have set it in his head that this was ok. If you absolutely refused this from the beginning. And made your feelings known that this was not acceptable. He wouldn't be doing it now..

 

You and I have talked about this privately before. Being meek and the perpetual peace-maker makes it nobody's fault but my own.

 

Unless of course he is looking to push your ass out the door..

 

Again, something else we have spoken about privately. I definitely believe he is purposely provoking me at this point.

[KathyA]

Well your talking to a guy who's wife left him while he was at work. Me giving marital advice is akin to Steve Irwin giving advice on how to avoid dangerous animals.

 

Why is it that the good ones are either gay or married?? And since your divorced.. LOL

 

Seriously though, So ok, your no Dr. Ruth or Dr Phil.. But I am sure you have some input on this.

 

And in your case, and in your defense, your wife was one of those women that I have written about before. She used you for all you were worth. And trampled on what was left. I hope that someday in the future you find someone (outside of stretch mark girl) that can truly make you shine. Your Ex only exemplifies the meaning of undeserving.. Your better off without her.

[Chi]

Unfortunately, men aren't generally known for their romantic side..

The good ones are, even if it's just simple, little, sweet stuff that they do.

 

 

I don't know about everyone but I usually let things slide to avoid conflict.

Very much so. I hate fighting with him. I will often walk away the loser because I'm just too fucking tired. You and I have talked about this privately before. Being meek and the perpetual peace-maker makes it nobody's fault but my own. Again, something else we have spoken about privately. I definitely believe he is purposely provoking me at this point.

Screw that, I think most men secretly LOVE occasional conflict. Done with tact of course. They like the passion it involves and most of all the making up.... If you give in all the time, where is the fun in that??? You can't fully respect a total pushover.

[KathyA]

Phantom, You and I have gone over this alot lately.. You know how I feel.

 

Now if you'd just pack you and baby up, and come here, imagine the fun we'd have! lol

[Phantom]

The good ones are, even if it's just simple, little, sweet stuff that they do.

 

Emphasis on the word generally. Since most men are not generally good, that makes most men generally not romantic.

 

Screw that, I think most men secretly LOVE occasional conflict. Done with tact of course. They like the passion it involves and most of all the making up.... If you give in all the time, where is the fun in that??? You can't fully respect a total pushover.

 

I wholeheartedly agree. Nothing sexier than a heated discussion followed up by being pinned up against the wall by your arms while he pummels you from behind. But hubby has no idea how to have an actual discussion about anything.

[Jhony5]

Posted by Kathy:

And in your case, and in your defense, your wife was one of those women that I have written about before. She used you for all you were worth.

When I met her she had a trailer (yes i know, a trailer) and was gonna be evicted within 3 weeks, her utilities were all due to be disconnected + + + + She had issues. Low and behold me, the shinning white knight to save her from this trouble. Believe it or not she said she loved me after I paid her bills, and I was naive enough to believe that shit.

 

The 'ol adage. You can take a woman out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the woman.

[Chi]

Emphasis on the word generally. Since most men are not generally good, that makes most men generally not romantic.

True dat, then.

 

I wholeheartedly agree. Nothing sexier than a heated discussion followed up by being pinned up against the wall by your arms while he pummels you from behind.

Now you're talking, lol...

[Chi]

When I met her she had a trailer (yes i know, a trailer) and was gonna be evicted within 3 weeks, her utilities were all due to be disconnected + + + + She had issues.

And all of that didn't set off all sorts of red flags?? I guess a lot of guys out there have that knight in shining armor syndrome.... Which is admirable, just a shame when it is wasted on some undeserving witch. Sounds like you learned your lesson though.

[Outlaw2747]

Relationships are a team effort. They compliment each others' downfalls. One may take charge once in a while to keep the ball rolling but overall it takes two to tango in this sort of situation. Battle buddy team I like to think of it. When one falls, the other is supposed to pick them up and bring them back to working order.

 

Oh and fuck marriage.

[Jhony5]

And all of that didn't set off all sorts of red flags?? I guess a lot of guys out there have that knight in shining armor syndrome.... Which is admirable, just a shame when it is wasted on some undeserving witch. Sounds like you learned your lesson though.

Well I was young and smoked a LOT of pot back then. Thats my excuse.

 

I'm afraid its hardened me to any relationship with any woman that doesn't have her shit very obviously together. Which, as I'm beginning to understand, is somewhat rare. Not that women are rarely competent. Just that the 'good ones' seem to be taken.

 

 

Posted by Outlaw:

Oh and fuck marriage.

W O R D ! ! !

[hugo]

Cain't say I learned much after 26 years of marriage but here is a couple tips. 1) Don't take her to McD's for your anniversary 2) Don't buy her power tools on her birthday.

 

I learned these lessons the hard way.

[Jhony5]

1) Don't take her to McD's for your anniversary

Even if you let her supersize it? I see where I might have failed.

[skategreen]

Cain't say I learned much after 26 years of marriage but here is a couple tips. 1) Don't take her to McD's for your anniversary 2) Don't buy her power tools on her birthday.

 

I learned these lessons the hard way.

 

Actually, it's "don't buy her power tools for her birthday unless they're REALLY hers, not yours"

 

My fav gifts are my power tools. In fact, I own all the power tools, not hubby. He doesn't even know where they are, let alone how they work.

 

I recently got a new table saw, "heaven....I'm in heaven...."

 

and yesterday I got a new tool belt.

 

Luckiest Kid on the Block.

[snafu]

Actually, it's "don't buy her power tools for her birthday unless they're REALLY hers, not yours"

 

My fav gifts are my power tools. In fact, I own all the power tools, not hubby. He doesn't even know where they are, let alone how they work.

 

I recently got a new table saw, "heaven....I'm in heaven...."

 

and yesterday I got a new tool belt.

 

Luckiest Kid on the Block.

 

I need to have my upstairs bathroom remodeled. When can you come by? :o

[Phantom]

...My fav gifts are my power tools. In fact, I own all the power tools, not hubby. He doesn't even know where they are, let alone how they work.

 

I recently got a new table saw, "heaven....I'm in heaven...

 

I need to have my upstairs bathroom remodeled. When can you come by?

 

I totally misunderstood what Hugo meant by "power tools." I have a dirty mind. Glad Skater and Snafu clarified.