Who's job is it to keep the relationship alive?

[skategreen]

I need to have my upstairs bathroom remodeled. When can you come by? :o

 

I don't come cheap.

 

You gotta marry me and give me a house to fix up.

[ClassyMissFancy]

Typically the job of keeping things alive falls on the shoulders of the person who is analyzing the relationship to death. They are analyzing the relationship because they are unhappy with the relationship. The other person his happy as fuck and sees no reason to have to change anything to "keep it alive".

 

That is why one partner can sit idly by while the other makes desparate attempts to administer life support to the relationship.

 

There are two possible outcomes to the scenario...

 

1. The unhappy person gets fed up with screaming "I am not happy!" and hearing the other person reply "Of course you are happy! You must be happy! Because it's your job to make me happy and I am happy as fuck so how could you not be happy!" and so the unhappy person leaves... and the happy person goes "WTF just happened? We were so happy!"

 

2. The unhappy person makes the happy person miserable so that they can both agree the relationship needs some CPR and then work on it together. This is what happens in relationships where you hear couples say "When he/she cheated, I thought for sure I was going to file for divorce... but we decided to work on the relationship together and now it is better than it has ever been."

 

Of course #1 doesnt always end with a split. Some people would rather be unhappy forever than to be alone...

 

And needless to say #2 doesn't always end in a happy marriage.

[Phantom]

The unhappy person gets fed up with screaming "I am not happy!" and hearing the other person reply "Of course you are happy! You must be happy! Because it's your job to make me happy and I am happy as fuck so how could you not be happy!" and so the unhappy person leaves... and the happy person goes "WTF just happened? We were so happy!"

 

This is true. However, this is mainly caused by what I like to call "The Caveman Syndrome." The typical man will wine and dine the object of his affection at first but once he "clubs her over the head and drags her back to his cave by the hair," the romance dies. He is now content to have the little wife holding down the fort while he goes about his daily life. The woman becomes discontented by the lack of affection. She is no longer happy while the man believes things are just as they should be.

[ClassyMissFancy]

This is true. However, this is mainly caused by what I like to call "The Caveman Syndrome." The typical man will wine and dine the object of his affection at first but once he "clubs her over the head and drags her back to his cave by the hair," the romance dies. He is now content to have the little wife holding down the fort while he goes about his daily life. The woman becomes discontented by the lack of affection. She is no longer happy while the man believes things are just as they should be.

 

 

I absolutely disagree with that. I have never known a man to DRAG a woman into a marriage and I would challenge anyone to find me a case of a man saying to his best guy friend, "Gee... I wonder if she is ever going to marry me... I'm not getting any younger..."

 

However I can give you several instances of women stopping the pill so they can "accidentally get pregnant" in order to try to dgar a man into marriage.

 

The typical man will do what ever the hell he has to do in order to get laid legally. If that means wining and dining... then it does. But don't ever forget that it is the WOMAN who decides exactly what it is going to take for him to get laid. If she decides that all it is going to take is for him to be his true and comfortable self and be a freind to her rather than a "spoil me rotten" father figure... she wouldn't end up feeling cheated out of a lifetime of whining and dining.

 

If it was the woman who was more often becoming unhappy with the lack of affection... the infidelity rate would be higher for women than for men.

 

In my entire life I have only known one woman complain that she wasn't getting enough sex in her marriage... and she looked more like a man than her husband did.

 

When you get married for LOVE... you don't simply marry A man who "does this and that and treats you this way and that way when he used to do these other things" for you... You are marrying what you have decided is THE man you love because of WHO he is in his heart... not WHAT he does that you can bragg to your girls about. You are supposed to want to build a future with him, make babies with him, grow old with him... and spend the remainder of your life with him. If dinner and dancing is more important than that... you should probably skip the wedding and join a dating site.

 

Bottom line... if you aren't madly in love with him sitting on the sofa in his undies, with a beer in one hand and his junk in the other... don't marry him. I guarantee you... if he married you... he would LOVE to see you like that.

 

 

PS.. yes I am divorced... yes I left him... Yes I am a hypocrite.. I like to think of it as a live and learn thing.

[Phantom]

I absolutely disagree with that. I have never known a man to DRAG a woman into a marriage and I would challenge anyone to find me a case of a man saying to his best guy friend, "Gee... I wonder if she is ever going to marry me... I'm not getting any younger..."

 

Oh my, I definitely disagree with THAT. On another forum I visted a few years ago I even made a post asking the members what sex seemed to be more pushy when it came to getting married. The vast majority said the men pursued them relentlessly while the women fought it all the way. My husband was exactly my 10th marriage proposal and the only one I said "yes" to. I feel this is due to the shift in social norms.

