What Actions Should Be Considered Cheating?

[Phantom]

I don't jerk off in front of my partner, and don't want her to know about it...so thats cheating?

 

The same could be said about passing gas. Go forth and follow the spirit of the law, my child, not the letter.

[builder]

Pretending to be penniless, when you're sitting on a small fortune.

[snafu]

I think this what the women want to hear.

 

 

http://Off Topic Forum.com/showpost.php?p=1170328&postcount=439

[Phantom]

I think this what the women want to hear...

 

I LOVE that song. If a man ever sang that to me I would die.

 

Don't much care if the misses gets her rocks off with another, nor does she care much if I go elsewhere for some action. Neither of us is slutty so this hardly ever occurs, but it has and will. So long as I know that I'm her main man, and she knows that she's my real bitch not much else matters.

 

That's...um... "nice."

 

I can't be too hard on you, though. I was in a relationship once where I let my boyfriend sleep around. It was during my don't-give-a-fuck-anymore phase. Fortunately, I snapped out of it.

[hugo]

In other words they are cowards. Dependant cowards at that, since they feel the need to have someone there to

[Phantom]

Actually, I believe most cheaters are simply looking for variety not to trade in their current partner. Do ya really think Bill wanted a permanent relationship with Monica?

 

That is what we are saying, Hugo. Tori, Snafu, and I came to the conclusion many people cheat because they still want "Old Faithful" around yet also want the adventure of another lover.

[snafu]

Actually, I believe most cheaters are simply looking for variety not to trade in their current partner. Do ya really think Bill wanted a permanent relationship with Monica?

 

Do you think if Bill had a chance to trade Hillary for Monica he wouldn't?

[hugo]

Do you think if Bill had a chance to trade Hillary for Monica he wouldn't?

 

As much as Hillary annoys me I would have to answer probably not.

[rizzo]

I don't jerk off in front of my partner, and don't want her to know about it...so thats cheating?

 

I said "with another person". Do you jerk off with another person and don't want her to know? If so, that's cheating.

[eisanbt]

I can't be too hard on you, though. I was in a relationship once where I let my boyfriend sleep around. It was during my don't-give-a-fuck-anymore phase. Fortunately, I snapped out of it.

 

 

Hard on me? For being in a secure enough relationship where we can say "I love you" not "I love your body"? To allow eachother emotional trust and physical freedom if we so choose to exercise it?

 

It's a far cry from "Not giving a fuck". Relationships don't have to be based on traditional preception. When it comes to relationships, and almost everything in people's lives, they seldom take a minute to question why you think its right to do things one way and wither or not that is infact ideal.

 

Heres an earlier rant about this, and I think one of my better posts: http://Off Topic Forum.com/showpost.php?p=1083115&postcount=24

[Phantom]

Hard on me? For being in a secure enough relationship where we can say "I love you" not "I love your body"?

 

No, for being in a relationship where you can say "I love you! Now I am off to fuck someone else. Be back before dinner."

[eisanbt]

No, for being in a relationship where you can say "I love you! Now I am off to fuck someone else. Be back before dinner."

 

 

 

Respect is essential in any good relationship, the scenerio above is far from respectful. Again, neither of us is slutty at all. There is no appointment book of people we go around fucking.

 

Try reading the link I gave you before you assume this sort of relationship is anything close to the emotional ditch you tossed yourself in earlier in life.

[Ctrl]

Don't much care if the misses gets her rocks off with another, nor does she care much if I go elsewhere for some action. Neither of us is slutty so this hardly ever occurs, but it has and will. So long as I know that I'm her main man, and she knows that she's my real bitch not much else matters.

 

If it was sex I'd entered the relationship for I'd have gotten a hooker instead; less time consuming.

Sex is just a bonus part of intimacy provided by the partnership.

 

That isn't respect, it is infidelity. It is a presumed higher understanding based in rationalization of selfish behavior. Sex is not bonus, it is exclusive or it is worthless. I have friends, we dont fuck, even though they are great friends, because as special as they are, that is reserved for someone else. If it is not sacred it IS slutty and worthless.

 

I have spread worthless sex all over the globe, don't take me as a prude or a hypocrite. I do not do so when partnered. I dont WANT to. I am not even addressing fantasy, but the fact is, if I want to fuck someone else... then I am not IN the relationship. Something is terribly wrong, and cannot be replaced, when it is given away to someone else. Part of trust, and respect (not even addressing disease, condoms break, fuck you) is its implicit exclusivity. What good is a secret if you share it with others? It isnt a secret anymore, it is a little known bit of info. It is downgraded.

