"Unsafe people"

[Phantom]

We all know such people. They are the ones that laugh at your first nine jokes but yell, "Foul!" and cry about how offended they are upon hearing the tenth. "Unsafe people" appear personable and sane but then fly off the handle for something you feel is completely menial. The good old Jekyll-and-Hyde syndrome.

 

Have you ever encountered these unstable individuals? Could you be one? Do you find yourself "chilling" one moment but then suddenly launch into attack mode for no reason? Do you consider yourself a "safe" person- never taking anything personally and consistently "going with the flow?" Are you the type of person everyone can be themselves around or do others watch their step when they are around you?

 

"Unsafe" people piss me off beyond belief. You feel as if you have to constantly walk on egg shells around them because you never know when something will set them off. Furthermore, you don't know what will set them off. Everything is going along smoothly when they decide to bust out in a rage without warning.

 

Gaw-damn these unstable people scare me. They should be avoided at all costs.

[eddo]

you know I was kidding, right?

[Chi]

Is this post about me, you bitch???!!!lol. I admit I have my Jekyll and Hyde moments. Nothing anyone should fear though, unless they are really being serious and disrespectful to me which takes a substancial amount to get me there. I think a lot of people might misunderstand me because I'm one of those people who will speak their mind even if it is waay different then their friends or the majority. I don't like to agree, go along or say false nice things just because so and so is my friend if I don't really feel it. No reason to think I am unstable and volatile though, it's just the way I am. People will KNOW when I really don't like them, I'm cool with everyone until I am really given a reason not to be.

[Phantom]

Good heavens! You two are narcissists. No, neither of you inspired this thread. I would consider both of you "safe" people.

[phreakwars]

Jeeeshh, now maybe you understand why I banned LF..

 

She is just too unstable.

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[Ctrl]

You feel as if you have to constantly walk on egg shells around them because you never know when something will set them off. Furthermore, you don't know what will set them off. Everything is going along smoothly when they decide to bust out in a rage without warning.

 

 

Fuck 'em.

 

Why on earth would you try to change your behavior to suit a chaotic personality type. If you accept that it cannot be predicted, then fuck them. It is on them when and over what they get offended. So long as they arent a minority at your workplace... fuck their histrionics and false offense. If they ARE a minority at your workplace, make it clear that you don't want to associate with them other than professionally. In short... fuck 'em.

[Phantom]

Fuck 'em.

 

Why on earth would you try to change your behavior to suit a chaotic personality type. If you accept that it cannot be predicted, then fuck them.

 

One shouldn't. Hence, "They should be avoided at all costs."

[Ctrl]

I guess I just meant... I don't feel like I am on eggshells. Ever really... might be a personality flaw.

[KathyA]

First, I never walk on egg shells for anyone. I don't care how fucking crazy they are, or they appear to be. For the most part I will just ignore them.

 

As far as 'unsafe" people goes. I have encountered more than my fair share of these. Both, here on the internet and at home.

 

But unsafe for me is more than a jeckyll and hyde persona. It would be like tracking someone to their house via a telephone number. Which has happened to me. Or someone trying to follow you home from a bar. Someone who will go out of their way to intentionally hurt someone else.. That is what I consider and "unsafe" person.

 

I know a guy, who when you first meet him, you can't help but wonder if he has both oars in the water.. His comments are aggressive, obnoxious, almost overbearing at times. Some might see him as "unsafe".. But its NOT at all the case. He is actually a big giant of a guy who is the sweetest, kindest, most affectionate person I have ever met.

 

So I always look beyond the exterior, to see whats on the interior, before I pass judgment like that..

[rizzo]

I do take things personally, and don't always "go with the flow". But I don't fly off the handle at people. While I don't want anyone to walk on egg-shells, I will make it clear if something they said bothers me.

[ToriAllen]

I think I am a fairly straight forward person, and in being such, I have offended many 'unsafe people'. I never walk on egg shells, and I have no problem telling people that I will not make an exception for them. I think it comes from growing up with an 'unsafe person'. I never know, still don't, how my mother will react to anything I say. She is as unpredictable as her moods. It isn't like I can avoid her, so instead, I call her on it. Examples? Okay.

 

A month ago, I took the boys up to see her and spend the weekend. When I got home my daughter told me she wanted to go to Anna's house. I told my mother this and she said, well you tell her that next time is her turn. Fast forward two weeks. I'm coming back up and she asks who I'm bringing. I told her I didn't know, and that I might bring my oldest. The next day I decided it was my daughters turn. When I mentioned it to my mother she flipped out. "oh no. She'll pee on the floor." This is something my daughter only did twice and hadn't done in months (she was just potty trained about four months ago). It was like she had done a complete 180 in two short weeks. I took my daughter up anyway, and much to my delight, she was a perfect angel.

 

I had a cat as a child. My mother had a cat when she was a child. Now that I have two cats, my mother can not say enough negative crap about them. Hypocritical? She had my oldest son saying that he didn't like cats, when he loves the two we have. Manipulative?