 

50 years ago, the stereotype consisted of marriage-hungry women. Why? Because they were going to be taken care of in the marriage. They were not expected to work or handle the finances. In other words, marriage was more beneficial to the woman. The heavy responsibility rested on the shoulders of the men. Today, I feel marriage benefits the male more. Not only are women still generally responsible for the 1950's female duties (child care, house cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.) they are also expected to work outside the home. Naturally, men will want a "co-worker" in the marriage who they also expect to clean up after them and cook their meals.

 

Of course, this isn't always the case but in my case it was the men who pursued me while I wouldn't get married even if a gun was put to my head. Most females I have spoken with said it was the same for them. Perhaps you and I run in different circles.

 

However I can give you several instances of women stopping the pill so they can "accidentally get pregnant" in order to try to dgar a man into marriage.

 

I've also heard about such women- totally ghey.

 

If it was the woman who was more often becoming unhappy with the lack of affection... the infidelity rate would be higher for women than for men.

 

I actually read somewhere it was pretty much 50/50. It surprised me, needless to say.

[phreakwars]

Oh boy... my turn to contribute to this fucking Oprah Winfrey topic...

 

It is NOBODY'S fucking job to work on the relationship. I have NEVER put effort into my marriage, and neither has my bitch.

 

I say if either one of us has to start putting effort into our relationship, then the relationship is fucking over.

 

People who make me sick the most, are divorced people...

 

It's so fucking easy for them to say how the relationship went soo fucking wrong, and so easy to say what an asshole the other person was, but rarely ever will you see this person proclaim what a complete cunt or fuckhead they were.

 

It has been my contention, and nobody has ever proven me wrong, that the right person for ANYBODY is the one who puts up with your bullshit the most.

 

If you have to question someones "ROLE" in your relationship with them (even your own), then you are probably an asshole.

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[ClassyMissFancy]

I have NEVER put effort into my marriage, and neither has my bitch.

 

 

 

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

 

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

 

It's almost worth buying a membership just so I can quote that on every post!

 

[KathyA]

Oh boy... my turn to contribute to this fucking Oprah Winfrey topic...

 

Hmmm, No one dragged you in here.. And certainly no one made you leave a comment.

 

I have NEVER put effort into my marriage, and niether has my bitch.

 

You don't hear that everyday..

 

It has been my contention, and nobody has ever proven me wrong, that the right person for ANYBODY is the one who puts up with your bullshit the most.

 

I must agree with you here. I have earned my way to heaven 10 fold. Spend 10 minutes with my husband, you'll see what I mean. All his friends think I am a fucking angel..

[ClassyMissFancy]

BTW...

 

I don't think anyone would ever say I have denied that I was at least half of the reason my marriage failed.

 

We are all at least half of the reason... because we chose to marry someonme who was wrong for us.

 

But it wasn't my fault that he dry humped my leg...

[Phantom]

I...I...my...my...I...I...

 

ME ME ME. I I I. MY MY MY.

 

It's all about YOU!

 

It has been my contention, and nobody has ever proven me wrong, that the right person for ANYBODY is the one who puts up with your bullshit the most.

 

I've said that a million times, too. All marriage is, is finding someone to up with our bullshit.

[KathyA]

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

 

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

 

It's almost worth buying a membership just so I can quote that on every post!

 

 

 

I was going to say something more about that also..

 

But I have been asked to refrain..

 

And I am good like that, I always behave myself..

[KathyA]

ME ME ME. I I I. MY MY MY.

 

It's all about YOU!

 

 

Pretty much sums it up..

[KathyA]

But it wasn't my fault that he dry humped my leg...

 

 

But I am sure it was. Some where down the line, your bitch learned that it was ok to do this..

 

You should have slapped him on the nose with rolled up newspaper the first time he did it.

 

That'll learn him..

[Phantom]

I have NEVER put effort into my marriage, and neither has my bitch.

 

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Ya, I wouldn't either.

[phreakwars]

What.. you guys have a problem with my bitch ?

Let's undelete that Phantom

 

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[Phantom]

What.. you guys have a problem with my bitch ?

Let's undelete that Phantom

 

Well, I do try to be nice lol.

[KathyA]

What.. you guys have a problem with my bitch ?

Let's undelete that Phantom

 

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It wasn't your wife..

[Phantom]

My hubby and I aren't exactly supermodels!

 

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[ClassyMissFancy]

But I am sure it was. Some where down the line, your bitch learned that it was ok to do this..

 

He didn't learn it from me. I wanted to marry a MAN.. not adopt a child to own a dog. It wasn't my job to teach him how to act like a human being. His mom and dad should have taken care of that.

 

You should have slapped him on the nose with rolled up newspaper the first time he did it.

 

That'll learn him..

 

A few times I repeadedly punched him in the head really hard in my sleep when he would start that shit.

 

He wasn't one for learning.