Exploding Children Alert

[Guest reporter74@________.com]

Someone dressed to look like Santa Claus has been dropping objects

that resemble red-hots candy on children throughout the United States.

Once the child eats this object, it takes exactly eight seconds and

the child explodes, leaving no remains. Thousands of children have

already exploded, and it's estimated that as many as 200,000 more

children have these look-alike candies. Children have exploded in

every state in the US, and several have been reported to have exploded

in Canada and Mexico. An anonymous letter was found attached to a

small pouch of these fake candies and it states that on December 25th

at exactly midnight these children will return to their homes, but

they will be reindeers for the remainder of their lives. No one knows

if this is true, or someone wrote this letter as a prank. The FBI is

investigating, but so far they have no leads about the whereabouts of

these children or why these phoney candies make them explode. It is

known that when adults eat them, nothing happens.

 

The Federal governmental officials are asking for the help of all

Americans. If you see any objects which resemble these candies,

please take them to your local police immediately. If you see any

children explode, please take note, and take a photo if possible.

 

This is becoming an epidemic. Please keep your children at home, and

keep them safely locked up, until this over. This is a serious matter

and the government needs all leads and tips. If you see something

that might pertain to this, please contact your local law enforcement

immediately. Keep your children safe, lock them up immediately.

 

If your child explodes, please contact the FBI and be sure to file a

claim with your insurance company. Replacement children will be

available after the first of the year, but supplies are limited.

Presently there are only 1000 replacements available. As a parent of

an exploded child, you will be required to bid on Ebay for your

replacement child. This will be a bid and bid again auction, not a Buy

it Now offer.Shipping and handling are extra. Be sure to have a valid

Ebay account if you lost your child from explosion. Poachers will not

be allowed to bid on Ebay for replacement children.

 

BEWARE this Santa terrorist is armed and dangerous.

[Guest Cheesehoneyhead]

Sounds like this is one for Snopes.

[RoyalOrleans]

Funny as hell!

 

I'd like to think that if I were to witness a child exploding, I would do everything in my power to glue him back together.

 

Gawdamn.