 

I never knew when to approach her as a child, or how to approach her. It is like when approaching an aggressive dog. Keep your head down and don't look it in the eyes. My husband said she reminds him of the mother on Two and a Half Men. I guess my brother and I reacted differently to her. He spends his life avoiding confrontation, where as, I seek it out.

 

In spite of how it may look. My mother and I are very close. She goes through her moods every few months or so, and I point them out to her.

[Phantom]

I do take things personally, and don't always "go with the flow". But I don't fly off the handle at people. While I don't want anyone to walk on egg-shells, I will make it clear if something they said bothers me.

 

That is perfectly reasonable. There is a huge difference between speaking your mind and consistently coming undone. You seem to be in the middle of the pendulum

[Jhony5]

Posted by Tori:

When I mentioned it to my mother she flipped out. "oh no. She'll pee on the floor."

Holy shit. Thats not cool at all now is it. Was she this way with you when you were little? Like was she skittish and you never knew how to approach her as a child? I had a few friends as a child that had edgy parents like this. Made me nervous.

 

The only people I deem as truly "unsafe" are psychotics. Schizoids whom have cerebral wiring issues. Misfires of the mind that cause paranoia to ensue in situations which a "normal" person would have control. These folks warrant concern.

[ToriAllen]

Posted by Tori:Holy shit. Thats not cool at all now is it. Was she this way with you when you were little? Like was she skittish and you never knew how to approach her as a child? I had a few friends as a child that had edgy parents like this. Made me nervous.

Yes, she was like that throughout my childhood. One of my boyfriends broke-up with me after a week because he was scared of her. She came into my room one night when I was about 15 and told me that she was the only person I could trust and that none of my friends were really friends. She said they were all using me and would eventually stab me in the back, but that I could always count on her. Maybe that is where my trust issues come from. Even now, I don't know half the time whether or not she has an alterior motive behind what she says.

She is also good at trying to use shame and guilt to get me to do what she wants. Very manipulative. She isn't above bribery either...When my husband and I started dating, she offered to pay my way through college if I would leave him.

She is also good at blowing things out of proportion. She and I saw a funny movie together, and the next week my husband and I rented it. She came over the day after to see the kids and I mentioned that we had seen it the night before. Poor unsuspecting me...I set her off. She made a comment about how my husband was sitting o his ass watching movies when he should have been cleaning the house. She always says 'Your husband' when she actually means 'You and your husband'. Her basis for complaint? The kids had toys in the living room, the mail was on the countertop, and the breakfast dishes were in the sink...And, just so you know, she is actually better now than she was when I was a child. She spent my childhood on the edge of a nervous breakdown because of my father. I think the crap she had to put up with from him may be partially responsible for her moodiness among other things.

[Jhony5]

I feel for ya and its a true wonder your as well adjusted as you are.

I had a friend with a mom that was flippy in much the same way, prolly worse though. She was an ardent pillhead, popping any number of script downers throughout her day. Some days she'd invite me to have a big 'ol breakfast with them and I'd be well received. Later that night I could hear whispers of how I'm sponging off my friend and I should leave.

As we became teens she blamed me for his wild streak. For introducing him to rap and heavy metal. For his troubles at school. It was me, my fault. I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. The real problem with the boy was his easy access to Xanex, valium, vicodin, lodine, perkacet and any other downer you could name. He was growing addicted to her fucking drugs by way of snitching them when she wasn't looking.

In the end she did indeed get her wish. I haven't hung out with him in years. Because hes so fucked up on pills that he destroyed his mind and his body. He lives with his mother and is unemployed. Last I saw him he was so bad that when he walked, he would have his arms outstretched. A habit he picked up because he was always stumbling and falling down from the effects of the pills.

[ToriAllen]

My mom definitely wasn't a druggy. She was/is one of those who is very conscious about how she looks to other people. I saw her drink wine on New Years and an occasional Margarita when we ate at a Mexican restaurant, but other than that she didn't drink. She smoked during my entire childhood, but I didn't find out until I was 15. That's right. I had no idea my mother smoked for the first fifteen years of my life. When I smelled smoke on her, I assumed it was from my father. The only room in the house they ever smoked in was their master bath room with the door shut and the fan on.

She also blamed my friends for every attitude of mine and every fight we had. I remember saying on more than one occasion,

[ClassyMissFancy]

Egg shells suck.

 

I don't know that there is a safer person than I am most of the time. There are those days... a few a month in fact... when I am very unsafe but I know when that is happening and I isolate from people as much as I can.

 

I do know unsafe people though. One of my subordinates at work filed a complaint on me for discrimination against her... she said I discriminate against her because she is part indian ( I am part cherokee) because she is in the union ( my mother was a union rep) because she is a woman (I am a woman.. yes you can tell by looking) and because she filed a grievance in the past.. which did not involve me in any way...

 

She claimed all of this at the same time. I was apparently discriminating against her because of 4 different personal biases...

 

Why did she feel discriminated against?

 

She didn't get to attend a 5-day non-mandatory training that went on during a time when I was running 3 staff short.

 

People who are easily offended and who take things personally have NO self control and NO ability to see anything outside of their own little bubble. The whole You are pusposefully doing that because you want it to have the effect it is having on me! mindset is the most annoying cognitive distortion that exists IMO.