 

Your relationship is one of convenience, and frankly sad. You are both

"good enough" for the other. You find security in an environment where there is no such thing as insecurity because you lack the fortitude, or self control, to commit. You know only familiarity, and pretend it is love. Do not presume to look down on the rest of the world as uninformed and uneducated on the subject of trust because you violate the framework on which it is built. It is a self absorbed cowardice that forms your empty shell of a relationship.

 

I really hope it works out for you though.

 

Why are swingers always so ugly btw? Anybody else notice that phenomenon?

[ClassyMissFancy]

If you have to lie about it or just forget to tell your bf/gf you did it...

 

You cheated.

[ClassyMissFancy]

Manogamy is a display of loyalty to one's partner. It is a display of willingness to forsake all others for your partner. There are really only 3 options

 

1. You are willing to be loyal and forsake all others for the relationship - Manogamy

 

2. You are only willing to be part of a relationship that does not require your loyalty and you will forsake nothing and get nothing in return - Swinger / polygamy / polyamory

 

Or

 

3. You are willing to forsake the relationship for others - Cheating

 

Doesn't matter what kind of license you have... If you don't have the loyalty of your partner... you don't have a marriage.

[eisanbt]

That isn't respect, it is infidelity. It is a presumed higher understanding based in rationalization of selfish behavior. Sex is not bonus, it is exclusive or it is worthless. I have friends, we dont fuck, even though they are great friends, because as special as they are, that is reserved for someone else. If it is not sacred it IS slutty and worthless.

 

Your relationship is one of convenience, and frankly sad. You are both

"good enough" for the other. You find security in an environment where there is no such thing as insecurity because you lack the fortitude, or self control, to commit. You know only familiarity, and pretend it is love. Do not presume to look down on the rest of the world as uninformed and uneducated on the subject of trust because you violate the framework on which it is built. It is a self absorbed cowardice that forms your empty shell of a relationship.

 

I really hope it works out for you though.

 

Why are swingers always so ugly btw? Anybody else notice that phenomenon?

 

 

Swingers would not accurately describe us, and I must admit the hilarity of the condescending tone which you take here. She is certainly my friend, but she is also my partner. If you got the impression that i just bang my friends than you are most mistaken. If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner (EG girlfriend or boyfriend) isn’t somebody you can count as a friend than I pity you. Wither its monogamous or not, a crush is a crush and nothing more. I am happy to say that the lady I'm with is my friend and I can count on her as such, good luck if your relationships are based around nothing more than flowers and chocolates and the fucking you get afterwards.

 

As for you assumption that we are not actually secure enough with our love with one another to un-emphasize the importance of our physical relationship and are instead actually just insecure, and that means we are...secure enough with each-other, or are somehow faking the signs of security...or... really I don't see a logical argument here. Would you contest that a straight man who is comfortable enough with his sexuality to make gay jokes including himself is actually gay or insecure?

 

Polyamory is NOT swinging

 

There is a major distinction to be made between what is called "Swinging" and Polyamory. In swinging, the intent is to engage in non-monogamous sexual behavior without the development of love, affection or personal intimacy between oneself and the secondary partners. Swingers generally seek to engage in recreational sex without emotional intimacy. With polyamory, there is no such restriction, and the intent IS to allow such emotional intimacy to exist, develop, and grow between the people involved.

Not to mention that swingers engage with WAY more people than any couples practicing polyamroy.

 

Sex does not have to be exclusive to be sacred. Perhaps it does for you, but not I. I'd be content to be with her and not sexually active, I'd still care for her greatly. Hell we didn't even have sex until 3 months into the relationship, do you think there was no connection going on during that time and we just diddeled our thumbs?

 

Addressing the “disease, condoms break, fuck you" comment, let us just state out the record:

-Other people I've slept with since relationship began= 0

-Other people she has slept with since the relationship began=1

-People I could have= at least 2 for sure (Direct proposals for sex) and a few more perhaps if I wanted to take that initiative.

 

I don't think the rest of the world is stupid, nor that an open-relationship is for everyone, but I do see many people as uninformed, you little rant being an example of this. Unlike yourself, I have NOT spred worthless sex all over the globe nor do I have any desire to. I am in no way a promiscuous person, nor is my partner. Will I call you a slutty? Probably . Will I write you off as a slut? Nope.

 

 

To rap it up, I have no doubts of my love for her or her love for me so there is nothing at all you can argue to disvalue that. When looking at the ocean, you can argue all you want that its actually yellow, but I know blue when I see it.